Chapter Seventeen #2
“I know, my own, I know.” He released a heavy sigh of his own, slowly stroking her hair as the tension gradually left her and her breathing evened out to a slow, deep rhythm. His precious angel, whom he’d tormented so, had finally captured the nap she had been chasing. Bless her weary soul.
He treasured this moment and stored it away, memorizing every sensation.
These moments would help him fight the demons of his past and keep them in the shadows where they belonged.
For fight them he would, and overcome his fears—and if, heaven forbid, his worst nightmare came to fruition, at least he would have precious moments of happiness to treasure all the rest of his days.
*
Merry stared at her reflection in the dressing table mirror as Jenny took down her hair and brushed it.
The day had been so bittersweet. Watching Duncan with the baby had made her heart ache and renewed the insatiable yearning for a child of her own.
And tonight, he would be in her bed. His warmth, his scent, his deep, rumbling voice—all tempting her to go back on her word and be thankful for whatever his demons allowed him to give her.
“There ye are, my lady,” Jenny said, interrupting her thoughts. “If that be all, I’ll be heading to the servants’ quarters now.”
“Are you all right there, Jenny?” Merry turned to her maid, who was more of a friend than a servant. “I know my sister and brother-in-law treat their people well, but you’re accustomed to having your own room set off beside mine.”
Jenny shooed away her worries. “The girls and I are old friends now. It reminds me of being back home with my sisters. In fact, I shall miss them when we return home.”
“I am glad.” Merry nervously plucked at the ties of her chemise and forced a smile. “Good night, then. Sleep well.”
“You as well, my lady.”
As the maid left and the door clicked shut behind her, Merry pulled in a deep breath and held it to try to calm her racing heart. She would be strong and get through this. One way or the other, she would keep to the vow she had made not only to Duncan but to herself as well.
“Time to build my wall.” She piled the extra pillows and blankets she had requested on the end of the bed, then clambered up onto the enormous thing and set to work.
Bundling the blankets into large rolls, she used them as the foundation of the divider running down the middle of the bed.
Next came the pillows, piled one on top of the other from the headboard to the footboard.
“Good gracious,” she said as she eyed her handiwork. It reminded her of the forts she and her sisters had built when they were children and couldn’t sleep. As the door latch rattled, she launched herself onto her side of the bed and pulled the covers up to her neck.
Duncan entered, closed the door behind him, then arched a brow at her defenses. “Are ye certain ye dinna wish me to fetch ye some stone and mortar?”
“I simply thought it wise to place a barrier between us. To stave off temptation.” The only problem was that she still wanted him oh so very badly.
Their wedding night had awakened a fury within her, a punishing fury that did not at all approve of her determination to be chaste until Duncan saw sense.
As he disrobed, she couldn’t resist staring until he paused and shook a finger at her. “Nay, lass. Face the wall, aye? To stave off temptation.”
With an indignant huff, she turned onto her side and stared at the green-and-pink floral wallpaper she had never particularly liked. The bed shifted as he settled into his spot. With a yank on the covers, her pillow barrier toppled over.
“Do ye wish to rebuild, or shall I?”
“I shall do it, thank you very much.” She popped up to restack the pillows and came up short. Her inner fury crackled with renewed fire. “You are naked.”
“Aye.” With a most irritating nonchalance, he stretched and folded his hands behind his head. “I always sleep naked.”
“But we are not…” She couldn’t quite put her thoughts into words.
“We are man and wife. There is nothing inappropriate about my lack of clothing in our bed.”
Not once did he take his focus off the ceiling, but she noticed the bedclothes covering him from the waist down were slowly but surely rising as though propped with a pole.
Good. At least he would suffer as much as she would.
She flopped back down on her side, wishing she had chosen the space closer to the window. The room had become insufferably warm.
“If ye wish to disrobe, ye can, my own. Ye would be cooler.”
How had he known she was about to break into a sweat? “I am fine,” she lied, yanking the covers back up to her chin. “But if you wish to open the window wider, I would not be opposed to the idea. That is…if you are overly warm.”
As he rose and strutted to the window, she realized the error of her offer.
The golden glow of the bedside lamp caressed his sculpted body like a lover—like she could do if only she would relent.
Once again, she flopped over onto her side and stared at the ugly wallpaper.
This torture was unlike any she had ever known. Her body was determined to betray her.
“Better?” he asked as he climbed back into the bed.
“Yes. Thank you.” She curled into a tighter ball, bumped the pillows with her bum, and toppled her wall again. “Drat! Drat! Drat!” As she rose to repair the barrier, he caught hold of her wrist and stopped her.
“Leave them, lass.”
“We need them.”
He slowly shook his head and pulled her closer. “Nay, we dinna need them.” With a powerful swipe of his arm, he knocked the pillows and rolled blankets onto the floor. “All we need is each other.”
His fathomless gaze pulled her in and held her prisoner. Stubbornness waning, she erred again when she tried to push away. The ripple of his hard muscles responding to her touch spurred the memory of lying beneath him, welcoming him in where he belonged.
“My vow,” she whispered, frantic to give in and love him, yet just as frantic to be true to her heart.
“Is not broken,” he answered just as softly.
She frowned down at him, afraid of misunderstanding, afraid of hoping. “What do you mean?”
He frowned back at her, his expression tightening as if he was in pain.
“I shall do my best to fight my demons.” His voice cracked, making him clear his throat.
“When I saw ye with the wee one…” He shook his head.
“I canna bear to hurt ye as much as I have.” He cupped her cheek in his hand, lacing his fingers into her hair.
Terror darkened the shadows in his eyes.
“But if anything happens, if ye are taken from me…” After a hard swallow, he wet his lips and shook his head. “They might as well bury me with ye.”
Her tears welled and overflowed. She couldn’t stop them. On her side, facing him, she combed his hair back from his face. This had to be so hard for him, and yet he was willing to try to overcome his darkness for her.
She started to promise him that everything would be all right, but stopped herself. He was neither a fool nor a child. They both knew the risks. She wouldn’t insult him by minimizing the validity of his fears.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love ye more.”
She scooted closer and kissed him to christen this difficult decision he had made.
While she couldn’t imagine all he had dealt with in his past, she knew it had been terrible.
All she could do was love him and do her best to protect him in turn.
Maybe she should never have given him her ultimatum, but that was a guilty pondering for another day. “I think I would like to disrobe now.”
“That would be verra fine indeed.” He tugged on the ribbon that kept the neckline of her chemise primly closed.
With a featherlight touch that sent gooseflesh rippling across her, he shoved it away from her shoulders and tickled his fingertips along her collarbone.
“Softer than the rarest silk. My precious love.” He swiped his thumb through her trail of tears.
“Forgive me for causing ye so much pain, I beg ye.”
“It is all in the past.” She shoved the linen chemise the rest of the way off, wiggling it down her body.
“I have missed you so.” She kissed him again, pouring herself, all her yearning, into him.
She loved this man, and whether or not they ever had children would never change that.
She knew that now. Her vow to boot him from her bed had been more a matter of pride than anything.
Perhaps she shouldn’t have reacted that way, or maybe she had been right.
All she knew for certain was that they needed to be together just like this.
“Love me,” she whispered as she pulled him into her arms.
With a gentleness that nearly made her tears return, he kissed her slowly. Deeply. Tenderly. As he pressed his mouth to hers, he tickled his fingertips along her arms, down her sides, touching her with a hungry, insistent reverence. She shuddered, needing more, needing everything.
“Love me,” she repeated softly. “I need you so very much.”
“My dearest one.” He buried his face in the crook of her neck, breathing her in as he nibbled kisses across her flesh and tenderly nipped along the ridge of her shoulder.
She couldn’t help but giggle because the bristly day’s growth of his beard tickled. “Are you sniffing me?”
“Aye, love. The scent of ye drives me mad.” He settled over her and completed the joining she’d needed ever since the last time. A satisfied groan rumbled free of him, and she felt it reverberate through her. “Never will I ever get enough of ye.”
She thoroughly agreed with the sentiment as their intimate dance crescendoed, then exploded in sheer bliss. The wondrous torment made her cry out while raking her fingernails down his back.
He growled like an enraged beast, driving harder and faster before plunging deep and holding. With a hard shudder and a long, low groan, he sagged over her, locking his elbows just in time to keep from crushing her. “My love,” he said, gasping out the words. “My love.”
She clutched him tighter, closing her eyes as tears slipped free. “My champion,” she whispered, also trying to catch her breath. “My greatest love, greatest joy.”
*
Merry barely cracked open an eye to find herself sprawled across Duncan, her head on his chest, and her arms and legs hanging off him in exhausted abandon.
She and her beloved husband had made up for lost time last night, loving each other until the wee hours of dawn, and it appeared she had fallen asleep where she landed.
A tentative tap on the door made her open both eyes and squint at the small clock squatting on the mantel. “Good heavens.” The hour was almost noon. She tried to rise, but Duncan tightened his arms around her.
“Nay, love. Stay,” he murmured without opening his eyes.
“Someone is at the door.” She gently but firmly disengaged, even though she would much rather do as he asked.
He growled like a sleepy beast, scrubbing his face with one hand while pushing himself upright in the bed. “Tell them to go away.”
After wrapping a blanket around herself for a bit of decency, she went to the door and opened it a crack to discover Felicity standing in the hallway with the smuggest of smiles lighting up her face.
“Good morning,” her sister said. “Or at least it will be for a little while longer. I came up to inquire if you were unwell, but it appears my fears were unfounded.”
“I am quite well, thank you.” Merry attempted to sound lofty but found it difficult while standing there wearing nothing but a blanket. “Did Abby allow you any sleep last night?”
Felicity nodded, obviously doing her level best not to smirk about her sister’s state of undress.
“She did indeed. I am fully refreshed and prepared to interview the new nurse and wet nurse today.” She winked.
“Which means if you would like to return to your bed to actually sleep, feel free to do so.”
“Do not be a troll.”
“Shall I send up some refreshments? Tea and buns, perhaps? I am sure you would like some fresh water. Drake and I always find that most helpful.”
Merry’s stomach growled, voicing its opinion regarding that offer. “That would be lovely. Thank you.”
Felicity winked. “I shall tell Abby that she will see her auntie much later.”
Merry rolled her eyes and closed the door. She would never hear the end of this from Felicity.
Duncan stretched out his hand. “Come back to bed, my own. I miss ye.”
“Why would you miss me?” she teased. “I am right here.” She sauntered to the edge of the bed and let the blanket fall.
He caught hold of her and pulled her into his arms. “Aye, but when I canna feel yer warmth, I hunger for it like a man starving.”
Unable to resist, she melted against him, smiling as he rolled her to lie beneath him. “I thought we were going to go back to sleep?”
He nuzzled kisses along her jawline, then raked back her hair and tenderly nibbled at her earlobe. “Whatever gave ye that idea, my love?” He rocked into her, deliciously settling exactly where he belonged. There would be no sleeping. Not for a while.