Chapter 10 Riley
Riley
I’d woken up earlier than I wanted to, but trying to get back to sleep was harder than I imagined, so I stopped trying.
I sat up in River’s bed and reached for my phone.
I tried to read a few pages of one of my ebooks but I couldn’t focus.
I don’t know why I did it, but I went to my photo app.
I swiped through until I found ones of me and Marianne.
I should have closed my phone and stopped, but I didn’t.
I clicked through more pictures, each and every single photo filling me with a kind of sad rage that I’d never felt before.
I had no idea what the chancellor had done with her after I blacked out.
I hated that she was scared when she died.
I hated that she had been a part of my life and this is what happened.
I shut my eyes, letting my phone fall from my hands.
The last picture I’d seen was the one from when we’d driven all the way to Los Angeles because she had done so much research and was determined before she went off to college to get a real celebrity sighting.
And by ‘real’, she meant a celebrity she deemed as A-list and would make all the others at Virginia Tech jealous.
It never actually happened, but we spent an entire weekend in the city and way too much money, but that time was something I’d always remember, and it made my heart hurt. I opened my eyes and tears spilled down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away when the door cracked open.
River poked his head in and his eyebrows raised when he noticed I was up. “I was coming to wake you.”
I tossed my phone on the end table and put my hands in my lap. I looked around the room. “Where’s Beau?”
River nodded beyond the door. “He’s napping on the couch. I took him for a walk, fed him a sandwich and then I put on some cartoons for him to watch in the living room.”
I laughed softly. “You fed him a sandwich?”
“Well, we don’t have dog food here, so I made him a sandwich. Don’t worry, all dog-friendly items. It was like peanut butter and ham. He thought it was delicious. That’s at least what he thought to himself.”
I made a disgusted face. “That sounds gross.”
River shrugged, walking further into the room and closing the door. “He liked it. That’s all that matters.” He didn’t make a move to sit on the bed, but instead just stood near it as if he was contemplating his next words. “Can we finally talk?”
I lifted my head towards the ceiling and sighed, “Did you talk to Grayson while I was asleep?”
“I did. He asked how you were for the tenth time. I let him in on what’s going on and despite what you might think, he isn’t loyal to my dad or Chancellor Fowler. He wants to help and…”
I widened my eyes as if to tell him to keep going.
“And he called his parents and told them he was going to head back to the dorms early before school opens back up, but he’s actually just going to stay here, in the guest room.
He doesn’t want to bother you until you’re ready, but he is on your side, Riley.
” He almost started to flinch like I was about to argue with him.
“He can do whatever he wants. We can cross paths for all I care; I’m not ready to look at him and say much of anything. He isn’t the problem, but he’s a constant reminder.” I mumbled the last words under my breath, pulling myself together. “Now inform me on why school is so fucking important.”
River had a relationship with Grayson, one that went beyond ours and I knew he was hurting in a different way then I was. I couldn’t just forget what happened for the sake of my boyfriend. I loved River, but he didn’t live in my head and see the continuous fucking pain that liked to replay.
He started pacing as he spoke. “Asher went to see our dad and well, your dad was there too.”
I fisted the sheets, tampering down my anger. “That man isn’t my dad.”
River slowed his steps and looked at me, nodding.
“Right, sorry.” He started up again, clearing his throat.
I let him tell the entire story and he tried to gauge my reaction when he’d mentioned his dad being a part of how mine died.
I swallowed hard, knowing something had always been off with Oliver St. James.
I didn’t want to pat myself on the back about it because I didn’t like being right, not about this.
When he was done, he finally sat down in the middle of the bed, facing me. “Does it all make sense now?”
All the information suddenly made my braids feel far too tight and I rubbed my scalp. “What?”
“Asher’s insistence.”
I pulled my braids up off my neck and pulled them over one of my shoulders. “Yeah, I guess. He doesn’t have to be so pushy about it. It’s not really helpful…”
“I think it’s his odd way of caring about me…and about you.”
“River, I don‘t think—”
He shook his head. “That is for you and him to discuss. I only know about my own relationship with my brother, and I’ve always known Asher had a weird way of showing he cares.”
“As long as Asher doesn’t turn to the dark side, then fine, I’ll go to fucking school.
I’ll listen to you guys, but he needs to cool it.
He can keep his abrasive tendencies for the classroom and not bestow it upon me, that’s all I ask.
I don’t want Chancellor Fowler to ruin anyone else’s life, so if I have to go and show my face, be seen as some type of pariah, then fine. ”
“You won’t be a pariah, Riley. That school has much bigger problems than you and your secret magic.” River reached out and squeezed my leg over the sheets. “Besides, if you have any problems, I’m a phone call away.”
“You won’t read my mind and just know?” I challenged, cocking my head to the side.
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“River, let’s not pretend like you didn’t try when Grayson brought me back into my room, unconscious.
I may not be able to prove it, but I do know that you would want to help me no matter what and even fight against how much you conditioned yourself not to.
” I slipped out from underneath the covers, shuffling over to him.
His mouth was slightly open as if he wanted to retort and go against what I was saying, but his defense would be futile.
“Riley, I didn’t want to and it’s not like your mind would let me, but you were scaring me and I really didn’t like seeing you like that.
Marianne, your dad, I hate it for you. I hate that I can’t fix it. ”
“I know and I’m not mad. I can’t blame you.” He looked a little relieved and I stuck my tongue in my cheek.“You really care about me, don’t you?” I asked, poking his arm.
“What gave it away?” he joked, smiling at me. It was that charming smile that I’d fallen in love with.
I reached out and traced my finger along his defined jaw, watching the way his Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed.
There were so many things out of my control lately that it wasn’t fair.
I didn’t ask for this fucked up family history.
I didn’t ask for my dad to get thrown out a window and left for dead.
I didn’t ask to have power, but then again, they felt like they have always been a part of me and I never wanted them to leave.
I’d hurt my own mother because of them…and I needed something that was tangible. Something I knew was a constant for me.
I leaned in, pressing my mouth to his. He let an immediate moan slip out and I took that as my cue to open my mouth and take more.
I wrapped my hands around the back of his head, moving my lips over his and he gripped my sides.
The shirt rode up my thighs and I felt heat up my spine.
Never breaking our connection, I maneuvered myself so I was straddling him.
I brought my hands down and tucked them under his shirt, wanting it off.
He broke our kiss, dodging my attempts to capture his mouth again. “Riley.” His voice was a whisper in the small distance between our faces.
“What?” I asked, more bite to my words than I anticipated.
He ran his hands up my sides and then back down. “I think maybe we should talk some more or I don’t know….”
“No, you don’t know. You are trying to tell me what I need and that’s not how this works.” I cocked my head to the side, my frustration building.
He gripped my face in his hands, keeping me steady. “That’s not what I’m trying to do, gorgeous. I would never. I just don’t know if right now is the best time.”
I scoffed. “I have no fucking sense of direction at the moment, but I do have this,” I wiggled a little on his lap, causing him to stifle a groan.
“I am coherent enough to know when I would like to stop talking for a minute and just have sex with my boyfriend. If you don’t want to have sex or you don’t want me, then just say that.
Don’t turn this into something about my well-being. ”
He removed his hands from my face and placed them on my thighs.
His fingertips touched the exposed skin and it tickled.
He let his thumbs lightly run against the soft skin of my inner thigh.
I was about to get up and move back to my place on the bed, but he held my thighs tighter, keeping me on top of him.
River let out a deep breath, gazing up at me.
His eyes were thoughtful yet determined.
“I will always be concerned about your well-being. And I will always want to have sex with you. Those are non-starters, gorgeous. I will never tell you how to feel, but you have to fucking understand that I will make sure that you want me inside of you because it will make you happy or clear your head, not because you think it will solve your problems or because you think you’ll come and your life will go back to normal.
” He reached up and held my chin, brushing his thumb over my lips.
It was a feather-like touch that had me squirming on his lap.
“So look at me and honestly tell me that fucking me would make you happy, right here in this moment.”