Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
Isabella
PRESENT DAY
The feeling of being able to do whatever I want in the deep waters is the closest I’ve ever had to control. I’ve missed that for most of my life in France. Here, I control where I go, how I go and most of all, how long I stay. In here, the waters are mine. My legs tap the water as I swim forward, holding my breath. The thousands of times I’ve swum in the town lake have trained me to stay underwater for a few minutes longer than a normal person. And seeing Travis under with his hands flapping uncontrollably puts him in the latter box.
I’ve been in the waters with him a few times, and he usually handled himself well. I went deep down this time, and I don’t think he’s ever been that far down before.
“Are you okay?” I ask, stunned by his sudden action. His arms naturally caress my skin as he holds me captive on his chest. I haven’t felt his skin on mine in so long that it almost seems foreign. I’m not used to it yet, but it feels perfect. It feels like an ice cream on a scorching day. Refreshing and needed.
As much as I don’t want to let go of him, I do it anyway. A sudden breeze envelops my skin as I move further away from him. Oh, God. I totally forgot. I’m fucking naked in here. The surface of the water barely covers my upper body, exposing my upper boobs to him. Not my nipples, though. They’re safe.
I wasn’t planning to go for a swim tonight, so, of course, I wasn’t prepared and had to take everything off. Those naked days at the lake are behind me, but I thought, why not reminisce once more?
I push myself down a bit to hide Cordelia and Renée, and he stares at me. He’s been staring for the past few seconds, without a word escaping his mouth. Either he’s in shock or he’s just admiring what could’ve been the most embarrassing moment of my life.
“Are you okay, Travis?” I ask again. This time, only my head is popping out, and my lips are tapping on the lake with every word I say.
He shakes his head left and right. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. Are you?” he finally speaks.
A weird peak of emotion takes over me as I shove him, hard. He shifts back, causing a splash. “I thought you were drowning, dumbass. What is wrong with you?” I say, and he moves toward me. “You scared the crap out of me.” I hit him again.
I only then realized how insanely scared I was to find him underneath the lake. I knew he could swim, but… I don’t know. Bad thoughts still occupied my mind.
His right hand cups my cheek and time stops. “Are you okay?” he asks again, but with a calmer demeanor and seriousness. He’s serious.
I nod.
“Good. I wasn’t ready to lose you yet,” he says under his breath.
It is probably to himself, but I reply anyway. “What do you mean by that?”
“I thought you were…” He looks down. “You know.” And it clicks.
“Oh, my God. What were you thinking? Why would I do something like that?” I say and quickly swim back to the dock. He follows, splashing the water so hard as if he’s drowning.
“I don’t know. You were talking to yourself as if it was the last time you will ever. It makes sense why I would be thinking like that.” The stars are now with us as we arrive at the dock. It’s dark and chilly.
I pick up my clothes and quickly put them on. “I would never do that. Of all people, you should know that,” I argue, in disbelief that he’ll ever think like that.
I’ve had my bad days. Hell, I’ve thought of shoving myself in a deep hole, never to be seen again, but never would I ever do that. I’ve lived this long and have tolerated a lot of bullshit in my life for me to give up. The least this world can give me is fresh air.
“I’m sorry, but?—”
He gets out of the lake, water dripping all over his well-defined abs. He’s so wet and extremely attractive right now. I stare down at his belt area, water accumulating there and a squinting eye of pubic hair peeping out. I don’t even know how I can see it from my distance, but I do, and it only waters my mouth.
“You didn’t look good and to be fair, you were down there for so long,” he continues, and I snap my head up to look him in the eye.
“How long do you believe I was there for?”
“I don’t know…” He looks at his watch but then gives up after noticing it is wet and probably useless. “Five minutes?”
I immediately succumb to laughter, finding this hilarious. “I was in there for no longer than a minute, Travis. Maybe two, but no more than that.” He looks down, a faint expression masking his face. He’s embarrassed.
“Were you worried about me?” I ask, wanting him to say yes. I wish for him to. He did just dive into the lake thinking I was about to end my life, so why wouldn’t that be ‘worry’? But for some obvious reasons I’ve been denying since my arrival, I need him to say it.
“Of course I was.” His voice deepens, but it’s more of a murmur than a clear tone.
We both stand there in silence. He still cares about me even though he shouldn’t, and that only makes me feel shittier than I already was.
“I’ll always be worried about you, Isabella. You’re still my friend.”
“Friend,” I echo without a thought.
We’ve never been friends before. From the moment I met him, friendship was off the table, and now he says we’re friends? That’s new.
“Also, I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to talk to you the way I did yesterday. I guess my emotions took over, and I apologize for that.”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not. And for the record, I’m glad you’re back. The town has been down without their Isabella.”
The town. I don’t care about how the town was feeling about my fucking absence. I care about how he felt about it, mostly how he feels now. But I can’t tell him that.
“Thank you for being a good sport about everything. You really are a great guy.” I settle for that instead.
There will be a time when I will need to be honest with him, but now isn’t that time. I feel it in my bones that whatever feelings I try to bring back up and shove into his face will only bring us further apart. Not that we are closer now, but it could be worse. And that’s the least on my bucket list.
“Don’t flatter me,” he says, a subtle smile illuminating his face.
He is a great guy. There’s no doubt about that. Every day of my life since I met him, he’s been the greatest in my universe. No matter what he says or does, I’ll forever see him in that light. One so bright and filled with grand passion. That’s him. Even now, after all I’ve made him go through, he still stands there with a smile on his face and apologizes to me. Me . And for what? Saying valid points? Having feelings? Thinking of himself?
All it reminds me of is that I don’t deserve him. Not even his so-called friendship. There’s more to him that doesn’t belong to me, and it rips my heart apart. I deeply care for this beautiful living being and will always. But the thought of finding myself in the same situation as I was six years ago… that’s powerful enough to make me want to distance myself from him.
I can’t afford to walk back into his life. I just can’t.
“Let’s go.” His voice pulls me back from my thoughts. “You’re shivering.” He continues approaching me.
I look down at myself and realize. My body is vibrating in such intensity it’s impressive I didn’t even notice. And now, I feel it and shiver even more.
He swings his shirt onto his shoulder and brings forward his arms towards me. A second later, I’m wrapped in his arms, and we walk somewhere. He’s the one leading, so I have no idea how to sync up with him. I try to take a glance at him but then fail as he looks down at me, causing me to chase my gaze away from him and onto the floor. This is so awkward but feels so right.
We get to a pickup truck, and I continue to walk. My steps have been at the same rhythm for the past few minutes, and I don’t even control anything anymore. His touch fades from my skin as he moves away.
“Hop in,” he says. He goes around the car to the driver’s door, and I stare. Is this his car?
I don’t know why, but I never pictured him with a pickup truck. Colin has one, which is perfectly fitting for him, but Travis… he’s more of a sedan kind of guy. Another assumption I always had of him, but I guess I don’t know him as well as I thought I did.
“Is this yours?” I ask.
“Yes. Are you getting in, or are you going to stand there for the entire night?”
I keep my mouth shut. The last thing I’m going to do is say no to a ride. My hands are barely stable as I hold on to the knob, eager for some heat.
Pickup or no pickup, it’s warm in here.
“I’ll drive you home,” he says and I nod.
Minutes have been passing. We have covered some distance. The radio has been blasting. But we have exchanged no words.
This is the deadliest car ride I’ve ever been on. Crickets might as well be my friends and even they wouldn’t want to be in this car. Why is it so awkward and striking? Any topic could save me right now. Oh yes! A topic.
“Now that we’re friends , are you open to working with me for the auction event?”
My chest hardens as I sit in silence, waiting for him to answer. Travis looks at the road, barely paying attention to me. He takes a deep breath, and his lips part. “I’ll have to think about it.”
“Okay, okay. That’s good,” I squeak. “Thinking is good. I’ll wait. Totally.” I shift in my seat, showing too much excitement about something so little.
“I’m not guaranteeing anything. I just said I would think about it.”
“And I heard you. But I know you will eventually accept the offer.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because it’s your future that is being laid on the table here. And I know you wouldn’t want to look back ten years from now and regret any decision you would’ve made.” I say.
I truly believe he knows how to think for himself, in ways that inspire me to do the same for myself. He’s had a big part in the place I find myself right now. My career, my mentality, my life, and so much more. I owe him so much that it sticks me to the ground not to give up on him concerning this matter. I want the best for Travis. He just has to see that and believe it.
“Don’t you have any regrets yourself?” he asks. My lips slowly part, hesitant to respond. “Actually, don’t answer that, I take it back.” He still looks upfront, ignoring my gaze.
“Travis,” I whisper. Suddenly, I’m burning up and the cold I felt mere seconds ago dissipates. “I’m leaving soon,” I confess.
A part of me said that to rush things about the auction issue, and another part of me wanted to see where his mind was about me. I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’ve completely lost every single shred of love I’ve had for this man, or pretend I don’t care. Because I do. I might not be ready to leap, but I’m ready to embrace whatever little we can share.
He stops the car in the middle of the road, and it startles me. I look back to check if there aren’t any cars behind us, and strangely so, there aren’t. Actually, no one is on the road. It’s pretty dark out, but it’s still strange not seeing a living body outside.
“God, Travis!” I yell.
“What do you mean by you’re leaving?” I continue to look around me, still shaken from the sudden stop. Then back at him only to see his eyes stuck on me with one hand on the steering wheel.
This wasn’t the look I was hoping to get from him. He nearly shuts his eyes, leaving a small gap, and his eyebrows shoot down. His waiting for an answer.
“Next week Sunday. Well, technically, that’s my limit date. I’ll be leaving right after you make your decision.”
“So, you mean it could be tonight, tomorrow, or in three days?”
I nod.
“What the fuck, Isabella.” He takes a deep breath and storms out of the car.
“What are you doing?” I ask, yelling after him, but it’s too late. The doors shut, muffling my voice.
Fuck!
I feel uneasy as I pivot left and right in the car, following him with my eyes as he walks to the front of the car. I don’t hear him, but his right hand is on his forehead while the other is on his waist. And even though I have no idea what’s going on with him, I can feel his thoughts. He’s all over the place, which only tells me his mind is in the same state.
I was dreading the day I was going to tell him I had to leave. Again. But I guess the sooner I rip the bandage off, the less I hurt him. Fucking again.
“Travis!” I yell in the car once more, staring as he moves around. “We’re in the middle of the road, dammit.” I lose my shit, not knowing what to do.
He stops moving, and it makes my heart stop as well. At least when he was moving, I didn’t have to be all in my head, but now that he isn’t, I’m only thinking about his next words.
Travis walks to my side, and I roll the windows down. I’m not prepared for anything whatsoever, but I’m ready for what he has to say. He leans in, his face quite close to mine, but it shows nothing but his fury.
“Do you want to stay?” he asks.
“What?”
“Do. You. Want. To. Stay. Here?”
I sigh. It’s unbelievable that my answer to this question is all he deserves to hear, but wouldn’t. Of course, I don’t want to stay in Road Haven, but I wholeheartedly want to stay by his side. And knowing I can’t even do that or say that to him glistens my eyes and gingerly overwhelms me.
I look up, batting my eyelashes to prevent a tear from showing itself. He can’t know.
“It doesn’t matter if I want to or not. I have a job, Travis. And this is it,” I say. “This here—” I point between me and him. “—is my job. Purely business.”
He looks at me, deep into my soul, probably trying to read me. And I continue to fight back the waters in my eyes, blocking him from doing so. I’m building some tall walls between him and me, and with every brick I build up, I crumble and bleed out. It hurts even more that I can’t even bring myself to talk about it.
To talk about the things I went through leading up to his pain.
“When did I ever say otherwise, Bella?” he murmurs, his eyes stern to me.
And just like that, I crumble again.