Chapter 11
eleven
. . .
There was no dodging around the truth anymore.
After years of explaining his occasional attraction to other men away by saying it was just aesthetic, or dismissing old feelings as just getting really close to trusted costars while in the middle of a production, Drew had to completely overhaul his understanding of himself.
Because getting off with Lee at the end of their date, kissing him and lying on the couch with him for a while in the afterglow, not wanting to move because neither of them wanted to let go of the connection they’d found with each other, was one of the most satisfying and emotional experiences he’d had in a very long time.
Well, at least finding Lee through Rent-A-Boyfriend had done exactly what it was intended to do. No one would be able to accuse him of queerbaiting anymore.
“Drew. Excuse me, Drew, we need you on set.” One of the PAs had to wave a hand in front of him to shake him out of his almost catatonic state of thought a day and a half after the evening that had changed his life.
“Sorry. Right. I’m coming,” he said pushing himself out of his chair and adjusting his tight, Victorian costume.
The restrictive feel of all those layers of clothing and the buttons that held it all together felt like a spot-on manifestation of the new sense of himself that he wasn’t quite comfortable with yet.
Of course, being bisexual was a thing. He knew that.
Everyone knew that. He had a few friends from theater school and other parts of his life who were bi.
It made sense logically that people could be way more open with their interests and experiences than the standard binary that society took for granted.
He’d just never expected that was him.
“Are you okay?” Sawyer asked once Drew joined him on the set that depicted Sawyer’s character’s office in Scotland Yard. “You look a little…distracted.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Drew lied. Or maybe it wasn’t a lie. Maybe he actually was perfectly okay with everything he thought he knew about himself being upended in one night.
“I saw the pics of you and Lee being chased by the paparazzi the other night,” Sawyer went on as the production team got everything ready around them. “That looked really scary. They’ve bothered me and my husband, Casper, once or twice, but it looked like they were really after the two of you.”
“It’ll die down,” Drew told him with a shrug. “I’m the flavor of the hour, but something else will come along to take my place any day now.”
Sawyer laughed and thumped him on the shoulder. “Those of us who remember that are the ones who make a lifelong career out of this instead of flashing and fading.”
Drew smiled at him, genuinely appreciating the micro-advice from someone who had been in the business a lot longer than him.
He was able to put aside the shifty feeling that he had to get to know himself all over again as they filmed the scene.
They’d reached a point where they were filming a pretty intense moment that would come at the end of an episode in the middle of the season, which meant he needed to be on his A game.
It was a relief to be able to escape into his character.
It was also a bit of a cop-out to escape into filming.
He didn’t want to be one of those actors who lost themselves entirely to their craft, but there was no getting around the fact that your first time getting intimate with a guy off-camera when you’d always assumed you were straight threw everything off balance.
His weirded out feelings were probably made worse by the fact that his filming schedule meant he hadn’t had a chance to properly talk to Lee since he’d cleaned up and headed home late the other night. The best they’d been able to do was to text.
Which was exactly what Drew did when there was a short break in filming.
“How’s the writing today?”
He held his breath when three dots appeared immediately.
“Pretty good. I just finished writing a steamy sex scene. Lots of inspiration for that one.”
Drew’s face, his entire body, flushed hot.
He couldn’t stop himself from smiling. That was Lee’s way of flirting, and it definitely made Drew smile.
Lee claimed to be awkward and embarrassing sometimes, but Drew already felt like he knew him better than that.
He was actually dead sexy and had a uniquely British kind of confidence that manifested in modesty.
And it turned out he was a total simp for that.
“Let me know if you need some help with that.”
Drew held his breath when he sent the reply.
His heart raced. For someone who prided himself on his public persona of being cool and confident and not giving a fuck about anything that came out of his mouth, he sure felt like a dorky teenager trying to impress a crush.
In fact, he would definitely be down for helping Lee with research.
Wasn’t that the whole reason Lee signed on for their deal?
Three dots appeared, then disappeared, and Drew’s heart beat even harder.
Finally…
“Anytime. [emojis]”
Drew smiled so hard that he caught one of the PAs staring at him. He didn’t care, though. He’d never cared what other people thought about him…
Except this was completely different. He’d fooled around with another guy. A guy he was fake dating. A guy he really liked. A guy he wouldn’t mind dating for real?
Yeah. This was going to be weird.
He’d never been so glad for a long day of filming that ended up running even later than the schedule. Acting really was an escape, and he needed that time to take a step back from himself so he could let everything settle.
Of course, that meant he was exhausted when the studio car finally drove him home close to nine o’clock that night.
He’d showered when he’d taken off his costume earlier, since the studio had good facilities, but a big part of him wanted to jump in the shower at home so he could have a long conversation between his hand and his cock about how to cope with his new feelings for Lee.
The lights were already on when he unlocked and stepped through his front door.
For all of a millisecond, he wondered if Lee had somehow asked someone to let him into the apartment.
He’d already started to smile when Jessica jumped up off the couch and held her arms out, like she’d jumped out of a cake.
“Surprise!”
“Jessica!” Drew rocked back a step, slapping a hand to his heart. His initial shock quickly gave way to creeping dread. “What are you doing here?”
“I finished filming a day early and decided to come back,” she said, skipping across the room and throwing her arms around him. “I missed you so much!”
Drew embraced her stiffly. Fuck. He’d completely forgotten that he had a girlfriend.
Okay, that wasn’t really true. He couldn’t really forget about Jessica. She was a major part of his life. But he had to admit, as guilty as it made him feel, that he hadn’t really felt like he was cheating on anyone by hooking up with Lee.
That said more than he was ready to think about.
“Filming finished early?” he asked, forcing himself to hug Jessica back, then set her on her feet so he could look at her.
“You know how these things go,” she said, waving whatever she felt about that away. That was not how things usually went, but before he could ask further questions, she turned to head into the kitchen. “Have you eaten dinner? I have some take-out that I can reheat for you.”
Drew watched her, his heart feeling heavier by the second. He was definitely going to have to discuss everything with her. Specifically the whole thing about how they had kind of already broken up, but they needed to make it official, because he was ready to move on.
Fuck, was he ready to move on? Being with Lee had changed everything in him, but he didn’t know Lee well enough to know how he felt about it.
Lee’d said he hadn’t dated anyone in a while as part of one of their many conversations over the last couple weeks, but he had mentioned hooking up now and then. Maybe that’s all he was?
He didn’t like just being a hook-up. He didn’t like it at all. And that unnerved him.
“Babe?” Jessica asked when Drew had stood immobile for too long. “Dinner?” She held up a Chinese take-out container and gestured to the microwave.
Drew shook his head, partly in answer to her and partly to clear it. “The studio fed us dinner since things ran late.”
“Well, that’s good, because this isn’t the best Chinese I’ve ever had,” Jessica said with a smirk, tossing the container in the trash instead of putting it back in the fridge.
Drew wasn’t hungry—he didn’t think he could eat just then if his life depended on it—but he needed a drink, since his mouth had gone completely dry.
“Don’t you want to hear what it was like filming with Darius Carter?” Jessica asked with a puckish look as she leaned against the counter, almost striking a pose.
“Yeah, sure,” Drew smiled. The whole reason Jessica had been so excited about the film that had whisked her back to L.A. was because she got to share screen time with Hollywood legend Darius Carter.
“He was so fabulous,” Jessica said, grabbing Drew’s hand just after he’d taken a long drink of water from the tap and dragging him back toward the couch.
Drew sloshed water from the glass onto his shirt as she did.
“He’s so nice and was really kind to me during our scenes.
He complimented my acting and told me I had a real future in the business. ”
“That’s great,” Drew said, trying and failing to be completely casual once they were on the couch together. “That’s what you want, right? A future in this business?”
“Oh yeah,” she said, eyes going wide. “That’s what I want more than anything.” She only paused for a moment before smiling again and saying, “Darius asked about you, you know.”
“Did he?”
“Yep. He’s so impressed by your career trajectory and the way you seem so humble.”
Drew frowned for half a second before smiling. Jessica was talking about him like she didn’t really know him.