Nineteen
“What happened?” he asked softly from behind me.
“I saw him. My former fiancé.” I swallowed hard.
He gently clasped my shoulders and turned me around to face him. “What he did says everything about him and nothing about you.”
My cheeks heated with embarrassment. “Doesn’t it, though?
I couldn’t make him happy, so he sought out another.
” I regretted the words the second they left my mouth.
They made me appear weak, and I didn’t want to be weak in Adrian’s eyes.
What I had said also made it sound like I wasn’t good enough, but that wasn’t what I believed.
Tears threatened at the thought that Adrian was seeing me like this—weak and insecure.
When he noticed the glistening in my eyes, his brows knitted. “He was a fool!” he said vehemently.
Releasing a long breath, I lifted my gaze to the night sky to stop myself from crying. “I don’t want you to look at me differently now.”
When I slowly lowered my gaze to Adrian’s, what I saw in his eyes crashed into the wall of my doubts like a tidal wave, erasing it from existence. I wasn’t scared of the powerful force. I wanted to be swept by its healing waters, losing myself in the current.
“Nothing and no one has the power to change the way I look at you,” he uttered the words like a vow. “The way I see you.”
“How do you see me?”
“To me, you are the brightest star, more luminous than the entire stellar sea above us. You are magnificent, inside and out, with a gentle heart that bleeds for your people. There is a light inside you that you don’t realize you possess, capable of guiding me out of the shadows even in the darkest hour.
I want to be the guardian of that light, your fierce protector and more.
” A trembling exhale left me as I stared at him, utterly speechless.
“Making you cry was not my intention.” He frowned, reaching up to swipe the tear that had escaped.
“These are tears of joy. I…” I swallowed. “Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me for speaking the truth. Will you dance with me?” A radiant smile appeared on his face.
I smiled back and nodded, gazing up at him from beneath my lashes when he stepped closer.
With his coat still draped over me, I used one hand to hold the lapels together as I placed my other hand in Adrian’s.
He rested our joined hands over his heart as his other arm slid around my waist to pull me closer.
Closing my eyes, I lay my head on his hard chest as we began swaying to the soft music drifting onto the terrace from the ballroom through the open doors.
We danced in silence for a few minutes as I reveled in being so close to him, as close as we had been in my dream. I wanted to be even closer.
Slowly, I lifted my head from his chest, bringing my mouth level with his jaw.
Adrian lowered his head, his lips hovering close to mine.
We shared a breath, and a heartbeat later, he kissed me, or maybe I kissed him first. All I knew was that our lips touched, eliciting a wave of tingles all over my body.
His lips were softer than I had expected as they moved over mine painstakingly slowly.
He took his time exploring the curve of my mouth, etching the memory of our first kiss into the canvas of my mind.
The arm around my waist tightened, and he brought me even closer to him as he released my hand to thread his fingers through my hair.
When a soft gasp left me at the contact, he deepened the kiss, his tongue stroking mine in ways I had never been kissed before.
My hands fisted in his waistcoat, wrinkling the crisp material as I kissed him back, hungry and demanding.
If I had any remaining doubts about us, they melted away as all my attention zeroed in on what I was feeling in that moment.
I focused on the warmth in my chest and the pleasant sensation that flared to life and settled low between my thighs.
I hadn’t realized how much I had wanted this until now. How much I had wanted him.
“Adrian?” Lady May’s voice barely registered as I was losing myself in the feel of Adrian’s mouth on mine until he abruptly broke the kiss, snapping me back to reality.
He gently tugged on my wrists to force me to let go of his waistcoat before he stepped away from me, putting some distance between us. My brows pinched in a frown as I stared at him, but he wouldn’t meet my gaze. He stared at the Sorceress, who had walked onto the terrace.
“Lady May?” Adrian said, his chest rising and falling shallowly. He was breathless, like I was, his lips as swollen as mine.
“I need to speak with you,” the Sorceress said sternly from behind me.
My frown deepening, I turned around and found her glaring at Adrian, with a look of utter disbelief on her wrinkly face.
Confused, I turned back to the lord, but his expression was unreadable.
It was as if he had slipped on a mask even I couldn’t penetrate through.
Nothing could be gained from his stern features.
My eyes boring into him, I waited for what he would do next.
To my shock and disappointment, he walked over to the Sorceress and followed her inside the ballroom.
“What do you think you’re doing?!” Lady May seethed once they were on the other side of the door.
“Not here,” came Adrian’s low reply.
I stood frozen in shock for a moment before I snapped out of it and burst inside the ballroom, expecting to find Adrian and Lady May right on the other side. To my surprise, they were nowhere to be found as I scanned the crowded ballroom.
“Emelin!” Luna exclaimed, separating from a group of friends to come up to me. She drew up short when she neared, and I realized a little too late that I must look disheveled after the kiss Adrian and I had shared on the terrace. “Your eyes…”
“Have you seen Adrian?” I asked her, still searching the crowd.
“No. Wasn’t he with you?” She gave me a knowing look. “I see you took my advice and decided to have fun with him.”
Not in the mood for her jokes, I opened my mouth to retort but was interrupted by Adrian. “Emelin?” he called from behind me.
I whirled around to find him on the terrace. “How did you…”
“I need to speak with you in private.” His gaze darted to Luna before returning to me. “If I may, Your Highness.”
My heart dropped at the use of my title.
Adrian was acting strangely, and I had no idea what to make of it.
I wasn’t sure why Lady May had seemed upset when she had caught us kissing, or why he had conceded to her instead of brushing her off.
I hoped to get my answers when I spoke with him.
With a nod, I walked back onto the terrace, leaving puzzled Luna behind in the ballroom.
For a brief second, hope flared in my chest that everything with Lady May had been a misunderstanding, and that Adrian would apologize and tell me that our first kiss hadn’t been our last. Foreboding swiftly replaced the spark of hope when he closed the terrace doors, sealing us away from the ballroom.
His mouth was set in a straight line, and a muscle flexed along his jaw as he reluctantly met my questioning gaze.
Silence stretched as he struggled with whatever he needed to say to me.
“Is everything all right?” I finally asked, unable to contain my growing anxiety.
He cast his gaze down. “We have reached the limit of what I can teach you.”
“What?” The question came out in a hushed whisper.
“The wards are failing. It’s of utmost importance that you grow stronger in your magical abilities to help reinforce them.
You will be able to accomplish that sooner with a more experienced mentor.
Lady May has agreed to take over your training.
” He still wasn’t looking at me as he rushed through what appeared to be a speech prepared in advance.
I refused to give in to the rising panic. What he had said made sense. We could still see each other even if I stayed in the capital to train with Lady May. Except, he hadn’t said that part. Was he casting me out of his region and out of his life?
“Look at me,” I demanded with the calm I didn’t feel.
Adrian reluctantly lifted his gaze to mine and delivered the final blow. “Thea, Tom, and I will travel back to Bradford Manor tomorrow. You will remain here.”
I flinched at his words. “Is this truly what you want?” I stared at him, looking for the man who had kissed me earlier. It seemed that man had left with Lady May and never returned.
“It’s for the best,” he said in a detached voice.
Tears rushed in as my chest became tight, as if my lungs were crushed. Then, in the blink of an eye, numbness took over. It was as if a wall had come down around me—a defense mechanism to protect my fragile heart.
I didn’t have to accept the arrangement that Adrian had suggested, but I didn’t see the point in pushing back.
The kiss we had shared must have frightened him, exposing the insecurities from his past. Maybe he was right, and this was for the best, for I knew that we wouldn’t be temporary.
We stood on a precipice, and once we leaped into the unknown, it would be serious and life-changing, and there would be no turning back. Adrian didn’t want to take the leap.
I didn’t let my tears fall. Instead, I lifted my chin and said, “I understand.” I didn’t understand, not entirely, but I didn’t need to. I needed to focus on my magic, not on the feeling that had begun to bloom in my heart over the past few weeks.
Schooling my features, I gathered the strength to walk away from him. Before I could, something wet hit my face. My brows knitted. I’m not crying.
I wiped the drop away. When I noticed flecks of white on Adrian’s hair, it became clear that it hadn’t been a tear, but a snowflake.
We both looked up at the night sky. Snow flurries slowly drifted down, melting on my cheeks and lashes.
Seeing the snow sealed my decision. There was no doubt left in my mind, only in my heart.
Sometimes we can’t follow our hearts. We must rely on our heads instead. I recalled Adrian’s words. I held his gaze as I shrugged off his coat.
“Keep it,” he said low when I handed him the garment.
“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t need it.” I didn’t feel the cold on my exposed skin as a different kind of cold invaded my chest, coating my insides with ice. “I don’t need anything from you.”
I walked back into the ballroom, feeling as if I were leaving a piece of my heart behind.