CHAPTER 21
SHADOWS
Philly never sleeps. It just breathes different after dark.
And tonight, the block was moving in a way that didn’t feel natural.
It was close to midnight. Mama had already gone to bed, the twins was asleep, and I was sitting at the kitchen table trying to finish a history assignment.
The fan in the corner rattled with every turn. It was louder than my thoughts.
I was halfway through writing the first paragraph when I heard three knocks.
Soft. Slow. The knocks was careful. Almost hesitant.
My stomach tightened immediately. Nobody knocked that way unless they wasn’t sure they should.
I stood up slowly, the chair legs scraping across the floor.
The knocks came again. Three more. My heart started beating faster as I walked toward the door.
I pulled the curtain back just enough to peek through the glass. I couldn’t breathe.
Shay was on the porch. She looked taller somehow.
Older. Her hair was longer now, pressed straight and falling past her shoulders.
From the outside she looked like everything she ever dreamed of becoming.
But when the porch light hit her face fully, I saw the tired in her eyes.
Like her soul was tired. Like she hadn’t really rested in months. I opened the door slowly.
“Shay?”
She looked up at me and smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes.
“Hey, lil sis.”
We stood there staring at each other. I threw my arms around her. She hugged me back, but there was something stiff in the way she held me. Like her body had forgotten how to relax.
“You gon’ let me in or what?” she asked quietly.
Mama was already standing in the hallway. She must have heard the door open. Her eyes landed on Shay and the air in the house shifted. Mama didn’t move. Didn’t speak. Just stared. Years of anger and worry lay heavy on her face.
Shay stepped inside slowly, heels clicking against the floor.
“Hey, Mama.”
Mama’s jaw tightened.
“You got some nerve showin’ up here at dis hour.”
“I know. Sorry it’s so late.”
“You disappear for all dis time,” Mama continued, voice sharp but trembling underneath,
“runnin’ ‘round wit’ dat boy like you grown, and now you come walkin’ back in my house?”
Shay didn’t argue. Didn’t roll her eyes the way she used to. She stood there quietly. And that scared me more than anything. Shay had always been fire, and fire don’t stand still like that. Mama stepped closer.
“You got anythang to say for yaself?”
Shay looked down at the floor for a second. Her voice came out soft.
“I jus’ wanted to see y’all, see my family.”
The anger in Mama’s face cracked.
“You been eatin’? Are you hungry?” Mama asked suddenly.
Shay blinked. Nodded.
“Yeah.”
“Well come on in and sit down.”
We ended up at the kitchen table. The same place I had been doing homework minutes earlier.
Mama heated leftovers without saying much.
Rice. Chicken. Whatever was left in the fridge.
Shay ate like she ain’t seen a real meal in days.
I watched her quietly. Every movement. Every blink.
I noticed a bruise. It was just above her left wrist, half hidden under her bracelet.
A dark purple mark fading into her skin. My chest tightened.
“Shay,” I said softly.
“What happened to yo’ arm?”
Her fork paused midair. She pulled the sleeve down casually.
“Oh girl, nothin’.”
Mama saw it too. Her eyes narrowed immediately.
“Dat boy hit you?”
Shay’s head snapped up.
“No Mama.”
“You lyin’ Shay! I’ma kill ‘em”
“I said no. Dang, let it go. I jus’ wanna have a good night. Can we do dat? Please Mama.”
The room went quiet. Mama stared at the bruise. Like she was trying to read the truth off Shay’s skin. She kept eating.
“Ya bed still upstairs,” Mama muttered.
“If you plan on stayin’.”
Later, Shay came into the room we once shared. The twins still asleep. She leaned against the doorframe watching me for a moment.
“You got taller,” she said.
“Yeah, you been gone a long time.”
She laughed softly.
“It ain’t been dat long. Here you go bein’ extra.”
“Long enough.” I blurted.
She sat down on the edge of the bed. Up close I could see the small things. A cut near her lip. Another bruise near her collarbone. Makeup tried to hide it, not completely.
“Are you happy Shay?” I asked.
The question slipped out before I could stop it. Shay looked at me for a long time. Leaned back against the wall and sighed.
“You see dem girls on TV,” she said quietly,
“tha ones with tha nice clothes, tha jewelry, tha men buyin’ em everythang?”
“Yeah. We used to argue ova which girl in tha magazine was tha flyest.”
She laughed like she was reminiscing.
“Dat’s what I thought it was gon’ be.” Her voice was hollow.
“But?”
She rubbed her hands together slowly.
“But men who belong to tha streets don’t love you da way normal men do.”
My chest tightened.
“Whatchu mean?”
She laughed again softly, but there was no humor in it.
“Dey love control,” she said.
“Dey love loyalty. Dey love knowin’ you ain’t goin’ nowhere.”
She looked up at me. And for the first time since she walked through the door, the big sister I remembered was back in her eyes.
“Summer,” she said quietly, tears forming in her eyes.
“Don’t eva fall in love wit’ a man who belongs to da streets.”
Her words sat heavy between us. I thought about Marcus. About the way he looked at me. About the way Nico looked at Shay. Two completely different looks. Shay leaned forward and squeezed my hand.
“You smarter den me,” she whispered.
“Don’t make my mistakes. Promise me Sum.”
“I promise.” My voice was shaking.
I saw fear in her eyes. I realized Shay hadn’t come home because she missed us. She came home because something out there had scared her. Bad.
The twins shifted in their sleep. Saiyd rolled over in the bottom bunk.
Sinceer mumbled something quietly. Lying there in the dark beside my sister, I was sad.
The block had taken a piece of Shay. Something it would never give back.
And no matter how hard she tried to hide it, how far she tried to run, the streets was still holding the rest.
Shay was gone before the house woke up the next morning. No goodbye. No sound. Pop up in the middle of the night and gone before the sun had a chance to catch her. She slipped in and out of our lives on her own time. The same way Daddy does.
The twins never even knew she was there. They woke up the same way they always did. Arguing, laughing, asking for breakfast, like nothing had shifted in the night. But it had.
Mama felt it. I saw it in her face the minute she realized.
That silent heartbreak, the one that don’t break down in front of everybody, it just sits.
Heavy. Reopening a wound that never really healed.
She didn’t say much. Didn’t have to. We both knew.
Shay had gone back to Nico. Back to that cycle.
The arguing, the control, the love that leaves marks you can’t always see.
That’s how the block works. Once it gets its hands on you, it don’t let go easy. It gives you pieces of what feel like freedom and takes your peace in return. Even when you try to change. Even when you try to leave. It pulls you back. Every. Single. Time.
ALIGNMENT
Growth can be bittersweet. Sometimes the people you love most are the ones you outgrow, or maybe they outgrow you.
My friendship with Mia shifted unconsciously.
We still hang out, still love each other, it’s just different now.
She’s still my ride or die. But love don’t always mean alignment.
She had a vision for her life, and I had mine. No bad blood, just growth.
The summer before senior year came in steamy. That’s really when Mia started moving down a different path. At first it was the small things. A new pair of sneakers. New jewelry. With no explanation. Then the large amounts of cash. When I asked her about it, she shrugged.
“Don’t worry ‘bout it,” she said, smacking her gum loudly.
I already knew a man was involved. Before I even met him, I didn’t like him.
The first time I saw him, it was late afternoon.
Mia was sitting on the hood of a cherry-red Lexus parked halfway down the street.
Her legs crossed, showing off, laughing like she was the star of a music video.
The man leaning against the car beside her looked older.
Mid-twenties maybe. Maybe even older. Midnight dark skin.
Gold chain thick enough to anchor a boat.
He wore a black fitted cap tilted low over his eyes and a crisp white tee that hung loose over baggy jeans.
A small black beeper in his hand, every few seconds it buzzed.
He’d glance down, step away to make a call on the payphone at the corner.
I just watched. Watched him. Watched Mia.
“Mia.” She looked up when she heard my voice.
Her smile widened.
“Hey, Sum!”
She hopped off the car and walked over. Hugged me tight. Her perfume smelled expensive. Not the cheap sprays we used to buy from the beauty supply store.
“Who’s dat?” I asked quietly.
She glanced back.
“Oh dat’s Darnell.”
He looked over, gave me a quick nod. Not rude. But not friendly either. Darnell stepped our way.
“Dis yo’ homegirl you was tellin’ me ‘bout?”
“Yeah,” Mia said.
“Dis my girl Summer.”
He nodded again, slowly.
“Mmmn, aight. I see you.”
His voice was smooth. Like he practiced sounding calm. The beeper in his hand buzzed again. He checked it. Sighed.
“I be back babe.”
He walked toward the payphone. Mia leaned toward me, smiling.
“He keep dat thang glued ta him,” she said proudly.
“I see you livin’ good.”
She smirked.
“Duh, you already know me.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Girl look.”
She pulled out a knot of money.
“Where did you get dat kinda cash?”
She grinned showing all her teeth.
“My baby Darnell. He luv takin’ care of me girl.”
“Dat’s like a thousand dollars Mia.”
“I know.” She said handing me the cash. I immediately pushed it away. I didn’t want her money. Or his money.
“Girl, I can’t take money from you. I’m good.”
“It ain’t fa’ you. It’s fa’ ya’ moms… or fa’ da’ twins.” She laughed like I was supposed to be amused.
“Look, jus’ take it Summer, damn.” I watched the irritation settle over her face.
Typical Mia. Always pushing. Always convinced her vision made room for mine. I took the money with hesitation, resentment and gratitude tangled together.
“Don’t dat life make you nervous?” I asked.
She frowned.