Chapter 18 #3
Elijah woke from a deep, healing sleep in the midst of a shift, his body jackknifing up as a man and hitting the carpeted floor as a lycan. He spun about, snarling, looking for the threat that stirred his beast. Vashti’s whimper from the bed pinned him, freezing him in a block of ice.
“No!” She gasped, her body shuddering through her nightmare. “Please. Stop…”
Ah, God. He whined in torment, his gut churning. Focusing on his heart rate, he willed it to slow, forcing his mind to clear so he could shift back into the form that could wake her without scaring her. The form that could hold her close and give her comfort.
The few moments it took to get himself under control seemed like days. Vashti thrashed naked in their bed, her lush body jerking with remembered pain, and he had no way to fight the demons that plagued her soul. No way to avenge her. Not yet.
The moment he shifted, he lunged to the bed and caught her up, his arms banding around her as she fought against him in the midst of her dream.
“Vashti,” he said gruffly, his throat tight with anger and grief. “Come back to me, sweetheart. Wake up.”
She curled into his chest, her silken skin slick with a cold sweat. “Elijah.”
“I’m here. I have you.”
Shuddering violently, she pressed a cold nose to his skin. “Damn it.”
“Shh… He rocked her, his lips pressed to the crown of her head. “It’s all right. It’s over now.”
“No.” She shook her head, her nails digging into his back as she clutched at him. “I can’t sleep, damn it. All I want is to lie next to you when you rest, to curl up beside you and dream with you. They fucking took that away from me.”
Tipping her back to see her tear-streaked face, Elijah brushed aside the strands of damp hair that clung to her forehead and cheeks and met her haunted gaze.
To see so strong a woman reduced to a terrified creature broke his heart and incited a lethal wrath that had no outlet.
He could protect her from outside forces, and he would, but the darkness inside her was something he couldn’t reach until she let him. “Not forever. When we’re mated—”
“We’re not going to mate, damn it!” She struggled violently out of his arms, like a feral animal, and he released her only so she wouldn’t hurt herself. “I can’t breed, Elijah. I can’t give you cute little fanged pups to trip over after a long day of Alpha’ing packs of lycans who want me dead.”
“And I won’t live forever,” he shot back. “We’re not perfect, but we’re all we have. Damned if I’ll watch you suffer when I can help you.”
“There’s nothing to help with! It was over a long time ago.”
“Not in your mind, it’s not. Not in your dreams. When we’re mated—” He held up a hand before she opened her mouth.
“Shut up and listen to me. When we’re mated, I’ll be able to share those dreams with you.
I’ll be able to fight off the demons that hurt you.
We’ll be able to talk to each other, share with each other, without a word. ”
Her eyes widened in horror. “I don’t want you in my head.”
“You had no problems digging into mine.”
“That was different. We were having sex. I wanted you to feel good.”
“Right back atcha, sweetheart.” His jaw tightened. “You need me in your head. And I need to be in there. It’s killing me to see you hurt like this. To smell your fear.”
“I just need to stay awake.” Vash began to pace, her wild hair swaying around her nude torso. “I don’t need sleep like you do. I can go without it.”
“Fuck that.” He pushed to his feet. “Your body may not need sleep, but your mind does. Your heart does.”
“You don’t know what they did to me,” she bit out. “I don’t want you to know. You won’t know. I won’t let you.”
Elijah crossed his arms. “Try and stop me.”
“It’s not necessary. We can work around it.”
“No deals, sweetheart. Do you think there’s something—anything—that could make me not want you?
Don’t you think I would’ve found that escape route before we passed the point of no return?
You’re right. I don’t know what was done to you.
But I’ve got the gist and a really twisted, sick, fucked-up imagination.
Chances are, what I can picture in my head is worse than reality, but it doesn’t matter either way.
It doesn’t change how I feel about you. Nothing can. ”
“You don’t know that.” She fisted the roots of her hair with both hands. “I won’t risk you finding out the hard way.”
He caught her when she paced by and made her look at him. “The only thing that could come between us is infidelity. In that case, you wouldn’t have to worry about me walking away because you’d both be dead.”
Vash stared at him a moment, her eyes bleak; then the corner of her mouth twitched. “And you call me the crazy one?”
“I’m going to make you happy.” He pulled her close. The icy lump in his stomach melted when her slender arms encircled him. “Whether you like it or not. Whether you fight me or not.”
“Oh, I’ll fight you,” she promised, her eyes clear of shadows. “That’s the way I roll.”
He pressed his lips to her forehead. “I wouldn’t have you any other way.”