Chapter 45 Big Finish
Big Finish
The reckless, rom-com-brained part of me wanted to run straight to the airport. The rational part of me knew I needed things like, you know, a phone. And a license.
So once I was free of the convention hall throng, I raced back to our HQ. There was so much to do. I needed to book an earlier flight home. I needed to catch Hudson at his apartment. I had to convince him that I loved him.
Oh God. How would I do that?
Just come out and say it? Hello, I’m in love with you.
Nope.
Or a video of my own?
Hard pass. Not photogenic. Also, the marketing team were probably sick of getting bribed to work off the clock.
Maybe a lab report? I could explain in detail how my experiment in sex turned into a successful proof of love.
Only…Hudson wasn’t an experiment. Our relationship wasn’t a proof. I didn’t need to analyze or explain what I felt for him or what had transpired between us.
It just was. He’d made me fall in love with him, beyond all boundaries of known science and logic. It defied everything I understood about the universe, which somehow made it even more real than if I could put it in a box and study it.
However, I didn’t have time to make a decision.
One was made for me.
When I returned to our empty HQ, I found that it wasn’t so empty after all. Hudson sat there, drinking a glass of the celebratory champagne we’d stocked there for after The Fantasy’s big moment in the spotlight.
Every neuron within me vibrated with an intensity even the Richter scale couldn’t measure.
He’d stayed.
“Thought you had a plane to catch,” I breathed.
“Turns out I have terrible hand-eye coordination. Couldn’t catch a plane to save my soul.”
“Very funny.”
“Girls like funny guys.”
Forget the Richter scale. I wasn’t an earthquake right now. I wasn’t anything on my own. When two black holes merged, their gravitational forces were said to be the most intense thing in the known universe.
We were two black holes.
Destined to merge.
Destined to rattle the entire cosmos with our energy.
“I thought I was going to have, like, a whole flight back to Dallas to figure out my grand gesture. And my speech,” I said.
He tipped his champagne glass, amusement toying at the edges of his otherwise placid expression. “Yeah? What were you planning?”
“Pffft. Like, fire-breathers and tap dancers and stuff. Maybe call my friends at NASA for a flyover.”
He let out a low whistle. “Sounds expensive.”
God, I loved this man. Even in this dramatic and important moment, he still managed to make me smile.
“It would have been. Do you mind if I just…talk from the heart instead?”
The champagne found its way to a nearby table. He then leaned forward, elbows on his knees, giving me his entire attention. “I’ve been waiting for you to say that since the day we met, Scout.”
My prepared statements now gone, I dredged up the truth from the bottom of my heart and laid it out bare for him.
“I’m not good at this stuff, but I want to try.”
Deep breath, Scout. You can do this.
You’re worth fighting for. He’s worth fighting for. This love is worth fighting for.
“All my life, I’ve made a mess of things.
Or I thought I did. And I was so hard on myself about it.
With my work, if an experiment with one of my projects failed, I knew what to do.
I could scrap the whole thing, approach it from a new angle, and refine it until I got the correct outcome.
But I didn’t know how to do that with myself.
My parents taught me that I was only good enough to love when I did everything right, so when I messed up, I just learned how to hide.
Because I convinced myself it was better that way.
That I was broken and couldn’t ever be fixed. ”
With every word I spoke, they were no longer theoretical. They were real, writing themselves into my very DNA. I knew I would never again go back to the girl I had been.
“But that’s not true. I’m not broken. There’s nothing unlovable about me. And I can have what I want. I can have it with you.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. I approached him, closing the gap until I stood right before him, laying myself bare.
Emotionally, that is.
“I’m sorry that I made you think that you couldn’t be honest with me about your feelings.
Addie and Leelah told me that’s why it took so long for you to say it.
I was waiting on you to say I love you, all the while you were trying to follow my lead and do what I wanted, and then I made everything worse by calling you a coward who can’t express himself.
I was wrong, Hudson. And I’m sorry. And I’m sorry that I pushed you away.
You were never a problem. You were never a distraction.
You made me believe, for the first time ever, that I’m not a problem, either. You made me…”
His eyelashes fluttered. One second there were glistening tears along the rims of his eyes, and the next, they were gone.
“You made me fall in love with you. I’m in love with you, Hudson. Without fear. Without reservation. Without the need to analyze it. I just love you.
“I’m tired of limiting myself. I want to jump in.
I want to live, not just muddle through.
You inspire me. I stood up to my parents.
I stood up to Lloyd. You make me better.
Stronger. And I want to love you every single chance I get.
To show you that you deserve to be loved just the way you are—the real you.
The one who hates spicy food and loves pegging and makes a mean bowl of ramen.
And I want to be the woman who loves you that way—every day, for as long as you’ll have me. ”
No response. I couldn’t watch his face in the reflection anymore. Trying to read him was impossible. I tripped over myself to fill the silence between us.
“I guess I learned that there’s a reason we tangle up love and sex all the time. Because they’re both about giving and receiving. We give and receive in the bedroom. Just the same, we have to love, and we have to let ourselves be loved back.”
He stifled the last words with his lips. Jumping to his feet, he brought his lips down to mine in a brush of a kiss that quickly turned into more. It was a devouring kiss, a kiss that tasted like forever.
I could get used to kisses like that.
When we finally parted, I could barely even open my eyes. I didn’t want the moment to end. “That was—”
His grin was as crooked as ever, but somehow even more perfect.
It reached not just his eyes but the rest of his body, brightening him in a way I’d been missing these last few days without him.
“You just used a sex metaphor to explain why you’ve finally admitted that you’re madly in love with me. What, was I not supposed to kiss you?”
Tears were inevitable now. I didn’t wipe them away. Sad tears? The worst. Happy tears, though? Is there anything better than the subversion of a sign of misery into such sublime joy?
He took my face between his hands. I leaned into his touch. “I want this, Scout. I’ve always wanted it. I just needed you to be ready, too.”
“I’m ready. I love you.”
Another kiss. This time, I put every promise for the future into it. I’ll always love you. I’ll always be here. I’ll never run again. I’ll build a life that I’ve always wanted—and you’ll be there with me, every step of the way.
When we parted, though, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to end this moment with just a kiss. So I laced my fingers through his and led him toward a nearby maintenance closet door.
“Where are you taking me?” he asked.
I winked at him. “You’re leaving BuzzCorp, aren’t you? It’s time for your exit interview. Don’t worry. I’ll be very, very comprehensive.”
Problem: It had been several days since I’d last had sex with Hudson.
Proposed Solution: A little closet quickie to seal our new romance. Our real romance. A romance that would last forever.