Chapter 5 #3
Every day, I convinced myself she was good, happy, and moving on, whether she was or wasn’t. I had to make peace with not knowing.
Prison gave me plenty of time to think. Shit, too much time, if I’m honest. Time to replay every argument. Every lie a nigga told and every mistake a nigga made. Every moment I took Fumi for granted. I spent years blaming everybody else.
Then one day, I ran out of people to blame. The only nigga left staring back at me… was me. That’s when I realized I fucked up.
“But Fumi ain’t been outside looking for another nigga.”
That last sentence sat with me longer than I wanted. I may not have gotten as close to Fumi as I wanted tonight, but I saw her. I watched how she moved through the club, paying attention to everything.
Shit, especially the way she carried herself and the way she laughed.
Shit, even the way she smiled. Fumi tried her best to avoid me.
I could feel her energy. Maybe I was tripping, but it felt like seeing me with another bitch got under her skin.
Just like watching her entertain two different niggas got under mine.
Neither of us said a word, but we both felt something. At least, I know I did.
“She left Bleau Gene’s with some lame-ass nigga.” I shook my head. “I know she did that shit to get under my skin.”
The whole section got quiet. Every set of eyes landed on me.
Alonzo leaned forward. “Oh yeah? How you know, Hood?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, but I know Fumi. Shit, or at least I thought I did. We ain’t together no more, but we got soul ties that ain’t easy to fucking break. I know how we used to move, how we used to think about us. So, shit, maybe I’m wrong, but that shit damn tonight it sure felt personal.”
Nobody said a word.
Alonzo finally broke the silence. “So, what you finna do about it?”
I looked down at the cigar in my hand before answering. “We gon’ have a conversation.”
Skeet raised an eyebrow. “About what?”
I looked up. “Us.”
Juelz laughed. “Oh… you want that old thang back?”
I didn’t hesitate. “Yeah, I do.”
“Aye, Hood… You gotta do this shit differently this time around.” Skeet’s voice wasn’t judgmental; it was real.
I nodded. “I’m trying to.”
Skeet looked me dead in the eyes. “You put Fumi through a lot of shit.”
I let out a slow breath. “Aye, Skeet… Please don’t remind me. I know I fucked up. I wake up thinking about that shit.”
Skeet sat back with his cigar between his fingers.
“Aye, then don’t go over there trying to talk your way back into her life.
Show her consistency and patience, and take accountability.
The old Hood would’ve been beating on her door tonight and kicking that bitch open.
The new you needs to let your actions speak for you. ”
I nodded. “I hear you.”
“As long as you understand, you ain’t trying to get back in her good graces. You’re trying to earn your place back in her life.”
On some real shit, that hits different.
“Yeah… I am. I hear you, Skeet. But I’m still Hood. I still wanna do that shit. I ain’t gon’ sit here and lie to you. That shit’s still in me.”
Skeet nodded like he expected that answer.
“I know, ain’t nobody asking you to stop being Hood. I’m asking you to become a better version of him. You can still be as dangerous as fuck. Just don’t be destructive.”
I leaned back and laughed. “That sounds good. I can fuck with that. It’s just harder than a motherfucka.”
“It is,” Skeet said. “But prison was hard; losing Fumi was harder. So, pick your hard.”
The table grew quiet. Skeet wasn’t talking just to talk; he was telling the truth.
“I know Fumi. A huge part of my life revolved around her. I know she’s changed. And I know I gotta accept that, but despite all my doubts… I know what the fuck I felt tonight. Her energy spoke for her, and mine spoke for me. And whether she admits it or not, I know she felt mine too.”
I looked around the table. “I ain’t finna press Fumi too hard, not right now, but I ain’t giving up on her either.”
Alonzo reached across the table, shook my hand, then patted me on the back. “Aye, here this nigga go. That’s Hood I know.” He smiled. “Just don’t confuse pressure with patience. If you really want her back… give her a reason to choose you, not a reason to run from yo ass.”
Skeet nodded. “Exactly. You already know you can get her attention. The question is… Can you keep it this time?”
Nobody said another word. That one hit harder than I expected.
I wrapped up by kicking it with Skeet, Juelz, Alonzo, and Smoke, making plans to link up with them soon. Nik & Skeet’s was exactly where I needed to be tonight. Coming here did more for me than chasing Fumi around Bleau Gene’s ever could.
I still wanted to see her. Hell… I wanted to talk to her, but tonight wasn’t about us. It was about me, about listening, learning, and figuring out what my next chapter was supposed to look like.
Skeet was right. If I wanted a different outcome, I had to move differently. I couldn’t afford to make the same mistakes twice. I had one shot to get this shit right. My next move… had to be my best move.