3. Luna
CHAPTER THREE
LUNA
Four Years Later
Despite the roaring fire, the air in Benedetto’s chamber was cold. More so because I stood naked, shivering. Anxious nerves knotted in my stomach. Pulling my auburn hair forward, I tried in vain to cover my exposed breasts, but the strands barely reached.
Vala and Georgio d'Inari stood next to me. Since Benedetto was now tenth in line to inherit the emperor's wreath and our marriage had not yet been consummated, witnesses were required to affirm that I was whole and sound of body and mind. And that the act happened.
I wished we had done this when I was fourteen, without anyone watching. I had no idea how Vala had brought Benedetto home for this, but assumed it involved a great deal of pressure.
Both of them had already inspected me and pronounced me unmarred, though a midwife would confirm my virginity separately. Now we waited for my once again tardy husband.
The door slammed open and Benedetto stormed in. An angry frown slashed across his handsome face. Without acknowledging anyone, he stripped off his garments in swift, sharp motions, tossing them at a small chair in the corner opposite the bed. His broad, muscled shoulders and chest came into view, followed by a defined stomach that narrowed to slim hips.
I tried to avert my gaze out of modesty, but my attention kept straying back to his impressive physique. In moments, the only thing adorning his tan skin was the glint of a family seal ring on his right hand.
My cheeks flushed hot. The vulnerability of being bare before him, before the witnesses, made me want to sink through the elaborately woven rug and disappear. Is this truly necessary? People watching us while we, while we...
Benedetto's deep brown eyes finally met mine, dark with an emotion I couldn't quite discern - resentment? Impatience? His intense stare sent a shiver down my spine that had nothing to do with the temperature of the room. I clutched my hair tighter against my chest.
This was my husband. This beautiful, intimidating man who could barely stand to look at me. I couldn't blame him. What man would want a bride forced upon him in an arranged political match when he could have his choice of lovers?
Hurt pride mingled with indignation in my chest. I didn’t want him either, I wanted safety for my family.
Straightening my shoulders, I lifted my chin. I refused to cower before him, even if I had no choice in how we consummated our marriage. Within, I desperately hoped my boldness hid the nervous quaking of my knees and hands.
Absent gods, let this unpleasantness be over with quickly.
Vala approached me, her calm gaze searching my expression. Her slender fingers touched my shoulder and I had to fight the urge to flinch away.
"Lie back on the bed, dear," she said softly, but it was clearly no request. "And spread your legs so the midwife can examine you."
My face burned with humiliation as I walked to the bed and complied, positioning myself on the plush bedding and parting my thighs. I stared resolutely on the ornate ceiling, trying to pretend I was somewhere, anywhere else.
The midwife's weathered hands were brusque and impersonal as she inspected my most intimate area. A mortified breath escaped when she spread me open. Tears of shame and anger pricked at the corners of my eyes. I’d learned the control to not let them fall, and I blinked rapidly to clear them.
I would not be seen as weak.
After an eternity, the midwife stepped back. "This woman is intact," she said matter-of-factly to the room.
I felt more than saw Benedetto move to the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. His large hands gripped my hips, dragging me roughly up toward the pillows.
"I'll make it fast," he said tersely, already positioning himself between my legs. Hard muscle brushed my inner thighs and I tried to close them in reflex, despite knowing better.
Then he was pushing inside me, stretching and filling me. I bit my lip hard to stifle a pained cry at the burning intrusion. Benedetto didn't pause, just drove forward until he was fully seated.
I’d been beaten many times by my father. I’d survived weapons training with my mother-in-law. This intimate pain was somehow worse, though the injury was less. The discomfort bordered on agony, and I dug my nails in the sheets.
A few shallow thrusts and it was over, Benedetto pulling out and rising from the bed in one swift motion.
Without so much as a backwards glance at me or the stunned witnesses, he strode from the room, leaving me aching and empty in more ways than one. I curled onto my side, hugging my knees to my chest, grateful for the curtain of my hair hiding my face.
I squeezed my eyes shut, but still the tears came, silent and hot as they trailed over the bridge of my nose and dampened the silk bedding beneath my cheek. Never again, I thought bitterly, from this moment forward I was a wife in all ways and could not be set aside. A child in me bought a place for me and Rose.
"Rest, Luna," Vala said from somewhere behind me.
I nodded without opening my eyes, not trusting my own voice. The quiet rustle of skirts and click of the door latch told me I was finally alone. Slowly, I uncurled my aching body and sat up, wincing at the tenderness between my thighs.
Gingerly, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and stood, pulling the rumpled sheet around me like a cloak. I needed to cleanse myself, to wash away any evidence of my humiliation.
But as I took a tentative step toward the washbasin, I paused. Something was...missing. Frowning, I reached a hand between my legs and felt...nothing. No warm trickle down my inner thighs, no telltale wetness.
My breath caught in my throat as Vala's earlier words echoed in my mind. She had warned me of the mess, of how Benedetto's seed would fill me as he sought to quicken a child in my womb. And yet, there was no seed. No attempt at conception.
I sank back onto the edge of the bed, stunned. He did not want me, even for that. I recalled the expression on his handsome features, the way he had avoided looking at me, touching me any beyond the strictly necessary.
Repulsive, I thought numbly, that must be what he finds me. So repulsive he cannot even bear to plant his child in my body. A broken sound, halfway between a laugh and a sob, escaped my throat.
A soft knock at the door startled me and I hastily dashed the tears from my cheeks. "Come in," I said, hating the tremor in my voice.
Sofia slipped into the room. Her calm face shifted to quiet concern as she took in my red-rimmed eyes and the sheet clutched around me like a shield.
"Oh, Luna," she crossed to sit beside me on the bed. "Are you alright?"
I turned my face away, fresh tears sliding down my cheeks. "Why? Why must it be like this? So... cold and horrible..."
Sofia wrapped an arm around my shoulders, a quick comforting movement. The rare gesture helped the hurt burning in my chest.
"It’s not always so, Luna. When two people care for one another, share a bond of affection or desire...it is something beautiful. Far different from a bargain being sealed."
A shuddering sigh escaped my lips. Different. Yes, it would be different if my husband desired me, wanted me. If I were more than a repulsive duty to him.
"Rest now," Sofia said gently, guiding me to lay back against the pillows. Her fingertips, blessedly cool, stroked my forehead, the gentle touch coaxing me into relaxing.
"Sleep, child," she crooned softly. "Sleep without dreams..."
And as I surrendered to oblivion, one final thought flickered through my mind.
I would make him want me. Someday, somehow, I vowed, my husband would crave me. And then I would decide if I wanted him . No matter what it took.
Then weariness dragged me down into velvet darkness.
I startled awake, blinking in the bright sunlight streaming through my window.
This wasn’t my room. The events of yesterday replayed in my head, and I thumped back on the pillows. I should have gone back to my room. Judging by the angle of light, I’d missed my daily lesson with Vala on weapons and etiquette.
Sofia always visited before the lessons. This was very late for me to sleep. Rubbing sleep from my eyes, I sat up, wincing at twinges reminding me that I was still tender. I needed to get up.
Frowning, I slid from the bed, feet sinking into the plush rug. While I slept, someone had left my usual training garb on a chair and filled the pitcher with warm water. After cleaning myself and dressing, I padded to the door and peered out into the hall.
Since I’d already missed my lesson with Vala, I hurried down the corridor to Sofia’s chambers.
"Sofia?" I tapped lightly before pushing open the door.
Rose put a finger over her lips. She sat next to Sofia’s bed, Sofia lay with a damp cloth draped over her eyes.
My sister ghosted to my side. "Soulrider required her to do a ritual last night. This is the backlash."
"To invoke a Name?" I asked.
Rose nodded.
I breathed, my voice a tiny whisper, “The last time she used valerian root and willow bark. Did you check the stillroom? They helped then."
We hurried to the small alcove that housed Sofia's collection of dried plants and tinctures, I rummaged through the shelves. To my dismay, the jars we needed were empty.
I glanced at Rose, biting my lip. "I can go to the apothecary and fetch more."
"I’ll go with you." Rose looked mulish. “Neither of us should go out alone, you know that.”
I knelt by the bed. "Sofia, I’m taking Rose with me to the apothecary to get herbs to help with your headache. Do I have your permission?”
“Yes,” she murmured. “Be careful.”
Rose followed me into the hall. “Do you need help lacing up?”
I nodded. It would be faster. I strode to my room, pulling a dress from where it hung, pulling my shift on. When I straightened it, Rose held the dress and I stopped so she could throw it over my head. It glided down my body, falling in heavy folds. I held the bodice in place as Rose laced it.
It was by no means as tight as fashion called for, but now I was clad decently for the streets.
We hastened together down the stairs only to draw up short at the sight of Vala gliding across the foyer. Inwardly I winced and forced a smile as she turned to us.
"Luna, I’m glad to see you up and about. Little Rose, is school over so soon?" she asked warmly. "Where are you both off to in such a hurry?"
I bowed slightly, giving her the respect due to my mother-in-law. "The apothecary. Sofia isn't well, so we are going to purchase herbs."
"You needn't bother with that," Vala waved a ringed hand. "I'll send a servant. You girls shouldn't wander about unescorted."
"No," I said, more sharply than I intended. Taking a calming breath, I amended, "That is, we're happy to do it. Sofia is dear to us, we want to help."
Vala's eyes narrowed fractionally, but her warm smile never wavered. "Very well. But you'll take a guard for propriety. Perhaps..." She tapped a finger to her lips, considering. "You might see if the fishmongers have any live torpedo fish. Applying one to the scalp can work wonders for a migraine."
I’d heard that as well. We’d need a basket to carry them in though. I didn’t know how long they lived out of water, but perhaps Rose could use her magic to deal with that. "We’ll certainly look into that. Thank you for the suggestion."
Grabbing Rose's hand, I tugged her out the door before Vala found some way to make us delay for an escort. Vala's words nagged at me as we passed through the gate and headed down the hill toward the market that nestled at its base.
Perhaps we should've let her send a servant. Was I putting Rose at risk, insisting we run this errand ourselves? I shook off the thought. The apothecary was very near, on the side of the market next to the hill. What could happen?
I glanced over my shoulder. One of the guards from the gate trailed us, hand resting on his sword hilt. Vala must have made a standing order we be escorted recently. The last time we hadn’t had a guard, a few months ago.
The sun-warmed stones did little to dispel the sudden chill that crept down my spine. What other orders were in place? Vala had always been kind, but I’d never been able to warm to her. On some level it felt like the kindness extended to horses, or making sure a tool was well kept. Impersonal though appreciated on my part.
Biting my lip, I squeezed Rose's fingers and quickened my steps, eager to conclude our mission and return to the palazzo. The sooner we fetched Sofia's herbs, the sooner this inexplicable dread might pass.
As we hurried along the way we always took down to the base of the hill and turned the corner onto a narrow, shadowed street, my unease grew. I’d never thought about it before, but several alleys off this street led toward Subura, where poverty and desperation bred in equal measure. Glancing back, I met the guard's wary eyes and saw my own disquiet mirrored there.
"Luna," Rose said, her fingers tightening around mine. "Something feels off."
I quickened our pace down the street. "We'll be through in a moment."
No sooner had the words left my lips than six figures emerged from the last alley ahead of us, blocking our path. My breath caught as sunlight glinted off polished armor and bared steel. These were no mere cutpurses or back-alley thugs.
Confusion warred with fear as I pushed Rose behind me, my free hand fumbling for the fan lopped to my bodice. The people of Subura could scarce afford bread and oil, let alone arms and armor. Who were these men?
"Stay back," our guard said, unsheathing his sword and moving in front of us.
The tallest of the men laughed, a harsh, cruel sound that turned my spine to ice. "The girls. Hand them over and you may yet live."
Bitter realization crashed over me. This was no chance encounter. They'd come for us specifically. Who would want both of us? Who felt strong enough politically to challenge the d’Alvarez clan?
The men surged forward, blades flashing. Our guard met their charge with a defiant shout, steel ringing against steel.
I shifted into a fighting stance, angling myself to shield Rose. "Stay behind me."
The odds weren’t good, but I didn’t want to run in case there were others stationed behind us. It also went against the grain to desert our guard. One of the stragglers shifted within reach and I slashed at him with the razor-edged fan, aiming for the underside of his arm. The area was lightly armored and bled freely if you hit it right.
He yelled as a tide of red flowed from his arm and I danced back, keeping myself between Rose and the others.
My heart hammered against my ribs. There was a strange feeling of freedom in this moment, rather than fear.
I pivoted, slashing at another thug trying to maneuver past me. The first had fallen to his knees, trying to stem the steady pulse of his life flowing onto the dirty cobblestones.
"Luna, what do we do?" Rose's terrified words barely reached my notice over the thrum of blood in my ears.
The thug narrowly avoided my slash, backing away.
Vala had taught me to take advantage of the way a gown concealed my body, so it was harder to guess my next move. The downside was that it did hamper free movement.
Movement in the corner of my eye. I shifted my attention just in time to see our guard stagger, a crimson stain blooming across his chest. He crumpled to the ground, his sword clattering uselessly on the cobblestones.
"Dead gods rotting." The curse ripped from my throat, raw and angry.
The leader stepped over his body, The leader of the pack smirked, twirling his blade with a casual menace. "Nowhere to run now, bitches. You hurt one of mine? You want to play? Let's see what you're made of, girl."
He lunged faster than I'd anticipated. I barely managed to deflect his strike, the impact shuddering up my arm even as the fan deflected it. Absent gods, he was strong.
Kill him fast, don’t let him wear me down. Rose hung in the balance.
I countered with a slash of my own, aiming for the gap in his armor at the shoulder. He dodged, circling like a predator toying with its prey.
"Feisty. I like that. More fun to break."
The thugs chuckled, a loathsome chorus that only stoked the inferno raging inside me. I wouldn't let them touch her. Wouldn't let them snuff out her simple happiness in life like some cheap candle.
Snarling, I charged, a whirlwind of desperate strikes fueled by long hard lessons. He had the advantage of strength and reach, but I was fast and stronger than I looked.
The leader's eyes widened in surprise as I pressed the attack, driving him back a step. Then another. For one glorious, fleeting instant, I dared to hope.
Until his blade caught the fan at just the right angle, sending it flying from my grasp. It skittered across the ground, well out of reach, leaving me defenseless.
No. Not defenseless. Never again.
As he grabbed for my arm, I ducked back, snarling, “Rot you!”
Something deep within me answered, a rush of power that exploded from my body in a whip of darkness. It hurt and felt good at the same time, like a lifelong pressure being relieved, but needing to break the vessel that held it in.
The leader stumbled back with a pained grunt, clutching at his face. "Void-eaten witch,"
My next blow caught him in the face, and with a wet ripping sound, his nose slid completely off his face. He screamed as the tide of rot continued across his face.
I scooped up my fan, whirling as a piercing scream shattered the air. Two of the men had taken advantage of the distraction to grab Rose. She kicked and thrashed in their grip.
Our father stood beside her, smiling at me. Only a fool would take that curve of his mouth as anything but the threat of pain. He wore a thick belt, close to a professional guard’s in appearance, though the rest of his clothing were normal long tunic and light cloak.
Panic clawed at my mind, icy tendrils of dread snaking through my chest.
If I had to go through him to get to my sister, then I would. I ran forward. He raised a fist and I skipped to the side, skirts swaying, and slashed at his face with the fan.
I thought he’d dodge it entirely, intending to push him back so I could maneuver, but the edge of the fan nicked his cheekbone, a tiny trickle of blood running down his cheek.
Fast as an angry cat, he blocked my progress and snarled, “If you don't drop the fan and yield, Rose dies. You’ve used all the power in your tainted blood killing that fool. There’s no way out, Lunetta. Moonchild.”
Moonchild. A bastard conceived from demons of the dark moon.
He’d never gone that far before. Sadly, it had no power to hurt me.
I dodged around him.
One of the thugs held a knife to Rose’s throat, his hand buried in her hair. She’d stopped screaming, her eyes huge with fear and pain.
Knowing my father, he met every word. I didn't want to drop the fan, but I was out of options.
It clanged as it hit the stones paving the alley. “If you touch me, the d’Alvarez will come for your head.”
“We’ll see about that. Hold her!” my father snapped.
Two of the remaining men strode to my sides, each grabbing one of my wrists in a crushing grip and pulling my arms far to the side.
My father undid his belt. As it kept on unwinding, I saw that he'd actually used a centurion's whip as his belt today, in preparation for what he meant to do. 4 lashes from that would lay my spine bare. I struggled, but I had no leverage, and the two thugs were braced and strong.
The whip hissed in the air before it struck, the thick sharp-edged cutting through the fabric of my gown and the light leather of my bodice as if they were wisps of fog. I jerked forward, gritting my teeth. I knew I'd eventually scream, but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction for as long as I could.
Another blow fell, crisscrossing the first. My breath hissed between my teeth in something perilously close to a sob. The fabric of my gown flapped against my sides. Pain streaked through me, centered on the two stripes. Every movement hurt.
I panted in time with the pulsing pain, waiting for the third blow. He made me wait for what felt like hours before the third lash hit my back. Pain exploded down my spine, and I screamed. Rose’s scream joined mine.
Father laughed.
In that pause, heavy metal-shod sandals clattered on the stones of the nearby street. The sound caught everyone's attention. Rose, dropped all her weight straight down, breaking free from her captor. She bolted for the head of the alleyway.
Lithe as a little deer, she dodged his attempt to recapture her and ran straight into a burly man stepping into the alley. He wore the tunic of a d’Alvarez house guard.
He caught her, shouting “They're here! Gaius is down!”
Sofia, face drawn with pain, walked into view. She wore only a belted robe and her silver-streaked dark hair fell loose down her back. I’d never seen her in public so undressed.
She pulled Rose into her arms and stared down the alley.
An unseen, unfelt wind stirred her hair. She said, quite calmly, “You harmed my student.”
The cobblestones buckled, swallowing the men other than my father to their hips. Ghastly snapping noises and screams followed as the stones crushed the men, who thrashed and then lay still.
I took a careful step forward.
Father glared at Sofia. “Not today, failure.”
She beckoned me forward. “By the contract, not until Rose is of age. Until then, enjoy the air you breathe, Emilio de Spoleto.”
The word hissed in the alley, as if the stones echoed it.
Despite the agony of my back, I hurried forward to Sofia.
Rose hovered by me as Sofia turned to examine my back. “I can't heal it magically, but there are a lot of things I can do to minimize the scarring. You and you, pick her up and mind her back. Rose, go back with them. I need fresh lionheart and a few other medicinals that I don't normally keep. Take her to her room and lay her on her belly, I will be back as soon as I can.”
The trip back to the d’Alvarez residence blurred in my mind with each spasm of pain. Despite the care that the two guards showed carrying me, each step jolted my back, and I drifted in and out of consciousness.
I came back to full wakefulness as a cool cloth was put on my back.
Sofia's brisk voice came from above me. “Hold still, I'm going to have to soak off the bits of your gown and your bodice out of the wounds to prevent infection. Once I have them free, I'll paint it with lionheart to keep it from festering. Be brave Luna. You'll live, and I can fix the rest.”
“Drink this. "A cup touched my lips.
I drank thirstily. The brew was bitter enough to make me gag, with a strange floral aftertaste. But within a few moments the world started to float.
“Sleep, Luna,” Rose whispered.
I trusted them, and I let the sleep take me.