Chapter 36
Griffin
From between her legs, I pull us both up until she’s straddling my lap, frantically ripping our clothes off until there’s no barrier between us.
I know what this is. I’ve felt it coming for weeks. I kept hoping that if we just never talked about it, it wouldn’t happen. But it’s here, and I don’t think there’s anything I can do about it.
I don’t know what it is that scares her so bad, or why she thinks this can’t work. I’ve watched her fade a little bit every day since the lake house, trying desperately to change her mind but knowing I’m powerless to stop it.
Rising to my knees, my hands grip the back of her thighs, steadying her until she’s on her back again.
When her blue eyes look straight into mine, I nearly give in to the urge to scream, beg, plead with her not to do this.
Instead, I kiss her fiercely–her mouth, then her jaw, down her neck and the valley between her breasts.
Settling between her legs, I hook my fingers into her panties and yank them down, spreading her thighs open until she’s fully exposed to me.
I look up at her with a wicked grin, careful not to let my own heartache show on my face.
“What are you doing?” she whispers, eyes widening in shock. She lets out a soft whimper as I slowly trace one finger down her slit, humming with approval when I feel how wet she already is.
“If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right,” I growl. “I’ve felt you come around my fingers, and I fully intend to make you come around my cock.”
Her eyes flutter shut, moaning as I slide a finger deep inside her entrance.
“But first,” I say, nipping at the sensitive skin of her inner thigh then soothing it with a kiss. “I need you to come on my face. Can you do that for me, darlin’?”
“Griffin, please,” she whines, chest heaving with gasps of anticipation.
“I need to hear you say it,” I say, grinning as she whimpers in protest when I remove my finger. “Say you’ll be a good girl for me and ride my tongue.”
“Yes, fine, please,” she babbles. “I’ll be a good girl, I’ll do whatever you want, please touch me.”
“Yes ma’am,” I say, relishing the way she shudders when I slowly lick from her entrance to her clit, flicking the bundle of nerves with my tongue in a way that has her arching off the bed.
“Oh my God, Griffin, that feels so good.”
I let out a dark chuckle, sliding my tongue back down and inside her, one hand holding her open while the other takes over working her clit.
“You taste like heaven, darlin’,” I moan against her, still fucking her with my tongue. “Seriously, how am I ever supposed to eat anything else ever again?”
Her fingers lace through my hair, holding me in place as she grinds against my face. Flattening my tongue against her, I lick up every drop of her arousal until my lips find her clit, sucking it into my mouth while I work two fingers in and out of her.
“Oh my God, right there,” she cries. “Don’t stop, please.”
I double my efforts, hand splayed across her lower stomach to keep her in place, licking and sucking and nipping until I feel her inner walls start to pulse around my fingers.
“That’s it, baby,” I say, pumping them harder and faster. “Grind on my face, make yourself feel good.”
Her legs begin to tremble, hips bucking faster, her grip on my hair tightening as she reaches her climax.
“Good girl,” I say, my own voice thick with desire. “Come for me.”
A heartbeat later, she shatters, clamping down on my fingers as she screams my name. I don’t stop working her clit with my tongue until she’s practically begging for mercy, completely wrung out by her orgasm.
With one last kiss to her inner thigh, I crawl back up her body until her hands grip my head, pulling me down to her face until she’s tasting herself on my tongue.
“You did so good, darlin’,” I whisper, kissing her forehead. “You think you’re ready for me now?”
Pulling her plump lower lip between her teeth, she nods nervously, but looks determined. I grip her chin between my thumb and forefinger, bringing her gaze to mine.
“If it gets to be too much, you say stop and we stop. You can change your mind at any point, no questions asked.”
She nods again, eyes softening. “I trust you.”
I wish you’d trust me enough to keep me.
Shaking the thought from my head, I reach into my bedside table and grab a condom. Ripping the foil with my teeth, I watch Eleanor as her eyes are fixed on where I slowly roll it down my shaft.
Bracing myself on either side of her head, I kiss her deeply as I position myself at her entrance. I pull back and rake my eyes down her body, then back up to her face, trying to memorize every curve, every freckle, every detail while I still can.
“You ready?”
She nods, exhaling a shaky breath. I slowly push forward, watching in awe as the head of my cock disappears inside of her. Her hands grip my shoulders, my eyes snapping up to her face when she sucks in sharply.
“Is this okay?”
“Yes, keep going,” she says, voice trembling.
I groan as I sink deeper–nothing has ever felt this good. Nothing will ever feel this good again.
“Jesus Eleanor, you feel incredible.”
Once I’m nearly all the way in, I pause, letting her adjust to the feeling. When I finally bottom out, she whimpers, grimacing.
“Too much?”
She shakes her head, eyes still squeezed shut, brows furrowed. “No, not too much. Just, different.”
“Take all the time you need, darlin’, I’m not going anywhere.”
After a few deep breaths, she rocks against me, giving me permission to start moving. I slowly slide out, then back in, until I’m fucking her in a steady rhythm, her nervous whimpers turning to moans as the initial pain turns to pleasure.
“Holy shit,” she breathes out. “Why did no one tell me how good this is?”
I laugh softly as I begin to pick up the pace, her legs locking behind my back as she rolls her hips, matching me move for move.
“You’re perfect, Eleanor,” I murmur against her ear, her moans growing increasingly louder. “Nothing will ever compare to you.”
Her eyes meet mine, suddenly full of tears and heartbreak. She knows that I know, and that I’m not going to stop her.
It’s okay darlin’. I’d do it all again a thousand times over.
I flip us both over, Eleanor now straddling me, looking down at me with wide eyes.
“You wanna try this?”
She nods eagerly, leaning forward to put her weight into the hands she’s placed on my chest. She grinds against me, perfect tits bouncing as she works my cock.
“Oh my God, Griffin,” she moans. “It feels so different from this angle.”
“Different bad or different good?” I say, panting with the effort to keep my cool.
“Different good,” she says breathlessly. “Definitely good.”
She begins rolling her hips faster and faster, inching towards another orgasm. My balls are clenching, and I want to blow so bad, but not before my girl comes again.
“Darlin’, I’m real close,” I groan. “But I need you to come on my cock first. Can you do that?”
She nods vigorously, grinding her clit against me while she works me in and out of her.
“Fuck,” she cries out. “Oh my God, I’m gonna come.”
And then she does, my vision blurring around the edges as she clenches around me over and over, until my own climax hits me. I grip her hips, still grinding her against me as my dick twitches inside her, still stroking me as she coaxes every last drop into the condom.
She collapses against my chest, and I roll us onto our sides, holding her tightly against me as I softly sing her praises.
That’s my girl. You did so good. I love you. I love you. I love you.
After a few moments of perfect bliss, I get up to clean myself off and find a washcloth for Eleanor.
I don’t stop telling her how much I love her as I clean her off, then slide back into bed next to her.
She tucks in to me, back to my chest, grabbing my arms and putting them around her, gripping me like I’m the only thing holding her to earth.
“I love you,” she says in a hoarse whisper.
I inhale deeply, trying to commit the scent of her shampoo to memory.
I don’t ever want to forget this moment, even as I feel the tears dripping off her face onto my forearm.
I pretend not to notice, the same way she’s pretending not to notice how my own eyes are leaking into her hair.
We lay like this until her breathing evens out, sleeping peacefully in my arms. I wrap even more tightly around her, willing myself to be grateful for the time I had her instead of regretting the time I won’t.
When I wake up to an empty bed the next morning, I’m not surprised.
The pillow still smells like Eleanor, knocking the wind out of me as my very last glimmer of hope is snuffed out.
I sit up, throwing the covers off and gripping the edge of the bed, my bare feet not even registering the chill of the hardwood underneath. Hanging my head, I finally break down.
***
Griffin–
This is shitty and selfish, and I’m sorry.
I’m shitty and selfish and a coward, and you won’t believe me, but this has nothing to do with you.
I promise. I can’t stay here, and I can’t ask you to come with me, and you deserve someone as kind and brave as you are.
I’d give anything for it to be me. For what it’s worth, I really thought it could.
Please don’t try to change my mind, it’ll just make it worse for us both.
I love you more than anything. I’m sorry that wasn’t enough.
–Ellie
“Fuck dude,” David says, wiping tears from his eyes and handing the note to Jack. “Fuck.”
“Yeah,” I say miserably. When I finally dragged myself out of the bed Eleanor left me alone in, I found her note on my bathroom counter.
I read it once, then twice, then tucked it away in a drawer.
I couldn’t stand to look at it again, to see my name in her handwriting.
Or to see the way she talked about herself.
I don’t know how it got into my beautiful girl’s head that she’s selfish or unkind when she’s anything but, and it shattered my heart all over again.
I don’t know what made me do it, but the first person I called was Abby.
I needed someone who might understand, who might be able to explain it to me.
She told me that she’s tried to talk her out of it, to convince her that she can have her dreams and keep me at the same time, but apparently nothing either of us could say could change her mind.
“She’s scared, Griffin,” Abby said, the pain in her voice an unexpected punch to the gut. “I don’t even know what she’s scared of, but I see it when I talk to her. She’s scared and she’s sad, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Do you think she’ll ever change her mind?”
I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know the answer.
“I don’t know,” Abby whispered. “I’d like to think she will. You mean everything to her, Griffin.”
“Apparently that’s not enough.”
“No. I suppose it isn’t. For what it’s worth, I think she’ll regret it.”
But will she regret it enough to come back to me?
I really didn’t want to know the answer to that one, so I didn’t ask. I just listened to Abby apologize on her best friend’s behalf, and tell me that I can still call her any time.
After murmuring a thank you and goodbye, I hung up the phone and texted Jack and David, then sat in silence on the basement floor, not bothering to turn the lights on as the sun went down.
When they came down the stairs and flipped on the lamps, all I could do was point at the note on the coffee table and hide my face in my arms, like if I could just bury myself deep enough the truth wouldn’t be able to reach me anymore.
“This doesn’t make any sense,” David says, now pacing around the room. “Did she get kidnapped or something? How do we even know this is her handwriting?”
“Stop it,” Jack says harshly. “This isn’t a joke.”
“I never said it was,” David replies angrily. “But there’s no way she just changed her mind and left, just like that. I don’t believe it.”
“Well, she did,” I say with a humorless chuckle. “Just like my mom did. Maybe Hart men just aren’t worth sticking around for.”
“It’s nothing like your mom, Griffin,” Jack says in a gentle voice. “Your mom’s a selfish bitch.”
“No offense,” he adds quickly, and I wave him off. My mom is a selfish bitch.
“But Ellie is not, and you know that,” he continues. “She’s confused, and overwhelmed, and probably just as miserable as you are right now.”
Not a chance in hell.
“What am I supposed to do now?” I ask, hating the desperation in my voice.
“Can you do late enrollment at Tech? Tell them you had a family emergency or something,” David suggests. “Come to Lubbock with me, get the fuck out of here.”
The irony is so ridiculous that I’d laugh if I wasn’t so Goddamn sick to my stomach. She’s leaving me because she can’t stay in Larkspur. But I can’t stay in Larkspur now that everything will just remind me of her.
What was the fucking point of any of this?
“Yeah, okay, I’ll look into it.”
Jack opens his mouth like he might say something, but closes it without a word. What could he even say at this point?
“I don’t know what to do without her, Jack.”
“I don’t either, Griffin. I guess we figure it out.”
Two weeks later, my things are packed in next to David’s in the bed of my truck as we head out west. By some miracle they let me squeeze in on the last day of the late registration window, even if it did cost a chunk of change to do it.
Looking in the rearview one last time, I decide it was worth every penny.
I don’t know if there’s anything for me in Lubbock, but there’s sure as hell not anything left for me here.