Chapter Fifteen
Mason
My heart hammered like crazy in my chest. What if I’d gotten it all wrong and Ash wanted to keep our situation casual, to only fuck?
Ash snuggled in closer, his body hot from being tucked beneath the covers all day. “Haven’t we already settled this?” he asked me. “What did you think I meant when I said I wanted everything? Just sex?”
“I guess, I—” I struggled to find the words, ending lamely on “Maybe, yeah.”
Tipping his head back, looking up at me, I got lost in the lush green depths of his eyes. How I’d never found men attractive in the past would forever puzzle me. Something about a squarer, more masculine jawline, the hint of stubble, the rougher skin, and the leanly muscled body of the male form, flicked every one of my switches apparently. But then again, perhaps it was Ash and Ash alone that made me feel this way?
Does it matter?
Staring into the handsome face I adored looking at all day, I realized it didn’t.
“So, what are you saying exactly?” he asked. “You only want to fool around? Because if so, I’m more than okay with that.” He gave a cheeky grin before adding, “Why don’t we take things day by day and see what happens?”
His words echoed Gabe’s. Perhaps I should listen to them rather than keep questioning myself. Ash acted like he wanted to be here in this with me, so why deny him, us, what we wanted? His age held a slight worry for me. The eight-year gap between us wasn’t a huge number of years, but enough for our interests and tastes to be vastly different.
I studied his face, looking for any signs he didn’t mean what he’d said, but found nothing. Instead, he appeared happy to be with me, so perhaps instead of endlessly overanalyzing the minutiae, I should relax and go with the flow. I mean, it’s not like whatever happened between us would continue forever anyway.
He lives here. I don’t.
Gabe’s words about discovering more about me rang a bell deep in my mind. Why don’t I do just that, and take the time I had left to heal, and find out more about who I am along the way?
I dropped a kiss on Ash’s forehead. “One step at a time,” I agreed.
He chuckled. “Perhaps we should repeat a couple of the steps we’ve already taken.” I raised a questioning eyebrow. “To make sure you’re completely comfortable with them before we move on to the next one.”
“Uh-huh.”
He nodded enthusiastically, warming up to his subject. “It could be like when you were in college. There’s bound to have been a How to be Gay 101 class, right?”
“That’s not a course I can recall from my time there.”
His grin turned evil. “College was a long time ago for you.” He patted my cheek. “I’m sure things have changed a lot since your day.”
“My day?” I spluttered.
He laughed, but his joy rapidly turned into another wince. “Ow, ow,” he groaned, hands cradling his ribs. “Stop making me laugh.”
Lowering my head, I captured his mouth, covering his as I eased him down onto the pillows. Mindful of his swollen jaw, I teased his lips, kissing him gently. He opened his mouth, and when I dipped my tongue inside, licking over his, tasting, teasing, he released a deep needy moan that traveled straight to my balls.
Utterly lost to the feel of him, with his firm lips, and day-old stubble, I never saw myself kissing anyone else ever again, the taste of him so very addictive. I don’t know how long we made out, but eventually I needed to come up for air so reluctantly broke the connection.
“Oh yes,” Ash murmured, “you’re so going straight to the top of the class.”
“Hmm,” I replied, “I’m not so sure. Maybe I do need a lot more practice after all.” My lips were back on his, exploring, and I ran my tongue over the full lower lip followed by the top. He groaned, trying to inch closer, but I held him immobile, not wanting him to hurt himself further.
“I…I…” He panted. “I think you’re doing fine.”
Reluctantly, I released him and subtly tried to adjust my erection, the one currently pressed uncomfortably behind the zipper of the jeans I’d thrown on when the doctor arrived to examine him. “You need to rest.” The pout he sent me made me grin. “Come on.” I unwound my arms from around him and got off the bed. “Lean forward a little and let me rearrange your pillows so you’re more comfortable.” He gingerly did so and after I plumped the pillows, he carefully settled himself back against them.
“I really shouldn’t be staying in his room. Won’t Gabe want to sleep up here in his own bed?”
“Nah, you’re good. We talked, and he’s happy enough for you to stay here, for tonight anyway. I can replace the bedclothes tomorrow, and you can go back downstairs to your own room.”
“Oh, okay, sure.”
I leaned over him pulling the sheets up, covering him to the top of his chest.
“I’m not a child, Mase,” he grumbled. “I can take care of myself.”
Kissing him gently, I eased his annoyance. “Let me. Please? It’ll help my recovery to have someone else to concentrate on and look after. Besides—” I gave him another kiss. “—I kind of like taking care of you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
I passed him the painkillers, and his face became troubled as he eyed the small bottle.
“You okay? You don’t hurt too much?”
“Are you still taking your meds?”
His question surprised me. He’d seen me with them once, maybe twice, the whole time I’d known him, so his question baffled me. “Yeah, why?”
He popped the two different sets of pills with a few gulps of the water, handed the glass to me, and snuggled down under the sheets. “I wanted to make sure you hadn’t stopped taking them.”
I didn’t understand.
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“No particular reason. They’re an important part of making you well, and I want to ensure you were getting the maximum help you can. I worry, that’s all.”
“Well, don’t. You must have a pretty good grasp of how anal I am. I take them whenever I’m meant to.”
“And no getting drunk anymore while using them?”
My fingers nestled in his hair. “No getting drunk, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Now sleep for a while, and I’ll bring you up some food later.”
“Ooh, chicken soup?”
“Don’t push it, sunshine. It’ll be takeout or nothing.”
He mumbled a retort under his breath, but all I caught was meant to and after me . “Sleep,” I ordered and kissed his cheek.
“Whatever.”
I walked to the door. “Brat,” I scolded quietly.
“Hey,” he moaned, eyes already closed. I ignored him, shut the door, and headed downstairs into the kitchen. I grabbed a couple of beers from the refrigerator—well, one shouldn’t hurt—twisted off the caps, and made my way to the deck to join Gabe outside.
He lounged on one of the recliners, his gaze on the sailboats drifting across the bay. “He asleep?” He’d changed into a pair of black shorts and a plain white tee. I should have changed too, as the humidity was a bitch this evening, and my jeans were already adhering to my thighs, making me sticky and uncomfortable.
“Will be any second, I reckon.” I handed him a bottle. He grunted his thanks as we clinked.
“It’s early yet, so I’m gonna wait a while before ordering food. Plus, I really don’t have the energy to move right now.”
Settling into the other recliner, I took a long drink of beer, enjoying the cool hit of hops and alcohol as I swallowed, lethargy making my limbs heavy as the events of the last twenty-four hours were beginning to catch up with me.
We sat in companionable silence, soaking up the peace and quiet, waiting for the sun to set on the mountains behind the town.
“I love it here,” Gabe ventured, turning his head my way. “And judging from how well you look, so do you.”
It’s true; I did. Being here, a world away from my real life was cathartic.
“You look good, by the way,” he continued. “Healthy.”
I got what he meant. Better than before I left the city. Thinking back, those weeks seemed like an entirely different lifetime. I hardly recognized the more upbeat and relaxed man I’d become against the scared, timid, and depressed man I’d been previously. The one hiding out in his apartment, never going out, barely seeing anyone expect Gabe. I was amazed he hadn’t left and given up on me for good the way I treated him and anyone else who tried their best to help me.
But a massive difference existed between past me and current me, and it was all due to the one feeling I reasoned I’d never have again.
Hope.
I looked forward to living, to what might happen in the future, to surviving this journey, recapturing my life, and moving on.
“I’m sorry if I was an asshole to you and the guys before when I was back home. I wasn't in my right mind.”
He acknowledged me with a tilt of his bottle before he took a drink. “And now?”
I pondered his question for a couple moments. I did feel a whole lot better. Not thinking about the attack anywhere near as much. Unlike in the city, where the constant dissecting of the night consumed all my time and effort. I had more energy too, the lethargy previously weighing me down having effectively disappeared.
Ash also played a big part in my recovery. Keeping my mind occupied on figuring out why he’d been the one man I was attracted to, rather than focusing all my attention on why my perpetrators had singled me out for the assault. Yep, I had certainly improved and made a lot of progress. If you weren’t taking into account the continuing nightmares and me attacking Ash. Or the fact going outside alone automatically sent my stress levels through the roof, of course.
“Not completely, obviously, but yeah, my life’s beginning to make a lot more sense. There are good days and bad, but the bad days are getting further and further apart, so…” I shrugged.
“That’s the longest sentence you’ve spoken in ages. Much better than the grunts I normally get.”
I snorted at him. “Says he who uses that dumb noise as his major source of communication.”
“Smartass.”
“Not that I don’t enjoy seeing you, but why exactly are you here anyway?” I asked, wanting to move the conversation away from me for five minutes.
“You remember the phone call we had the other day, the one you hurried to get off as you had a food delivery waiting?”
“What of it?”
“You didn’t actually expect me to believe your lame excuse, did you?” He shook his head at me. “There’s no way I wouldn’t get my ass up here to check you were okay.”
I’d ended our conversation quicker than usual because Ash was in the living room wearing nothing but a damp towel, and I’d left him without any clothes to change into for far too long. But thinking back, Gabe’s real reason for phoning made the anger I’d felt then begin to bubble up all over again when I recalled the part where he grudgingly informed me his exes had set their wedding date for Christmas Eve.
“You want to talk about Karl and David?” I tentatively asked him.
“Nope.” His clipped and flat tone, plus the way he immediately shuttered his emotions set off alarm bells ringing in my head, but I’d been around him long enough to heed the warning signs and let the subject go. He’d not reveal any more on the topic, and I’d gain nothing by antagonizing him or pushing for answers he didn’t want to give.
I decided to let him off the hook. Having your two ex-boyfriends tying the knot on Christmas Eve, the same day Gabe had originally chosen for all three of them to say their vows and pledge their life together had to be a huge kick in the teeth and was bound to cut deep.
“So, you came all the way up here to check I was okay? That’s so sweet.”
Another grunt made me laugh.
“Don’t go all gooey on me. I had another reason to swing by too.”
“Ouch.” I clutched my chest.
“Knock it off. You know it’s mostly about you.”
I did.
Gabe had a huge heart, when he let you see it, which is why he’d easily managed to share his love with two people while the rest of us struggled to achieve doing so with only one.
“So?”
“I got a tip-off about some land the other side of town, possibly up for sale, so I’m gonna check it out.”
“Oh?”
“Around fifty or so square miles of forest and trails, all privately owned, with direct access to the adjoining national park. The site sounds like the perfect place for one of your resorts. Cabins in the forest, hiking trails, guided walks, horse rides, outdoor pursuits. There’s even a lake.” He smiled wide. “This would also be a good investment for the locals, offering new employment opportunities and bringing in extra revenue to the town.”
“Sounds idyllic.” Plus, once I’m well enough to return to heading up my division of the business I’d have the opportunity to make regular trips to Melrose Bay. I’d be able to check on the progress of the build and generally oversee the resort once it was up and running. But mostly, I’d get to spend some more time with Ash if he wanted.
“So, you’re here for a few days?”
He smirked. “Don’t worry, I’ll try not to cramp your style.”
“As if. You staying for the whole weekend?”
“That’s the intention.”
“Great. One of Ash’s friend’s has tickets for a band, and they’re playing at the Bayside on Saturday evening. I’ll ask him to get another one for you.”
He stared at me. “You’re going to a place filled with people?”
“Sure, why not?” I aimed for carefree. Not sure I pulled it off.
“He must be red hot in the sack if you’re thinking about contemplating something as monumental as this.” Not one to beat around the bush was Gabe.
“Charming.”
He flashed a grin my way. “As I told Ethan, it’s a gift. So, is he the reason you’re attempting to do this?”
“Yeah.”
“Why on earth do you want to put yourself through so much aggravation?” He cocked his head. “Wait a fucking minute. The Bayside. A lot of hot girls.” He gave me the side-eye. “And hot guys go there. I’ve had a few good times there myself.” I’d bet he had. “The green-eyed monster isn’t playing a part in all this, is he?”
I hated when he got all smart on me. “Don’t be absurd. I’m only going because I need to push my boundaries some more, and this is the perfect opportunity to do so.”
“Sure, it is.”
“At least with Ash there, I’ll feel safe.”
“And get to keep an eye on him at the same time.”
Fucker knew me too well. “There is that too,” I agreed mildly. My relationship with Ash remained new and uncertain. Plus, the sting from Lindsay’s betrayal lingered in my mind, so I found difficulty in letting go and trusting other people. I wanted to trust Ash, to get to the point I fully did, but I’d had first-hand experience of what happens when my trust is broken and refused to allow the same thing to happen again.
He sniggered. “Oh, yeah, he sure is something in the sack.”
A blush heated my cheeks, remembering the blow job Ash had given me last night.
“Is it getting warm out here, or is it me?” he asked, humor lacing his voice.
“I’ll go get us the takeout menus,” I grumbled, getting up off my lounge chair. His answering cackle followed me all through the sitting area. God, I hated him sometimes.