Chapter 36 #2
“So what do we do?” Kohen asked.
Sebastian shrugged, at a loss for words.
I turned towards Sawyer, hoping that his presence meant he was coming around. “Thanks for sticking up for me, I—”
He turned his back to us before I could finish, following the footsteps of the others who had left before him.
I winced at the resentment he still gave me. The weeks had been long without Sawyer's gentle bullying, and I missed my friend. Sometimes I felt like he understood me better than my own sister.
Kohen placed a hand on my shoulder. “He just needs more time.”
I sighed. “How is he doing?”
“He's okay all things considered. He’s pretty undone about Jocelyn still.”
“Were they even ever together?” Sebastian asked, the question having a bite to it. “Like I said before, no one even knew he liked her.”
“I knew,” I said under my breath.
Kohen shrugged. “I dunno, haven't asked. Honestly I think there's something else bothering him, but he won't tell me.”
“I don't know what I can do to make things better between us.” I didn’t know how much more of this I could stand. I had considered bombarding his room and forcing him to talk to me more than once, but the idea had been shot down by Pia.
“Just give him space. He’ll come around. He cares about you both, even if he won't say it,” Kohen replied.
“Yeah, I guess.” I frowned.
Sebastian took my hand in his. “Come on. I have something that will cheer you up.”
“Is that an innuendo for your dick?” Kohen scrunched his face.
Sebastian winked. “No. But I suppose it could be.”
The silver blade was about as long as my forearm—the perfect size to conceal under my sleeve if needed. The metal was polished so finely that the edge gleamed without needing any source of light.
My fingers traced over the carvings on the handle. Hundreds of intricate stars and a crescent moon were chiseled within the pale birch wood. The hilt, coated in a pearlescent varnish, created colorful prisms of reflection on the wall as I rotated the weapon in my palms.
“Look at this.” Sebastian interrupted my admiration, which was fine because I was at a loss for words from his gift.
He took the dagger from me, twisting off a cap that I hadn't even noticed on the end of the grip.
He held the end of the handle so that I could see the hollow center that flowed through the blade.
“What's that for?” I asked, pulling my head back.
He twisted the cap back on. “Toxin. Should you ever need it.” The already deadly weapon became even more lethal with the addition.
He passed the blade back to me, but I hesitated to take it. “Sebastian, this is beautiful, but I can't accept this. It's too much.” I shook my head gently.
Running his fingers over my palm, the tingle of his touch forced my hand open so he could place the blade in it. “It was supposed to be for your birthday, but with what my father just told us, I figured it'd be good for you to have it early. Just in case.”
“My birthday?” I had completely forgotten that the Jewel-Light Festival was soon approaching.
He chuckled. “Yes. Did you forget?”
Passing the blade between my hands, I admired it some more before tucking it safely away in its velvet sheath. “I guess so. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”
I laid the dagger down gently on Sebastian's bed, then stood on the tips of my toes to plant a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you.” I smiled softly as I forced my lips away.
Sebastian smirked and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into him. He set his chin on top of my head, then blew out a bubbled breath. “My father is a fucking idiot.”
“I know.”
He pulled back from our embrace just enough so that he could see my face while still keeping his arms clasped behind me. “We’ve been slacking with our training. You and Sawyer had a good pattern going, but when I got back it started to slip. We need to get back to it.”
“Do we have to?” I groaned, not having missed my training sessions.
“You need to be prepared.” He pulled away from me for real now so he could begin pacing around his room.
“You need to continue wielding so that you can be as strong as possible. I pray to Caius that my father is right about Draemor’s intentions, but he wasn't there in Craterra.
He didn't see what I saw. Didn't hear what I heard.”
“What did you hear?” I pried, even though he refused to tell me last time I asked.
He looked back at me, his eyes narrow slits. “No.”
My nose scrunched, but I dropped the subject.
“This isn't the end. Draemor wouldn't just retreat after all of that. This must be a ploy.”
“Can you talk to your father again? Maybe if you get enough soldiers on your side, he’ll listen.” I tried to help, but knew the idea was useless.
“He’ll never listen. You should know that better than anyone.”
I had seen Sebastian scared before, but this was different. He seemed really, truly, terrified. And it was making him come off as an ass.
“Well what else is there to do except for at least try?”
“We brace ourselves and draw up a plan in the event the castle is attacked. We can’t count on him to do it, and I sure as fuck don’t plan on dying.
Or letting you die for that matter, in case it wasn't obvious. If Draemor’s army does attack, my father is going to turn to the head soldiers for guidance, and I’ll make damn sure we have a plan in place for when that happens. ”
My heart skipped a beat. “When?”
He noticed my voice crack. “I meant if.”
“You did not.” I took a step back. “You really think this is going to happen? There is at least a slim chance that Beaumont is being honest.”
He hung his head, rocking it slowly to the side. “I would bet my life on a gamble that he's not.”
“Someone’s a pessimist,” I quipped.
“I’m not being pessimistic, I’m being realistic. Don't act like you weren't just arguing the same point back in the throne room.”
“I’m not disagreeing with you. I’m just saying that there's a chance.” Because there was. Until we had reason to believe otherwise.
In a heartbeat, Sebastian's hands were cupped around my face, directing my eyes into his. “Do not let your guard down.” He emphasized each word. “Not for even a single second. And don't trust anyone besides the few you know for sure that you can.”
I huffed a breath of frustration, but kept my eyes locked onto his. “And who might that be? You and myself?”
“Why are you being so argumentative right now?”
“I’m not,” I shot back. “I’m genuinely curious as to who I’m allowed to trust.”
A sound somewhere between a growl and a plea released from deep in Sebastian’s chest. “Fine then. Yes. You can trust me. Pia and Kohen. Sawyer is still being a dick, but you can count on him, too. Besides that, no one.”
“What about—”
“No.”
I bobbed my head in comprehension, realizing I didn't get a say here.
Sebastian dropped his hands from my face, and though the moment wasn't right, I found myself craving his touch back.
Pushing those thoughts aside, I focused on the matter at hand. He was entirely right. Even though it was possible Beaumont was being honest, we should still have a plan in place in case Draemor attacked. The king obviously wasn't going to do it, so that left it up to us.
“Maybe it's time to really try and make up with Sawyer,” I suggested. “He could really be useful in this situation.”
“I know.” Sebastian sighed as he moved to his desk and slumped into the chair.
“I’ll call a meeting with the other head soldiers.
I’ll keep it on the down low.” He pulled his glasses from one of the drawers, sliding the frames onto his face.
They made him look so innocent—a trait we both knew he was not.
Sebastian had so many sides to him, making it easy to forget that he was one of the most lethal men in our kingdom.
His elbows pressed into the wood and he used a fist to support his chin as he began to write on a piece of parchment.
“You know something is serious when the glasses come out.” I chuckled, trying to clear the air, but instead I cleared my throat when he didn't respond.
He was so absorbed in composing a plan that I wouldn't have been surprised if he forgot I was here.
I gave him a few minutes of quiet before pointing out the obvious. “You seem stressed.”
“I am.”
“Let me help.”
After a brief moment's hesitation, Sebastian spun his chair around, his posture casual with his legs splayed apart. He smiled cockily. “How do you plan to do that?”
My cheeks rounded with my grin. “That's not what I meant.” Though my entire body flushed at the temptation.
His eyes invited me to indulge in a moment of bliss with him, and my lungs snagged on my ribs in response. All it took to turn me on was for him to look at me like that, and he knew it. I almost gave in, but shoved my desire down. We had more dire matters to worry about.
“What are you writing?” I questioned in an attempt to calm the fire blazing in my veins.
Sebastian spun back around with a shrug of his shoulders. “Offer stands,” he mumbled.
I advanced on him, peering over his shoulder at the parchment. “What the hell is that?” I yelled and laughed at the same time.
Sebastian tried to keep a serious face, but failed. “Just a few ideas to keep us safe in the event that war still commences.” His voice shook to try and mask his laughter.
“That's what you're going to present at your meeting?” I snatched up the paper.
“Lock Maeve and myself in the dungeon where we can spend the entirety of the war pleasuring each other unbothered,” I read the first line out loud then crumpled the paper into a ball and threw it at him. “You should be ashamed, soldier.”
“You didn't even read the rest. There were actually some legitimate ideas there,” he argued, throwing his quill down on the desk.
I rolled my eyes. “Oh yeah, I'm sure there were.”
Our expressions softened as we absorbed one another. Every time we were together, I added a new detail of him to my memory, knowing that things could change in the blink of an eye.
“Come here.” Sebastian patted his lap.
“I don't know if I should. I am having a bit of trouble remembering if you are on the list of people I can trust.”
Sebastian’s lips curved upwards. “Do you need me to write the names down for you?”
Dismissing my joke, I straddled him. Our chests pressed together as I rested my head on his shoulder. His arms held me tightly, and despite the comfort of his scent, my mind still wandered to all of the horrific thoughts that drowned it.
When I released a deep breath, he asked, “What are you agonizing over in that pretty little mind of yours? Reconsidering my offer?”
“Nothing,” I muttered into his shoulder, pulling back afterwards to press a kiss into his jawline.
“You're a bad liar,” he teased with a smile that I didn't return. He adjusted us in the chair, furrowing his eyebrows. “Tell me.”
“I'm scared,” I whispered.
He put a firm hand on the back of my head, gently stroking my hair. “I know.” His breath warmed my neck. “But you don't need to be. Nothing is going to happen to you. I won't allow it.”
Sawyer’s blame was embedded in my brain.
“I don't even care about myself anymore.
I'm worried about you, my family, and our friends.
If it weren't for me, none of the people I care about would be in jeopardy.
I can't help but think that removing myself from the equation would solve the problem.
That if I handed myself over to Beaumont, this would all be over.
Well, not the impending death that's coming for me, but at least the war.”
Sebastian pulled back, and his expression turned sour.
Nothing about him has ever scared me, but the seriousness of his voice did when he said, “Do not ever say that again. That will never be an option. Remove that from your list of ideas right now.” He glared at me, not releasing me from the sternness of his gaze until I agreed.
“Just hear me out—”
“Absolutely not.” His dark brows drew together.
“Maybe I’m just overthinking.” My lungs expelled a breath as I stared up at the ceiling.
“I’m going to think of something. I’ll talk with the others. Everything is going to be okay.”
I wasn't convinced that was true. This year had been non-stop turmoil, and I was exhausted.
“Mhm.” Now I was the one who was stressed.
“Find anything interesting up there?”
“Nope.” I dropped my head back down. “But if your offer from before still stands, I think I’ll take you up on it.” I needed a distraction.
Sebastian donned a smile, his eyes sparkling as he shot up from the chair. He carried me with him, crushing his lips into mine as he moved us to his bed.