Merry 8
How we avoided a confrontation with all that testosterone in the room was beyond me, but it didn’t hurt that Billy Ray was a veteran. The guys all knew how difficult that could be, especially if that vet had seen too much death and destruction and was now in the throes of PTSD.
We sat around my table, drinking tea like civilized people, while Billy Ray tried his best to calm down, even tapping his face whenever he felt himself getting tense.
I’d found that when Billy Ray got like this, it usually meant he’d gone off his meds.
“Do us all a favor,” I whispered to Lucas when we were alone in my kitchen. “Go through Billy Ray’s duffel bag and see if you can find his meds. I guarantee he hasn’t taken them in a couple of days, even more. That’s why he’s like this. Usually, Billy Ray is non-confrontational, so this is very unusual behavior for him.”
He shook his head. “Absolutely not. That’s private. I’m not going through his stuff.”
“Lucas. This is an emergency, and it’s for his own good. Billy Ray has severe PTSD from the time he served in the Marines. He’s good at hiding it, but he’s much better at functioning when he’s on his meds. When he goes off, anything can happen, and he usually ends up in the hospital for a few days, sometimes for weeks. He really needs those drugs. Please. I know it’s an invasion of his privacy, but if those drugs are in his bag, it will save him from spending the night in a hospital or worse… in jail.”
Thankfully, Lucas finally agreed, and not only did he find the prescription bottle in Billy Ray’s duffel bag, but he also found a big, white envelope with my name on it. I hoped it was the paperwork for our annulment.
I took the meds and tossed the envelope on a kitchen counter for later.
“Hey Billy Ray, while you’re enjoying your tea, maybe you’d like to take this along with it?”
I held out my hand, palm open, offering him the pill. He usually took it if I offered it nicely, so I even smiled for him, hoping that would be enough.
I could see the hesitation on his face. The momentary bewilderment in how I got a hold of one of his pills lingered, but after a while, he complied.
“Probably a good idea,” he said without an argument, reaching for the familiar pill, then washing it down with more tea.
“Okay,” Lucas said, pulling out the chair next to Billy Ray. “Now, why don’t you tell us all about your favorite Christmas. I was nine when I got a new racing bike from my dad. Best gift ever. I loved motocross, so it was the perfect gift. What about you, Billy Ray?”
That was all Billy Ray needed, a little conversation about some happier times. It got him going with one childhood story after another, and the guys joined right in with their own memories. After a while, I joined in as well, and the night progressed without a hitch.
Once Billy Ray’s pill took hold, he was in much better spirits and easy to talk to. He was really a great guy before PTSD set in. Once those horrific memories took hold, he was impossible to be around. Something I didn’t realize until our wedding night, when he blew up, and we ended up at the hospital still wearing our wedding clothes.
Not a great memory. I still had a little PTSD from that night that I was dealing with. Being here, in this town, with these wonderful men who were also recovering from their own traumas had helped not only me, but I’d like to think I was helping them as well.
We were all in the same boat, but some of us, like Billy Ray, would take longer to heal. Unfortunately, my love for him was never strong enough to help him through.
Still, I knew that Connor, Ethan, and especially Lucas would understand. Lucas had his own tragic history. I knew that once Lucas knew Billy Ray had served in the military, he would do everything in his power to make Billy Ray feel welcomed. Lucas hadn’t told me about his brother dying in battle, but Noelle had, and because of that insider knowledge, I knew Lucas would go out of his way to make sure Billy Ray was well taken care of.
About three hours later, once Billy Ray had completely calmed down, and we’d eaten all the pizzas we’d ordered and drank most of the beer, Billy Ray finally succumbed to fatigue.
“Is it okay if I nap on your sofa, Merry?” he asked, getting up from the table. “I just need a couple of hours, and I’ll be on my way.”
I wasn’t sure that was a good idea.
“I think Merry might need a little privacy tonight, but I’ve got an extra bedroom in my place you can bunk down in for the night,” Connor offered.
“That’d be great. Thanks. Is your place far?” Billy Ray asked.
“Just up a flight of stairs,” Connor said and stood to escort him back to his apartment.
As soon as Billy Ray took a couple of steps, I could tell he’d had too much to drink and would need some assistance.
“Whoa, there, buddy,” Ethan said, holding him up.
“It’s been a long day,” Billy Ray mumbled.
“It sure has,” Connor told him, grabbing his duffel bag.
I opened the door, and they all shuffled out together, leaving Lucas and me alone.
As soon as I turned back towards him, he said, “Connor tells me you’re married to this guy. Is that true?”
“It’s a long story, but yes, I am or at least I think I still am.”
“And you didn’t think to tell us?” He looked saddened by the whole thing. And a little put off by it as well.
“I was hoping I could tell you and the guys the whole story in the morning,” I told him after I let out a big yawn. “Is that still possible?”
He stacked the dishes and brought them into the kitchen. I followed right behind him with glasses and flatware. “If you’re up to it, I’d really like to hear that story now. The thing is, if Billy Ray hadn’t shown up tonight, when were you going to tell us?”
“I thought that by now, I would’ve heard that the annulment was final, but I guess he either never signed the paperwork, or he never filed it. Either way, that’s no excuse, and I’m sorry.”
“Your apology is a start, but I’d still like to hear some of the details.”
I could tell he wasn’t about to give up on this, and I was so dead on my feet, I could hardly keep my eyes open.
“Aren’t you tired?” I asked, hoping he would admit that he was.
“Wiped, but this is important.”
I knew I wouldn’t win this.
“Can I change out of this dress first? I’m cold and uncomfortable.”
“Sure,” he said, while he loaded the dishwasher. “I’ll make some hot water for tea.”
“I’ve had enough tea. I’d prefer wine if that’s okay. I think there’s a bottle of white in the fridge,” I told him, hoping he’d be okay with the idea.
“Meet you in the living room in five,” he said, and I took off for my bedroom.
I quickly changed into sweats and pulled my hair up with a clip, then stepped into my fuzzy slippers. I stripped off most of my makeup, except for some mascara, and rubbed in some lotion.
I couldn’t look worse if I’d tried. No way did I want Lucas thinking this evening might lead to sex, not that he would, but I didn’t know him well enough to rule it out completely.
When I walked back into the living room, Lucas had turned the bright lights off, and all that was left were the lights on the tree and the glow from my little fireplace.
Cozy and warm, just the way I liked it. Plus, it was still snowing outside.
As soon as I sat across from him on the sofa, he poured Pinot Grigio into a glass and handed it to me. Next to Prosecco, it was my favorite wine.
“Now, do you want to tell me about this marriage?” he asked as he settled in and laid an arm across the back of the sofa. “Connor also said there were a couple of kids involved.”
He looked so handsome in the lowlight that if I wasn’t so tired and still upset over Billy Ray, I would have loved to cuddle up in his strong arms, watching the snow fall from outside my windows. Instead, we sat on opposite ends of my sofa, like strangers.
“I’ll tell you everything, but first… how did Ethan do?”
“He sold half of his inventory, with folks promising to come back tomorrow. Even the more expensive painting sold. If this snow ever stops and we can open again, he’ll probably sell everything else. People absolutely love his stuff.”
“I would’ve liked to have seen that.”
I truly would have. Ethan was responsible for my move here.
“You still can, tomorrow. We’d just finished crating everything up and bringing it back inside when I got Connor’s text message. So, what the hell, Merry?”
I took a deep breath and let it out. “I’ve known Billy Ray since I was a kid, since way before he went into the military. I attended his wedding with my mom. He and I were friends, and even though I was a lot younger, he was always kind to me.”
“How the hell did you end up married to the guy? He could almost be your dad?”
“I don’t really know how that happened… I mean, I know how it happened, but I don’t know why I did it. Just know that as soon as I said I do, I knew I’d made a huge mistake. He knew it as well, but when he doesn’t take his meds, he loses all reasoning. It’s part of his PTSD. He’s seen too much, and the horror of the war came too close. I felt sorry for him and thought I could fix all that if I just showed him some real love. Plus, I wanted to please my mom. She’s always been disappointed in me for various things, and I wanted to make her happy. I soon realized no matter what I did, my mom would never be proud of me. It’s not in her DNA.”
“We all must come to that realization at some point, but you just said you thought that by showing him some real love… did you love him? Do you still love him?”
“I thought so, but when he freaked out on our wedding night and ended up in the hospital, I knew not only that I didn’t truly love him, but that I’d made a monumental mistake. My mom had promoted the wedding, and when it didn’t work out, well… let’s just say she and I aren’t close anymore.”
“So, you knew you made a mistake, but why are you two still married? And what about the kids?”
“The kids are sweet, and his mother-in-law is caring for them, at least for now. I think when his wife died from some kind of turbo bone cancer, that’s when he really went off the deep end. But that doesn’t answer your question about my still being in love with him.” I took a few gulps of wine, and they felt so good going down, I closed my eyes to savor the moment. When I opened them again, Lucas had moved in closer and taken my glass.
“It’s okay. This can wait until morning. How about we say good night, and I’ll sleep out here on the sofa, in case Billy Ray slips out of Connor’s apartment and comes knocking.”
“That’s not fair to you. This sofa isn’t very comfortable.”
“I’ve slept on worse. This’ll be fine. Just tell me where I can grab a pillow and a blanket.”
“Off my bed. I always have extras.”
He walked me to the bedroom as I leaned against him, and he wrapped his arm around my waist. It felt so nice, that when I leaned into him some more, he simply picked me up like I didn’t weigh anything at all. I immediately rested my head on his shoulder and realized I could live there.
When we got to my room, I collapsed on my bed, and when he tucked me in, I said, “No, Lucas. I don’t love Billy Ray like I love you, Connor, and Ethan. Never did and never will.”
He didn’t speak. Instead, he covered me with a second blanket, kissed my forehead, grabbed whatever he needed to spend the night on my sofa, and left, leaving the door cracked about two inches.
I cried myself to sleep right after he walked out, certain that not only did I lose all three of these fabulous men, but I’d fucked up Billy Ray as well.
“RISE AND SHINE, Valentine!” Noelle’s cheery voice echoed in my head. Was it really her or was I imagining it?
When sunlight hit my eyes, I knew something was up. I always closed my blinds in my bedroom in the evening.
I opened my eyes and pushed myself up on the bed. “Noelle. What are you doing here? Is everything okay? Where’s Lucas?”
“I sent him home,” she said, then placed a wooden bed tray, complete with little legs, down in front of me. A tray I’d never seen before. Cups, saucers, plates, and a coffee pot I’d never seen before, either.
“What’s all this?”
“Breakfast, my love. Everything you’ll need to get going this morning… and believe me, you’ll need to get going and soon. Can’t lose everything you’ve already gained.”
I gazed down at the tray: my favorite scrambled eggs, with mushrooms, zucchini, tomatoes, and melted cheese, a croissant, sliced berries, two tiny cookies, and an entire pot of coffee with raw sugar and a small creamer filled with milk or half n’ half.
“How did you know about my favorite eggs? And a croissant? It’s probably filled with pistachio cream, my absolute favorite. How did you know?”
“You’re getting caught up in details, darling, when it’s the big picture we need to address this morning.”
Whenever I needed her most, Noelle seemed to appear out of nowhere.
I poured the hot coffee into a charming red Christmas mug, prepared it, and took my first glorious sip. Possibly the smoothest coffee I’d ever tasted, and said, “What big picture?”
“Your big picture, my dear.” She plopped down on the bed next to me and grabbed one of the tiny cookies. “Billy Ray’s thrown a wrench into everything. I didn’t see that coming, which is a real problem.”
“You didn’t?”
“No. He was out of my scope.”
“You have a scope?”
“I do. We all do, but that’s not important right now. What’s important is how do we get this whole marriage resolved and get Billy Ray the help he needs so he can remove himself from the picture.”
I decided to just play along. “You’re the Christmas angel. You figure it out.”
“Angel? Where did you ever get that idea?”
“You seem to be magical, so I just assumed…”
“Didn’t anyone ever tell you that assumed means an ass out of you…”
“And me, yeah, I know, but if you’re not an angel, then who are you?”
“Noelle Kringle, and I’m here to help.”
She was dressed in a bright red button-down sweater, a white fuzzy shirt under it, and red jeans, with white stack-heeled boots on her small feet. Her curly red hair was pulled back off her face and cascaded down her back. Her makeup was flawless, and her smile glowed even brighter than ever.
“Okay. Then help away. I could sure use it right now.”
I started in on my eggs; they were a religious experience for my taste buds. “Who made these eggs? They’re fantastic.”
“I did. I’m a fabulous cook.”
“Good to know. Billy Ray needs to meet the right woman and fall in love again. He doesn’t love me. Never did, at least not like that. He just thinks he does. We need him to fall in love with somebody like… say… somebody like you. Are you married?”
“Are you kidding? I don’t have time for all of that. Besides, I’m not his type.”
“You’re exactly his type, down to your red hair. Did you know his first wife had red hair?”
“We’re getting more and more rare, you know, but that’s beside the point. I’m the matchmaker, not you.”
Finally, she admitted her truth. When it came to Christmas, I one hundred percent believed in magic of any kind.
“Ah-huh! So that’s what you are! A matchmaking angel?”
She stuck a hand on her hip and cocked it out. “Honey, I might be a matchmaker, but I’m certainly no angel. More like an elf or a pixie.”
“But are you human?” I whispered.
She looked around. “We’re the only two here. Why are you whispering?”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“About the human thing. Yes, if I want to be.”
“And do you?”
“Do I what?”
I sighed. She could be so frustrating when she wanted to be. “Do you want to be human?”
“Of course, I do. It’s been my Christmas wish for a very long time. I love working with Santa… don’t get me wrong… but I’d like to know a little more about sex. That stuff is like wayyyy over the top! And who knows, I might even grow a couple of inches if I’m human. Or not. You can never know about these things.”
Aside from nearly choking on my croissant or spitting out my coffee, I completely understood her wish. Sex, when it’s good, like it has been with Ethan and Connor, is mind blowing… off the charts… life changing. Who wouldn’t want that kind of experience? It has been my wish for a long time as well… maybe not my entire Christmas wish but definitely part of it… a big, huge, mega part of it.
“Then what’s holding you back from becoming human?”
“Honestly… you are.”
“Me?”
“Yes. And I was so close this time. I thought for sure this would work.”
“What would work?”
“That you’d fall in love with these guys I sent you… you did ask for three, you know, whether you meant to or not. And they would fall in love with you. Ethan is already there, and Connor is so close, my fingers and toes are tingling. But you completely lost Lucas, and I don’t know if we can get him back.”
I swallowed my very last bite of delicious veggie eggs and washed them down with my fabulous coffee. Then I said, “So, let me get this straight. Somehow, I wished for three guys, which you delivered to me, in the most delightful way.”
“Mary Poppins… A Spoonful of Sugar.”
“I love when folks know what I’m quoting from… anyway, where was I?”
“I delivered the guys, and…”
“And they all have to fall in love with me, and vice versa. And when they do, you become human. Is that right?”
I repeated all this information so I could better understand it. This whole thing seemed unreal, yet here we were.
“That about sums it up, yes.”
“What’s left? You just said that about sums it up, which leads me to believe there’s a detail you left out.”
“Minor detail but getting more urgent. True love must happen by Christmas Eve.”
“That’s in less than eight days!”
“Not much time, is there?”
“Not much when it comes to true love.”
“Then we better get moving,” she said, sounding optimistic.
“First order of business… did Billy Ray sign the paperwork agreeing to the annulment?”
I moved the tray over, as we both jumped up, ready to get this ball rolling again, when we turned to each other and said, “Billy Ray!”
I sat back down on the bed. “Yeah, Billy Ray. Even if he did sign on the dotted line, he’s still a problem.”
“You just leave him to me, sweetheart. I’ve got my own plans for him. You worry about Connor and ornery Lucas. Now, let’s see what state that paperwork is in.”
We hurried out to the kitchen where I’d left the envelope with my name on it.