22. Zayn
Zayn
“So, things are going well?” Ed asks, pacing circles in the trailer. It’s been busy at the studio, and although I’ve been here three days a week to help actors run lines, Ed hasn’t had time to check in.
“I think so,” I admit.
After I finally convinced Annie to eat dinner last night, we spent the rest of the night doing things you typically wouldn’t do with the person you know is only around you temporarily. The person you shouldn’t let get under your skin.
Whatever I do, I can’t stop thinking about Annie. It doesn’t help that she slept in my bed. It’s all too much. Her touch. Her smell. Her fucking smile. Her .
“Looks like you’re thinking pretty hard.”
I look at Ed, scrunching my brows. He doesn’t need to read my mind to see that my mood has improved, and I haven’t decided if that’s a good or a bad thing.
Ed’s reason for not offering me the trilogy right off the bat is the whole reason Annie is even in my life.
“I just have a lot on my mind. Any news on the movie?” The couch catches me as I lean back, bracing myself for a negative response.
“Not the news you’re wanting.”
I knew it.
“But keep doing what you’re doing and I can promise you that it’ll all work out. You have the gala this weekend, where you’ll be speaking. Do that well, talk about your acting, show me you still want this.”
A nod is all I can muster. I don’t think I have the right to be disappointed or angry, it’s just that I was hoping Ed would have said something positive by now. He knows I’m not auditioning for other roles right now, that I’m banking on this trilogy working out. I’m keeping it my main priority.
I’ve been trying, genuinely fucking trying, to be better.
The tabloids show me in a positive light, I’ve been smiling in photos, and I haven’t complained once about attending these galas.
Annie even made us go to a movie premiere, and a restaurant opening, and some other charity event to show the media that I’m out there trying to make a difference.
It’s not good enough. Not yet. But it will be if I have anything to say about it. I’m not going to fuck this up because that would also mean I fuck up Annie’s career, and I care about her. Too much. And that’s terrifying.
As soon as Ed leaves, I take the time to call Kiley.
I’ve been avoiding her calls, her requests to come over and hang out with Annie and me.
I hate lying to her. She deserves to know that our relationship is fake and has a set end date.
But whenever I’m about to bring it up, I chicken out.
The way she reacted to the news of Marissa leaving makes me want to protect her from any heartbreak.
“Z, hi, I was starting to think you were ignoring me.” Kiley greets me with a sassy tone.
“I’m not ignoring you, just busy. You know,” I reply.
“Yeah, must be, if you don’t want to hang out with your only sister. I want to see Annie and you.”
“I know Kiki, I just don’t know when we’d make that work. She’s also busy.” Busy with me, that is. My mind flashes to pinning her against the counter last night and that is the last thing I need to be thinking about right now.
“What about tonight?”
“Tonight?” All the other times that she asked about hanging out, it’s been over text. I haven’t had to audibly tell her no. Little siblings have a way to be persistent and get their way, always.
“Yes, tonight, you can pick me up.”
“I could send a car, I suppose.” I give in. One night can’t hurt, can it?
“I knew you’d say yes.”
If I had to guess, Kiley is beaming right now, trying to resist the urge to bounce with excitement.
“You’re hard to say no to. Plus, Annie would love to see you.” I think. I hope so.
“Yay, great. Well, text me what time to be ready and I’ll see you later Z, love you.”
“Love you too, Kiki.”
When the line goes silent, I move the phone away from my ear and open my messages.
Knowing Annie would like to be prepared, I send her a text and let her know I’ll order carry out.
The bubbles showing she’s typing immediately dance across the screen, then disappear, then return, then disappear, then she finally sends me a smiley face and a heart emoji.
My own heart stutters at the small, yet notable, notion. Does it mean something? Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, the grin that I can’t hold back any longer comes out in full force.
That's the moment I know I'm truly fucked.
Liking Annie is as easy as waking up in the morning. The way her body reacts to my touch should be a crime, a fucking crime. No two people should mold together the way we do, our banter feeding off each other, only fueling the fire between us.
A knock on my trailer door tears me away from my dangerous thoughts, and I’ve never been more thankful. Although opening the door to Emmett is a surprise.
“Oh, hey man,” I greet awkwardly, waving a hand even though he’s on the other side of the threshold.
“Mind if I come in?” His tone doesn’t even hint at the reason for this visit, so I’m not sure what to think. He is Annie’s brother-in-law, after all.
“Sure, yeah, sure.” I step back and to the left, getting out of the way for Emmett to come in. “What’s up?”
“I, uh, do you mind if I take a seat? This is going to be awkward already, and I’d rather not have to stand here while I do it.”
I nod for him to move to the couch, but instead of sitting next to him, I sit on a stool near the kitchen.
“I know we haven’t talked much lately, even though we share an agent, and I didn’t come here on Cassie’s behalf, but I just wanted to talk to you and try to understand what’s going on between you and Annie. Even though you’ve been ignoring me, I still want to make sure everything is okay.”
“Nothing’s going on between us,” I say carefully. I desperately wish I had a drink or something to fidget with. My nerves are doing all they can to escape my body.
“Right, just like nothing was going on between Cassie and me when she started working here.” Emmett dips his head, clearly seeing through my bullshit. “We were also just friends for a while before it turned into more.”
“It’s—” I drop my gaze to the floor, not wanting my emotions to show like oil on water. “It’s complicated.”
“I’m not here to threaten you, but I will say that if you need someone to talk to, I’m here. You don’t have to keep all this to yourself. I know what happened a year ago couldn’t have been easy. The guys miss you at lunch.”
“I don’t need anyone. Did Annie tell you I needed someone?
” I snap, knowing full well that it’s no longer true.
There was once a time where I wouldn’t have even let Emmett into the trailer.
I wouldn’t have even opened the door. I would have never let someone enter my life and play my heart like a fiddle, to risk it breaking again.
But here I am, in so fucking over my head.
“Clearly you’re doing so well on your own. And no, Annie didn’t. But I see the way you’re changing and Cassie has noticed the change in Annie, so I’m just trying to be a friend,” Emmett snaps back.
“Well, thanks, but I’ve got it covered. Is that all you needed? I have somewhere I need to be.”
I hate the look in Emmett’s eyes. They started full of hope and offering of a friendship, yet now they are lifeless, unforgiving. I know that because it’s what I see when I look into the mirror every morning. I recognize the look of disappointment.
“Yeah, that’s all.” Emmett tosses me one last look, which has now turned into pity, and he’s out the door a moment later.
I gather my bag, sling it over one shoulder, and shoot Annie a text before I leave. The car I called is already on its way to pick up Kiley, so she should arrive shortly after I do.
When I reach our floor of the apartment building, I know that the smells of vanilla and caramel are coming from our kitchen before opening the door.
“Ah, Zayn, you’re home.” Annie’s smile greets me from across the room as she places cookies onto a tray. “I thought I’d make us a treat since Kiley will be over tonight, and I haven’t had a lot of time to bake recently. I’m excited to see her.”
As if Annie could weave herself any deeper into my life, she goes and bakes because my sister is coming over. I try my best to not smile, to stop giving into whatever is going on between us. The best I can do to avoid that is to avoid her eyes and make some gruff noise to know I heard her.
I walk straight to my room, but she follows me.
After last night, giving her the cold shoulder isn’t what I want, but it’s what I need to do.
I’m getting too fucking attached. If Emmett has to come to my trailer to talk to me about Annie, that means she’s getting attached too. Something neither of us can afford.
“Is everything okay?” Annie stays at my door, one foot crossed over the other, and leans her body onto the frame. Her bottom lip is tucked, and she won’t meet my eyes.
Fuck. What am I doing?
“Yeah, Annie, everything is okay. Come here.” I gesture for her to sit next to me.
She saunters over slowly, hands clasped in front of her. “I thought we were past this,” she says, sinking next to me. I can tell she tried to sit further away, but her body gravitates toward mine, clashing our legs together.
“Past what?” My eyes meet hers, challenging her to say what’s on her mind. Encouraging her to push me, even though I know I should be doing the opposite.
“Past you...” Annie pauses, exhaling before shifting her gaze to her hands that are still clasped in front of her. “Past you hiding from me,” she finishes, her voice barely a whisper.
My hand reaches for hers without my brain realizing, weaving its way in between her clasped hands. “Emmett came to visit me today,” I mutter.
“He what? Why? I swear I haven’t said anything to him.” Annie glances at me, searching my face, trying to read my reaction.
“I wouldn’t think you would, it just made me realize how deep I’m getting with you.”
“Too bad you’re not deep in me.” Her voice is soft, but I hear the playful tone.
“Annie,” I growl, letting my emotions show for her, trusting that whatever this thing is that we are doing will fix itself in the end and I’ll be able to heal from whatever slashes she takes at my heart.
She lets out a chuckle, and she’s lucky we are about to have company, otherwise I would keep my word from last night and punish her, nice and long and hard, for that.
“He just asked me what was going on between us.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Annie grimaces, biting her lip again. “Doesn’t that mean the PR is working?”
“It means that I’m getting too close to you,” I mumble, retracting my hand from hers.
“No, you don’t get to do that now.” Annie reaches for my hand, pulling it back. I let her. “We agreed, fun, casual, until December.”
“Is this just fun and casual to you, Annie?” I want to push her, to break her down into telling me that she likes me. Even just a little bit.
“It’s fun and casual, but it also means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me.”
“Be careful Annie, I may think you actually like me.”
I’m falling over on the bed before I know it as laughter comes from both of us.
“Well, I hate to break it to you, Zayn, but I think I am starting to like you,” Annie says.
“Doesn’t that make things with us less casual?” I ask.
Annie shrugs and says, “Maybe.”
I reach out and grip her jaw. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I kind of like you too.”
She leans into my touch and her eyes flutter closed.
We stay there for a moment, reveling in the silence after the small confession.
I like her a lot more than I let on, but she doesn’t need to know that.
Right now, I’m content with what we have going on if that means she ends each night by my side in bed.
I stand, reaching out my hand toward Annie, hoping she will take it. “C’mon, Kiley will be here soon.”