Chapter Thirty-Seven
Sloane blinked rapidly as her heart slammed against her chest. Her voice came out faint and unsteady. “You… love… me?”
“Yes, Sloane Renee Dell, I love you.” Unlike her, he sounded sure and confident. He sighed. “And you’re not ready to hear that yet.”
Her heart bloomed with joy, while her head, always so hesitant, nervous, and wary when it came to love and the necessity of trust and vulnerability that came with it, struggled to keep up. “I—I… just…”
He reached for her hands. “Hey, it’s okay. What we have is new. I sprung that on you. I can see you’re struggling, trying to figure out whether to believe me and what it means if you do. And yeah. I’ll be patient.”
Sloane’s eyes squeezed shut for a second. “August…”
“No, it’s okay.”
She wasn’t sure. His mouth was saying all the right things, but the mask he usually reserved for strangers and those he didn’t trust had slipped over his face. She hated it. When he let down his guard, it was a beautiful sight to see. Her heart never felt more full than in those moments.
She had to make him understand. “I’ve been hurt before. Opening my heart to that type of hurt again is scary. But I do want to be with you.”
“You’re just not sure you want all of me.”
Damn it, he had a way of getting to the core of the matter every single time. It was one of the many reasons she… cared about him. Sloane sighed. What the hell was wrong with her? He was everything she’d always wanted, and she wasn’t grabbing him with both hands and jumping in feetfirst. And she’d put that look on his face.
Her phone rang. Damn, she didn’t have time for whoever it was. But it wouldn’t stop ringing.
“Go ahead.”
Sloane wrapped a bedsheet around herself and slipped off the bed. She stumbled out of the bedroom and located her purse, where she’d dropped it in the hall. She dug the phone out and almost lost her grip when she saw who was calling. Her heart picked up pace again. She let out a little squeak.
“What? Who is it?” August barked out from behind her.
“It’s SDT,” she whispered like the woman on the other end of the call could hear her talking about her.
“Answer it,” he whispered back, inadvertently picking up on her neuroses.
“Right.” She cleared her throat. Her hands were still shaking, but she got it together enough to stab at the screen to answer the call. This was it. “Hello.”
Points to her for sounding halfway normal.
“Hi, Sloane. This is Emily Chan.”
Sloane listened intently. A few minutes later, she said, “Okay. Thank you. I’ll let you know.” She ended the call with an unsteady finger.
“Let her know what? When you can start?” August said.
She turned to him, the man who had always been in her corner. Even now, despite the fact that she hadn’t returned his declaration of love. “No, not that.”
His brow furrowed in confusion. “Then what? You did get the job, right?”
“Not exactly.”
“What do you mean, not exactly? You’ve busted your ass the past few weeks.”
Sloane swallowed, still struggling to process the one-sided conversation with Emily. Her emotions and thoughts were on a seesaw that showed no signs of slowing down. “She thinks I’ve done a great job, but she also learned that MDJ— Melinda —is coming to town and thinks it would be the biggest get if I could get her to do something with Sugar Blitz. Possibly come on the podcast or IG Live. Show I’m really committed to the cause of generating buzz and presumably sales. That’s what they’re looking for, for their position—someone to go that extra mile, apparently, even if it means relying on and hyping up gossip.”
His face, his voice remained stoic. “Do it, and the job is yours?”
Sloane forced the answer out. “Yes.”
He was silent for a few seconds, the longest three seconds of her life. “Then you have to do it.”
She jerked back in shock. “You want me to put all your business out in the street? Exploit you?”
The mask remained in place. “That’s what we’ve been doing this whole time. I know what this job means to you. You’re so close. It would be a shame to quit now. You were made for this job. You’ll be fantastic.”
Then why didn’t she feel fantastic?
“To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?” Donovan asked as he opened his front door.
“Can’t a gal come hang out with her big brother?” Sloane asked as she swept by him into his home.
“Sure, but I know you. You always have an ulterior motive,” he said, following her down the hall to the kitchen.
“Love you, too, Donny,” she said as she entered the kitchen. “But you’re right. I actually came to see my soon-to-be sister-in-law.” She stepped into a hug with the always fashionable, always welcoming Jada. She looked over her shoulder. “And you always have food, so it’s a win-win for me. Besides, you invited me, remember?”
Donovan shot her a look. “If I recall correctly, you called, asked what we were having for dinner, said ‘ooh’ when I said chicken parmigiana, and asked if you could stop by.”
Sloane waved her hand. “Details, schmetails.”
As annoying as he could be in that big-brother-knows-best way, Donovan could always be counted on to offer good advice. And who knew August better than he did? But she wasn’t ready to spill her guts just yet. She was still in denial that spillage was necessary.
“Well, you know I’m always happy to see you, Sloane, no matter the reason,” Jada said. She was dressed “down” in the cutest jumpsuit Sloane had seen in a minute and black strappy sandals.
“Likewise,” Sloane said. “You’re too good for my brother, you know that, right?”
Donovan rolled his eyes, but went into big-brother mode anyway, grabbing her a Coke, her fave, from the refrigerator and handing it to her. She took a seat on a stool at the massive quartz countertop and observed her brother and his love finish preparing dinner, which mostly consisted of warming up and then plating the food Donovan’s personal chef had already prepared. But they laughed and joked through it all, sneaking kisses and light touches as they passed by each other.
If Sloane didn’t love them both dearly, she’d find it sickening.
She stayed out of the way, sipping the ice-cold soda while they brought the food to the dining room table. In companionable silence, they passed the dishes around and served themselves. The pasta dish smelled heavenly, but her appetite had deserted her. She took one bite and that was more than enough. Instead of eating, she cut the chicken into smaller and smaller pieces. Donovan kept sending curious looks her way and sharing concerned glances with his fiancée, but knew enough not to push her until she was ready.
She wasn’t ready yet. “Jada, how’s the business going?”
“Great, actually. The grand opening for Sugar Blitz Two is right around the corner, which is keeping me super busy,” Jada said. “It’s going to be fab.”
“Awesome.” Sloane went back to picking at her food.
“Sloane, what’s going on?” Jada asked. “You don’t look so great.”
“Honey,” Donovan hissed.
Sloane laughed, far from being offended. Jada’s commitment to speaking her mind was one of the things Sloane loved about her the most. It felt good to laugh and release some of the tension that had filled every muscle in her body since leaving August’s house yesterday.
“Chill, Donovan.” Sloane set her fork down. “How do you two make it work? Y’all are complete opposites, and yet it works.”
Donovan and Jada exchanged another glance, silently communicating with each other. Sloane tried not to be jealous. She failed miserably. She wanted what they had, but… but. Wasn’t that the crux of her problem? She couldn’t let go of the “but.”
Donovan’s hand landed on Jada’s where it rested on the table. “We love each other.”
“But we’re not perfect. It took us time to get here,” Jada said.
Sighing, Sloane nodded and forced down another bite of chicken. The undoubtedly excellent sauce might as well have been sawdust.
“Sloane, what’s going on? Jada was right. You look terrible.”
Jada slapped his hand. “I said ‘not good,’ not ‘terrible.’ I have tact.”
Sloane offered up a small smile when Jada winked at her, then quickly explained the new job offer requirement and her subsequent conversation with August. “Why would he think I’d choose a job over him?”
Her brother shrugged. “Because everything you’ve done the past few weeks has been with the goal of getting a job?”
Sloane quickly shook her head. “But this is different. I’d never put him in a bad position if I can help it.”
“Did you tell him that?”
“Well… no. I was in too much shock that he said he’d do it.”
“But should you have been?”
Recalling the conversation, Sloane groaned, loud and extra-long. “No. He said he loved me.”
“You said it back, yes?” Jada prodded.
Sloane groaned again and buried her face in her hands. “No.”
“Oh, Sloane.” Donovan rose and rounded the table. He sat in the empty chair next to her. “What’s going on?”
She lifted her head and searched his face. “How did you get past it—the hurt that Dad caused, the rejection you felt when, sorry, Jada broke up with you—to trust that she wouldn’t hurt you again and that your love will last?”
“I ended things, temporarily I might add, because I was scared,” Jada said.
Donovan’s look at his fiancée was full of love. “Once I understood that, the hurt melted away. I realized my life sucked without Jada and I didn’t want to continue living that way. I knew I wanted to be there for her in the future whenever she got scared. People aren’t perfect, Sloane. Once you understand that, it makes accepting their shortcomings and mistakes a little easier.”
Wise, wise words from her brother. And maybe one of her shortcomings was not being able to let go of the past. August hadn’t handled that situation long ago perfectly. Lord knew she hadn’t either. “And the hurt Dad caused?”
He sighed and sat back. “It wasn’t easy, but I finally came to grips with the fact that I’m not Dad. Yes, I’ve been shaped by him and Mama, but ultimately I’m my own person with my own life and thoughts, and I have to grab what I want and live the life I want to live. I’m my own person.”
“And August is his own person. He’s not our father.” He wasn’t the college kid who’d broken her heart. He’d shown her over and over how much he cared about her, his partners, and what they were trying to build with Sugar Blitz. He cared deeply about the people around him and always supported them. Wasn’t that everything she’d always wanted?
Donovan nodded. “Right. He has his own shit to deal with when it comes to his dad and Melinda. Maybe that’s why he so easily believed you’d choose your job over him.”
Damn, damn, damn. She’d royally screwed everything up. Instead of being supportive, she’d hurt the man she loved with all her heart. But all was not lost. She wouldn’t let it be. This was her newest and most important mission.
“I have to make this right.” She leaped up from her seat. “I know what I have to do.”