Chapter 18
Sharing church services with Max was everything Evie had hoped for. With Max sitting beside her in the middle of the pew with her family, there was no doubt that they were letting the world know they were a couple.
This had been even more clearly established after services when some of Evie’s friends had approached to be introduced. Evie had given Max a quick glance and smile, then shared with the others that he was her beau. If Max minded, he didn’t indicate it.
Mother had invited Max to join them for lunch, but he’d declined, explaining that he’d promised his father he would join him for the noon meal. Evie was slightly disappointed, but at the same time she figured perhaps her confession regarding nursing would be easier without Max there.
However, by the time the family sat down at the dining table, Evie was wishing he was there. Max gave her a certain sense of peace that she didn’t have on her own. Perhaps it was God’s way of strengthening their relationship. Whatever it was, it was absent, and Evie desperately needed it.
Dinner was served, and the general chaos that often accompanied family meals ensued. Everyone had something to say, and on Sunday luncheon, Father always encouraged discussion regarding the sermon.
Jared had no trouble getting things started. “So, Papa, the reverend said that God hates lies.”
“That’s right, Jared. He does.”
“Well . . .” The boy paused, looking most perplexed. “Is it a lie if you know something, but you don’t tell anybody that you know it?”
“Do you mean like keeping a secret?” Father asked.
Evie felt her conscience pricked at this turn. She couldn’t imagine whatever Jared might be keeping secret, but she knew her own confession was enough to set everyone on their ear.
“Yes. A secret that, well, isn’t a good secret. Not like when you know what Mama got someone for Christmas, and she tells you to keep it to yourself. But something . . . maybe something bad.”
The older boys laughed at this, but Mother hushed them immediately while Father pressed him to continue. “Tell us what you mean, Jared. You know that we will help you through anything that causes you difficulty. And it’s always right to be honest.”
“Well, one of my friends told me something and said I couldn’t tell anyone because if might cause trouble for his father.”
“I see.”
Evie had heard that tone in her father’s voice before. It was one of grave concern, and yet there was a tenderness to it that offered no condemnation.
“I just wondered if not telling was the same as lying.” Jared reached for his piece of bread and butter. He seemed matter-of-fact but not really worried.
“Well, you probably should have encouraged your friend to say nothing if his father had instructed him that way.” Father seemed to be trying to deal carefully with the matter. Evie could only imagine what the boy had told her brother.
“I just don’t want to have God mad at me,” Jared countered, his mouth full of bread.
“Don’t talk and eat at the same time, son.” Mother fixed him with a stern look.
He swallowed and then nodded. “Sorry.”
Father cleared his throat. “Is this secret anything that would cause your friend’s father trouble with the law?”
Jared considered this. “I don’t think so. His father just said that his mother was getting fat.” Jared slapped his hand to his mouth.
Everything stopped for a moment as everyone digested the exposed secret. The older boys began to snicker and then erupted in howls of laughter. Even Mother smiled. She quickly disguised her reaction, however, by dabbing the napkin to her lips.
Father didn’t even attempt to hide his amusement. “Well, son, that is a secret that should be kept quiet. After all, it might hurt the woman’s feelings to hear such a thing.”
Jared lowered his hand. “Even if it’s true?”
Father nodded and picked up his fork. “Especially if it’s true. You and I can talk a little more about this later.”
Evie felt it might be the perfect moment to bring up her own secret. “I, too, have a secret to share, but I’m afraid it won’t be nearly as easy to hear.”
Everyone looked at her, the smiles on their faces still evident. She hated knowing they would soon be far from happy with her announcement.
“I’ve been deceptive. I’ve wanted to admit to the truth for a very long time but was afraid of disappointing you all. Especially you, Father.” She drew a deep breath to settle her nerves. “I suppose there was a part of me that was afraid you’d stop loving me.”
“Evie, you could never do anything that would make me stop loving you. It hurts me to think you’d even believe that possible.”
“Oh, Father, I know it’s not possible. I suppose the problem is that I have always lived for your approval. Yours was most important. Mother’s too. And I’m afraid both of you will be upset with me when you hear what I have to say.”
“Well, best to say it, sweetheart,” Mother interjected. “Speak the truth, and we will do our best to receive it in an understanding manner.”
Evie nodded and sucked in another deep breath. “I hate nursing.”
The expressions around the table went from happy to confused. Everyone looked at her like she’d suddenly begun speaking a foreign language.
She hurried to explain. “I don’t hate the actual care of a patient.
My heart has always been full of compassion for the injured or sick.
But those injuries . . . gaping wounds .
. . surgical procedures and the smells .
. . it’s just all too much. I get sick every time and have to fight back illness.
I’ve really tried to overcome it. You see, it’s been this way since I first started my training, even before then.
When I would accompany you or Mother on visitations, I’d always try to find some way to busy myself if there were wounds to be tended.
I’d make excuses to help with the children or see to something else. I just couldn’t stomach it.”
“Evie.” Mother breathed her name in a way that revealed complete shock. “Why did you never tell us?”
“Because it so pleased Father to think I could be a nurse at his side. I wanted that very much. You know how excited I was to work with him.”
“Apparently enough to hide the truth,” Andrew said. Jacob punched him in the arm in disapproval.
“Silence,” Father declared. “Evie already feels bad enough.”
“I do. I never wanted it to come to this. I’ve tried all sorts of things to make it work.
My nursing supervisor even helped me get through classes with peppermint oil to stave off the smells and a little mint for my stomach.
Inevitably, even if I could force myself to remain calm and in control during the procedure, I would be sick afterward. ”
“But you passed with such good grades,” Mother said, shaking her head. “How in the world could you have endured it all?”
“I just kept thinking about how I wanted to please Father.” She turned toward him.
“I’m so sorry. I wanted this as much as you did.
I’m just not able to do it. You saw how sick I was at the fire.
It wasn’t just the smells of burnt flesh.
I would have been sick no matter the injury. Blood is just appalling to me.”
“I feel terrible that you thought you had to carry on.” Father appeared genuinely concerned. “I never would have wanted that for you.”
“I know, but I wanted so much to be a part of something that mattered so much to you.”
Mother offered a sympathetic smile. “Evie, you’re already a part of all that matters to us. Besides, your father will be able to hire someone else to take over running things when he can’t be there. He knows a great many people.”
“I even know someone you might consider.” Evie had given this a great deal of though. “My nursing supervisor. She was an amazing woman, so knowledgeable and capable. She was the best of teachers.”
“That’s good to know. I’ll be happy to correspond with her,” Father said, his expression softening.
“Evie, I’m glad you finally told me how you feel and the truth of this situation.
” He looked down the table at each of his children.
“I want you all to do the job you feel God is calling you to do. I don’t want you to worry about disappointing me or your Mother.
We will love you no matter what. We will even help you to obtain your dream. ”
“Well, you should know then . . .” Fifteen-year-old Jim spoke up. “I don’t want to go to college. I want to be a farmer. Ever since you took me up to the farm where they were growing wheat, I knew that’s what I wanted to do.”
“Well, you should have said so much sooner,” Father replied. “You could have spent part of the summer up there. I would not ever object to having a farmer in the family.”
“I already told everyone that I didn’t want to go to college,” Meri threw in. “I want to marry and have a big family like ours. And I want to cook and bake for them.”
“I think that’s admirable, Meri,” Evan said, giving her a nod of approval. “You will make some man very happy. In fact, I have a few friends who have noticed just how pretty you are.”
She blushed and lowered her face. “I’d love to know about them.”
Talk sprung up around the table about what some of the children wanted to do with their lives.
Evie couldn’t help but glance over at her father.
He winked at her and smiled, and suddenly she knew that all would be well.
It was a hard thing to tell and equally hard to hear, but she suddenly felt silly at having worried about it all these years.
“Are there any other announcements anyone needs to make about the future?” Mother asked, looking around the table. “If not, then I believe we should refocus on this delicious meal.”
Evie smiled and picked up her fork. “I do have one more thing to say.” Everyone went silent, and Evie almost laughed at the intensity of their expressions. “Relax, this is a good secret. I’m in love with Maxwell Garrison.”
For a moment they all just stared at her, then Mother gave a lighthearted laugh. “That’s no secret, Evie. We can all clearly see that as a fact.”