Chapter 5 #2
"I wait." The words sound like they're being dragged out of him. "I wait and hope that when it's over, when you've served all seven houses and bound yourself to all seven angels, there's still room in your heart for the first one who loved you."
The tears are streaming down my face now. "There will always be room for you. Always."
"I want to believe that." Through the binding, I feel his doubt.
His fear. "But six more years is a long time, Raven.
And you're going to change. You're already changing.
Each house leaves a mark. Each angel claims a piece of you.
By the time you're done, you won't be the woman I fell in love with anymore. "
"That's not true—"
"Isn't it?" He tilts his head, and even though he can't see, it feels like he's looking straight into my soul. "Tell me honestly: are you the same person you were when you walked into my house only months ago?"
I open my mouth to say yes. To insist that I'm still me, still Raven, still the woman who fought him every step of the way and eventually fell for him despite her best efforts.
But the words won't come.
Because he's right.
I'm not the same.
The time with Croesus changed me. Made me harder. Stronger. More willing to do whatever it takes to survive. More comfortable with the supernatural world I used to skim the edges of.
And one night with Seraph has already started changing me more.
"I don't know who I'll be when this is over," I finally admit. "But I know I don't want to lose you."
"You won't lose me." His hand is still pressed against the glass, and through the binding, I feel his determination. His stubborn refusal to let go. "I'll be here. Always. No matter how much you change. No matter how many others you..." He can't finish. "I'll be here."
"Even if—" I can't say it either.
"Even if." He nods. "Even if you fall for them. Even if you sleep with them. Even if you bind yourself so thoroughly to all seven of us that I'm simply one piece of a much larger whole." His voice cracks slightly. "Even then. I'll still be here."
The binding between us flares bright gold and warm and achingly familiar. His love floods through it, unconditional and devastating.
And I realize with terrible clarity: he's going to let me go.
Not completely. Not forever. But enough to let me do what I need to do. Enough to survive this without his interference or his jealousy tearing us both apart.
He's going to step back and watch me interact with six other angels, and he's going to do it because he loves me.
"I don't deserve you," I whisper.
"No," he agrees. "You deserve better. You deserve freedom and choice and a life that isn't bound to seven fallen angels who will consume you piece by piece." A pause. "But this is what we have. So we make it work."
"How?"
"I don't know yet." His hand finally drops from the glass. "But we'll figure it out. Together. Even when we're apart."
The mirrors start to dim, his time running out. Whatever magic lets him appear like this can't hold forever.
"Croesus, wait—"
"I have to go." His image is already fading. "But Raven? One more thing."
"What?"
"Seraph is dangerous in a way I'm not." His voice is barely a whisper now. "I wanted to own you. Control you. Keep you. But him? He wants to perfect you. Break you down and rebuild you in his image. Don't let him. No matter what he does, no matter what he says, just stay yourself. Stay Raven."
Then he's gone.
The mirrors return to normal, showing only my reflection. Pale and exhausted and marked with gold chains that suddenly feel heavier than they did before.
I sink to the floor, back against the bed, and pull my knees to my chest.
One day. I've been in the House of Ruin for one day.
I have 364 more to go.
And I'm already falling apart.
Through the binding, I feel Croesus's presence. Distant but solid. Still there. Still mine.
For now.
The door to the chamber opens.
I don't look up. Don't need to. I can feel him even before he speaks. That cool, perfect presence that makes the air feel thinner. Cleaner. Harder to breathe.
Seraph.
"You're awake," he says, and his voice is carefully neutral. Polite. Like last night never happened. "Good. We have much to discuss."
I finally look up.
He's dressed in a different suit, this one dove gray instead of white, but just as perfectly tailored. His platinum hair is immaculate. His wings are folded with perfect symmetry. His silver eyes are calm and assessing.
Not a hair out of place.
Not a crack in the perfect facade.
"Get dressed," he says, gesturing to the clothes on the chair. "We have work to do. And Raven?" He pauses at the door. "What happened last night was a purge. Necessity. It meant nothing."
"Nothing," I echo numbly.
"Exactly." He doesn't look back. "Now hurry. I don't appreciate tardiness."
Then he's gone, and I'm alone again.
With the memory of his hands on my hips.
His wings over us.
His voice saying my name like a prayer and a curse.
And his lie hanging in the air between us.
It meant nothing.
We're both such terrible liars.