CHAPTER 20 #2
I remember adjusting my outfit before we walked in, suddenly thinking about things I normally wouldn’t.
How I talked. How I moved. Whether I stood out.
At the table, conversations flowed easily around me. College talk, travel, business. Places I hadn’t been, experiences I hadn’t had. I listened more than I spoke, trying to keep up without making it obvious that I was still learning the rhythm of it all.
Marcus noticed. He leaned over at one point, low enough so it was just between us.
“You look very beautiful tonight.”
I smiled, but he could tell I was thinking too much.
“You don’t have to be anything but yourself. You are perfect.” he said, simple, like it was obvious.
The following morning, we walked to the beach.
The sand was completely different from the concrete in Philly.
Wide, open, stretching out in a way that made everything else feel small.
I kicked off my sandals and stood in it for a second, letting the water come in over my feet.
It was calm and steady. We walked along the shoreline, talking about everything and nothing, sometimes falling into quiet without it feeling awkward.
Every now and then he would reach for my hand, it was something he didn’t even have to think about.
I was free in a way I didn’t always allow myself to feel back home. But even in those moments, I was still aware. Aware of how different everything was. Aware of how easily I was being welcomed into it. Aware that I didn’t fully know where I fit in all of it yet.
That night, we sat outside while the sky turned dark. The air cooling just enough to feel comfortable. Marcus next to me, close enough that our shoulders touched.
“Do you want to have kids when we are married?” he asked me.
I slowly nodded, looking out ahead.
“Yes… I want to have kids wit’ you someday.” And I meant that.
The next day was tennis courts, bike paths, and stops at little shops where everything looked expensive without trying to. His mom and I went into one of the boutiques together, and I caught my reflection in the mirror. Standing there in a space I never imagined myself in.
“You wear it well,” she said, almost casually. I looked at her, unsure what she meant at first.
“This,” she added, gesturing around us.
“You belong here. You deserve to have all the good things in this life.”
I didn’t know what to say. Part of me still felt like I was stepping into something temporary, something I could visit, but not fully claim.
Later that week, there was a small gathering at one of his parent’s friend’s house. More people, more introductions, more moments where I felt eyes on me. I answered questions carefully. Smiled when I needed to. Stayed aware of myself.
And then, somewhere in the middle of all that, I stopped shrinking.
I let myself laugh a little louder. Speak a little more.
Let myself exist in the space without constantly measuring myself against others.
And Marcus saw it. I could tell by the way he looked at me, not surprised, just sure.
Proud. Like he already knew I could be that version of myself.
He was just waiting for me to see it too.
By the end of the trip, I realized Hilton Head hadn’t just shown me a different lifestyle.
It challenged me. Made me question what I thought I deserved and whether I had been limiting myself without even realizing it.
Between the beach walks, and the quiet mornings, I felt my world stretching again.
Not pulling me at me like the block does.
But showing me that there was more. And for the first time, I was starting to see it myself.
SIXTEEN SUMMERS
Junior year came faster than I expected.
That first week of school, I paid more attention to how I carried myself.
What I wore mattered in a way it hadn’t before.
How I talked. The people around me suddenly mattered or didn’t.
I was trying to find that balance between where I came from and who I was becoming.
I was sixteen. Old enough to understand the difference between attention and respect.
Old enough to know the block wasn’t the only place my story could happen.
At school everybody was trying to define themselves.
Some people stayed exactly the same, comfortable in what they knew.
Others was reaching for something more, even if they didn’t fully understand what that meant yet.
I think I was somewhere in between. Part of me was still the girl who knew every corner of my ‘hood, who understood struggle, who didn’t expect too much.
Another part of me had seen something bigger, and I couldn’t unsee it.
Sitting in class, I found myself drifting. Thinking about everything I had experienced over the last year. I realize that my world hadn’t only gotten bigger. I had too.
Marcus and I never really defined what we was to each other. We never officially put a title on it. But from day one, we carried ourselves like we belonged to each other. That part always made Mia laugh.
“You mean ta tell me he gave you a ‘promise’ ring and yall not a couple? Dat’s weird.”
“We are more than dat. We best friends, soulmates.” I insisted.
Mia rolled her eyes so hard I thought they might get stuck.
“Girl, you livin’ in lala land.”
Maybe she was right. Marcus was unlike the boys I grew up around. He didn’t rush things. He didn’t pressure me. He never made me feel I owed him simply because he loved me. That alone made him rare.
College brochures had started piling up in the guidance office.
Bright campuses printed across glossy paper.
Students laughing in sunlight, like sirens wasn’t a part of their everyday soundtrack.
I didn’t know exactly how I would get there.
But the idea of it had planted itself in my mind.
And once that seed is planted, it’s hard to ignore.
Jasmine Carter sat two rows ahead of me in English class.
She had this simple confidence that was distinct from the girls in my ‘hood. Not flashy like Mia. Jasmine was focused, a bit nerdy in a way that didn’t apologize.
Her hair was always braided neat down her back.
She wore glasses with thin gold frames and carried herself respectfully.
Like she knew exactly who he was and where she was going in life.
One day as class ended, she turned around and asked me a simple question.
“Do you understand that essay assignment?”
I shrugged.
“Kinda.”
She slid into the desk beside mine.
“Well, my grandmother’s a retired English teacher,” she said casually.
“I can help if you want.”
Jasmine became the friend who studied during lunch and really meant it when she talked about college. Princeton. Howard. Spelman. Places that sounded like a fairytale to me.
“You’re really smart, Summer,” she told me one afternoon while we worked in the library.
“Have you started applying for college scholarships?”
I laughed.
“Nah, people like me don’t get scholarships.”
She looked at me over her glasses.
“People like you absolutely do.”
Turns out she lived closer than I would have thought.
Same ‘hood. Same streets. Somehow, we had never crossed paths. That didn’t make sense to me.
In my mind, people like her came from somewhere else.
No way she came from the same steets that raised me.
But she did. That meant there was parts of the hood I hadn’t seen yet.
Versions of life I hadn’t even considered.
With her and Marcus, bit by bit, my world started evolving.
New possibilities. New dreams. The kind I didn’t even know I was allowed to have.
About two weeks later Marcus caught me by my locker. He looked nervous.
“What’s up?” I asked.
He rubbed the back of his neck.
“There’s a dance Friday.”
“Okay?”
“I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.”
My stomach flipped. I tried to play it cool.
“As friends?”
He laughed. “We’ve been doing the ‘friends’ thing for two years, Summer.”
That was true.
“So, are you askin’ me to be yo’ girlfriend, officially?”
“No. I am telling you. As my girlfriend and future wife, we are going to the dance on Friday. Okay?”
I looked at him for a second. Then smiled.
“Okay.”
Friday night was stepping into a different version of the world. The gymnasium was transformed with colored lights and music thumping through giant speakers. Teens dressed better than usual. Girls in dresses. Boys in clean button-ups and fresh sneakers. Mia whistled when she saw me.
“Look at chu,” she announced.
“You clean up nice.”
“Girl, you crazy.” We laughed.
Jasmine walked over handing me a plastic cup of punch. She gave me a small approving nod.
“You look beautiful Summer,” she declared simply. For some reason that meant more than Mia’s compliment.
Marcus found me near the punch table. He had been out of the dance floor, the basketball players showing off. He stared at me.
“You are the most beautiful girl in the building.”
I laughed nervously.
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
He offered his hand.
“Come on, let’s dance.”
The moment was right. The music slowed. Lights dimmed slightly. Marcus pulled me close enough that I could feel his heartbeat through his shirt.
“You know,” he said quietly,
“I knew you would be mine the first time I ever saw you.”
“Really? How did you know dat?”
“Because you looked at me the way my mom looks at my dad.”
The honesty in his voice made my chest tighten.
“Summer,” he continued softly,
“You know I am going to give you the world, right? I am so in love with you.”
“I love you too.”
“Good.” He squeezed me gently.
“Because you make happy.”
And I believed him.
When the dance ended and we stepped outside into the cool air, Marcus walked me toward the car. He stopped walking, kissed me slow and certain. Then smiled.
I decided right then, the block might have raised me. But it didn’t get to decide how my story ended.
FURY
The first time Saiyd got into a real fight, he was eleven years old. Not one of those scuffles kids have on the playground and no one really gets hurt. This was a real fight. Real anger.
It happened on a gray Wednesday afternoon after school.
The sky hung low over the city. Rain was thinking about coming but hadn’t made up it’s mind yet.
Kids poured out of the middle school doors in loud waves, backpacks swinging, sneakers scraping pavement.
I was supposed to meet the twins at the corner, I always did.