13. Cassie
I wish I could stop time and freeze this moment. Here I am, sitting in this chair in the last place I would have expected a few weeks ago. I smile at Marcy as she tells me about her family, which I take as a good sign that she’s not mad at me. No one has mentioned the article Annie called to tell me about this morning, so I’m breathing a little easier.
This group of friends is special because they support and encourage each other in everything they do. Sometimes, I wonder if I would have made friends like this years ago if I had put myself out there. I’ve been so busy ensuring that acting is my number one focus and priority that I forgot to live a little. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to not worry about if I’m behind or if I’ll land an audition.
I’ve felt my mood shift over the past few weeks. I’m no longer as anxious when I go to acting class. In the past, I would obsess over scenes and practice nonstop. If I wasn’t at the diner or having dinner with Lucy, I was rehearsing, trying to improve my craft. There’s nothing wrong with being ambitious, but when it takes over your whole life, it becomes unhealthy, and I see that now.
I’ve let my fear of losing this dream chase away potential people that could have been by my side encouraging and rooting for me.
Looking at Emmett, who’s currently in an intense conversation with Lane about the latest basketball game, I’m grateful. He somehow penetrated my wall and pulled me into this little group of his, even though I wasn’t the most willing participant.
I can”t help but stare at him, and when he catches me, his lips break into a smile and his eyes widen with delight.
“Hi.” I mouth the word since he’s across the room. We haven’t had the chance to talk since I’ve been here. As soon as I knocked, the door opened to reveal everyone in the living room watching a movie. Lucy walked past me and went straight to Tyler, something we will need to talk about later. It’s a little suspicious.
Marcy waved me over to sit by her, and part of me thought she would reprimand me for the article. Okay, well, most of me thought that. I definitely assumed she’d at least question me about it.
Lucy and I were eating breakfast when Annie called to tell me about the article.
“When were you going to tell me about you and Emmett?” She had asked.
She caught me off guard, but I wasn’t sure what she meant. She knows I work with him, but she couldn’t possibly know I was hanging out with him. Lucy didn’t tell her and she’s the only one that knows.
“The article, Cass! Really? You have a Hollywood article featuring you and you don’t even know. I can’t believe it.” She scoffed.
Lucy pulled up the article, waved her phone to show me, and sure enough it was a photo of Emmett and me leaving his party.
“How do you know that’s me?” I asked. My face isn’t showing. It’s just my back profile, which could be anyone.
“One, it’s pretty obvious since I know you.” I glanced over at Lucy for confirmation to find her already nodding in agreement. “Two, you’re wearing our matching bracelet.”
Shit. “And three?”
“Call it sister intuition.” She chimed. I could picture her then, sitting cross-legged on her bed with a giant smile, proud of her discovery.
So, that was how I found out that what I thought was a small article was in fact larger than I expected. Then Emmett invited me over, and I thought he might want to talk about it or tell me we can’t be friends, but he told me to bring Lucy and that everyone would be over. He acted like it didn’t happen, or that he didn’t know the article existed.
Which is impossible, right? He must not care, or maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it. What if he’s embarrassed by it? Doubtful, but still a possibility. I have to look at it from all angles.
“You good, Cass?”
I whip my head in the direction the voice came from to find Emmett kneeling next to my chair. His brow is furrowed, creating deep creases on his forehead, as if begging to be smoothed out to erase the worry etched on his face.
My gaze lowers and my breathing quickens. I try to think of something to say, but my mind is blank. All I can think of is Emmett, in front of me, inches away from me, my arm brushing his chest.
I like a guy on his knees.
Emmett brows draw together, as if he knows exactly what thoughts are swirling around in my head.
Right. The question. I quickly nod, hoping my cheeks aren’t as red as they feel. I offer a nervous grin, hoping it looks normal.
“Thanks for inviting me.” My voice is almost a whisper.
Glancing around, I notice everyone is sitting around the island eating pizza. Marcy must have stepped away.
“They all decided it was time to eat,” Emmett says, glancing in the same direction as I am.
“Mhm,” I mutter. My stomach grumbles as if on cue. I move my right arm from the arm of the chair and cover my stomach.
Emmett chuckles and stands up, holding out a hand. “Come on, Sass. Let’s go eat.”
Of course, he adds a wink. It wouldn’t be a normal Emmett conversation without a few winks that turn my insides into puddles and make my heart stutter.
I sigh, roll my eyes in return, and place my right hand in his. As soon as I’m up, he squeezes once and our hands come apart.
Out of habit, I’m about to reach for him again when my gaze meets Marcy’s and I remember where I am.
In Emmett’s apartment, with his friends, we aren’t supposed to be anything more than platonic.
I walk to the kitchen to stand by Marcy since her gaze never left mine. I don’t know a lot about her and Emmett’s relationship, but I know that it’s a little complicated with her working at the studio and also being one of his best friends. She’s caught between being supportive and wanting to follow the rules. I get it, but I need to win her over.
“I’m so thankful you started when you did,” Marcy says while grabbing another slice of pizza. She leans back on the counter next to me, facing toward the rest of the group.
Emmett’s sitting next to Lane at the island. Our glances connect for a moment.
I shift my gaze over at Marcy, who’s currently also looking at Emmett, who is looking at me. When her eyes finally meet mine, the urge to fidget is overwhelming and I think about making up an excuse to leave at this very moment.
“It’s busier than I thought it would be,” I say, trying to move the conversation in a more positive direction instead of feeling like she’s shooting daggers at me.
She hums a response. “It is. I don’t think they originally planned it to be that way, but once you joined and Ed saw the opportunity…” she trails off. “It worked out that you’re getting more comfortable with the rest of the staff and crew.” She’s testing me.
I fight back the urge to tell her to chill the fuck out. Instead, I take a bite of my pizza and nod in agreement.
“Cassie!” Tyler calls from the other side of the island.
I meet his gaze and raise my eyebrows, waiting for him to keep speaking.
“What’d you think of the article?”
My jaw drops and my hand pauses bringing the pizza up to my mouth.
“Tyler.” Emmett glares and gives Tyler a silent warning.
Tyler doesn’t even bother looking over at Emmett. He decides to stir the pot.
“I thought it was funny, to be honest.” Tyler leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “Emmett hasn’t had his face in the tabloids for a few months.”
“Oh, um.” I look around the room to find everyone staring at me, waiting to see how I will respond. “There’s a first time for everything, I suppose. I’m just glad it didn’t show my face.” I take a bite of my pizza again, swallowing the nerves alongside the greasiness of the pepperoni.
“You’re a dick, Tyler,” Emmett chimes in.
Tyler’s head turns toward Emmett, jaw slacked. “I just wanted to talk about the elephant in the room, so you’re welcome. You’ve been so worried about what she thought about it, I thought I’d ask.”
Emmett glances toward me, cheeks flushed, and returns his gaze to Tyler. “What a way to go about it,” Emmett says, adding a humorless laugh.
“It’s fine, promise,” I say, trying to make the situation better. I genuinely don’t mind the article, since I was anonymous. “Besides, it’s false anyway.”
“Hm?” Emmett looks at me. Obviously, he knows the article is promoting false news. I don’t get why he wants me to spell it out.
I glance at Marcy, who’s still standing to my right and patiently waiting for my reply like everyone else.
“The article stated we’re together, which is false. We’re just…” I trail off. I realize I don’t want to assume we are friends, even though I don’t know how else someone would categorize our relationship.
“Friends?” Emmett smirks.
I nod quickly, my cheeks growing hotter by the minute. Damn cheeks, showing my emotions like a star on a clear night.
I need a moment alone, so I excuse myself to use the bathroom. A tug at my wrist has me pausing in the middle of the hallway. I already know who it is before turning around.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Emmett averts his gaze, looking behind him to make sure no one followed. “I told him not to bring it up, but he never listens.”
“I’m fine.”
“Fine? I don’t believe you,” Emmett challenges, staring into my eyes.
“I’m fine.”
“And are we honestly just friends, Cassie?”
“No.” I enjoy watching his eyes widen in surprise. “You’re also a pain in my ass.”
“You’re warming up to me. I can feel it. Don’t you?” Emmett leans his shoulder against the wall, his head following suit. His eyes never leave mine. “There’s something between us, Cass. You can’t ignore it forever.” A small smile appears.
Before I can respond, Emmett winks and spins around to walk back into the kitchen. He leaves me standing in the middle of the hallway, baffled by what just happened. What did just happen? Do I like Emmett?
Of course I do. It started as a little baby crush, likely stemming from the flirting and small touches, and it might have turned into a medium crush last night at the party. He doesn’t need to know that. I need him to keep believing that I want nothing to change between us, not just because it’s forbidden by rules and blah, blah, blah, but because I don’t have time.
I don’t have the time to fixate on a romantic relationship while I’m still struggling to land a damn gig.
Running my hand through my hair, I realize I should use the bathroom like I said I would and return to the kitchen before someone wonders where I am and why it’s taking me 10 minutes.
When I get back to the kitchen, I notice Lucy by the front door. She’s still talking to Tyler, but at least she’s putting on her shoes. I glance to my left to view the time on the microwave and it’s time to go. If we don’t leave now, we risk being late to the diner, and I don’t think it would thrill Dave.
Lucy lets me know she’ll meet me by the car. She’s going to call her parents or something. I walk over to the front door and slip on my shoes. When I turn around to grab my bag off the hook by the door, I find Emmett. He’s holding my bag and jacket for me. I take the jacket first, slipping it on, and grab my bag from him.
“I’ll walk you out,” Emmett tells me like it’s a done deal.
I turn my head to look into the living room and kitchen, at everyone still in his apartment. “You don’t need to.”
“I want to.” He walks a few steps forward, closing the distance between us. With his left hand, he reaches for the door handle, twists it, and starts opening the door. I sidestep once to the left to get out of the way so the door can open all the way. “Plus, they’ll be fine.” His head tilts to the right to gesture to his friends occupying his space.
“Okay.”
I wave and say goodbye to everyone, letting them know I’ll see them at the studio on Monday. Marcy doesn’t seem elated that I’m walking out with Emmett, but I can’t let that cloud my thoughts for the evening.
We walk in silence down the hallway, Emmett on my left, slowly making our way to the elevator doors. He leans across my body to press the down arrow button, meeting my gaze for a moment before returning to a standing position.
When we get in the elevator, he reaches for my hand. I let him intertwine our fingers together. With a quick, anxious movement, I bite my lip and purposely avoid meeting his gaze. I don’t want to see how he’s feeling.
I will not kiss Emmett. I will not kiss Emmett. I will not kiss Emmett.
The entire elevator ride is silent, my heartbeat echoing off the walls. It’s loud, and beats a million times a minute. Instead of having a cheeky conversation with Emmett, I’m stuck with thinking of him. Thinking about how his hand feels in mine. It’s electric. I notice every time his finger moves against my hand, every intake of breath, and every time Emmett shifts his weight. His gaze never wavers from me, as if he’s trying to decipher my feelings and responses to our hand-holding.
After our hallway conversation, I’m so confused. This whole time I’ve been in Los Angeles and I’ve never felt like this with anyone else.
I”ve never longed to be pressed against the elevator wall. To have the elevator break and be stuck in here for hours with no escape. I want an excuse to be trapped with Emmett.
Unfortunately, the elevator dings to let us know we’ve made it to the garage level, which dispels my fantasy.
I look to see our hands still together and look to my left to meet Emmett’s eyes. A small smile first appears. His bottom lip disappears under his teeth and I’m back to wanting to slam him against the elevator wall.
Emmett sighs and shakes his head in a way that conveys he’s thinking very similar, frustrating thoughts. He gives my hand one squeeze and then lets go. He reaches out with the same hand to hold open the elevator doors to let me out.
“Text me?” he asks.
“Obviously.” I tease, dipping my head, batting my eyelashes, and shaking my head a few times.
He chuckles.
“Goodnight, Cassie.” Emmett gets the last words in as the elevator door closes between us and climbs back up to his floor.
It feels like the walk of shame as I strut to Lucy’s car. Despite the early hour of 7:30 at night, there is a noticeable absence of people coming and going from the garage. It’s a small space, so that makes sense. Most people that live here likely have drivers and leave out the front door.
Lucy doesn’t even see me walking toward the car. She’s looking at her phone and appears busy with furrowed brows. I can only assume it has something to do with her upcoming art show. There’s always something that she’s grumbling about. I can’t keep it straight. Too many paintings, not enough paintings, maybe a different color scheme, tickets sold, tickets not sold, and 100 other various topics.
“Everything okay?” I ask as I buckle in, setting my bag by my feet. I adjust the air to blow more directly at me, turning the temperature in the car from a warm 71 to a cool 68. My body still feels like it’s on fire after the elevator ride.
“Hm?” Lucy asks, turning her head to face me. “Oh, yeah, everything is just fine. Same shit, different day.” She flips the music to play an alternative playlist and sets the phone in her lap before driving us out of the garage.
“How was the walk with Emmett? Talk about anything interesting?” Lucy glances at me.
I shake my head. “Please don’t start. We are friends. Nothing happened. Nothing can happen.”
Lucy just nods in response.
With everything in close proximity, we”re already pulling into the diner parking lot a few minutes later, so we have little time to chat.
“Shit,” Lucy mutters.
I look up from my phone to see the parking lot of Dave’s Diner packed. Every spot is full. I groan. Tonight was supposed to be slow. I was hoping it would be slow. Slow means I can go home early and go to bed, which I desperately want to do. I didn’t realize how exhausting these past few weeks would be trying to balance it all.
With the addition of last night and tonight, I’m drained and not sure I have the right mindset to wait on people.
“Lucy, I need to quit.” I surprise myself by saying these words out loud.
She turns off the ignition after parking in an employee spot in the back. “Girl, I know. I do too. Can you at least wait until after this shift? You wouldn’t be a great best friend if you left right now.” Lucy grabs her bags from the back, full of books that she won’t get to because of the crowd of people and food the guys sent with us to snack on later.
“Yeah, yeah. I won’t leave you hanging.”
“Just promise me you will still make time for me between your new boyfriend and the studio.” Lucy wiggles her eyebrows.
I glare at her. “Not my boyfriend—”
Lucy holds up her hand in between us. “But he wants to be! He was eye-fucking you the entire night.”
I roll my eyes and grab my bag. “Anyway, yes, I will obviously make time for you. It helps that we live together.”
“True. You can’t get away from me, even if you wanted to.”
For the rest of the night, I can’t get Emmett out of my head. Every time I overhear a patron talk about touring the studios, I have to bite my tongue and walk the other way. I’m afraid I’ll say something about knowing Emmett, or ask strangers what they think about him.
I take time to talk to Dave, let him know that I’m quitting. Telling him in person is the least I can do for having spent so many years here. He’s always been supportive, so I wasn’t nervous to tell him. That was the easy part.
The hard part is now I’m relying on the studio and trusting myself to land a role before the end of the year. If I don’t, it may be time to move on.