Chapter 28
Griffin
“I’m really glad we’re doing this. I thought maybe you’d never ask me out.”
After a week or two of things really feeling back to normal with Eleanor and the guys, I decided to ask Katie on a date after all. We’ve been on a few dates since then, and it’s been good.
Okay so maybe I had to talk myself into a second date. I had no reason not to–the first date went objectively well. She’s nice, and she’s pretty, and she’s driven.
And she’s not Eleanor.
“Sorry to have kept you waiting,” I say with a lighthearted attempt at flirting. Is that flirting? Maybe it’s just teasing. Something about it always feels unnatural with Katie. Whatever you want to call it, it makes her smile.
“You seem like the kind of guy worth waiting for.”
She’s also sweet, albeit a little serious. There’s no back and forth, no mutual teasing. Just matter-of-fact communication.
That’ll take some getting used to.
I don’t have to wonder what’s happening between us. Everything is straightforward here. I like her, she likes me, we’re having a good time.
This is good for you, Griffin. Just a nice, easy relationship with a girl who’s been very clear about her feelings.
Even the thought of the word relationship makes me uneasy, but that’s where this is heading. We’ve spent enough time together now that it’s a little weird that I haven’t asked her to be my girlfriend.
Every time I get close, something in me freezes up and I can’t bring myself to do it. I tell myself it’s because it’s too soon, and she hasn’t met my friends yet, and school has been busy. But I know I either need to commit or cut it off.
Cutting it off opens the door for someone else. But committing is a sure thing here. It’s the smart choice, the right choice.
“Listen Katie, we’ve been on a few dates now, and I think you’re great,” I say.
To my surprise, her face falls.
“But you don’t want to see me anymore,” she says in a quiet voice.
Yes.
“No, that’s not it at all,” I stammer out before I can change my mind. “The opposite actually, I think we should make it official.”
The second it leaves my mouth I regret it. I don’t really mean it, and this is unfair to her. I know I’m about to be shitty, but when I open my mouth to take it back, the look on her face stops me.
She looks like a kid on Christmas.
“I’d like that a lot,” she says excitedly, beaming at me. “God, I’ve had a crush on you for so long, I never thought this would actually happen.”
“I’m glad I made you happy,” I say, and I mean it. I am glad she’s happy. And I think with time I can be that happy too. This is going to work. This is going to be great.
After paying the bill, we make our way out of the restaurant to where my truck is parked. I walk her to the passenger side, opening the door for her like the gentleman my dad raised me to be.
She lingers for a moment, looking up at me, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.
For a second I can’t figure out why she’s not getting in the truck, and then it hits me.
She’s waiting for me to kiss her.
Despite having gone on multiple dates, I still haven’t done more than hug her goodnight. But now that she’s my girlfriend…
I tilt my head down, placing a soft kiss on her mouth. I wait for something, anything. There are no fireworks, no butterflies, no going weak in the knees.
At least not on my end. But when I pull back, I see a flush in her cheeks, and she avoids eye contact bashfully as she climbs into the seat.
I give her another peck for good measure, hoping that maybe I’ll feel a little more of a spark this time. There’s nothing. I close the door, walking around to the driver’s side less like someone who just kissed his girlfriend for the first time and more like someone walking the green mile.
The whole drive back to her house, I silently berate myself. This is good. This is normal. This is healthy.
Give it time, Griffin. Not everything has to be like wildfire. Slow and steady can be good, too.
No matter how hard I try to shove it from my mind, all I can think about the rest of the drive home is the kiss that altered my entire psyche, and the girl I shared it with.
***
“Bro, when is Katie gonna come to a Friday night hang?” David asks.
“I don’t know,” I say with a shrug. “I just figured this was sacred ‘Ellie and The Dudes’ time, I didn’t want to infringe on that.”
“It sounds so weird when you say that,” Jack mumbles.
“What are you on about?”
“The only time you call her Ellie is when you reference the groupchat name, it’s unsettling,” he says, sounding weirdly irritated. “Just call her Eleanor like you normally do.”
Eleanor looks up at him, bewildered. She turns to look at me, and I return her wide-eyed look with my hands raised in mock surrender. I have no idea why he’s being so weird.
“I actually don’t think I’ve met her yet,” Eleanor ponders. “You should totally bring her sometime.”
Her tone is bright, but cool-calm-collected, like she’s in a job interview for CEO of nonchalance, not telling a guy she’s kissed like her life depended on it to bring his new girlfriend around.
I guess it’s not new–we’ve been dating for a few months now. The longer I wait to bring her around my friends, the weirder it feels, like I missed my window. She would never say anything, but I can tell it’s a sore subject for Katie, too.
I wonder (and hope) whether her totally-normal-and-chill attitude is like mine–fake as shit.
“Okay, yeah, for sure,” I say, trying to summon even an ounce of enthusiasm.
“Thank God, I’ve been worried that you’re embarrassed by us,” David says with a sigh of relief. “Or that maybe you didn’t want us to meet her for some reason.”
Jack and Eleanor share a quick look that I definitely won’t be reading into for hours tonight.
“Nah, you guys are the best. And Katie’s really awesome, she’s super cool. I think she’d totally fit in.”
Am I reassuring them, or trying to convince myself?
***
This was a stupid, terrible, awful idea.
Which makes me internally cringe, because it shouldn’t be an awful idea to introduce your girlfriend to your friends. But here we are. The five of us. In my basement.
And it’s awkward as hell.
Everyone has made at least one effort to get the conversation going, but nothing has stuck. Katie doesn’t get David’s humor, so all of his jokes are falling flat. Jack refuses to use words with more than one syllable for some reason. Eleanor has barely said a word, she mostly just smiles and nods.
With a fifth body in the room, our normal assigned seating got all messed up, and not in a way I anticipated.
David is sprawled on the floor, even though there’s a perfectly fine third cushion on the couch.
Even when Katie jokingly said, “I promise I don’t bite,” David gave a weird pity laugh and settled himself even further onto the ground.
Eleanor is still kind of in her normal spot–she’s technically sitting on her chair. But for some reason Jack is in the main seat, and she’s perched on the arm. I know they’re friends, but the way she’s leaned into him to sit comfortably triggers a sharp burning sensation in my chest.
Hello, you have a girlfriend bozo, maybe focus on whether she’s comfortable instead of being weird about Eleanor.
I shift and put my arm around Katie’s shoulders, but the movement feels forced. She’s a lot taller than…other girls…and for some reason she can never quite get her shoulders low enough for this to be comfortable for either of us.
But this is my girlfriend, and if I pull away from her in front of my friends that is not going to end well for me.
“So Katie,” Eleanor says, her voice much peppier than usual. “How did you guys meet?”
Katie picks at her cuticles nervously, and I should hold her hand to ease her nerves, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.
“Oh, it’s nothing interesting,” she says with a nervous laugh. “When Griffin couldn’t fit Spanish into his schedule, we ended up in the same physics class, and then I guess the rest is history from there.”
I should add something. Maybe something sweet about the first time I noticed her, or our first interaction. I should say something, anything, to rescue her from floundering.
But my eyes are locked on the spot where Jack’s hand is resting on Eleanor’s knee. He moved it there when Katie mentioned Spanish, and I swear I saw him give her a small squeeze, like he was comforting her.
Nothing’s going on there right? There’s no way.
“Very cool,” Eleanor says in that same peppy tone. David hums in agreement, but Jack only gives one tense nod in acknowledgment.
“Wait a sec,” David says, sitting up. “I thought you dropped Spanish because you said it made you sad.”
“No, David,” I say with a forced laugh, like I’m humoring my dopey best friend and not about to rip his head off. “I said I was bummed I couldn’t fit it in my schedule—not that the class made me sad.”
“Well obviously I know Spanish didn’t make you sad, I meant–” David argues, brows furrowing in confusion, but when I see Eleanor shake her head almost imperceptibly out of the corner of my eye, he snaps his mouth shut.
“Oh, you’re probably right dude,” he says quickly, trying to brush it off. “You know I never listen to what your dumb ass has to say.”
Breaking the uncomfortable silence that follows, Katie asks, “So, I know how Griffin met Jack and David, but how did he meet you, Ellie?”
Katie doesn’t clock the way her eyes widen slightly, but I sure do. And there’s Jack gripping her knee again. What that fuck is that?
“Oh,” she says, her falsely cheery shield cracking a bit when the question catches her off guard. “Funny you mentioned it, I actually met him in Spanish class freshman year.”
“Oooh, we’ll have to hang out sometime so I can get the inside scoop,” Katie says, perking up with curiosity. “You must have all the tea about whatever girl from your class broke his heart. He won’t tell me who she is, just that they don’t talk anymore.”
Shit shit shit.