20. Chapter 20
20
M y scream pierced the oppressive silence, reverberating until my voice faltered into a hoarse rasp. Refusing to confront the chaos, I kept my eyes shut tight against the onslaught of sounds—shouts, scrapes, and a persistent tugging against me. With every fiber of my being, I'd fight and claw my way out from the suffocating grip of darkness, even if I became a part of the darkness itself.
" Eliah!"
"What's the matter with her?"
"Eliah, open your eyes! Look at me."
No. No. No. It was all wrong; the shadows were too loud, whispering and taunting me, ripping me open and apart.
" El! Look at me!"
El. That—that voice.
" El, please!"
The darkness constricted around me, dragging me into its embrace as I struggled against its suffocating grip. Desperately clawing, I finally felt something solid beneath my fingers. Something warm.
"El, open your eyes." The soft voice pulled me back to that wretched tree of comfort—of home.
I forced my eyes open, blinded by a cascade of light that seared my pupils. I recoiled but felt the comforting embrace of warm, solid arms encircle me.
"Shh. You're safe now. You're okay," he murmured soothingly, his fingers gently tracing my cheeks as he drew me nearer, his touch tender against my hair. Blinking against the brilliance, I finally managed to focus on his soft, golden eyes lined with silver. "El," he breathed, holding me tightly.
"Cal?" I rasped, my mouth dry. I pushed him away slightly, desperately seeking his gaze for confirmation, for the grounding touch of reality. "Calum? H-how?" I cried out, pulling his tunic and nestling into his chest that thumped hard and…beating.
This is real.
I sat cradled in his arms with my tears flowing freely, staining my cheeks with salt until my body trembled with the force of my sobs. His reassuring whispers against my ear were my lifeline in the gloom until, gradually, my cries subsided into shaky breaths.
"You're safe," he repeated, his fingers threading through my hair with a tenderness that eased the ache in my chest. He held me until my frantic heartbeat steadied into a familiar rhythm.
As I finally gathered the strength to open my eyes again, he gently moved me to face him. His tousled hair remained, but there was a newfound maturity etched in the stubble along his jawline and a subtle heaviness in the depths of his gaze.
"How…how are you here?" I managed to choke out, my voice breaking the heavy silence.
I glanced around, seeing the soft golden hues dancing in the sheer curtains as sunlight streamed through the window. I was in my room.
It had all been a dream. Every terrifying moment was just a figment of my imagination. I rubbed my wrists and then my neck as if trying to physically banish the lingering remnants of the darkness that had tormented me. The whispers echoed in my mind, still haunting me.
He chuckled softly, but his words sent a shiver down my spine. "What? You don't want me around? Even after that emotional meltdown?" His attempt at humor fell flat, and I shot him a glare, my head throbbing with my distress.
I wasn't in the mood for games.
His smile faltered as he pulled back, a strong crease forming between his brows as he looked at me like he'd never seen before. He opened his mouth, then closed it before shaking his head and looking down. He cleared his throat, smiling oddly, which sickened my stomach. "Jesri got word that something had happened and sent me on the road the same night. You had us all worried. Especially now," he confessed. "Tell me, what happened?"
I struggled to find my voice, my thoughts a tangled mess of confusion and unease. "What…what do you mean you got word?"
"Levon sent a letter," he explained, his tone somber. "Saying there had been an accident, unsure if you would be able to continue. Jesri…was furious."
My mind flashed back to my last conversation with Levon outside, unsure of what happened. "Where is he?" I rasped, needing water.
"Levon?" he huffed, not caring to conceal his jealousy with the roll of his eyes. "This was all a mistake, El. You're coming back home with me."
"What?" I croaked, my throat tight with disbelief. "No. I… Jesri would never allow it. I don't want to go back, Cal. You know that."
"You're delusional, El. Look at yourself! Barely two months here, and you end up in a coma," he spat out with anger in his voice. "The two of them wouldn't even let a healer look at you. It doesn't make sense."
"A coma? How long was I out?" I retorted, pushing him away, my frustration mounting.
"A little over a week."
"A week?" I blurted out. It couldn't be. " Where's Levon? "
"Maybe consider cleaning up before you start interrogating," he taunted, attempting to divert my attention.
I glanced down at myself in my new nightgown. Memories flooded back—the bone-chilling cold, followed by the enveloping warmth of a steaming hot bath. And Kaizen…he had carried me. His back was painted with scars.
"Where is—"
" No ," Calum interrupted, holding up a hand. "Stop talking and go freshen up. I'll fetch you some food." With that, he rose from the bed and exited the room without another word.
I released a heavy sigh, blinking against the blinding cascade of light that flooded the room and feeling stiff and disoriented as I remained seated. Groaning in protest, I attempted to move my neck and arms, eventually summoning the strength to swing my feet off the bed and stand up. Every muscle in my body screamed in protest as I stretched, the ache seeping into my bones. With a determined effort, I shuffled towards the bathroom, mustering the will to turn on the tub faucet.
It felt as though I had been unconscious far longer than a week, and the mention of food only intensified the gnawing ache in my stomach, tempting me to overcome my soreness and venture downstairs to fetch it myself.
I shed my robe and closed the bath door behind me before sinking into the warm tub water with relief. Gripping the lavender and rose-infused soaps, I scrubbed vigorously, coating every inch of my skin and hair in the fragrant foam, hoping to banish the weight of the invisible manacles that still bound my wrists and ankles with its icy sting. I held my breath and submerged, letting the shadow's tendrils dissolve along with all the noise, replaced by the watery ambiance of my beating heart.
I sat up, inhaling air as water rushed over the full of me, rinsing the soap from my hair and body.
I heard the click of my room door opening, accompanied by the inviting aroma of food that instantly set my stomach rumbling. Hastily, I jumped out of the bath, grabbing my robe to cover up before drying off. Sliding the door open, I found Calum standing there with a tray laden with various foods—fruits, bread, cheeses, meats, nuts, and a generous glass of water.
"Eat," Cal commanded curtly, placing the tray on the table by the window. His impatience was evident, and he kept eyeing the door with irritation. But I was too famished to dwell on his mood.
The aroma of the food enveloped me as I sat on the plush chair beside the table, stirring my senses and driving me to devour it with an almost primal urgency. With each bite, I felt a sense of liberation, as if I were escaping into a world where only the flavors mattered, driving me to eat and eat until the pain subsided.
I was aware of Cal's watchful eyes as I shoveled food into my mouth. But despite his presence, the food tasted divine, each bite a symphony of flavors that danced on my tongue, offering a temporary rest from the turmoil.
Once the tray was emptied, I gulped down the entire glass of water, feeling refreshed and satisfied. Leaning back, I released a hefty sigh of contentment.
Calum chuckled, his bright smile revealing his dimples. "What happened to those impeccable manners of yours?" he teased, joining me by the window where the whispers of summer breeze stirred the muggy air in the room.
He clasped my hand, his thumb tracing comforting circles over my knuckles. "You had me very worried there, El. I'm glad you're awake," he confessed softly.
I responded with a shrug, avoiding his gaze as I swept my wet hair over one shoulder and looked out the window. Memories of our last civil conversation, back on my founding day, flooded my mind, but I pushed them aside, forcing a small smile as I met his warm eyes.
His brows knitted together again before his eyes abruptly widened with uneasiness and concern. He scanned my face with furrowed brows. I quickly looked away, feeling a knot in my throat.
"Tell me what happened?" I asked, eager to dispel the strange tension that hung between us.
"Tell you? How about you tell me?" he retorted, releasing my hand and settling onto my bed with a frustrated sigh. "No one around here seems to care about giving me the truth about the accident." I shot him a glare, but it only seemed to amuse him further. "Fine, Miss Demanding."
"Calum," I interjected sharply, my voice filled with irritation.
He let out a heavy sigh. "All I was told was that you had fallen while walking with Sir Alder and then started having these…convulsions?" His gaze lingered on me, "And apparently, it's not the first time?" he stated with a hopeful flicker in his eyes as if he expected me to offer some clarification. But I could only glare back at him, my frustration bubbling to be set free.
"But that doesn't quite explain what happened to Sir Alder," he continued, a note of irritation creeping into his voice. "They said you pulled him down with you, but it just doesn't make sense. Are you absolutely sure you don't remember anything?"
My heart sank at the mention of Levon. None of it made any sense. All I could recall was the suffocating darkness, the creeping tendrils of shadows, and the struggle to breathe in that cursed corset.
I shivered, willing myself to stay grounded in the present.
"No, Cal," I replied, my voice tinged with frustration and confusion. "I don't remember anything."
He released a frustrated sigh, rising from his seat and casting a resentful glance towards the door. "They're all eager to see you. Finish getting dressed, and I'll be waiting downstairs," he muttered, his tone heavy with annoyance. With that, he headed towards the door, again leaving me empty and overwhelmed with unanswered questions.
"Cal," I called out. He stopped, barely turning toward me at the open door. "It's good to see you," I said hesitantly. His lips turned up, and he glanced over his shoulder to give me a wink before he closed the door. I let out a breath and walked toward my armoire.
Quickly dressing in my underthings, I pulled out a cream-colored tunic that hugged my body, woven with threads of silvery gold that caught the light. Slipping into dark brown pants adorned with several pockets, I grabbed a brush from my vanity and began the task of untangling my stubbornly knotted hair. After weaving it into a braid that fell down my back, I finished lacing up my tarnished boots and sat at the vanity.
I took a long, hopeful breath, yearning for things to return to normalcy, for a chance—my thoughts abruptly halted as I caught sight of my eyes in the mirror. I blinked repeatedly, rubbing them in perplexity. Instead of their usual gray-blue hues, the rims emitted an unusual light brown that faded into a muted yellow and then into a vibrant green. The colors seemed almost otherworldly, reminiscent of the constellations I gazed at during sleepless nights, similar to their distant lights that shimmer with an ethereal glow.
I blinked again, frustration coursing through me as I forcefully rubbed my eyes, hoping they'd return back to their normal gray-blue.
I am delusional. My mind is playing tricks on me.
With an abrupt movement, I thrust myself out of the chair and yanked open the door, stomping down the hall and the stairs onto the polished floors below. The voices echoing from the dining area only fueled my annoyance, spurring me to hasten my steps as I reached the main front doors. I was not interested in conversing, especially when wrestling with unanswered questions myself.
With a surge of anger, I shoved the large doors open and stepped outside, immersing myself in the warmth of the sun and the soothing caress of the passing breeze that rustled through the trees.
Inhale, exhale.
What's going on?
Rubbing my eyes again, I made my way towards the running path that Levon and I used to run nearly every morning before Kaizen's arrival disrupted our routine, leaving me to run alone with him, always trailing behind like an unwanted shadow. I pushed aside the irritation, trying to regain my focus as I turned into the incessant chirping of insects and the soothing sway of the trees.
"Nice to see you on your feet again." A deep voice interrupted, jolting me out of my thoughts and into a defensive stance. I clenched my teeth, not in the mood for talk, especially with him—always there and endlessly following. "Trying to escape, hm?" Kaizen mused.
Forcing the irritation from my voice, I turned towards him. He was in his usual attire with his hood on and a bow slung over his back. "Anything to get away from you," I retorted before continuing forward in a jog. He followed and kept pace with me.
"What a pleasant thank you from someone whose life I've saved again, orphan ," he breathed, his smirk betraying the irony in his words.
" Don't call me that, " I snapped, no longer bothering to hide my disgust as I tried to bolt down the path into the woods. But before I could go further, he quickly grasped my arm, yanking me back to him. I hissed at his hold and yanked my arm away as he turned and stood in front of me, blocking the path. My gaze drifted to his bruised hands; the patches of dried blood were stark against his skin.
"What would you like me to call you then?" he taunted, his voice barely above a murmur, taking a deliberate step closer. His arms folded tightly across his chest, concealing his hands as if to shield me from the sight of his wounds.
I stood my ground, looking up at his burning amber eyes, unwilling to break his stare. He stepped closer, closing the gap between us and hollowing out my chest.
"Lost your voice?" he grumbled, leaning in so that I could feel the heat radiate from his body. My heart pounded and pulsated throughout me like a fiery wave. "Perhaps you can tell your brother I don't bite," he whispered, his lips barely brushing the shell of my ear and sending chills down my neck. He pulled back and nodded toward the back window of the estate where Calum stood, watching.
"He's not my brother," I countered, stepping away and trying to find a change of subject. "What happened to your hands?"
His eyes narrowed, a smile curling on his lips. "Is the orphan worried about me?" he teased, his voice dripping with mockery, igniting anger to swell within my chest.
" Don't call me that," I spat, my glare sharp enough to kill.
He chuckled, tilting his head. "Well, you never told me what to call you."
"I don't want you calling me anything. Now move, or I'll—"
"Or you'll what?" he stepped closer, closing the space between us until I could feel the heat of his breath. "Fight me?" His gaze bore down on me with anger, taunting me. "Remember how well that went last time?"
My teeth clenched as rage surged through my veins like molten lava.
"Get. Out. Of. My. Way." I hissed, my hands balling into fists.
"Make me," he whispered with a deep growl like this was all a joke to him. Before I could stop myself, I lunged, slamming into him with all my fury. We hit the ground hard, and I straddled him, my fist connecting with his jaw, sending a jolt of pain up my arm.
He laughed, his eyes gleaming with amusement. "You look good up there," he mused, his words stoking my rage even further. I swung again, but he caught my hand mid-air, and before I knew it, he twisted us around, pinning me beneath him. His weight pressed down on me, his grip like iron as he trapped my arms above my head and his legs immobilizing mine.
Kaizen licked his swelling lip, a dark grin spreading across his face. "You never learn, do you?" he taunted, his hair falling into his face, his hood now down.
"Get off me," I hissed through gritted teeth.
"I'd rather not," he purred, his grin turning feral and his eyes gleaming with a sickly pleasure.
I dug my heels into the rocky ground, struggling to break free, but before I could, Kaizen was suddenly yanked off me.
"Get off of her, you prick!" Calum roared, his voice seething with rage, his upper lip curling in disgust. He crouched down to help me up, and though surprised by his sudden anger, I accepted his hand in shock.
Kaizen got to his feet, his fury radiating like the sun, scorching everything in its path. The tension between him and Calum crackled in the air as they locked eyes in a deadly stare. Calum took a step forward, and I quickly placed a hand on his chest, pushing him back.
"Cal, stop," I ordered, my gaze darting to Kaizen, who was glaring at Calum with a hatred that seemed even deeper than what he held for me. I raised a hand to him, stepping between the two of them. "Cal, go back inside," I urged, trying to calm him down and not wanting him to get hurt.
His golden eyes met mine, and I silently pleaded with him to let it go. The tension in his chest softened as he clasped my hand over his heart, pulling me closer to him.
"You're coming with me," Calum commanded, wrapping an arm around my back, his grip firm as he tried to lead me away. I resisted, struggling against his hold and desperate for a moment to breathe —to get away from everyone.
"Get your hands off her!" Kaizen growled, his voice like thunder as he stepped forward, his anger rippling through the trees around us.
Calum halted, his hand dropping from my back as he turned to face him. Without hesitation, Calum lunged at Kaizen, slamming him to the ground. His fists rained down, each punch fueled by raw, unbridled fury. It was as if Kaizen was letting it happen, a twisted smile playing on his lips between the blows. Panic surged through me as I lunged at Calum, my nails scraping at his arms and shoulders as I screamed for him to stop. As much as I despised Kaizen, I didn't want to see him torn apart like this.
"Calum!" I screamed again, but he shoved me back, sending me stumbling to the ground in a huff. That moment of distraction was all Kaizen needed as his eyes met mine in a rage. With a powerful kick to Calum's chest, he sent him sprawling to the ground, gasping for breath. Both men quickly got to their feet, their rage like wildfire and ready to consume everything.
I scrambled to my feet and threw myself between them with outstretched arms. " Enough! " I shouted, my voice echoing through the trees. My gaze flicked to Kaizen—his lip was split, and a dark bruise was already blooming on his cheekbone.
"Who in Tyran are you?" Calum spat with anger, standing up straighter as he brushed the dirt from his tunic and stepped protectively beside me, not knowing that Kaizen would never hurt me.
Kaizen let out a low, mocking laugh. "I could ask you the same question," he sneered, the air crackling with tension. He touched his bleeding lip, then spat on the ground with disdain.
Calum's jaw tightened, his fists clenching. "Because she came here, you think you can just show up and own her like some pet ?"
Kaizen's expression darkened, his gaze locking onto Calum's with deadly intensity. "And you think you're the puppeteer controlling all the strings here?" He narrowed his eyes, "She's not yours to control."
Calum's temper flared, and he took a step forward, his voice low and threatening. "Say that again, and I'll make sure you regret it."
Kaizen leaned in slightly, his tone dripping with defiance. "Go ahead, try. But we both know how this ends, and it won't be you coming out on top."
"Both of you, stop this!" I shouted, shoving Calum back with all the force I could muster, still feeling rather weak from being in a coma for a week. " Go, Cal! I'll be right behind you," I hissed, pushing him again, desperate to defuse the situation.
Calum resisted, his gaze locked onto Kaizen with a burning hatred until he saw the plea in my eyes. With a frustrated growl, he rolled his eyes and turned away, gritting his teeth as he shot Kaizen one last glare before stalking down the path.
"What the hell?" I snapped at Kaizen, who had closed the distance between us with deliberate steps. "You knew he was watching," I accused, my voice trembling with a mix of fury and frustration. I could see right through his intentions, the way he played the situation to provoke Calum—to provoke me like he always did.
Kaizen straightened, his posture confident as he took another step closer, his presence almost suffocating. "Go on," he rasped, his voice low and rough. "Levon's waiting for you." His words were a dismissal as if the whole confrontation had been nothing more than a game to him. He turned his back on me and stalked into the forest, his movements fluid and unapologetic.
I clenched my fists, my nails digging into my palms as I watched him vanish into the dense bramble of trees. Every fiber of my being wanted to scream, to lash out at all of this, but I forced myself to hold it together. With a deep breath, I turned and headed toward the estate, dreading to have Levon and Calum in the same room. And worse, facing Levon after whatever happened between us.
I heard Calum's voice echoing off the floors before I turned the corner into the dining area. I found him raking his fingers through his hair, Elise seated at the table in a muted red dress, and Levon gazing out the window with his back to me.
"Eliah!" Elise rasped as our eyes met, her face emitting a wave of confusion before she came in for an embrace. "We were all so worried. How are you feeling?"
I gave her a smile. "Fine, truly. I feel fine." It wasn't a lie. Physically, I felt strong, as if I could run for miles. But mentally, I was drained and apprehensive about whatever had happened between Levon and me, and now knowing that I was to meet the king within the week.
Cal eyed me wearily before looking at Levon, who stood frozen before the large window. I gave him a hesitant nod, still feeling uneasy after what transpired and feeling all too much like he was here on watch duty for Jesri, pulling the strings.
"May I have a moment alone with him?" I murmured, addressing Elise and Calum, with my gaze shifting towards Levon. Elise nodded, offering me another quick embrace.
"I'm so relieved you're awake," she said, squeezing me tightly before hurrying away, leaving Calum to regard me with apparent disapproval. I shot him a pointed look, silently conveying that I had managed perfectly well without him thus far. He only raised his eyebrows in response, looking me up and down as if to say, ' Really?' before brushing past me to follow Elise.
Suppressing my annoyance, I forced myself to stride towards Levon, suddenly feeling awkward in the lingering silence.
"Are you going to continue gawking at Kaizen, or should I leave?"
"No," he quickly replied, his head turning slightly, revealing only a glimpse of his warm hazelnut face. "Please, I—We…" he faltered.
We lingered in silence, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavy between us. Unable to bear it any longer, I stepped forward and grasped his muscled arm.
He didn't resist as I tugged on the sleeve of his white tunic, coaxing him to face me. My breath caught in my throat as I beheld the left side of his face, marred by bruises of varying shades. Some had begun to fade into a sickly yellow, while others retained a deep, angry purple hue. A small stitch traced along his jawline, and his once-swollen eye now blazed with redness, starkly contrasting his vibrant eyes.
He reached out to me tentatively, but I instinctively stepped back, a mix of shock and concern flooding me. I brought a hand to cover my open mouth, struggling to find the right words to express the tumult of emotions swirling inside me. I felt a wave of guilt, knowing I had done that…somehow.
"It's that bad?" he somberly teased, easing some of the tension burning inside me.
"Levon," I rasped, my hand twitching as if to reach out and touch his face, but I stopped myself, recoiling at the reality of what I had done. He swiftly grasped my hand in his own. "I did that to you," I whispered, unable to meet his gaze, overwhelmed by the guilt and regret that washed over me.
His calloused fingers brushed against my knuckles while his other hand gently tilted my chin upwards.
"Look at me, Eliah," he urged, his voice carrying a mix of command and desperation. I resisted, keeping my gaze fixed downward, feeling increasingly guilty.
"Eliah, look at me," he repeated, his grip on my chin tightening, compelling me to meet his gaze. Reluctantly, I raised my eyes, locking onto his brilliant gaze. His eyes widened as he scanned my face.
"You scared me," he confessed, a faint, sorrowful smile playing on his lips. His words pierced through me, stirring up a whirlwind of pain and sorrow. "I wasn't sure how long I could go without seeing your eyes or hearing your voice," he admitted, swallowing hard.
I shuddered, averting my gaze and taking a sudden step backward. He let his hand fall to his side as I shook my head in disbelief. His words from our walk echoed in my mind—this was his doing, and I couldn't ignore it. He bore the responsibility for all of this.
Sensing the change in tension, he shifted on his feet, teeth gritted in frustration. " Eliah … I had to do what I did to get you. If I hadn't—" he paused, locking his gaze with mine, the silver flecks in his eyes seeming to burn brighter. "Something else would have, and I couldn't bear that thought."
"But you could bear the thought of me possibly dying in this Match that you agreed to?" I snapped, the tension escalating as my anger simmered beneath the surface. "And what do you mean by something else?" I spat, knitting my brows together.
He rubbed his jaw, shaking his head in disbelief.
"What?" I lamented, frustration lacing my words. "You asked me to look at you, and I am. Perhaps for the first time, I'm truly seeing you." I took a deep breath, attempting to rein in my anger. "I'm sorry for this," I said, gesturing to his face. "But you cannot expect me to be fine with knowing you were the cause of all my pain. You were the one who betrayed me to Jesri. You orchestrated this entire ordeal. I was just a child, Levon! You took what little I had left and gambled it away for some lucrative ambition of a haughty Lord and never once spared a second glance for the child left bloodied in the training match." I stopped, huffing out a deep, seething breath that thundered inside me, reminding me to collect myself, my anger, and my all-too-loud voice now echoing throughout the room.
"I don't expect your forgiveness, nor do I want it," he muttered, his voice barely audible over the roaring rage in my ears. "But I do expect you to fulfill your purpose." He met my gaze with an intensity that sent a jolt of fury coursing through me. "And I will not apologize for doing what I did."
My breath caught in my throat, igniting the simmering rage inside me, urging me to unleash all the pent-up anger I had spent a lifetime suppressing onto him. I clenched my fists, gritting my teeth, and poised to strike out like we did that first day before I felt a warm, familiar hand on my shoulder, pulling me back—pulling me back into that life of submission, where I only obeyed, where I sat and listened, waiting for that wretched tree to make my dreams a reality.
One where he did pull all the strings.
Tears welled up in my eyes even before I saw the pain reflected in his own eyes. He quickly strode past me and out of the dining room, his footsteps a mere whisper against the ornate polished floors. Calum's hand tightened on my shoulder, seizing the opportunity, and pulled me into an embrace.
"Let's go home, El," he murmured into my ear, his words leaving me stunned and still grappling to comprehend every rutting thing. "I miss you. I can't bear to live without you by my side. Let's run away. Anywhere. Everywhere." He cupped my face in his hands, his breath mingling with mine. "I'll go wherever you lead. Just take me, and I'll follow. You shouldn't be here with these fools."
My heart swelled at his words, Levon's, and everything I was never meant to have. Believing that perhaps darkness was the only thing I was ever destined to feel—a never-ending stream of shadows that consumed me and my bleak life.
With a heavy breath, I pushed him away, knowing his game.
"No," I breathed, my hand still resting on his chest. He cocked his head, scowling at me, his frustration palpable. "A part of me will always love you, Calum, but I'm done. What you have to offer is something I could never accept." I knew that staying with him would only leave me vulnerable to Jesri's venomous schemes, coiling me back into his grasp and make me his puppet forever.
He grabbed my chin, his grip firmer than before, and forced me to meet his gaze. His eyes blazed with an intensity that mirrored the turmoil in my own heart.
"El, please, " he begged, desperation creeping into his voice.
"You should go," I uttered, my grip tightening on his wrist until he relented and let go. "Give your report to Jesri. I'll finish what I started, but tell him I won't be coming back."
The words tasted bitter on my tongue, knowing it meant leaving Aoife and Darius behind and possibly never seeing them again. But I couldn't return, no matter how much it pained me. I couldn't.
He stood there, tall and composed, taking deep breaths to quell his frustration.
" So be it ," he relented, roughly kissing my forehead before turning to leave. His footsteps echoed loudly against the floors, each step cracking my soul deeper into the awaiting darkness, begging me to finally collapse.
The following day, Calum left without so much as a goodbye. Another bitter ending, but deep down, I knew it was for the best. Shifting on my feet, I unleashed my frustration on the training posts Kaizen had set out in the estate grounds, each blow landing with a satisfying thud in the open air. We said nothing of our previous encounter with Calum, and I was grateful. I wanted to forget it—forget it all.
I let out a frustrated huff, rolling my neck and squaring my shoulders as I prepared for another round of punches. "Control it," Kaizen spat, his tone cutting through the air like a blade. "Use those emotions to drive you, not to lose control."
I shot him a defiant glare, his cheek still swollen from yesterday, but looked less bruised…somehow. "Feeling up to getting punched today?" I snarled, delivering another jab and cross hook at the post with all my might, splintering the wood and splitting open my skin. Again and again, I unleashed my fury, each blow fueled by the raw intensity of my emotions, until both knuckles were bleeding, staining my wraps with their crimson hue.
"Enough!" Kaizen's voice thundered, but I paid him no heed, lost in the primal satisfaction of inflicting pain. " I said enough! " He finally intervened, grabbing my arm before I could deliver another lethal blow, peeling my skin right off.
I threw my arm back, shaking off his hold, and swung my other arm right for his side, knocking the wind out of him. He only grinned, a low chuckle of amusement escaping him, fueling my anger.
"Why don't you tell me why your hands were scabbed over yesterday?" I spat at him, throwing another blow to the side, only to have him block it like a viper, clutching onto my bloodied hand.
"I'm not particularly fond of talking to anyone with emotions they can't hide," he replied coolly, his tone aggravating me further.
I stood up tall, ripping off the bloody wrappings. "No? Well, what about me being left with unanswered questions?" I retorted, echoing his own response to my inquiries the day after meeting him.
He shook his head as if forcing himself not to answer and quickly grabbed a sword, tossing me one before weighing another in his hand and stalking away from the posts.
I huffed, raised the sword, and followed him.
"Let's see if you can still keep up with me," he challenged, swiftly lunging and striking my blade, reverberating into my arm.
We danced in battle play, dodging and striking. I watched his chest rise and fall before deflecting a deadly blow that he aimed at me repeatedly. Though a bit of stiffness crept into my body, I shook it off like shedding a dress and bounced back with renewed mental sharpness and strength. Perhaps all I needed was a week's worth of sleep to feel…alive.
I saw a moment of hesitation and struck; he barely dodged my sword and grinned.
"Better…for an amateur," he sneered, igniting a fierce anger within me. I lunged forward, turning in a swift motion and striking his blade with all my might. The resounding clang echoed through the misty morning, silencing all living things around us.
I focused solely on my breathing, remembering the breathing techniques Levon had been teaching me and letting it become the rhythm of my vigor as I felt the fiery rage inside me intensify.
I jutted my foot out, disrupting our dance as Levon had done on my first day. He managed to catch himself before I could unleash my fury upon his sword.
We came to an abrupt stop, both frozen in place with our swords shaking against each other. A sly smirk played on his lips, and his hair fell, covering his cheeks as he dropped the sword.
I took a deep breath, attempting to regain control over my breathing, and brushed back the strands of hair that had fallen from my braided crown. "Are we done here?"
His jaw flexed, his fingers tensing in unison before he released a long, irritated sigh. "No. Levon's prepping for the departure and asked me to ensure you remember your etiquette. "
For a beat, my heart deflated, knowing he didn't want to see me. But then, a surge of conflicting emotions washed over me, leaving me uncertain if I could even bear to face him myself.
"First, I'll never dance with you, and second, I can't picture you being refined enough for it," I snapped, my irritation evident as I turned sharply toward the estate.
"I believe you already have," he mocked, quickly grasping the sword from my hands and shoving it into the barrel.
I couldn't help but roll my eyes, flexing my hands; my knuckles stung in the open air as I proceeded forward. His footsteps trailed behind me, their crunch on the grass only adding to my annoyance.
"Wrap your hands, or Levon will kill me for letting you sully his home in your blood," Kaizen demanded, throwing me a roll of the same tape I wore when fighting.
"Hm, perhaps that's not a bad thing," I retorted, slowly wrapping my hands back up. When we reached the foyer inside, I could hear him heading off in a different direction, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
After freshening up, I hurried down to the kitchen, hoping to persuade Elise to take over dancing duties from Kaizen and to express my gratitude for everything they'd done. As I descended the stairs, I found Saasha slicing potatoes and Elise bending down to retrieve something that had fallen. Other members of the staff were busy cleaning or baking. Despite the kitchen being stationed below, the heat was sweltering even with the windows open, making me cough amidst the steam and fragrant fumes of the cooking food.
"Eliah!" Elise chirped, running toward me and embracing me. Saasha gave me a smile and a shrug, stopping mid-chop.
"Need help?" I offered, stepping into the bustling kitchen.
"You can cut those onions; I've been dreading it all day," Saasha replied with a hint of sarcasm while Elise joined her with a large bowl.
I furrowed my brows at the sight of the piled vegetables, spices, and meat on the table. "Are we expecting someone?" I asked, gesturing towards the abundance of food.
"Sir Alder is throwing a grand feast for tomorrow. He's invited several courtiers and friends!" Elise exclaimed with excitement, a surprise considering her usual demeanor. My expression fell at the thought of a dinner party with Levon's acquaintances, especially before leaving for the king.
"A party?" I echoed, my voice barely concealing my distaste for such gatherings. Pushing aside my feelings, I grabbed the onions and a knife, ready to lend a hand.
"I was joking about the onions, Eliah," Saasha clarified, her expression mirroring my initial concern before softening into a warm smile that seemed to say, I'm glad you're okay.
"No, I insist. You both have done so much for me, and I've only been the Lord's snotty orphan everyone expected me to be." The pungent aroma of the onions intensified in the steamy room, stinging my eyes like tiny daggers. I blinked back the tears and chopped through them as swiftly as possible, determined not to lose a finger in the process.
"Eliah, no one has ever thought that of you. We know your monsters," Elise said softly, stepping closer to me. "We were so worried," she paused, her voice trailing off as if playing out the scene in her mind. "Levon was terrified . We all were."
I kept chopping, my movements becoming more mechanical as tears blurred my vision, each blink intensifying the burning sensation. Levon didn't seem terrified or relieved that I was awake, nor did Kaizen. The only one who seemed genuinely concerned was now miles away, venturing towards those once vibrant trees that would now be fading into a usual green hue.
I released the knife, allowing it to clatter onto the table as I stumbled toward the now-empty basin, needing a moment to collect my burning eyes.
Saasha chuckled, taking my place and chopping the rest of the onions. I rinsed my hands and splashed water on my face, letting out a sigh of relief. "Truly, Eliah, we're glad you're okay," Saasha stated, the onion seeming to have no effect on her. I clenched the rag in my hand, feeling unworthy of such worry.
This was a mistake; I shouldn't have come down here. "I'm sorry," I muttered softly before trudging up the stairs, each step feeling heavier than the last. Before I rounded the corner, I heard Levon's voice down the curved hallway, which led to a small ornate sun room that was too small for any chairs or tables.
"It's there," Levon said barely above a whisper.
"We can't let her continue—" Kaizen's deep voice hissed.
"We have no choice!" Levon spat and abruptly stopped as I stepped onto the last step.
I stopped, waiting for him to continue conversing, but he didn't as he met my gaze. He nodded toward Kaizen and walked down the hall, strutting past me, offering a fleeting, sad smile as he walked out the door.
Kaizen stopped beside me, and I shot him a scowl, grunting in annoyance before reluctantly following him toward the ballroom.
"I don't need you reporting my every move," I retorted, growing increasingly irritated by his presence and tried to push aside the uneasiness stirred by the words I overheard.
The only response was the subtle rise and fall of his muscled back, accompanied by a dismissive shake of his head before we entered the ballroom. Taking a string, he deftly pulled his hair back into a low bun, then glanced at the footman seated at the pianoforte, waiting for our arrival. As the footman looked up and sat straighter, he began to play a simple melody.
Before I could retreat, Kaizen firmly gripped my arm, drawing me closer to him.
I held my breath as my hand rested on his, the other lightly grasping his sculpted shoulder, trying to understand the familiarity of his hand in mine. Subtly, I attempted to increase the distance between us by arching my back and shifting sideways. But his smirk widened, and he pulled me closer, refusing to allow any space between us.
His breath tingled up my neck as his feet guided mine with precision, ensuring no gap formed. We danced like that through the song, his hold unyielding until he finally released me into a twirl.
My feet stumbled as I tried to regain my balance, but he swiftly pulled me back into him.
"You seem to be enjoying this," I retorted, looking away toward the door, silently pleading for the song to end or for Elise to come save me.
A low noise rumbled in his throat as he quickly let me go, abruptly stopping right before the song ended. Another tune started, but I refused to continue, wanting to wash myself of his infuriating touch, and he didn't resist.
"Why is Levon hosting a party?" I snapped, unable to let the question settle longer.
He raised his brows, his gaze piercing as it swept over me. "Why do you think?" he sneered before turning away as if my question was beneath him.
I lunged forward, grabbing his tunic to halt his steps. " Why? " I demanded through clenched teeth. "So I can be paraded around like some trophy ?" I fumed.
"He did it to protect you, Eliah. Because he cares," Kaizen countered, his voice edged with frustration. "But maybe that's something you're incapable of understanding."
"He did it to protect himself , clearly something you fail to comprehend," I shot back, my frustration bubbling.
His amber eyes blazed with indignation, a tangible flame that made my heart stutter with trepidation. But I refused to back down, meeting his gaze with equal intensity, determined to stand my ground.
Before I could storm away, he grabbed my arm, yanking me back with a force that made my teeth clench. He opened his mouth to say something, then shut it abruptly, gritting his teeth, and stalked past me out the door.
Glancing back at the footman, who seemed frozen under my gaze, I sighed and continued out. The soft strains of music followed me all the way to my room.
I had a sinking feeling that this dinner would unfold much like the one where Jesri blindsided me with Levon. And once again, I felt utterly unprepared.