11. Officially Missing You #2
“She might be gone physically, but I been carrying that girl everywhere with me for almost four years. Being with Lotus makes me forget that shit. Shorty bring a nigga back to life. Like I been in a cell, breathing in stale air, and then she comes in like fresh oxygen. Got me wondering about the future and shit again when I been stuck in this loop since my girl took her last breath in my arms.”
Bull’s own thoughts started to take over, wondering if the same was true for Toni. Was she only opening up to him because Bronx wasn’t around? Was anything she felt for him because of him, or because she couldn’t have who she really wanted?
“I know what Niva meant to you. It took a long time for y’all to get your shit together, too, and unfortunately, she ain’t here no more. You can’t stop living your life because of that, though.”
Eazy took his words to heart and finished smoking before leaning forward and resting an elbow on the table.
“Have you had this conversation with your wife?” he pried, watching Bull stare off and shake his head.
He didn’t answer, and Eazy could only nod as the back sliding door opened, and Jewel stepped out.
“What’s up, bro?” Bull chucked his chin at him as he stopped at the table.
“You trying to smoke? I got plenty rolled,” Eazy offered.
“Nah. We heading out. Rhema gotta get up early for a Saturday class she has in the morning,” Jewel informed them. “Happy birthday, though, Bull. I’m glad we could celebrate. Shit felt like old times around here tonight.” Jewel dapped his boy up, and Bull bobbed his head in agreement.
“No doubt. I invited Oracle, too, but I guess he decided not to come.”
“He been shut the world out. I check on him every now and then, but he’s in a different head space since everything. On top of not knowing who we dealing with, I think the nigga still paranoid as hell too,” Eazy studied the blunt between his fingers and spoke up.
“I’m taking the girls to the park Saturday. You should bring your kids, and we can shoot some hoops for old time’s sake,” Jewel suggested.
“I been telling this nigga. I’m still nice.” Eazy taunted.
“Aight, man, let me know what time.” Bull stood and embraced Jewel.
“You talk to him about that thing?” Jewel checked with Eazy, who sat forward in his chair, eyes on Bull before shaking his head.
“What thing?” Bull’s focus gamboled from Eazy to Jewel.
“Feel free to say no.” Eazy held up a hand. “We kind of need your expertise, though.”
“What’s the score?” Bull asked, unbuttoning the jacket to his suit.
“A million three ways,” Jewel acknowledged.
“What’s the set up?” was his next question.
Bull was the kind to have a plan A-C in place when he took a job.
He planned for things to go right but learned from experience that they could always go left.
Knowing what he was dealing with and possible hiccups was what helped him determine whether he was down for some shit.
The less risk the better. Shit was different now.
He had even more to lose if anything went wrong.
“Should be in and out. Just need somebody to bypass the state-of-the-art security system,” Eazy noted.
“When?”
“Sunday night,” Jewel announced. “Around eleven p.m.”
Sighing, Bull stroked his beard before giving them a nod.
“Count me in. Send me the specs so I know what I’m dealing with.”
“No doubt,” Eazy agreed, happy to have his man back.
“Lotus? Are you okay?” Toni pressed her ear against the door of the bathroom and listened to the girl emptying her stomach.
“What’s wrong?” Rhema questioned, coming from the kitchen where she and Jewel had grabbed to-go plates.
“I don’t know. We were talking. It’s obvious she’s had a lot to drink and eat tonight.” Toni took a step back with worry in her face.
“I’ll check on her.” Rhema moved closer, and Toni backed up to let her pass into the bathroom.
She was a nursing student, so she was more than willing to assist. Lo was like a little sister to her as well.
When Rhema shut the door behind her, she caught Lotus hanging off the side of the toilet, lifting her head.
She paused and rested a hand next to the sink before looking down at her with empathy.
“You okay, Lo?”
“I just threw up my esophagus.” Lotus closed her eyes and pressed her back against the wall.
Rhema reached out to flush the toilet before washing her hands and drying them with the thickly quilted paper towels strategically placed on the counter.
Lotus groaned painfully with sweat beads gathering at her forehead.
When Rhema pressed a hand to her wrist to check her pulse and looked at the simple gold Cartier watch on her wrist, she found her heart racing. After checking her pupils, she nodded.
“Have you been feeling okay?” Rhema questioned.
“Let’s see, I lost my job.” Lotus tapped her index finger with her other finger.
“I’m about to run out of the money I had saved to pay bills, and I don’t have any idea what I’m going to do other than move in with my parents.
These daycares are paying scraps, but I may have to settle for one,” Lotus rambled off.
“I’m so stressed, I haven’t gotten my period.
I’m eating everything, literally… and I’m tired all the time.
The last couple of days, I’ve had this paralyzing nausea when I wake up, and right before I go to bed. ”
Hiking a brow, Rhema shot her a quizzical look.
“Lotus, girl, you been fucking?”
“Rhema, the fuck? How you just ask me some shit like that?” Lotus sneered, eyes ballooning.
“Because what you just described sounds like a bitch that’s pregnant.” Rhema stood and went to wash her hands again.
“I had too much to drink. That’s all.” Lotus suddenly had all the strength in the world to scramble off the floor and onto her feet.
She nudged Rhema out of the mirror and stepped up to wash her hands and check her reflection.
“Denial is also a symptom,” Rhema reported. “And if you need money, why haven’t you said anything to Jewel? You know he’s got you.”
“Because I don’t want to have to depend on him either. He’s got two kids and you to support.”
“He doesn’t support me,” Rhema argued.
“Well, he tries to. And don’t front ’cause I know you ain’t turning down the money he sends you off GP, just to make sure you keep your hair and nails done. I know because he still does it for me. I stopped trying to send the shit back a long time ago.”
Rhema reached for the doorknob and cracked it open. After drying her hands, Lotus tossed the paper towel at her.
“Thank you anyway, Nurse Fredricks.”
Lotus did the best she could with her look, but her make-up was done.
She was ready to throw her hair in a ponytail and call it a night.
After she hit the light switch to the bathroom, she leaned against the door frame in a circle with Rhema and Toni.
She didn’t know where Essence had disappeared to, but she’d been squeamish all night for some reason.
With her own problems on her mind, Lotus didn’t have time to keep up with anybody.
Now, Rhema’s words tap danced in the back of her mind.
“You feeling better?” Toni checked with her.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine. I just need to go home and sleep it off,” Lotus quipped. “I think I left my bag in the kitchen. I’m going to go check.”
“Tell Jewel I’m heading to the car!” Rhema called after her.
“Thank you for coming.” Toni smiled.
“This house is gorgeous. The party was also fun. It’s nice to meet you, Toni.”
“Maybe it won’t be the last time. I can tell by having Jewel and Eazy here that Bull is different with them. He’s… more at ease than usual,” Toni observed.
Rhema met Toni earlier and thought she was one of the most beautiful women she’d ever seen.
She expected her to be a bitch based on her outer appearance, but as she moved through the party talking to people, and even the few minutes of conversation they had bonding over their kids, she saw that she was very humble, and a little green.
She’d heard that she was Bronx’s girl before marrying Bull, and she was intrigued about it, but she wasn’t going to pry.
“Yeah. It’s been a long time since they’ve all been together like this,” Rhema articulated.
“So, I assume you knew Bronx too.”
“I did. Sorry for your loss.” Rhema offered sympathy, and Toni lowered her head when her eyes misted over.
“Thank you. I’m sure you’re wondering how I ended up with Bull.”
“Not my business, and I am not here to judge you,” Rhema insisted.
“That’s gracious.” Toni snickered. “I don’t have any friends.
Bronx was my first real boyfriend. I was living with my mother in a little ass apartment, and he came in, sweeping me off my feet like a princess.
I fell in love with one side of him, not knowing who he really was.
” Toni inched closer to the wall behind her and tucked her arms over her chest.
“Pssh, haven’t we all been there.” Rhema blew air past her lips. “I love Jasiel, but that nigga is flawed. Heavily. Things are good with us in increments of time, and he doesn’t seem to think he has to grow up. I mean, have you talked to him?”
“I can tell he adores you, though.” Toni simpered.
“Yeah, that’s never been the issue. When it’s good, it’s so good.
” Rhema’s eyes shut in bliss, and her heart fluttered in her chest, thinking about all the history and love between them.
“I can see our entire life together. Yet I’m always left waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Things with the crew, it’s a life they all chose, and I never know when it’s going to affect our family. ”
“I never worried about that until Bronx died, and I saw it up close. Now, I’m confined to the walls of this house.
” Toni motioned around her with her hands.
“I use being a stay-at-home mom as an excuse. I have a degree. I could get a job; we can afford to have someone take care of our kids. I guess I’m worried if I go out there, anything could happen. ”