Chapter 27
Izzy
I stood on a beach, watching the waves ebb and flow.
It was so calming and relaxing. I got lost in the rhythm of the water.
I hadn’t had much of a chance to just be at the beach since I came to LA.
I missed it. I had so many memories growing up of playing at the beach and chasing the waves with my mom.
I felt that familiar ache anytime I thought of her. And maybe that was the real reason I’d avoided the beach. The two of them were intertwined in my memory. It was almost impossible to think of a beach and not get a memory of something I’d said or done with my mom here.
God, I missed her so much. Sometimes it felt like I couldn’t breathe because of the hole she’d left in my soul.
“Izzy? What are you doing here?”
See? I was even imagining her voice now.
Maybe it’d been a mistake to come to the beach.
“Isabella! What happened?”
And then suddenly she was standing next to me. Holding me. Petting my hair. Crying.
“I didn’t want this for you. It’s too soon. Why are you here?”
“Mom?” I blinked blearily, tears sheening my eyes. But it was her. Standing in front of me. Stroking my hair. Crying all over me. “But how? I buried you!”
I clutched her to me, and we just stood there on the shore holding each other and crying.
“I missed you so much.”
“I know, honey. I know. I saw.”
I pulled back slightly so I could look at her face. “What does that mean?”
She shrugged. “I peek in when I get the chance. I saw you with Alexis and her family at Lake View. And then later at the Four Seasons with your father. And at that museum with the drummer. What’s his name? Hunter something? I like him, by the way.”
“But that’s not…” I shook my head, not understanding. How could she see all that when she was right here with me? And then it hit me. “Oh. I’m dreaming.”
And I felt the loss all over again. She really was gone. And would never be coming back.
“Sure. That’s one interpretation.” Mom tilted her head and gave me an enigmatic smile.
“Wait, I’m not dead, am I?” I couldn’t remember why I thought that.
Something had happened. Something big. I just couldn’t…
“No, honey. At least I don’t think so.” Tears pooled in her eyes again. “I really hope not. You still have so much to do, so much to live for.”
“And you didn’t?” I cried, swiping at my eyes.
“I need you, Mom. So much has changed, and I’m not sure how to navigate it all.
I need you with me. I need you to tell me when I’m being ridiculous and overthinking things.
I need you there when I get married. I want you to hold my hand when I’m delivering my first baby—your first grandchild.
I want you in my life. I need you. I don’t know how to do all this. I don’t want to do it without you.”
“Oh, honey. I wish, I wish so much that it didn’t have to be this way. I wish I had a chance to do and see all that with you. But I don’t.”
“I’m so mad at you for leaving me. It’s too soon.”
“I know, honey.”
“And I’m so mad at you for not telling me about my father. I spent my whole life thinking he was dead, and he was alive the whole time? And he didn’t know about me, either? How could you do that? Why would you do that?”
She gripped my hand for a second then let it fall as she took a few steps away.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she stared out at the water and away from me.
“I didn’t see how we would ever fit into his life.
He spent so much time on the road, in a tour bus and on planes.
That’s no life for a baby. Or at least that was the lie I told myself.
” She sighed and finally turned around to face me, and I saw the naked pain on her face.
“But really, I guess I was selfish. I wanted you all to myself. And deep down, I was afraid he’d break your heart just like he broke mine. ”
I had to look away.
Because she wasn’t wrong. After spending a month with Beau, I could see how easy it was to get drawn into his magnetic field. And how easy it was to be disappointed by him. How many times had I vowed to leave? The only reason I’d stayed so long was because of Hunter.
Hunter.
I could almost hear his voice now.
“Iz. I need you, princess. I need you to wake up.”
That was weird.
“Sounds like our time is almost over.”
I stared at my mom in surprise. She had a shimmery quality. Almost like I could see through her.
Yeah, I was definitely dreaming.
“Do me a favor, honey?”
“What, Mom? Anything.”
She smiled sadly. “Don’t let love slip through your fingers. Fight for it. Fight for him. And love him so hard he won’t ever want to let go.”
“I will,” I whispered.
“Don’t be afraid to live. Miss me, but live your life. And tell Hunter that I approve. A wonderful world. I think it’s the best idea he’s ever had.”
“What? I don’t understand. What does that mean?”
She shook her head. “You’ll understand when you’re meant to. Love you, honey.”
“Mom?”
Her body shimmered again until she was practically translucent.
“Mom! Don’t go. I’m not ready yet. Don’t leave me, Mom. Mom!”