Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
“HOLY CANNOLI,” I mumbled, staring at the round, watermelon-like bulge where my previously flat stomach had been. It took the wind out of my sails enough that I didn’t even notice at first I’d adopted one of my sister’s favorite phrases. “I look…”
“Amazing!” Hattie answered, beaming with pride.
“I was going to say I look like the Thanksgiving turkey, but yeah, that works, too.” I chuckled to myself, rotating like a rotisserie chicken in front of the bathroom mirror.
The silicone belly was only a shade or two lighter than my actual sun-deprived midsection, but the sudden and drastic change in shape reminded me of the times Dekker and I would play house as kids and take turns shoving pillows under our shirts.
Some toilet paper might have also made its way under there, strategically balled up a little higher.
Karma must be having a good, long laugh right about now.
“Now, since we don’t know what kind of activities you’ll be up to, this one comes with removable straps” —Hattie twanged the clear straps over my shoulders, smiling to herself when I flinched at the snap against my skin— “along with the Velcro band across the back.”
I nodded my understanding, pinching my lips together to keep from laughing at the mental image of my belly sliding all over the place. Possibly one of the most humiliating ways to blow my cover, hands down. Le Chimiste’s wife likely wouldn’t chalk it up to an enthusiastic fetus.
“Now, Jonas tells me that you may be doing this shindig for a couple months.” Hattie took a step back, pushing her glasses down to rest at the tip of her nose. “If that’s the case, I reckon people will get suspicious if your belly doesn’t grow at all.”
My heart sank—and not just from the reminder of how long I could be stuck pretending to be Colt’s wife.
My attention lingered on the fake baby bump.
Feelings I’d successfully shoved aside since learning the nature of my assignment threatened to pull me under, but the reminder of my purpose behind all of this kept me in the present.
Barely.
“It looks more realistic than I thought it would.” I rested my forearm across the bump like I’d seen pregnant women do before but immediately pulled it away when a wave of maternal instinct and longing hit me like a freight truck.
“It’s a lot heavier than I expected, though.
I guess I was thinking it would be hollow or something. ”
Hattie laughed, a contagious throaty laugh that had me smiling before I even realized it. “Ooh, you’re in for a rude awakening if you’re ever pregnant for real, girl.”
“At least I’d be getting a baby out of it,” I grumbled, my mood souring the longer I stared at the belly. “Plus, I’d kind of have to at least have a boyfriend first.”
Hattie tossed me a shirt from the box we’d dragged into the bathroom with us. “You got yourself a fine looking fella out there. I don’t see why you’re not jumping at the opportunity that’s presented here.”
“Colt?” I squeaked indignantly, pulling the shirt on with jerky movements.
“I’m just saying, if I had to pretend to be that man’s wife, you best bet I’d be all over that. Hand holding, snuggling” —she wiggled her brows again and pushed her glasses back up her nose— “even a little lip action.”
I shuddered, my cheeks flushing involuntarily. “Uh, no. Nope. That won’t be happening.” Realizing how rude that might have sounded, I added, “That would be unprofessional. We’re coworkers.”
And polar opposites. And sworn enemies.
“And there’s a rule against dating coworkers?”
I freed my wild curls from the shirt’s neckline with a flourish. “Well, technically, no. It’s more of a personal decision. Colt and I . . .”
What exactly could I say to fully embody the mutual loathing between us?
A million endings to that sentence blazed across my mind, none of which were professional enough to repeat at work, regardless of whether Hattie was a coworker or not.
We have nothing in common aside from the urge to annoy each other?
Being near him makes me want to rip my hair out? Yeah, none of those would cut it.
Finally, I settled on a suitable—and extreme—understatement. “We’re too different.”
“Mhmm, I see.” The lilt in her voice conveyed anything but understanding, and the mischievous spark in her eyes brightened. “I don’t know what you believe married couples do, but I’m pretty sure PDA is on the list.”
The heat in my face intensified, and I had to stifle a gag. “Don’t remind me. Anything I do will be for the assignment only .”
And even then, no one said I’d enjoy it. In fact, I was confident it would be the exact opposite. Like putting your hand in a fire to save a family heirloom. Or eating a vegetable that wasn’t a potato. Sure, there was a greater purpose behind it, but at what cost?
“Whatever you say,” she teased, hefting the box.
“I’m serious.” I stretched to take the box from her, since it was the least I could do after her help.
My arms were just fine, and I didn’t work out every day for nothing.
Sure, she seemed spry enough to deadlift a walrus for fun, but she was also, like, fifty.
Take it from the fake-pregnant lady: looks could be deceiving.
She shooed me away and kicked the door open with a flourish. “I can’t let you carry this, woman, you are with child .”
“Hattie, shh, would you not say that so loud?” I looked frantically over my shoulders, ensuring she hadn’t drawn the attention of any agents. “We both know I’m not.”
“It’s called method acting, dear. Helps you get into character completely. If you believe you’re really pregnant, you’ll act accordingly.”
“And end up in the looney bin.”
She grinned over her shoulder at me. “But what a fun ride it will be until then.”
I laughed softly, shaking my head. For all her delusions about Colt and me, I liked her.
I had no idea how she’d gotten the security clearance to be in on this, and, frankly, I was a little afraid to find out.
But she was fun. A breath of fresh air after the day I’d had so far. “You’re something else, you know that?”
“One of a kind, babe, and don’t you forget it.”
We returned to the conference room, where Colt and McBride had supposedly been going over the details of his “job” at a local accounting firm. Knowing Colt, though, it wouldn’t surprise me if he’d had McBride go over other details, too, just so I’d have to play catch-up on my own time later.
McBride looked up first, barely glancing at me before watching Hattie enter.
He rushed to take the box from her much like I had, and, just like she’d done with me, she shooed him away.
Honestly, for how craptastic the day was, seeing McBride get shooed by someone as small and feisty as Hattie made everything worlds better.
Until I saw Colt, that is.
Just like the first day we met, his eyes combed over me, this time lingering on my new and blindingly obvious bump. And, just like the first time, I could see the judgment there.
I fought the urge to fidget, despite how his drawn-out analysis made my skin crawl.
Instead, I adopted my dancing posture, which was admittedly less I’ve got this than it was before I had a silicone stomach strapped to me, and more I better park well or I won’t be able to get into my car.
I couldn’t quite wipe the feelings off my face, though, so I settled for a polite smile while wishing him death with my eyes.
The corner of his mouth twitched. He knew. He’d gotten the message. Was he at all as threatened by it as he should’ve been? Uh… no. But that was business as usual.
“Wow, Lex. You look…” Colt trailed off, leaving me to fill in the blank.
McBride came to the rescue. “Pregnant. You look pregnant. Which is exactly what we were going for.” He nodded politely at Hattie, but I didn’t miss how he didn’t hold eye contact for long.
And, if I wasn’t mistaken, his cheeks were a bit pinker than a second ago.
Huh. That wasn’t at all like the supervisory agent I knew. “Thank you, Hattie.”
“Anything for you, Jonas. Just don’t wait thirty years before contacting me next time.
” She waved a breezy hand, appearing, for all intents and purposes, to completely ignore his guilty expression and uncomfortable shifting.
“Now, I’ve outfitted Miss Piper here with a silicone stomach with removable straps for extra stability.
As you can see, she’s well-endowed enough that she doesn’t need any fillers up top?—”
I recoiled, broken out of my stoicism by the sheer audacity.
Heat flamed through me as I gauged the guys’ reactions.
Not that my boobage was news to me, obviously, since the “girls” caused issues every time I went sports bra shopping, but out of all the people in the world I didn’t want to broadcast that to, McBride and Colt were easily in the top three.
The only one missing would be my own father.
McBride looked between me and Hattie, as if unsure how to react. Colt, to his credit, only looked at the area in question for a split second before focusing intently on something out the window and giving his shirt collar a tug.
Hattie, completely unfazed, continued. “So, I believe all she needs is a maternity wardrobe?—”
McBride nodded curtly, relieved she’d apparently moved on from expounding on my feminine qualities. “Yes. Jewel from accounting will take you shopping tomorrow, Piper.”
“And the rings,” Hattie finished. She pulled two long, thin boxes from the mother box and passed one to Colt and me. “These aren’t actually worth much, but they look nice, and they are matching sets, so I want them back, you hear? Just pick whichever fits you best and leave the rest.”
I opened mine to reveal a line of identical silver rings with a simple, circular faux diamond in the center. As I found the one that fit and slipped it on my finger, a portion of the feelings I’d been holding at bay slipped through.