35. Annie
Annie
Nothing is going the way I expected. I’ve somehow wasted the past three years working for a company that doesn’t even believe in me. What if Dan was right? What if this career is a dead end and I’m just wasting my time?
“It’s going to be okay,” Zayn whispers into my ear, trying to calm me. “We’ll figure it out.”
It only makes me cry more. When was the last time I cried? Have I been holding in all these emotions for this long? Trying so hard to please others that it just became a part of me? Going through each day with a smile for so long that faking it became real?
“I got you.” Zayn kisses the top of my head and I melt further into him, if that’s even possible.
“I don’t know—” my words come out in between sobs, “what I’m going to do.”
“You don’t need to figure that out right now.”
“But—“
“No. Stop trying to fix everything. You don’t need to be perfect around me.
” The sobs keep coming. Zayn rubs small circles on my back while trying to reassure me that everything will be okay.
That we will figure it out together. Together.
I don’t know how we can be together when I might have to move to New York, but I try to do what he says and not try to figure it out right now.
The tears slow and my breathing follows. Zayn pulls away just enough to wipe my cheeks, leaving kisses on either side.
“You are incredible at what you do, Annie. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise, okay?” His hands grasp my face and he presses his lips to mine. He kisses me softly, and I know in this moment that I’ve fallen for this man. This wonderful, grumpy man.
How can I not? He’s here, for me, always. He stands up for me, encourages me, believes in me.
“Let’s go, yeah?” Zayn asks.
I can’t find the strength to say anything, so I nod. He picks up my bags, interlaces his hand with mine, and pulls us toward the door to go home.
Well, at least I thought he would be taking me home. Instead, he keeps driving and pulls into the ice cream shop. It’s only eleven in the morning. Are they even open this early?
“Annie, Zayn! This is early for you,” Liam greets us as we enter.
They’re open, but there’s only one other family here. I know it’s still warm in November, but I suppose being from the Midwest, I always associate the fall with getting cold and not wanting cold things. Some people can drink iced coffee any time of the year, but not me.
“Hi, Liam. Can we get two cones to go today?” Zayn steps up to the counter, pulling out his card from his wallet.
“Yes, yes, of course. Coming right up,” Liam says.
If my face is splotchy and red, he doesn’t say anything. Liam just scoops two heaping spheres of ice cream onto two cones and hands them to us.
“On the house.” He smiles.
“Thanks, Liam.” Zayn puts his card away and takes the cones from him, handing one to me.
“Thanks, Liam.” I smile.
An ice cream shop was the last place I thought I’d be a regular, but now I wouldn’t want it to be anywhere else.
There’s something special about going somewhere and being recognized and remembered.
It’s simple, but the way that Liam remembers what we order or asks us questions about Zayn’s movies, warms my heart.
And then I look at Zayn.
“Yes?” he asks.
I shake my head and smile. “Nothing, just thinking.”
He holds the door open for me, then brings his hand to mine, pulling me to the right toward the beach.
“Walking on the beach? How romantic,” I tease, pressing my shoulder into his.
“Well, this is kind of our thing, isn’t it?” Zayn looks at me and winks.
“I suppose it is.”
We stop talking for the next few minutes and just walk while eating our ice cream.
It’s empty at the beach, since it’s early and a weekday.
There are a few clouds in the sky. The crash of the waves is soothing, meditating, and I wonder if that’s why Zayn brought me here. To a place that has become “our thing.”
“I’m feeling better already, thank you,” I mutter, trying to make sure I lick my ice cream fast enough before it melts.
He squeezes my hand. “Good, I thought this might help. Lately, the beach helps me get in a good mood too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. And you, of course. It’s kind of a package deal for me.” Zayn chuckles.
I want to ask him about us, about what’s next, but I don’t. Whatever is happening with us is perfect; it’s the only thing in my life that I feel like I have some control over. And that’s not saying a lot, considering I don’t know when all of this will be over.
“How are you feeling about everything?” I ask.
Zayn looks at me with a smile on his face, and I remember when the sight was rare.
“About the movie? Or us?” Zayn asks, his eyebrows raised.
My cheeks turn red and I move to look in front of us before I answer, “Both.”
“Well, I feel good about the movie. It seems like everything is trending positive. Even Ed has talked to me a few times about it. I’m fairly confident I’ll get it.”
“Yeah?” I beam at Zayn.
He nods, then leads us over to a trash can so we can throw away our cone wrappers. We turn around and walk back toward the car.
“Yeah, Annie. And…” He leans toward me, pushing into my shoulder playfully before continuing. “It’s all thanks to you. And speaking of you, I like you so much.”
“Yeah?”
“Is that the only thing you’re going to say to me?”
“No...”
Zayn pushes me again. My feet touch the water this time, and I squeal as I jump back toward him. He just laughs.
“I know you like me too, it’s okay,” Zayn says.
“So sure of yourself, huh?” I ask.
“You are my girlfriend.”
“What if I can’t stand you? Ah! Zayn—”
Zayn tugs at my hand, slamming my chest into his.
He grips my shoulder with his free hand so I don’t fall backward, and leans his head toward mine.
His lips near my ear, and his breath sends shivers down my spine.
There’s a jolt of pain on my ear as Zayn bites and tugs before he lets go.
I let out a soft moan, the sound blending with the waves crashing to shore.
“Doesn’t sound like you can’t stand me.” Zayn’s hand moves from my shoulder, down my back, and finds its place on my butt. He squeezes, hard, bringing me closer to him.
“I hate you, boyfriend .” I nip at his neck.
“I hate you right back.” Zayn removes his hand from mine and brings it to my face to cup my jaw, pulling my lips to his.
Hours could pass and I would know no difference.
Being here with Zayn feels like a fairytale dream, and I don’t want to wake up.
There’s a slight breeze in the air, but I’m surrounded by the warmth of Zayn’s arms. The sounds of the birds and water echo around us, transporting me to a different place.
When our lips disconnect, Zayn leans his forehead on mine. Our chests rise and fall in tandem.
“You definitely are something else,” Zayn reminds me.
“Are you going to elaborate this time?”
He pulls back, interlaces his fingers with mine again, and walks us toward the car.
“When I first met you, I wanted to know you so bad. I can’t explain why.
Maybe deep down I knew you were already connected to me, or maybe it’s because you’re the opposite of me and I wanted that.
You’re like gravity, pulling people toward you, until they are stuck in your orbit. That’s me, stuck in your orbit.”
“I suppose that means you’re stuck with me,” I say.
Zayn reaches for the car door to open it for me. “I suppose I am.”
He kisses me on my forehead before letting go of my hand and walking over to the driver side.
Zayn holds my hand for the entire ride back to our apartment, and every time his thumb swipes back and forth or he squeezes, the butterflies in my stomach flutter.
Damn butterflies, don’t they know I’m not supposed to feel like this?
The heart wants what the heart wants, even if my brain is trying to remind it to be realistic.
“I have to go to set for a few to work on some scenes for the short film, are you going to be okay?” Zayn asks once we’re parked.
“Will I be okay in our own apartment?” I ask.
He rolls his eyes in a Zayn-like fashion, then tousles his hair. “Yes, Annie. I can call off work if you want me here.”
“You never call off work.” Zayn is notorious for always going to set. It’s always his priority.
“I would for you.”
“Going soft on me, Barnes?” I wink for added sass.
“Fuck, no. I just, ugh, why are you making this difficult?”
“Because I can.”
“You’re changing me into a better man, Annie, get used to it. Call me if you need anything. Seriously. Even if you need a fucking loaf of bread, you call me.”
“Why would I need a loaf of bread?” I ask.
Zayn lets out a frustrated sigh. “A loaf of bread, a latte, anything your heart can desire.”
“And what if I just need you?”
“Then I’ll be there.”
I lean over the center console and press a slow, soft kiss against his lips. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”
“In a little bit,” Zayn repeats, kissing me one more time before I get out of the car and head into the apartment.
By the time I sit down on the couch, my mind is busy going through a million different scenarios of what my future could look like. Will I be with Zayn? Will I not? Will I still work in PR? Where will I work? What if I get a job feeding dolphins? Shit. I need to talk to someone.
As if the universe can sense my distress, my phone rings.
“Cassie!” I greet, realizing my tone reflects a bit of desperation.
“Hey, sis. How did the meeting with Greg go?”
“How do you know about that?” I ask with a tinge of confusion. It’s been a few days since I talked to her, and I don’t believe I mentioned it.
“Someone might have texted me that you might need someone to talk to.”
Zayn.
“Of course he did.” I sigh, leaning back on the couch.
“What is going on with you two?” Her tone is curious.
“We are dating? He calls me his girlfriend, and we’ve both agreed that whatever is going on isn’t fake anymore. But I’m not sure what’s going to happen in a few weeks when our contract ends.”
“Will you stop sighing? It can’t be that bad.”
I roll my eyes even though Cassie can’t see me. “It is bad, especially when apparently the only job available for me after Zayn’s contract ends is in New York.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. Greg says there aren’t any other options here.”
“That’s so not true,” Cassie says.
“Maybe I’m not doing as good a job as I thought I was.”
“That’s not true either, Anns. It’s because of you that Zayn is thriving in the eyes of the media. He’s going to land that trilogy role and it’s all thanks to you. If Greg doesn’t see that, then maybe it’s time to look for a new company to work at.”
Could I even do that? I’m fairly certain that if I started looking for jobs, Greg would find a way to put me on a Do not hire list.
“Just think about it, please,” Cassie pleads after many moments of silence.
“I will,” I lie.
It’s not like I haven’t thought about it.
I have. The search history on my computer will prove that I’ve looked into any PR firm within a thirty-mile radius of Los Angeles.
Even though I interned for a firm, most companies still want at least three years of experience.
That’s why it was a blessing for me to get hired on after my internship.
I was able to prove my abilities without having to know someone.
But I must not be that capable if Greg is trying to push me to New York.
When I hang up with Cassie, I figure I should get out of the house. I need to move. There’s all this anxious energy built up inside of me and I need to do something to get rid of it. The perks of living in a city is you can walk outside and find most things you need within a ten minute walk.
I grab a book, my bag, and head out the door.
I reach Flora Cafe and order an Americano, then sit down with my book. If my mind keeps going in circles about what I’m going to do, maybe immersing myself in a fairytale land will distract me.
It does. Two Americanos, a blueberry muffin, and an iced tea later, my phone starts buzzing.
“Hello?”
“Annie, where the hell are you?” Zayn’s voice is frantic.
“Zayn? I’m at a coffee shop.”
“Why didn’t you text me?”
“I didn’t expect to be gone so long. I kind of got lost in my book,” I explain.
“Stay there, I’m coming.”
“You don’t even know what coffee shop I’m at.”
“Yes, I do,” Zayn argues.
“How?”
“Annie, I know you. Blueberry muffin? Americano? See you soon.”