Chapter Eight Dinner #3
“Well, you’re right about that. A lot of human men hate commitment.
One look at a lady with a toddler makes them run.
Most of them want to date for years before proposing.
” I frown and think back to the two years Eli and I dated before he proposed.
I had a feeling of “it’s about time!” when he popped the question, but part of me also wondered if he’d done it so that I wouldn’t get impatient and start looking for someone else.
Someone better. More enthusiastic.
He put a ring on my finger, not so much because he was eager to marry me, but because he didn’t want me to go off and marry anyone else.
Selfish, much?
“I know my cousin is married to a human, and more and more of my kind are finding human mates as the world learns more about monsters, but I think there’s still a learning curve, as people say.
I broke your trust by seeing the message and not immediately confessing that I had read something private.
” Mercer looks so miserable. “This makes me seem untrustworthy, doesn’t it?
” A muscle jumps in his thick neck, and he blinks.
“And you have already been hurt by your last mate. So now you won’t want me to.
.. You won’t want me,” he concludes with a single, harsh rush of air.
I’m stunned by this guy. No, he’s not perfect. Yes, he’s very different from other men—but not in a bad way. I’m surprised at how well he nailed how I felt, but he’s wrong.
I shouldn’t want him, or anyone, because it’s just letting myself in for another heartache, but I do.
“I’ll go. I hope you’ll still allow me to give Zack lessons,” he whispers, rising and turning to go, his tentacles making a swirl of aqua behind him, a bouquet of coils and powerful muscles.
“Wait.” I stumble over a dump truck with my hand outstretched, asking him not to leave. I didn’t intend to collide with his wide, smooth shoulders.
I didn’t intend to feel waves of tension and emotion sliding off of him, like feeling raw energy pumping into my veins. My heart doesn’t skip beats, it takes them greedily, hard and fast, making me lose my breath as Mercer steadies me, his hands now on my waist, his face searching mine.
“I don’t think you understand yet,” I explain.
“I don’t think you understand how hard being in a relationship is.
I mean, I’m sure you have old flames—is that the right term if you live under water?
Never mind. The point is, I don’t know what experiences you’ve had, and you don’t know what experiences I’ve had.
It could be a long time before I want someone in my life, even if he protects my son and spoils me. It’s not about you.”
“It’s about that bastard,” Mercer says with such vehemence that I recoil. “He made you feel unsafe. Made you feel less. Now, it’s too frightening to contemplate you and Zack having the kind of love you deserve.”
Well. That hurts.
And the small, cowardly part of my soul that still hears Eli’s voice whenever I undress in front of a mirror, the little scaredy cat voice that told me my “wonderful” marriage had gone to hell, reminds me that Mercer is right. Zack deserves better. I deserve better.
But I’d have to take risks to get to someone better, risks that could hurt both of us. Zack will feel enough hurt later on in his life without me rushing him into it by trying to selfishly score a second chance at happiness.
“You’re right,” I whisper.
Merce nods, exhaling through his nose, face grave. “I hate that the world is still confused about who the real monsters among them are.”
He’s as wise as he is handsome.
That’s going to be hard to resist. Even pushing him away verbally, I’m still tempted to lean in physically, to find out if we have chemistry, or more likely to find out that we don’t, and just get it over with.
Get it over with now, before Zack thinks Mercer is always going to be around.
Get it done now, so Mercer can finally connect the dots: I’m Ms. Average, and he’s Mr. Universe, Kraken Edition.
We’re not a match, and he just hasn’t realized it yet.
“I appreciate all that you’ve said more than you know,” I tell him, lightly patting his arm, ignoring the tingles that kiss each of my fingertips at the contact.
“I don’t mind swimming lessons, I don’t mind if you want to practice cooking—I just don’t want us to get our hopes up.
We might be good friends, but not a good couple. ”
“You just think it’s too soon to tell?” Mercer asks, staying close to me.
“That’s right. With Eli, he took two years to propose.”
“Will you do me a favor, my beautiful new friend?” Mercer asks, and his finger brushes my cheek, moving a stray curl back.
“I’ll try.” Keep looking at me like that, and I’ll do a lot of things I’ll regret later.
“Please do not compare me to your ex, unless it is to say that I am doing a better job than he is. Tell me all his failings, and I’ll eradicate them from your mind. Everything he did well, I promise to do better—except have two legs. I’m always going to fail at that.”
“Mercer...”
“Please?”
“There are other women out there. Hot, single women.” I cock my eyebrow, trying to hint that it’s okay for him to back out now.
“I don’t want them.”
“You are stubborn.”
“Exceedingly. I searched every ocean for a mate, and I didn’t find one.
My cousin Calder finally convinced me to look on land, and two weeks later, the most beautiful woman and the sweetest child arrived in my life.
” Mercer’s tentacle slowly slithers up my back, and I realize that we’re still standing close.
So close, and he’s so big, that next to him I feel small. Petite, even.
It’s a nice feeling, being held.
“Just let me keep trying, and moving as slow as you’d like. I’ll prove that I’m stubborn in the best of ways.”
“That’s so sweet. I know I must seem ungrateful—”
“Just hurt. Cautious. But the wounded creatures are still some of the most beautiful.”
Damn. I’m not sure if I should mind being called wounded, or a creature, but I don’t. It’s true. And beautiful? I could get to liking compliments again when they come from someone like Mercer.
“I think I should tell you up front that I’m not interested in being intimate with someone.
Not for a long time.” I tense and brace for the coaxing, the cajoling, or the huffy protest. I know most guys don’t like being told that they’ll be waiting a while.
Eli hated it, even when there was a legitimate physical postpartum reason.
“Oh, is that all?” Mercer looks relieved, and then quickly puts more distance between us. “Is that all right?”
“That’s fine.”
No protest. No coaxing. Just a quick agreement, followed by putting my wishes into action.
Damn, that’s incredibly hot. “I really do have hours’ worth of work to do.” I cast a regretful look at my barely touched laptop.
“I’ll let you get on with things, but I’ll see you in the morning, and Zack and I will make steaks tomorrow?”
The smile that lifts my cheeks is nothing compared to the lightness lifting my heart.
I gave Mercer every reason not to want to see me—and he still wants to come back.
Even if we’re never more than friends, when he’s around, I genuinely feel better, and I know he’s good for Zack.
“You have to promise that one of these days I get to cook for you.”
“I can’t wait. Good night, Madelyn. Is five still good for dinner tomorrow?”
“Perfect, if it fits your schedule.”
“It does. And if it didn’t, I would change my schedule.”
I just bet he would. I stand on my tiptoes and brush a little peck on his cheek.
He swivels his head and kisses my cheek in return, staying right within whatever boundaries I give. Like a gentleman.
“Good night, Mercer,” I whisper, showing him out.
I don’t get to my work until thirty minutes and one cold shower later.