Chapter 5
After that night with Fox, I promised myself that it would never happen again…until it did.
A month later, I’m back, knocking on his door again. This time, the door swings open almost immediately. Fox stands there, barefoot, shirt half-unbuttoned, and hair damp. His eyes widen and the muscle in his jaw ticks as he grips the doorframe.
“Hello—” I begin awkwardly. “Sorry it’s so late, but see, I had a question about training earlier, and—”
Before I can even finish explaining my thin excuse for being here, his fingers close around my wrist and he pulls me inside. In one swift motion, I’m hoisted against the wall, my legs wrapping around his waist as Fox’s lips trace a hungry path down my neck.
The third time I go to his room, Fox is far less surprised to see me; and not at all surprised the time after that. By the end of autumn, we’ve fallen into something like a routine.
I don’t visit Fox’s room every night, or even every week, but a few times a month—usually when I’m especially overwhelmed by a spell or potion I can’t master—I knock on his door and let him fuck me until I’m literally crying with pleasure.
We’ve never agreed to anything, or even spoken about our arrangement outside of the darkness of his bedroom. Still, overtime, some unspoken rules have begun to develop:
Just like the first time we were together, we never kiss.
We’re not in a relationship, and we never discuss what we’re doing with each other or anyone else.
He never comes to my room; I’m always the one who initiates it.
And, most importantly, we never let our wings out again.
By the time Yule rolls around, Vernallis is almost completely unrecognizable from how it was a mere few months ago.
Under Daemon and Alix’s leadership, the kingdom is thriving.
They work tirelessly, implementing policy after policy designed to improve citizens’ lives—new education initiatives in the villages, reformed taxation that spares the poorest, and even a council where common folk can voice concerns directly.
It would all be impossible if Daemon and Alix were working alone, but everyone has found ways to help.
Fox keeps training the army. Jett becomes the spymaster and spends as much time in other kingdoms forging useful alliances as he does at home.
Odessa and Beatrix manage the staff and household; Kastian is Daemon’s primary advisor, and I’ve finally found a real outlet for my magic, making spells and potions to make the entire kingdom’s lives better.
I keep up with my fight training and eventually get good enough that Fox lets me spar with the soldiers. Sometimes, I feel him watching me during those sparring matches, and I know that later I’ll find myself in his room once again.
My birthday falls near the end of January, and the entire household celebrates over an extravagant birthday breakfast. I receive well wishes and gifts from everyone, but Alix’s gift is my favorite—she got me several pairs of stretchy, human-made trousers to wear during my sparring practice, and some thin, short sleeved tops to go with them.
“A lot going on at the moment…” I read out loud from the front of one of the shirts. “Is that supposed to be a warning?”
“Could be,” Alix says, grinning. “It just seemed appropriate. You do have a lot going on, pretty much always.”
That’s too true. Lately, I’ve been spending even more time up in my tower than usual.
There’s just so much to do now that the kingdom is growing—so many helpful spells I can invent to make life easier for everyone.
Plus, it’s been several months now since the start of my arrangement with Fox, and I spend at least a quarter of my evenings in the barracks.
After breakfast, I practice sparring for a bit, then work on spells as usual.
By midafternoon, however, I’m restless. I pace my tower, pausing every few steps to glance out the window at the sky where streaks of orange and pink still bleed across the horizon.
It’s too early to go to the barracks, which will be bustling with soldiers finishing their evening meal, but I’m restless and bored.
Maybe I can go down there early and pretend I need to talk to Fox about something. Is that pathetic? Ugh.
A sharp knock sounds at my door and I look up, startled. My heartbeat quickens. It couldn’t be…
“Come in!” I call, smoothing my hair away from my face.
The door opens, and I’m just the tiniest bit disappointed when I see Beatrix on the threshold. “Evening, dear. Happy birthday!”
“You already said happy birthday,” I remind her, smiling.
“I know,” Beatrix says, wafting inside. “But I was just coming to sit with you. It’s almost time, you know.”
“Time?” I ask, confused.
Her face falls slightly. “You didn’t forget, did you? The lights should begin soon.”
My eyes widen. “Oh Gods, the lights! Of course. I can’t believe I forgot.”
“I can’t believe you did either.” She chuckles. “We’ve been watching them together on your birthday your whole life.”
I run my fingers through my hair. “I suppose it’s just because we’re spending the day during the daytime now. This is the first time I’ve celebrated my birthday before the lights started.”
She nods as if that makes sense and comes to sit beside me at the workbench. I watch, gnawing on my lip, as she pets Eugene. Beatrix might have accepted that excuse, but I’m unnerved. How could I forget the lights?
Every year on my birthday, for as long as I can remember, the entire sky has lit up with a rainbow of colors—blues and purples, pinks and greens.
When I was younger, I always thought that somehow the lights were just for me.
It was one thing that made me so intent on leaving Vernallis one day and going on real adventures.
I wanted to travel to Thermia and see where they came from.
Now, I understand the lights have nothing to do with my birthday. I’ve looked up the phenomenon before in one of my many books; it’s the northern lights. Typically, we can’t see them this far south in Vernallis, but for some reason, once a year, they’re visible here.
While we wait for the sky to darken, Beatrix and I chat about the changes to Storia, my recent spellwork, and the general gossip among the household. She wants Daemon and Alix to get married and can’t understand why they’re waiting.
“It’s not as if they’re not busy,” I point out.
“I know, but I’d think this would be more important than anything else!” she insists, brow furrowing.
I grin. “You just want to throw a party.”
“Can you blame me? There hasn’t been a reason to celebrate in this kingdom in over a century, and now my son is king and Alix is perfect for him. Is it so strange that I want to see them get married?”
“They will. Next year, I think.”
She looks at me sideways. “Is that one of your predictions or just an opinion? Could you try to be more specific? What month do you think, because I think spring might be nice and—”
“Stop,” I cut her off laughing. “I don’t get predictions. I don’t know. Winter maybe? Just let it go.”
She huffs, muttering something about “impossible children” and I turn back to the window.
Before long, the ribbon of green light unfurls across the stars like a banner. More follow—shimmering curtains of pink and violet and turquoise that pulse and ripple overhead. Beatrix jumps up from her chair and pulls me over to hang out of the window for a closer look.
“I thought you would want to go see them up close this year,” Beatrix says, her face glowing magenta with the reflection of the lights overhead.
“We’ve been so busy,” I say defensively. “I haven’t changed my mind about leaving, I just got…distracted, I suppose.”
“Of course, dear. It’s not as if I want you to go. If you decide never to leave Storia that would be fine. More than fine. I just know that’s what you’ve always wanted to do.”
“Mmm,” I hum, noncommittally.
“Alright, dear.” Beatrix pats my arm in a motherly way, then pauses, as if unsure if she should say something else. After a moment she adds: “If you decide to go next year, be sure to talk to me first.”
I frown, tearing my gaze from the lights to look at her. “Why?”
She waves off the question as if it doesn’t matter. “I just think I could give you some pointers that would help.”
“Thanks.” I put my head on her shoulder, and watch the lights dancing in the sky. “Maybe next year.”
It’s later than I intended when I finally walk down to the barracks, but the sky is still incredibly bright. The lights are still dancing over the trees, and an enormous full moon hangs between them. Somehow, that combination feels extra lucky. Magical, even.
Inside, a few soldiers wave to me as I race down the long hall. I nod back, keeping my eyes averted as much as possible.
I know the soldiers have seen me here before, and probably know why; it’s not as if we’ve taken care to be quiet.
None of them has ever said anything about it, though.
They’re all terrified of Fox, and a lot of them fear me too, both because of my magic and because of all the times I’ve beaten them all while sparring.
I reach Fox’s door and knock once before letting myself inside, only to stop short on the threshold.
He’s not here.
My stomach lurches with disappointment, and something that feels a lot like hurt.
It’s my birthday. Wouldn’t Fox assume I might come to his room tonight? He was there during breakfast this morning when everyone was celebrating, and even gave me a beautiful set of throwing knives.
Still, I’d thought…nothing. Never mind.
Whatever I’d thought, I was wrong. There’s no point getting upset about it when there’s nothing to be upset about.
Leaving the barracks at a near run, I can hear a wolf howling at the full moon, which doesn’t look nearly so magical as I dash back across the courtyard to the manor.
After my birthday, I don’t go to Fox’s room for a month.