Chapter Nine #3
“No, it’s all right. I just miss him a lot, is all. I always thought I’d have more time with him.”
It was Audrey’s turn to grow quiet. She could practically feel the grief still lingering heavy and deep in Theo’s chest, and he didn’t say anything else.
Instead, he only tightened his arm around her shoulders and drained his remaining hot chocolate before closing his eyes and resting his head on top of hers.
They sat in the weighted quiet, simply listening to the rain and the music together until Theo finally broke their silence.
He leaned forward and set his mug down on the coffee table before running his hand through her still-damp hair.
“It’s getting kind of late, and I checked the weather earlier.
It doesn’t look like the storm’s going to let up until tomorrow.
” He paused and breathed in and out a few times, clearly trying to steel himself for something.
“Would you…” He drew in another deep breath.
“Would you stay here tonight with me? Please?”
Audrey’s own breath suddenly caught in her throat.
When she didn’t say anything, panic flashed across Theo’s face.
“I mean, I can take you home if you’re not comfortable, I don’t mind.
It’s just that—well, it’s cold outside, and the rain’s really coming down.
I’ll call us a cab and go with you to make sure you get there safely, but I’d feel better if you… stayed. With me.”
She swallowed and wrapped her fingers around her mug to contemplate the remaining lukewarm chocolate, searching for how to answer him. This wasn’t how she’d been expecting tonight to go.
“Oh shit,” Theo breathed, covering his face with his massive palm again. “I’ve made a mistake, haven’t I? I’ve fucked something up. I’ve made you uncomfortable. I’m so sorry.”
“No, Theo. No.” Audrey shook her head quickly and shifted to face him fully. “No, you didn’t.”
“I know I did. What was it?”
“Nothing. It really wasn’t anything.”
“I pushed you on the boyfriend thing, didn’t I?”
“No, I wanted you to. I—”
“Then I shouldn’t have asked you to stay.
Was that it?” He looked at her, frantic and worried.
“Or, uh…it’s my place, isn’t it? It’s too big?
I didn’t tell you about it. I didn’t warn you, and it’s—” He ran a trembling hand through his thick hair.
“Fuck, look, I know it’s a lot, but—I-I mean, I wasn’t going to bring you here so soon, I just didn’t want you to get cold and sick and it was so much farther to your place, and there weren’t any cabs around, and—”
“Your house is amazing!” She put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s beautiful and warm, and I really like it! If anything, I’m embarrassed by how small and shitty my place is in comparison! I practically live in a dumpster!”
Considering how much of her furniture she’d actually found in or next to one of those, it was fairly true.
“No, don’t say that! That’s not the reaction I wanted you to have!” He sat up all the way and splayed his hands out, pleading. “I really liked your apartment! It was cozy and comfortable and it looked like you, you shouldn’t be at all embarrassed by it. It wasn’t shitty!”
It was. It was small and shabby and shitty, just like she was. But he was so earnest, it only made her more flustered, and her cheeks burned. This was so embarrassing.
“What? What is it?!” Theo cried. He was fully distraught now.
“It’s—um. Well, it’s—”
“If it’s not my place, and it’s not me, then what is it?”
“I haven’t done this before!” Audrey screwed her eyes shut and gripped her mug so hard she thought she might crack the thick porcelain.
Theo shut his wide mouth quickly.
It felt like an eternity before either of them spoke again.
“You haven’t done…what before, exactly?”
She took a deep breath and opened her eyes.
Theo was staring at her blankly, still obviously at a loss. “Sit on a couch in front of the fire? Is that it?” He chewed on his bottom lip. “Well, I guess you probably don’t have fireplaces in Tampa,” he muttered. “I wouldn’t know, though. I’ve never been to Florida.”
“No, Theo.” Audrey shook her head. “I’ve never worn a boyfriend’s clothes while sitting on his couch, alone with him in his home.
” Her face burned even hotter than before.
“I’ve never…stayed over. With a man. Anywhere.
I—” It was really hard to admit this out loud.
“I’ve reached the extent of my experience, and I was afraid you’d start to figure that out soon.
I don’t know what happens next if I…stay here. With you.”
“Oh?” His eyes widened and he finally seemed to understand. That only made her even more embarrassed. “Oh. Uh…Audrey, did you think I was angling for sex or something?” He tilted his head at her and raised both of his eyebrows. “Because for the record, I wasn’t.”
It was her turn to frown. “But this is our third date.”
“No, it’s not—we’ve had way more than that. Right?” He ran a confused hand through his hair. “How are we counting? Are we counting? I mean, I’ve been coming to see you a lot at the coffee shop, so I was thinking those were dates too, and—”
“They were, but this is the third time we’ve hung out outside of it.” Her frown deepened. “There’s expectations.”
“Wait, what?” He frowned right back. “Why? Did you think I had ‘expectations’?”
“No, but that’s just—that’s just the rule, right? Sex on the third date. That’s what everyone says.”
It was definitely what Violet said.
“It is?” He snorted. “Well, that’s stupid. And who’s ‘everyone,’ anyway? Who made those rules?”
He had her there. “I honestly have no idea.”
“And that’s why you’ve mostly been so stiff and quiet since we got here?” She nodded. “Has this happened with someone before?” She nodded again and his gaze darkened. “Who?”
Audrey couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore—not for this.
Her face was so hot, she was sure she would combust, and she stared down at the mug in her hands, running a finger nervously along the rim.
“The last guy I went out with, almost two years ago. His name was Patrick. We went out a few times, and afterwards, when we were in his car, he—well, the subject of sex came up, and I told him I hadn’t had it yet.
I didn’t feel ready, and I asked him to…
slow down.” Hot shame rose up into her hairline.
“I really liked him. I thought he liked me back, I thought everything was fine, I thought he was okay with what I’d said, but instead, he…
he just dumped me then and there. Didn’t say another word.
He took me home, waited for me to get out of the car, and never texted again. ”
She’d never felt so worthless as she did in that moment.
Even now, she felt just as sick as she did then.
Theo stared silently at her, his mouth slightly open. He barely blinked for what felt like entirely too long, until Billie started to sing another song in the background. He glanced over his shoulder at the record player before seeming to make up his mind about something.
When he stood up from the couch and offered her a hand, it was Audrey’s turn to blink up at him in confusion.
“Come here,” he said, motioning her forward before taking her mug from her grasp and placing it next to his on the coffee table.
“What—”
“Just come here.”
She slid her hand into his, and he gently tugged her to his feet and into his arms. He took her left hand in his right and placed her other hand on his shoulder before wrapping his arm around her waist.
And then he began to sway.
Stiffly, at first. Halting, and certainly unsure. She wondered if his hip bothered him while he moved. It felt like it might.
But regardless of all that, it was definitely something resembling dancing.
“Are you dancing with me, Theodore Sullivan? Really?” He’d so staunchly refused to do this with her earlier, and now he’d decided to dance? After what she’d just told him? She scoffed. “Isn’t this kind of…cheesy?”
“Hush, you,” he whispered. “And yeah, it is. Very. I’m well aware, and don’t think I’m not catastrophizing and beating myself up for this choice in my own head right now.
” His eyes glinted as he looked down at her.
They were whiskey and mahogany tonight in the firelight.
“But I thought we needed to do something dumb for a second. And if there’s one thing I know I look dumb doing, it’s dancing.
” He leaned forward and pressed his cheek to her forehead.
“It’s why I didn’t want to do it in front of everyone at the party.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a little self-conscious. ”
She suppressed a laugh. “I have noticed that, yes.”
“And my middle name is Henry, by the way. If you want to know the whole thing.”
“Theodore Henry. Got it.” She closed her eyes. “Mine’s Marie.”
“Audrey Marie?” She nodded. “Very pretty. Just like you.”
He grew quiet again and swayed with her in time to the music in front of the fire, simply staring at her while they moved together.
He was right: it did defuse the awkwardness between them, and when he exaggerated a piss-poor attempt at a twirl and drew her back into his arms, she couldn’t help but laugh.
But there was something else. Something about the song he’d chosen tugged at the recesses of her memory.
“This sounds familiar.”
He hummed in agreement, the sound of it rumbling from his chest through hers. “Does it now?”
“Where is this from? Where have I heard this?”
“Listen to the lyrics,” he whispered. And then he murmured along with them, his breath tickling across her ear. “No matter what the future brings, as time goes by. Moonlight and love songs, never out of date—”
Audrey pulled back to look up at him. “Casablanca?!” she gasped. “This is the song from Casablanca!”
He grinned crookedly at her and nodded, obviously deeply pleased with himself. “Great cover, isn’t it?”
“Billie Holiday’s version is gorgeous.”