Chapter 17 #3
“Power, mostly. Whoever controls the Vault would have access to capabilities no one else possesses. That’s why the Grorn want it so badly—they think it will give them dominance over the galaxy.
” His tail curled with distaste. “That’s also why I’ve spent so long searching.
I wanted to find it first. Make sure it went to someone who would use it responsibly. ”
“Someone like you?”
The question struck deeper than she probably intended. Doren turned away, staring at the swirling lights of hyperspace.
“I used to think so. I told myself I was noble, that I was protecting the galaxy from those who would abuse such power.” A bitter laugh.
“The truth is simpler. I wanted to be important. I wanted to matter. Finding the Vault was supposed to prove that I was worth something—that my father was wrong about me, that everyone who ever dismissed me was wrong.”
“Doren...”
“It’s pathetic, I know. Spending my entire adult life chasing a legend because I have daddy issues.
” He forced the words out, each one sharp with self-contempt.
“Athtar was right. The Vault has been my obsession, my excuse for never settling down, never committing to anything or anyone. As long as I was searching, I didn’t have to face the fact that I was running away. ”
She was silent for a long moment. Then she rose from her seat, careful not to wake Ari, and crossed to kneel beside him. She took his hand, holding it between both of hers.
“You’re not pathetic. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to matter.” Her eyes were warm and steady. “We all need something to drive us. Something to chase. The problem isn’t the goal—it’s what you sacrifice to reach it.”
“And if I can’t stop? If I get so close I can taste it, and I can’t walk away?”
“Then I’ll be there. We’ll be there.” She lifted his hand, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. “And we’ll remind you what you already have.”
He stared at her, this impossible human female who had stumbled into his life and somehow become the center of it. She had no idea what she was promising. No idea how obsessive he could become, how single-minded, how willing to sacrifice everything for the prize just within reach.
Or maybe she did know. Maybe that was exactly why she was making the promise.
“I don’t deserve you,” he said.
“Probably not. But you’re stuck with me anyway.” She smiled, that warm, crinkled smile that made his chest ache. “Besides, someone has to keep you honest.”
“Is that what you’re doing?”
“I’m doing my best.” She rose, brushing a kiss across his forehead. “Now. You mentioned three days in hyperspace. I seem to recall you promising me a proper tour of the ship.”
“I showed you everything yesterday.”
“You showed me the main areas. I want to see everything—the engine room, the cargo holds, whatever hidden compartments you use for smuggling.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief. “If this is going to be our home, I should know all its secrets.”
Our home.
The words hit him like a punch to the gut. He’d thought of the Vagabond as his for so long—his ship, his sanctuary, his evidence of everything he’d built. The idea of sharing it, of making it theirs, felt simultaneously terrifying and exactly right.
“Alright,” he said, and stood. “But I warn you—some of those compartments are barely big enough for cargo, let alone a person.”
“Are you calling me big?”
“I’m calling you perfectly proportioned.” He caught her around the waist, pulling her close. “Also brave, stubborn, and dangerously good at getting me to talk about things I’d rather avoid.”
“It’s a gift.”
Ari chose that moment to wake, announcing her return to consciousness with a series of irritated chirps. Both adults looked down at the baby, who was glaring up at them with an expression that suggested she did not appreciate being squished between them.
“I think she’s hungry,” Emma said.
“I think she’s inherited her mother’s timing.”
“She’s not—” She stopped, her cheeks flushing. “I mean, I’m not—”
“I know what you are.” He released her, but let his hand linger on her hip. “You’re her mother in every way that matters. The fact that you didn’t give birth to her doesn’t change that.”
Her eyes glistened. “Sometimes I forget that you can be sweet.”
“Don’t tell anyone. I have a reputation to maintain.”
She laughed, the sound bright and clear, and something loosened in his chest, some knot of anxiety he’d carried for so long he’d forgotten it was there.
This is what having something to lose feels like.
It was terrifying. And wonderful. And entirely worth the risk.
“Come on,” he said, nodding towards the corridor. “Let’s feed the tiny dictator and then I’ll show you where I hide the really valuable contraband.”
“You have really valuable contraband?”
“Emma.” He gave her his most charming smile. “I’m a smuggler. Of course I have really valuable contraband.”
She shook her head, still laughing, and followed him out of the cockpit.
Somewhere ahead lay the first point on the star map, another piece of the puzzle that he had been assembling for most of his life. But for the first time in years, the destination didn’t feel like the most important thing. The journey did. And the people he was taking it with.