Chapter Nine Dessert #2
“I know why you’re worried about letting me in.
Your life is already in a state of upheaval.
You’ve just moved. Your parents are far away.
Your ex-husband has made awful threats. But if he brings a custody battle to you, I will be by your side.
I believe he would be at a disadvantage given his track record of absenteeism, lack of involvement, and those threatening texts.
I believe I could be an asset. A citizen in good standing, and someone who will not shirk fatherly duties.
Or husbandly ones.” Mercer interrupts my thoughts in a solemn voice.
“No, I’m not... No, Mercer, that’s not it, not exactly,” I explain.
“Eli’s threats do worry me, but you’re right.
I have a strong case against him, and no judge would award him full custody.
It’s still scary, though. I have to remind myself that Eli never hit me with his fists, but he lashed out plenty of times with words.
He’s probably just doing that now. And you’re right about my life being pretty messy and chaotic with lots of new things.
Some of them—one in particular—is a wonderful new thing.
I don’t want to lose it, but I don’t want to be stupidly naive, either.
People can live on a dream of romance for a while, but sooner or later, practical things rear their ugly heads. ”
“There is nothing ugly in caring for people you love. Doing the dishes, making the meals, the shopping, helping with laundry—all of that is providing for you and Zack. They may never be exciting chores or the most fun I’ll have with you, but they are not something bad.
Not something I regret. I am proud and pleased to help. ”
But no one is that perfect, screams my scarred realist, shoving the soppy romantic side of myself down. I cast a furtive look around the peaceful street before I whisper, “We don’t even know if we’re compatible. Physically.”
Mercer looks puzzled. “Did I not show you my nephews? Calder and his human wife are just one example in a long history of krakens and other races mating successfully. I’m sure you are thinking of a sibling for Zack, because he surely deserves one—”
“No!” I don’t mean to snap at him, but his words are hitting raw nerves. “Is that all you see me as? Just a mom? I mean, that’s a plus, I guess, if you like kids and you don’t mind that I’m a mom.”
Mercer arches up to his full height, his tentacles leaving my side to raise him up.
Dang. I’ll never have to worry about getting something off the high shelves with him around, I think, mouth slightly open as he looms over me.
You realize that even when a literal monster is “looming” over you, you’re not worried about him hurting you? At all?
He’s such a good guy. So what if he’s not interested in you like you’re some sexy young thing? That’s better than Eli only wanting you if your body was perfect.
Don’t throw this away, Madelyn...
“You know very well that is not all I see you as. I have told you exactly how beautiful I find you, but I’m delighted to remind you.
And I mentioned siblings because I have seen what a phenomenal mother you are, and because I see how you devote your life to taking care of Zack.
I assumed that you asked about compatibility because.
.. Well, because that is a question I’m sure lots of people have asked since the Great Revelation.
” Mercer’s voice goes from thunderous to uncertain, and his tentacles relax, dropping him slowly back to something just a little taller than me.
Perfect kissing height.
If that’s something we ever want to do...
“All guys want sexual relationships along with the grunt work of childcare and housework. I don’t blame them. Women do, too. I didn’t mean humans and krakens. I meant you and me. We don’t know if we’re even compatible, so why would you want to stick around?”
Mercer looks like I just pulled a grenade launcher out of my pocket. I don’t think he could look more shocked if he tried, with his jaw hanging low and his lips moving soundlessly, trying to form words. For a second, I actually wonder if someone’s eyes can pop out of their head.
I continue hastily, holding up a hand to stop him when he opens his mouth.
“But if you’re not so worried about that and you’re just thinking about the practical aspects of biology.
.. Well, I mean, there are some guys who are born to be family men.
And I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but that was Eli’s mistake.
He told me I was nothing but a mother when my attention shifted to Zack, when my body changed, when I grew away from him.
To be fair,” I sigh and put my fingers to my temples and rub away the stress headache that’s forming, “we didn’t grow apart.
I was pushed away by insults about my body, by Eli’s frustration that I couldn’t just fling myself into make-up sex to heal months of cold silences and fights about parenting.
I couldn’t force my body back into perfect form while nursing a new baby and healing after a long, rough labor.
And... And I don’t even know why I’m rehashing all this right now. ”
Mercer’s face has lost its shocked look and is still and smooth.
Placid like the lake on a windless day. “Because you trust me, and you know that you and Zack are wanted. I don’t see you as just a mom or just a sexual being.
You are a whole person, and I am not worried about compatibility between you and me.
” Mercer’s hands slowly rise from his sides and come to rest along the sides of my neck.
His strong thumbs stroke along my jaw, and my head instinctively turns upward.
“You’re not?”
“No. You said you didn’t want to be intimate with anyone for a long time, but that didn’t bother me.”
“It didn’t?” I said that? Wait, yes, I said that, but this time with Mercer, even though it’s been short, seems like a long time.
“Not in the least. When someone is important to you, you take time to learn to be compatible. I’m sure the thought of tentacles is off-putting to many women, for example.”
I shake my head. “Not this woman. But a post-partum body that never bounced back? Stretch marks and saggy spots? Men don’t like that.”
“Not this man. He would dearly love to be allowed access to all the sacred parts of you that bear battle scars from making new life. This body grew Zack.” He smiles and gestures to all of me with a tender gleam in his eyes. “I cannot help but love every inch of it,” he whispers, leaning closer.
“And your tentacles saved his life. How could I be anything but grateful for them?” I breathe out as his lips move so close that I can almost feel them.
“If you would ever let me, I would show you more reasons to admire them.”
X-rated thoughts tumble through my brain as our mouths fuse. Standing on a quiet street in suburbia, all I can think about is how a kraken might use his tentacles in the bedroom. I can already picture him wrapping me up in them, pinning my wrists and ankles down while he pleasures me.
But it’s one thing to say these things, and another thing to mean them. What if those noble intentions slide away when he sees me naked?
And do I even want to get into a physical relationship right now?
“What? What’s wrong?” Mercer pants, breaking off our kiss.
“I get lost in my head too easily. I have trouble trusting people,” I explain. Might as well be honest, it’s not like he can’t tell.
“I don't blame you. Did you see that Samantha, the other lifeguard who is often paired with me, has a new boyfriend?”
“The guy who sits right next to the lifeguard stand?” I blink, confused as to why we’re now discussing local gossip.
“Yes. A little over two weeks ago, she was bereft when her college boyfriend broke things off with her. Humans seem so fickle. I don’t trust them, either.”
“But you’re not a human. Are you saying you don’t have any fickleness in you?” I ask, trying to keep my tone light. “Is fickleness even a word?”
“Mmm, no,” Mercer pretends to look thoughtful, scratching his chin.
It’s one of the things I am falling for with this guy.
I see him act serious and imposing one second, and then he lets his guard down and acts silly the next—but I’ve noticed that sweet, silly side only ever comes out around Zack and me.
“I think it may be a word, and yes, I may be fickle about some things—but not about you and Zack. Nor am I impatient to have the ‘physical’ things that you seem afraid of.”
“I’m not afraid! I’m just worried. There’s a difference,” I say with a defiant little sniff.
“Then I want to make it so you are not worried. What can I do?”
What can he do?
He’s done it. He’s doing it. “Keep being around. Keep being awesome and kind.” I swallow. I don’t want this to be one-sided. Eli was the selfish one in the last relationship, and I’m worried I’m taking that role now. “What can I do?”
“For me? You do it! You let me spend time with you and Zack!”
“Oh yes, and during that time you babysit and help around the house. That’s not enough.”
Mercer shakes his head. “But I am around you. I can see you. Hear you. Talk to you. I love that.”
My insides go all fluttery, like a cascade of moths flying around a streetlamp. “You’re sweet, Mercer.”
“Thank you. I know other things you could let me do.”
The fluttering twists and tightens into a spiral of nerves and heat, an almost forgotten heat that travels down low, to the area that’s been a no-man’s land for a long time. “What?”
Mercer’s voice is like silk, and sliding down into something deep and warm. “Perhaps Allison and her parents might watch Zack some night, and we could have a date? Just us?”
“Just us?” The heat is spreading.
“I see you as so much more than ‘just a mom.’ I don’t want you to think I’m ‘after something,’ either. My kind have been known to use others for their own pleasure.”
Using for pleasure?
Red flag.