Chapter Fifteen
Paige
It had been impossible to detangle the emotions I felt as I watched Roderic change the sheets on the bed.
I couldn’t even have claimed it was because he was destroying my nest, since there wasn’t anything of it left besides a couple blankets and the fitted sheet.
The pillows and thicker bedding were all on the floor, making it look as if an explosion had happened.
The thought had almost made me want to laugh, but I swallowed it, clutching the pillow I’d snagged tighter again my chest. It smelled of both of us, and I couldn’t let it go.
Once he had the dirty sheets taken off the bed and had put the clean fitted sheet on, I couldn’t keep still any longer. There were too many wrinkles, and he tried to put the duvet on crooked.
Still holding the pillow with one hand, I fixed the problems.
After the sheets were smooth and even, I stared at the bed for a moment, trying to figure out what else was wrong. Fingers clenching, the softness of the pillow dangling from my hand made me realize what it was.
It wasn’t just the lack of pillows.
It was the lack of scent.
And I had the solution scattered at my feet.
I didn’t overthink taking the pillows from the floor and placing them on the bed.
I was too tired to question why I hadn’t liked the clean, neutral scent of the bedding.
Having things that smelled of me helped soothe my nerves, it had nothing to do with the smell of alpha and seed mingled with mine.
After watching the magic of the windows, exhaustion hit me again, but with Roderic staring at me, I was frozen in place. I hadn’t missed how he gripped himself, the stiff line of his erection obvious in his slacks, and despite how tired I was, my core squeezed, making me realize I was slick.
I’d just nested in an alpha’s bed.
Clearly hormones were still running through my veins, making me do things I never would have otherwise. I’d practically given him an invitation, and while my body was primed and ready, I needed to get ahold of myself.
I need to go home.
The reminder was halfhearted, but I mumbled an apology to Roderic since I’d taken over and made his bed the way I wanted without permission.
The sheets were calling to me, and I wanted to crawl between them and shut my eyes to ease the throbbing in my head, but I also worried I’d fall asleep with how tired I was.
I needed to rest, but I had a feeling if I slept too long, Roderic would have a reason to keep me there another night.
Would that be so bad?
I slapped that thought away. He’d said he would let me leave, and lingering would give the wrong impression. The longer I stayed, the greater risk I’d learn something else I wasn’t supposed to know, and then he might change his mind.
There was a distinct lack of emotion towards that idea, but I told myself I was just tired and hormonal.
I was stuck in a rut at work and in my personal life, dissatisfied with living the way I did, and the disruption of Adam finding someone else left me even more off center.
I just needed time to process and think things through.
I wasn’t sure I trusted Roderic’s assurances that he would wake me when the dryer was done, but there was nothing else for me to do but crawl into the bed.
My body was still ready for him to follow me between the sheets, but once I’d settled and looked towards where he’d been standing, I realized he’d left.
Grabbing the pillow I’d been clutching before from the pile behind me, I hugged it and turned onto my side, staring at the gap between the door and frame.
Everything about Roderic called to me, made me want to trust him, but the cynical part of me kept warning that I was being stupid.
Roderic was an alpha, and if there was one thing alphas were good at, it was hurting those around them.
Physically…
Emotionally…
The cause of the pain didn’t matter, but it was guaranteed to come.
I drifted off, still staring through the sliver of an opening, but jolted awake when a buzzing sound came from the hallway. I couldn’t have slept long since that had to be the dryer, but my head felt clearer as I sat up and rubbed my eyes.
Tiredness still dragged at my limbs, but I was determined to leave. Roderic had been kind to allow me to remain until I had clean clothes to go home in, but I wasn’t going to push it until he kicked me out. I’d get dressed and leave on my terms, breaking the clingy omega stereotype.
Even if my instincts wanted me to give into it.
I was already swinging my legs out of the bed to stand when Roderic came striding through the door. The part of me begging to give into my omega side cheered him doing as he had promised, but it wasn’t loud enough to drown out the voice saying he was only doing it to get me out of his home faster.
“Your clothes are ready, Sweetheart. Are you feeling better?”
He set my folded things on the opposite side of the bed, those intense eyes boring into me as if he wanted to jump across and tackle me back into the sheets.
The way my mind was split over him was confusing, and all I could do was nod.
My brain twisted what should have been a nice gesture into another sign that he wanted me to leave, bringing me my clothes so he didn’t have to wait for me to come get them myself.
“Thank you. I’ll be ready to go in just a moment.”
I mumbled the words to the bed, unwilling to hold his gaze and see his flash of relief. I had to be misreading the looks he kept giving me, because there was nothing about me an alpha like him would want.
And I shouldn’t want him, even if he’d proven my prior experiences with an alpha were lacking. That only confirmed Adam had done the bare minimum out of a sense of duty, and was another example of how I was a failure.
“Since your car is at the apartments, I’ll give you a ride to it. I wouldn’t want you to run into the alphas who tried to grab you again.”
My lips parted, but nothing came out. I wanted to refuse because part of me said this was a trap, but his reminder about the other alphas was accurate.
It was unlikely I would run into them walking from the closest bus stop to my car, but considering they lived in the same building I was parked in front of, it was possible.
My experiences with alphas made just the possibility cause nervous sweat to break out along my spine.
“I won’t let them hurt you.”
Roderic’s tone had my focus snapping back to him, his expression making me shiver. It didn’t help slow my heart rate. Instead, it made my nipples tighten, and excitement replaced the fear.
I was so screwed up in the head.
I knew it was natural, but the threat of violence in my defense shouldn’t be arousing. Especially when I knew what he was capable of. He’d already killed people, and even if I didn’t know the reason for it, it meant he was capable of doing it again.
The thought of the alphas dying was enough to cool the sudden warmth in my belly. Apparently death was a step too far for my libido to rev over.
At least I know where the line is. Beat them, sure, but kill them? Too far.
I closed my eyes so my internal eyeroll didn’t accidentally show. Taking a calming breath, I reopened them and forced a small smile.
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
I did, but things were more complicated than that.
Roderic seemed to shake himself, the harsh look draining from his features. Glancing from where I still stood on the opposite side of the bed to the clothing he’d put in front of himself, he sighed before backing away.
“Are you hungry again? I could make something before we leave?”
The hope I heard in his voice had to be my imagination.
The only reason I could think of for him to want me to stay longer was if he wanted more sex, but even an alpha should have been worn out after seeing me through my heat.
It was draining for everyone involved, to the point that I’d even heard of omegas taking more than one alpha to tend to them.
My core clenched, as if to say if I could still want more, then so could he, but I ignored it. He’d had the chance to make a move when I got in the bed, but he’d left. I was just coming up with excuses so I didn’t feel as used and unwanted as Adam usually left me.
“No, thank you.”
He still seemed reluctant, but he turned to leave, closing the door all the way for once. Air rushed from my lungs, my shoulders drooping, and I raked a hand through my hair before finally going around the bed to my clothes.
I need to find a therapist.
It was something I’d told myself more than once, but I’d never been brave enough to do it.
I blamed not having money before I had insurance, and then it was that I didn’t have time due to working.
Even during the summer break, I came up with reasons why I couldn’t set up an appointment to sort out my issues, but with the way my emotions were swinging back and forth over Roderic, I clearly needed help.
It was another fight to pull his shirt over my head and let it go. I could have lied and said it was because it was comfortable, not because of his lingering scent on it, or the fact that it was his.
I sighed and shook my head at myself as I tugged on my clothes. Clothes that had been comfortable only a few days prior, that suddenly felt too tight and restricting.
I would have loved to blame it all on Roderic, but my instincts and biology weren’t his fault. With all that had happened and how he’d followed through on coming to wake me when he’d promised, I was forced to concede he might be a better person than I had given alphas credit for.
A better person who just happened to murder someone right before beating three alphas to take a strange omega home to tend through her heat…
The pinpricks of pain along my scalp as I clenched my fists in my hair helped keep the hysterical laughter bubbling up my throat contained. I was clearly losing my mind, and the only cure I could come up with was to go hide in my nest and forget this entire week had ever happened.
I could pretend Adam hadn’t rejected me and left me to suffer.
Pretend I hadn’t almost been kidnapped by three alphas because I was stupid.
Pretend I hadn’t had the best heat of my life with a totally out-of-my-league alpha.
And forget that alpha wasn’t who I’d thought he was, and I was lucky he was letting me escape.
Stepping into the bathroom, I fixed my hair and took care of business before heading towards the hallway. I had no more excuses to linger, and every reason to get away from Roderic as fast as possible.
Before I went completely stupid and let hormones make me decide to forget he’s a murderer involved in what seems like gang-related things I want no part of.
Set on keeping that thought at the front of my mind, I opened the bedroom door and made my way down the hall. The little piece of me that had expected him to be waiting outside the door was disappointed he hadn’t been there, but the smarter part breathed a sigh of relief.
Every sign was pointing toward him doing as he’d said and letting me leave without punishment for what I’d overheard.
But I should have known my luck wasn’t that good.