Chapter 30
Roses overflowed from three large crystal vases.
The room thickened with their perfumed aroma.
The only time I had seen more flowers than this was at my mother’s garden party.
The party where I turned down Terren’s attempts at courting me, solidifying many unpleasant years as the focus of his disdain.
Now, they were sitting before me as a type of offering to either ease Gabriel’s guilt or to try to woo me.
Maybe both. Maybe neither. I could never tell with him.
Pink. They were all variations of pink. I knew immediately who they were from when Cora jumped excitedly onto our bed, exclaiming that there were “so many pink flowers in our room!”
A folded note with my name on it sat in front of one of the vases.
Rory,
My behavior last night was most unbecoming. I lost control of my urges. It has deepened my understanding of how much I am enamored with you, and I vow to put forth the effort of controlling myself better until you are ready.
I wish for you and Cora to accompany me to the Temple of Themis today for worship. I’ll arrive to escort you both an hour after afternoon tea.
Yours truly,
Gabriel
So typical. At least I knew that he wasn’t about to toss Cora and me out of the castle.
Going to the Temple of Themis felt like a punishment, too. I prayed to any and all deities that I wouldn’t have to atone.
Cora smelled the flowers. “Who are they from, Mom?”
“Gabriel,” I dryly said.
“Oh.” Her face fell. “I was hoping they were from the captain.”
My head snapped to Cora. “Why is that, sweet girl?”
“I like him,” she shrugged. “He doesn’t talk a whole lot, but every time he would walk me to and from my schooling or activities, he would make sure to slip a caramel candy into my hand.
” Cora giggled a little like she had revealed a secret.
“Once in a while, he would tell me a silly joke, too. Always asked about my day and if everyone treats me well.”
“He is kind, isn’t he?” I thought back to finding the candy wrappers a few days ago and wondered where in the underworld she was getting sweets from. I had forgotten to ask about it. The discarded wrappers disappeared once Gabriel came back and Darragh returned to his normal duties.
He was good to my daughter, even in his own quiet way, and it made my stomach sink with the realization that he had always been looking out for us.
A light rap came from the door, and Anya stepped into the room. “My! What gorgeous flowers. Someone has an admirer.”
I tightly smiled, and Anya looked into my puffy eyes before turning to Cora. “How about you wash up and pick a dress out for the day while I visit with your mother for a few minutes? We can have breakfast in the room today.” She whispered to Cora, “I brought pancakes.”
Cora took off in a flash. I silently handed Anya the note.
She flung his letter onto a table when she finished reading. “What did he do? Your emotions are all over the place, even now, and last night I had to tune out of my enchant because of how much you flooded it.”
I couldn’t keep my act up about Gabriel.
I didn’t have it in me, especially after last night.
So, I told Anya everything. The mead recipe theory about the threshing wall, the rumors about the humans being trafficked to Tironaill, my assault, Gabriel in the sparring room, asking Cora and me to stay, his treatment of Darragh, the ball, how Darragh had to pull him off of me last night, and then finally Darragh coming to my room and how we left things.
Maybe I shouldn’t have trusted her, but I did.
I needed her opinions and support, and the only way I could do that was if I put some trust in her.
“That bastard,” she whispered so Cora couldn't hear us. “Are you alright?”
“Yes. I am more ashamed than anything that I gave in to Gabriel like I did. I feel like I’m horrible for leading him on when I don’t share his feelings, and I still plan on finding a way back to Edenalee.
I feel worse now that Darragh hates me.” My shoulders slumped, and I chewed the inside of my cheek.
“You have been in survival mode since arriving here and have a youngling to think about. Noble life is all about a game of strategy, and you are doing what any other woman would do here. Do not feel guilty about that,” Anya reprimanded.
I breathed out a sigh of relief with Anya’s validation.
She grabbed my hands. “I can feel your emotions when Gabriel is around or when we talk about him. You constantly feel conflicted, on edge, and annoyed.”
“Yes,” I confirmed. “He saved Cora and me and brought us here to help, and I feel horrible that I can’t return his feelings.”
“You don’t owe anyone shared feelings. No matter what they have done for you.
Gabriel should be doing these things because it is the right thing to do, not to get something in return.
I have known Gabriel for a long time. He is calculated, power-hungry, and thinks too highly of himself.
” Anya paused, contemplating her next words.
“When he is around you, I can feel his lust and a sort of giddiness, but I don’t feel the love, admiration, and respect for you coming off him like he should.
He is holding something back. An emotion I can’t quite place. ”
I sighed. “I never need or want Gabriel’s attention or affections. I only wanted his help.”
“Darragh, on the other hand,” she continued, “now there is something to him. He tries to shield himself from my enchant because he is private, which I respect. But every time he is in your presence, his emotions get the better of him, and so do yours. He drops his shields around you. I watched you two dance last night. Let’s just say that both of you radiated some intense feelings, and I had a hard time gauging who was feeling what because they were both similar and strong. ”
Heat built in my cheeks.
“Oh, don’t you dare be embarrassed!” She laughed.
I snickered. “Damn that enchant of yours. But now I have gone and messed everything up with him. He didn’t deserve my anger.
He certainly didn’t deserve to see Gabriel and me all over each other.
He has so many seraphs who vilify him. It can’t be easy, and now I went and did the same by insinuating that he wasn’t truly helping me. ”
“You’re not perfect.” She shrugged. “Neither is Darragh. If you feel so intensely for him, and I believe he feels the same, I think it will get better after you both cool off. Sometimes, with intense emotions come intense reactions. Trust me. I see it a lot.”
“So, you don’t despise Darragh like everyone else seems to?”
“Who says everyone does?” She crinkled her nose.
“Gabriel.” We both said at the same time.
“Yes, most seraphs fear Darragh and don’t like him because he is both angheal and daemonite,” she agreed.
“A silly reason to hate someone, if you ask me, but his guards respect him and several staff members like him, but secretly. They don’t want to face the wrath of Gabriel or King Torrish.
I read Darragh from time to time, and he has never given me reason to pause his intentions or his emotions. He is a good man.”
I should have guessed her feelings since she and Lieutenant Osman have a secret relationship.
I twirled a rose stem between my fingers.
“How should I proceed with Gabriel? I need to know if the book in his office does contain the ingredients to Psilas’ mead that helped him cross over, and then try to recreate it so we can get back to Edenalee.
I fear that if I tell him I want to leave, he will throw us out of the castle, and Cora and I will be at risk. ”
Anya contemplated as Cora bounded back into the room, dressed in a long woolen skirt, a thick tunic, and a shawl draped over her. “It’s supposed to be chilly today, and Prince Percie said we were to be outside, so I thought this would keep me warm.”
“Don’t forget to take your cloak, too,” I reminded.
“Oh, good thinking.” She ran back to our bedroom.
Anya resumed our discussion. “The last thing I want you to do is anger Gabriel. His power and influence are only topped by the king. I need you and Cora to be safe. If I were you, I would continue to search for your answers while playing the part of the sweet human noble who occasionally bats her eyes at him to make him think you still harbor some complicated feelings toward him. Keep boundaries in place, and make sure to tell him you have to take things slow and at your own pace.”
“And Darragh?”
She shrugged. “The way I see it, or feel it rather, I don’t think he will be able to stay away from you for long.” Anya smiled and winked.
“It isn’t fair to him.” I shook my head. “I plan on leaving. Once we figure out how to get to Edenalee, I am taking Cora back. I foolishly let myself get distracted by something that can’t come into fruition anyway.” I rubbed my eyes, a headache forming behind them.
Anya pulled in a deep, long breath and let it out slowly. “You have to do what is best for you and Cora. Always. But that also might mean not fully turning away from this pull you have to him. Maybe it can be nothing. Maybe it can be something.” She paused. “Don’t you have a fate goddess?”
I hesitated. “We do…but she weaves multiple paths at once, and you always have a choice on which one to take. She never interferes or decides for you. Honestly, I think she has been weaving me some pretty rough paths lately. I don’t think she likes me.” I gave a humorless laugh.
She grabbed my hand as Cora bounded back into the room and over to the flowers, playing with the soft pink petals.
Anya lowered her voice. “Then my advice is to lean into instinct, and whether that includes Darragh or not, you can make a choice on what path to take from there.” She met my eyes.
“Believe me when I say, I understand risk when it comes to matters of the heart.”
I gave her a small nod and squeezed her hand. “That still doesn’t make it fair to…” I glanced at Cora to make sure she wasn’t eavesdropping, “…Darragh.”
“He is an intelligent adult. Maybe let him decide what he thinks is fair to him.”
“I suppose you are right. Thank you. I am sorry for putting you in any awkward position.”
She smiled. “You haven’t. Thank you for opening up to me.”
I sprang to my feet from the knock at the door, and I ran for the bathing chamber. Gabriel arrived to take Cora to her lessons, and I hid, somewhat cowardly, so I wouldn’t have to see him. Through the door, I could hear Anya speak with Gabriel.
“Where’s Lady Aurora?” he asked in a clipped tone.
Anya kept her voice respectful. “She is in the bathing chamber, Your Highness. Long and tiring night.”
“Yes, well. I was hoping to speak with her before going to the Temple today.”
“I could give her your message, Your Highness,” Anya offered.
“No,” he spat. “Just tell her I will see her later and that I am thinking about her.”
“Yes, Your Highness,” she said coolly.
When I heard the door shut, I went out to the sitting area, the stupid pink roses mocking me. I plopped down on the sofa next to Anya. “Thank you for covering for me.”
She gave me a sad smile and stood. “I must tend to some errands for the queen, but I will be at the Temple with my mother, Lady Gloria. She’s been dying to meet you and Cora. You won’t be there alone.”
I blew out a breath and nodded.
I would endure this display of power and importance to appease Gabriel, and in the evening, I resolved to seek out Darragh.
I refused to let him walk away from me. He was distancing himself, hiding behind his own stone mask so that he couldn’t be hurt like he was so used to.
I only had to break through it. Like he did mine.