12. Lonely Hearts
LONELY HEARTS
A couple of nights later…
Aconfused frown covered Lotus’s face when she heard the tapping at her front door.
She stared at the white stick in her hand, blindsided by what she saw.
Standing in front of her bathroom mirror, her reflection unsettled her.
She shook her head, wrapped the pregnancy test in a piece of tissue, and tossed it in the trash can. There was no fucking way.
After washing her hands, she emerged into her living room and started toward the front door.
It was Sunday night, and she’d spent most of her day behind these walls.
She flung her door open, and surprise erupted over her face when she found her parents, nieces, and Rhema on the other side.
The girls carried board games, Rhema held up a bottle of wine, and her parents both gripped trays of food.
“What are you doing here?” Lotus questioned.
“Game night.” They all pushed past her inside and went to set up shop in her small dining room area, which was a small space, only big enough for one table and four chairs.
“I must have missed the group text.” Lotus closed the door and locked it before spinning to face them.
“Well, the girls don’t have school tomorrow, and we thought you might want some company.” Rhema set the bottle of wine on the L shaped island that also served as a barrier between the kitchen and the rest of the apartment.
“I’m not really in the mood—”
“We know.” Kissa shook out of her jacket and placed it on the back of a chair. “Girls, take the games over to the living room. We have wings, some queso dip, and brownies for dessert.”
Her father also brought his own six pack and twisted the cap off one of the brews before following his granddaughters into the living room and snatching the remote from the table. He wanted to catch up on football.
“Lo, help me with the wine.” Rhema held up the bottle and went into the kitchen.
“I really ain’t up to this, Rhem.”
“Come on. Jewel had to work late. I finally have a day off tomorrow, too, so I want to indulge a little.” Rhema moved around the kitchen, going through cabinets until she came across the cups and various wine glasses.
“Well, you have at it. I’m good.” Lotus slid onto a bar stool on the other side of the counter and rested her elbows on top.
“You still feeling sick?” Rhema used the wine screw to uncork the bottle of Merlot and poured herself a tall glass.
“When were you sick?” Kissa asked, approaching and handing her a plate she’d just made.
“The other night. I’m just tired now.” Lotus accepted the plate and set it in front of her, but she wasn’t hungry.
Her appetite had been off, and everything she normally liked made her stomach turn now.
“Have something to eat. You look like you’re not feeling well.” Her mother pressed the back of her hand against her forehead.
“Ma, I am fine,” Lotus insisted, pulling away from her fussing all over her.
“You’re warm, and you look tired,” Kissa observed with concern.
Lotus glanced at Rhema, who tilted the goblet to her lips and lifted her brows. There was something going on with her, that was for sure. Kissa had been taking care of Lotus since she was a toddler. Even when she didn’t speak to her, those chestnut brown eyes always did.
“Kiss, bring me a plate,” Javon requested, rocking in the big chair in the furthest corner of the room.
Since her people didn’t seem to be leaving, Lotus grabbed her plate of food and went to join her nieces around her rectangle natural finish storage coffee table.
It was set up for them to play Candyland and Trouble.
Lotus grabbed a big throw pillow and dropped on the floor beside Cyn with her plate of food.
Once Kissa made plates for her husband and grandchildren, she and Rhema joined Lotus and the girls at the table.
The two shared Lotus’s couch, and she managed to clear her plate, leaving nothing but the bones from her chicken when she finished.
“I’m going to use the bathroom.” Kissa hopped up as Rhema returned from the dining room with brownies on a plate.
“Okay, girls. You get one brownie, and that’s it. You want one, Pops?” Rhema checked with Javon.
She’d been around Jasiel’s entire family since she was ten years old. Not once had they ever made her feel anything more than accepted, no matter what type of terms she and her baby daddy were on.
“Yeah, pass me one of those, Cyn,” Javon accepted, setting his beer on a table.
Rhema waved the plate in front of Lotus, and the sweet aroma of the chocolate instantly triggered a wave of nausea.
With her stomach coiling, Lotus covered her mouth and quickly jumped up.
While she raced to her bathroom door, her mother waltzed out, holding a positive pregnancy test between her fingers.
She didn’t have time to be grilled, so she pushed past Kissa into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.
Maybe five minutes passed, and Lotus slowly let herself out after brushing her teeth and rinsing with mouth wash.
“You want to tell me what this is, Lotus?” Kissa demanded, standing beside Javon as he sat forward in his chair, gripping his beer bottle in his hand.
Suddenly, she was a teenage girl instead of a grown ass woman.
She hadn’t had enough time to even process any of this herself.
All she kept doing was cussing herself out for being so damn stupid and allowing it to happen.
On top of everything, there was a possibility that this was either Evren or Ezekiel’s baby.
She was feeling very much hoe-ish, like she needed to be a guest on Maury or something.
“It’s you going through my trash like a creep, though, Ma. What the hell?”
“You pregnant, Lo?” Javon asked, squinting and swallowing the last of his beer before setting the empty bottle on the table beside him with the other two.
“I wasn’t sure until today.” Her dejected gaze shifted to the floor, and she tucked her arms under her breasts.
Rhema’s wide eyes bounced from Kissa and Javon to Lotus. She stared back and forth between them all, not sure what was about to take place.
“Well, what are you going to do? Who are you pregnant by?” Kissa questioned, even though she had her suspicions due to her own calculations.
“I was trying to process it myself, and… I don’t want to talk about the who right now, okay. I wasn’t hiding it. I just needed to deal with it and figure out how I felt about it myself before letting the rest of the world in.”
“We aren’t just the rest of the world. We’re your family,” Javon declared.
“I get that, but I’m not a kid,” Lotus muttered, using the tips of her fingers on both hands to massage her temples.
“Well, getting pregnant is irresponsible when you don’t have anyone to help raise it. You don’t just drop this on us—”
“I didn’t drop anything on you.” A tight grimace broke out across her face.
“You went looking for answers and found something I wasn’t ready to talk about.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I haven’t gotten that far in my thought process.
So, it would be nice for you to back the hell off and give me a little grace.
I fucked up, and I’m the one who has to deal with the consequences. ”
Taken aback by her defensiveness, Kissa’s brows hiked, and she looked down at her husband.
Clearing her throat, she shook her head and stepped past Lotus.
She was ready to go. She moved around the kitchen, slamming things and putting food away before gathering a few things to pack for them to take home.
By the time Kissa was done, it was almost 10:00 p.m.
“Kitchen is clean. I put food in the fridge if you get hungry. Javon, let’s go.” She grabbed her purse and slung it over her shoulder as her husband brought himself to his feet.
Cynara and Clover packed up all their games, and Rhema helped them with their things on the way to the door. She paused to embrace Lotus. When she pulled back, she plastered a reassuring smile on her face.
“If you need somebody to talk to, Lo, you know I’m here.
That means medically, spiritually, whatever.
I don’t care if you just want to rant. I know you trying to take it in, but you don’t have to do it alone.
Plus, I want the tea anyway.” She nudged her playfully, and Lotus tipped forward with a laugh.
“Thanks, Rhem. I’ll call you.”
“Love you, girl.” Rhema blew her a kiss, and the girls rushed to hug their auntie.
“We love you too, Auntie.” Cyn held her a little tighter than Clover, like she knew she needed it.
“Love you my babies.” Lotus kissed the top of each of their heads.
Javon examined his baby girl and extended a hand to stroke her cheek.
Right now, she looked more like her mother than ever.
Her glossy eyes blinked a few times, and he knew she was trying to hold it together.
He pulled her into a hug, and Lotus exhaled in his arms while holding him tight.
She hadn’t realized how much she needed that until they pushed away from each other.
“I love you, Lo. You don’t ever have to keep anything from me. You still my baby girl, and I’m always here if you need me. You better call me and let me know what’s going on.” He thumbed her chin and gently kissed her forehead.
“That makes two of us.” Kissa pulled her into her arms. “I know you think I’m always in your business.”
“Because you are,” Lotus voiced with a chuckle.
“Always with the right intention, though.”
“I know, Ma.” She groaned with an annoyed eyeroll.
“I can’t tell you what to do—”
“But you can still tell me what to do.” Lotus leaned against the doorframe.
“You have an entire village behind you. You know that, right?” Kissa checked with her.
“It’s not as simple as that, Ma. I’m going to make a doctor’s appointment to confirm everything, and I’ll let everybody know what I decide when I decide it. Please don’t go running your mouth to your friends or anyone else,” Lotus begged.