Chapter Fourteen #3
Thank the heavens, because he didn’t think he could hold out much longer.
After another long, hard stroke that took him to the precipice, he yanked himself out just in time to spill his seed on the floor.
Leaning hard against the bed, he groaned as he emptied.
Only after he caught his breath and his reeling senses calmed did he notice that his beloved wife had gone entirely too still.
“Why did you do that?” Her tone rang with so many dangerous emotions: indignation, hurt, accusation.
Coward that he was, he prayed he could convince her he had done nothing out of the ordinary. “Do what, my love? We both found our pleasure. I did please ye, aye?”
She stared up at him, her smile gone. “Why did you do that?” she repeated.
“Do what?” He straightened and backed away. The look in her eyes said she knew damn well what he had done, but he hadn’t the courage to own up to it.
“My sisters told me that is a way to keep from having too many babies.” She pushed herself up and retreated to the pillows piled against the headboard, snatching at the bedclothes to cover herself. “Since we have no babies at all, why would you do that?”
Damn her sisters for educating his virgin bride. He might as well confess and tell her that this was how it would be between them forevermore. “I dinna wish to lose ye.”
“What?”
“I dinna wish to lose ye.”
“How would you lose me?”
“Ye know as well as I how many women die bringing bairns into this world. I am not willing to risk yer life like that. I swore to protect ye, and protect ye I will.”
Her glare turned cold and stony. “You knew before we took our vows that I wanted as many children as the Almighty saw fit to give me, and yet now you say you are unwilling to have any?”
“To protect ye, my own. For yer own good. And mine.” He raked a hand through his hair, willing her to understand and accept that this was for the best. “I canna bear to lose ye, Merry. Not now that I finally have some happiness that is true and real.”
“You lied to me.”
“I did not.”
“Yes, you did. Not telling me what you had in mind is the same thing as lying about it.”
The tremble in her voice tore at his heart, fueling the guilt already tearing into his soul. “I canna lose ye, Merry. Please try to understand.”
“What you need to understand is that you have already lost me.” She wrapped the covers tighter around her. “Take your clothes and get out. You are not welcome in my bed ever again.”
“Merry.”
“Get. Out.” She pointed a shaking finger at the door.
“Since you are unable to love me fully and give of yourself completely, you will not give me yourself at all. We will be married in name only until you see sense and learn to live each day to the fullest instead of worrying about what might happen.”
Heart breaking, he backed away. “Merry…please.”
“Get. Out.” She bared her teeth, her voice as ragged as the fury in her eyes. “Now!”
*
Merry stared at the door long after he was gone. Unable to cry. Unable to think. Unable to do anything but hug her knees to her chest and rock in place. She pressed her forehead to her knees, closed her eyes tightly shut, and fought the urge to rail and scream her frustrations.
Her champion, the man that she loved, was a selfish, lying coward.
Now what would she do? Ripping back the bedclothes, she climbed out of the bed, hating that the place smelled like them and their consummation. “Consummation? Ha!”
She spat on the wetness on the floor where he had betrayed her.
Even though it was late February, she went to the window and shoved it open wide, letting the chilly night air whip her hair back from her face.
The gentle light from the waning moon and the spattering of stars barely eased the inky blackness of the night.
All was silent. Empty. Just like her marriage had suddenly become.
“No.” She thumped the windowsill with both fists.
“I will not accept this fate.” But what could she do?
An annulment on the grounds of fraud would not only be difficult to prove but also most embarrassing.
And she didn’t want the marriage annulled.
Even though she was furious with Duncan, she couldn’t imagine life without him.
She loved the bloody fool even though he had denied her the one thing she had always dreamt of having: a child.
He had said he had done it to protect her. Considering his past, she vaguely understood his twisted thoughts, yet she refused to live in fear of what might happen. One had to embrace and make the most of life, rather than constantly dread and attempt to avoid the inevitable end.
She stared up at the winking stars, wishing her married sisters were here to guide her. Unfortunately, Serendipity was unlikely to be much help. Seri would sympathize and might even box Duncan’s ears for him, but other than that, she would be little help at finding a suitable resolution.
“I do not accept this,” she told the stars. “I am going to have a child. Mine and Duncan’s child.”