Chapter Seventeen
Paige
The drive home was a blur, my thoughts tangled. I should have been relieved Roderic let me go after what I’d overheard, but my chest felt heavy.
Shake it off.
I blinked to clear my eyes as I pulled into my driveway. I needed to see to miss the broken patch I couldn’t afford to fix, and tears wouldn’t do me any good anyway. He might not have seemed as eager to be rid of me as I’d feared, but he hadn’t asked to see me again either.
He’s out of your league, of course he doesn’t want to see you again.
Unless you’re in heat.
I knew he hadn’t meant his comment the way I took it, but that didn’t stop the hurt. Another alpha willing to be a heat-partner, but nothing more.
Because I wasn’t worth anything more. No one wanted me.
My breath hitched as I threw my Explorer into Park. I wished I could blame the need to sob on lingering hormones, but the subject was one I’d obsessed over more and more as each heat passed and I was still reduced to calling Adam.
What was wrong with me?
Swallowing, I forced out a slow breath and tried to make my hands stop shaking. It wasn’t as if I gave alphas the opportunity to get to know me and consider a relationship, so of course I couldn’t find one who wanted anything more than to get his knot squeezed.
I took another breath before reaching for the door handle. I refused to break down in the yard where the neighbors could see, so I had to get as far as the foyer, and then I could devolve into the ugly sobs strangling my chest.
My eyes were on my feet as I stepped onto the broken pavement of my driveway.
Lift, swing forward, place. Repeat with the other side.
It didn’t help that I kept catching hints of chocolate and black currant.
Even though my clothes were freshly washed, Roderic’s scent lingered around me, a ghost trying to pull me away from the calm detachment I sought.
I’d drifted through too many days to count in an emotionless fog, so why was that fog so hard to find now?
The neighbor’s dog barked, lunging at the fence as I neared my porch. The chain link squeaked as it shifted, his weight abusing the rusted metal. He was three years old, had been owned by my neighbor since he was weaned, and had hated me every day since.
“Hi, Meathead. It’s nice to see you, too.”
I didn’t know his real name, but his mixed breeding had left him with a big blocky skull, and the dumb look some dogs had. Meathead had seemed the appropriate thing to call him.
He continued to bark and slobber, slamming into the fence as I put my key in the lock. The familiarity helped settle my emotions, and the band around my chest loosened further.
Perhaps tears were avoidable after all.
The door creaked as I pushed it open, and my nose wrinkled as I looked into the dim interior.
I had closed all the blinds when I realized I was going into heat, the light and my neighbors both things I’d wanted to avoid.
Even though I’d spent the last few days away, I still picked up the sweet notes of my cycle in the air, so the first thing I did was head straight for the windows.
Pulling the string to lift the blinds, I fought with the glass to force it up so I could air out the stale stench.
I wrestled the windows in the living room open before moving on to the dining room, then the kitchen. It was just a little two bedroom, the best my parents had been able to afford before my father abandoned us. It was tiny, so it didn’t take long to get every window on the bottom floor open.
I was at the top of the stairs before I realized I hadn’t heard or seen Peach yet. It wasn’t unusual, she seemed to hate me almost as much as Meathead despite the fact that I’d rescued her from the streets, but I couldn’t help feeling concerned since I hadn’t been home for almost a week.
“Peach?”
I called her name as if she’d answer me before rolling my eyes at myself. Unless her food was empty or her litter box was full, she had no use for me.
I still looked around as I walked into the spare room, checking under the bed and in the blanket on the chair by the window.
The room had been my mother’s before she passed, and it still looked the same despite the years it had sat empty.
Her eclectic mix of blankets and pillows still graced the bed.
Moving on to my bedroom, I spared a glance into the bathroom to see if Peach was in there. The faucet still dripped at a steady pace, meaning she’d had access to water, but she wasn’t on the counter or inside the cabinet beneath where her litter box was.
“Peach?”
I finally spotted her when I stepped into my room, intently staring out the window I needed to open. The stench of my oncoming heat was worse here since I’d spent most of my time that day curled on my bed, hoping desperately that Adam would respond and arrive in time.
A frown pulled my mouth down, but I shoved those thoughts aside, deciding to keep myself busy instead of indulging the breakdown I’d thought I was going to have.
I usually did my cleaning on Sunday, but I’d missed doing it since I’d begun having cramps that morning, and taking care of chores would distract me for a bit.
“Hey, Peach. Did you miss me?”
It was a good thing she couldn’t actually speak since I doubted I’d enjoy her response. With the way she continued to pretend I wasn’t there I’d have been worried about her hearing if I didn’t know the rattle of a cheese wrapper could bring her at a sprint no matter where in the house she was.
“You’ll never believe what happened since I’ve been gone.”
I had walked across the room as I talked to her, her only response to my proximity an angry flick of the tip of her bony, bald tail. I was so focused on her I didn’t notice what she was staring at until I reached around her to open the window.
A sleek black SUV was parked behind my Explorer, the driver’s side door open with a familiar head poking above it, surveying the neighborhood.
“What the…”
The words died in my throat as my heart started fluttering, the room suddenly seeming to lack enough air.
Why was he here? Had I forgotten something?
Had he followed me?
My hand was shaking as I withdrew it, my thoughts whirling in a tangle that left me frozen.
I always locked my door behind me, and the back door was so warped I never used it, so it was locked as well, but I’d just opened every window in the house, giving him too many entry points to close before he could get inside.
Not that he’d need to use the window since he could probably kick my door in without much effort.
This is it. I’m dead. He’s here to kill me so I can’t incriminate him.
For a moment I thought of fleeing. I couldn’t go out the front door since he’d see me, and I couldn’t go out one of the bedroom windows since there was no way down and I didn’t trust myself not to fall and break something, but if I snuck down the stairs fast enough, I might be able to slip out one of the windows he couldn’t see from the front of the house.
And do what? Go where? Back to Adam and his new omega?
The trembling grew stronger, spreading throughout my body.
If Roderic was here to kill me, it was going to happen.
Whether I evaded him for a day or two wouldn’t make a difference, because I had nowhere to go, and no one to turn to.
For all I knew, he’d put a tracker on me somehow, so even attempting to run might endanger others.
I could never let myself be the cause of someone’s death.
Resignation spread through me, along with weary acceptance. It wasn’t like I had a life worth fighting for. Resisting was pointless.
Looking down at Peach, I raised a hand and risked her wrath to give her one last caress. She growled and turned to swat at me, claws out, but for once I escaped punishment for touching her.
“You’re smart enough to push the screen out of the window when your food runs out. I’m sorry you’ll have to go back to living on the streets. Maybe try being nicer so someone else will take you in, and please don’t use me as food if he leaves my body.”
Would he make it look like a break-in gone wrong and leave me here, or would he dispose of me where I wouldn’t be found? If he was going to do that, it didn’t make sense for him to have let me return home.
I turned and headed for the stairs, not bothering to wait for him to knock. If this was the end of my time, there was no reason to prolong it. My only hope was that he’d feel some drop of sympathy and make it quick and painless.
I was turning the bolt when I heard his footsteps on the porch, and he was still a pace away when I swung the door open.
“Hey, Sweetheart.”
The look in his eyes and his easy grin didn’t hint at anything nefarious. It was unfair how calm and relaxed he seemed, and how my body warmed at the sight of him.
Sighing, I stepped aside and waved for him to enter. Neither of us wanted the neighbors to get involved, so it was better to let him in without a fuss.
“I know you’re probably surprised to see me again. Here.”
He glanced around my living room before turning to watch me shut the door, his grin still in place. He almost sounded nervous, but that had to be me projecting. There was nothing for him to be nervous about, other than getting caught.
It didn’t hit me until then that Meathead hadn’t barked. He spent all day outside, and he never failed to hear me whenever I entered or left, so there was no way he wouldn’t have noticed Roderic.
Maybe he was smarter than I gave him credit for and knew not to catch the alpha’s attention.
“Mmrrroowww.”
Clearly Peach wasn’t as smart as I’d thought though.
Roderic and I both turned to Peach where she stood on the staircase.
“Is that a… cat? Is she okay?”
I huffed, offended on her behalf, even if I doubted she cared what Roderic thought of her.
“She’s a sphynx, she’s not supposed to have hair.”
Moving towards her, I held out my hand, half expecting to never make it that far. Her hiss and swat had me jerking back automatically, and I cleared my throat as I turned to face Roderic where he lingered by the door.
“She’s not really a people person. Cat. Whatever.”
I kept my eyes on his shoes. I didn’t want to see it coming.
“Your home looks cozy.”
I huffed again. Cozy must be the polite word for old and worn. I could sell the property and everything in it and probably not have enough to even pay for his SUV.
“It’s home. I got to keep it when my mother passed away, and I’ve never had any reason to move.”
Not to mention the funds, although I desperately wanted to leave the memories behind.
When was the last time I was happy?
It seemed a valid question at the moment.
I should have been thinking about the best time of my life since it was about to end, but I honestly didn’t have an answer.
I’d struggled through school being bullied for being weird and not omega enough, I was a constant source of pain and disappointment for my mother, and I worked a job that bored me to death.
Perhaps I’d been happy as a child? Maybe before my father left, or before I understood that he hadn’t wanted us?
I couldn’t remember.
My thoughts had distracted me from Roderic’s presence, and I felt the warmth radiating from him before I realized he’d moved closer. I flinched before I even felt the brush of something against my arm, making me freeze as my chest squeezed.
Trembling I waited for what felt like eternity as his fingers ran down my forearm to curl around my hand. I couldn’t stop the tear that leaked out as he reached for my throat with the other, hoping he knew what he was doing so it wouldn’t hurt.
Pressure under my chin forced it up, but I kept my gaze off his face. He was the most attractive alpha I’d ever seen, and I couldn’t bear the thought of how I’d look to him as he strangled me.
Did he enjoy that? Seeing the last moments of a person’s life? Had I read him completely wrong?