Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
F or the next few days, Anna kept herself to herself, actively avoiding Leo, which was surprisingly easy, although perhaps he was giving her some space. She ignored the messages mounting up on her voicemail. Sadness warred with relief. Steve had been a big part of her life and she’d clung to the familiarity of the relationship because it was easy but it hadn’t been right for a while and she’d avoided doing anything about it.
Her cousin Rebecca had phoned first and Anna made the mistake of answering, sure that she was going to get a bollocking but equally sure she was going to tell her cousin she deserved better. No surprise, then, that Becs opened her conversation with ‘What the hell are you playing at?’
Before Anna could say anything, Becs said, ‘You’ve really cocked things up this time. Steve is livid. How could you do this to him? And with that Leo, of all people. Did you know he was going to be out there?’
‘No! Of course not,’ said Anna, stung by the accusation. ‘It was a complete shock – which is why I didn’t say anything.’
‘Well, the cat’s well and truly out of the bag now. James told me Steve was planning to ask you to marry him, next year. You can kiss goodbye to that one, now.’
‘Or I can realise that I’ve had a lucky escape.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean I put up with his crappy behaviour for too long. We both settled into a rut. Habit. Security. It had run its course.’
‘Are you saying that to save face?’
‘No. This weekend, even before he found out about Leo, I realised that it wasn’t right anymore.’
‘Are you sure? I mean … he’s not the most exciting man on the planet but he’s steady and he’d never let you down.’ Her voice trailed off.
‘You mean like Uncle Henry.’
There was no answer. Anna knew Rebecca meant exactly that.
‘I feel a bit sorry for Steve. He’s very upset, thinking that you’ve been lying to him and laughing at him behind his back.’
‘I never laughed at him,’ said Anna. Guilt spilling up like bile. ‘And I didn’t lie to him.’ Although lying by omission was pretty much the same thing. ‘But I do admit I should have told him about knowing Leo.’
‘He didn’t even know you’d been married before, Anna.’
Anna winced. That had been deliberate omission on her part. For the first year she’d separated from Leo, whenever his name came within the family, her terrible and ridiculous mistake was raked over like they were mining for diamonds among the ashes. Then they stopped mentioning him, and it had never come up in front of Steve.
‘Have you’ve done the right thing? You’ve not gone and fallen for Leo again, have you? This isn’t a reverse rebound thing?’
‘I’m not sure reverse rebound is a thing. It’s nothing to do with Leo. I found I didn’t actually miss Steve that much and then when he came this week…’ She paused. ‘I realised he was a selfish prat. And I didn’t want to be with him anymore.’
‘Harsh but honest, I guess. You know Mum thinks you’re mad. And James is furious. There’s a lot to be said for someone as reliable and dependable as Steve.’
‘I know. You might have mentioned it. But it’s not enough. I want more.’
‘Don’t we all,’ said Rebecca with a wistful note in her voice.
Anna hung up thoughtfully. She had done the right thing, even if it did leave her as the odd one out in the family again. They’d all loved Steve – although it sounded as if Rebecca understood. Whatever – dependability wasn’t a good enough reason to stay with someone.
A noise caught her attention and she sat up, watching as a white sheet of paper appeared under the door along with an empty Lindt chocolate cardboard sleeve. Intrigued, she rose to her feet and picked up the paper. Leo had drawn a little cartoon – she’d forgotten how good he was at drawing – depicting a stick woman with a sad face and a plate of chocolate. Underneath he’d written, ‘Sorry the chocolate won’t fit under the door but I’m looking after it for you ’
Beneath it there was a second drawing of a stick man, his mouth covered in chocolate, an innocent look on his face, with the caption ‘I tried’.
An involuntary smile touched her mouth. Leo at his sweetest. It brought a flood of memories. When they’d been married he’d often left her little drawings and messages pinned up in various places: the bathroom mirror when he left the house before her, on the fridge when he was coming home late, stuck on the television when he was out watching football. This wasn’t his fault at all. She was the one who had blurted out the truth to Michaela and Jan. He hadn’t done anything wrong and he certainly hadn’t done anything to deserve the big bruise he was currently sporting along the right side of his jaw. That was partly why she was avoiding him, because she felt so bad that Steve had thumped him and that he’d still come to her defence when Steve had pushed her. The dark purple shadow exacerbated her guilt. She had made a mess of things but none of it was Leo’s fault.
Five minutes later after, she made her way up the stairs to find him.
‘Don’t suppose you saved me some chocolate?’
Leo, who was lying on the floor absorbed in a book with music pumping from his phone, started and then gave her a sheepish grin.
‘Good job I bought two bars,’ he said, wriggling to a sitting position and looking up at her. ‘Would you like a cup of tea? And look, I bought kindling and firelighters. I was waiting for you before I lit the fire for the first time.’
‘You don’t need to make it for me,’ she said but he was already on his feet and leading the way into the kitchen. She followed and took up residence on one of the bar stools as Leo opened a cupboard.
‘Here you go – your favourite, I seem to recall.’ He handed the bar over to her and she traced the familiar gold name on the front of the packet.
‘Still my favourite,’ she said with a sad smile, as her heart pinched at his thoughtfulness.
‘Mine, too.’ His cheerful grin warmed her. Leo had always been so open and easy. ‘Of course it tastes so much better if you share it.’
‘It does?’ She quirked an eyebrow.
‘Absolutely,’ he replied, his eyes twinkling.
Her heart did another one of those funny little hitches. She had chocolate and suddenly things didn’t seem so bad.
Leo settled down beside her, handing her a mug of tea, and she carefully unwrapped the foil on the chocolate and offered him a piece.
They sat side by side munching without saying anything.
‘So how are you feeling?’
She turned to look at him and for the first time checked over her emotions, in the same way she might pat her body down for injuries. Leo’s emphasis on the word ‘you’ made her realise that she’d spent the week thinking more about how she’d disappointed everyone else and let down the family, and the storm she’d created.
Now she took stock of her own emotions. How did she feel?
Relieved.
It was relief. As if tight bandages had been wrapped around her ribs, constricting her, and they’d been loosened. She could breathe more deeply and easily, she could move more freely. It was the weirdest sensation – weird because it was unfamiliar.
She stared at Leo as she absorbed the implications.
‘Anna?’
She smiled at him. ‘I feel better.’
‘Better. Because of the chocolate?’
‘No, better because I feel … lighter, looser, easier.’
Leo’s eyes widened. ‘Really?’
‘Really.’ Her face lit up and she raised her arms. ‘I feel released. Is that awful?’
‘No. I’m surprised. I thought you’d be upset.’
‘So did I.’ She laughed and, giving in to the feeling, hopped off the stool and did a little spin. ‘But I realised Steve was a selfish prat and he didn’t deserve me.’
‘Wow. And you only discovered that now?’
She nudged him with her elbow. ‘Tell me I’m an idiot, why don’t you. I kept telling myself that’s the way he is and I didn’t mind it … until I did, if you know what I mean.’ She caught her lower lip between her teeth as the implication sank in. She hadn’t minded until she’d compared the way he treated her to the way Leo treated her. Steve had wooed her and made her feel important. It was only over the last year he’d started taking her for granted and making less effort – but then, couldn’t the same be said of her?
‘When we first got together, he was wonderful.’
‘And then he was a selfish prat,’ insisted Leo with one of his naughty grins.
A smile curved her lips. Irrepressible as ever.
‘Got any plans for the weekend?’
And that was Leo all over, moving on to the next thing without pushing to win the point.
‘No. Except I’m only going to do things that I want to do.’ She jutted out her chin. ‘I’m done with trying to fit in with everyone else.’
Leo pretended to cower. ‘Scary. I was going to ask if you fancied going to the castle and doing a proper tour.’
Anna gave it a couple of seconds’ thought, that’s all it took. ‘Yes. That is something I’d like to do. I can’t believe I’ve been here all this time and haven’t been there properly yet.’
‘Leave in ten?’
‘What, now?’ She laughed again, reassured by how well she knew him. Typical Leonardo Knight. Always ready to dive straight into something.
‘Why not?’
‘Half an hour.’ She needed to shower and make herself look respectable.
‘Twenty minutes,’ said Leo with a teasing grin. She definitely felt lighter, especially when he added, simply, ‘Go for it,’ and poured himself another cup of coffee.
* * *
Today they approached the castle from a different side, walking up several flights of stairs and steep slopes. Anna started to puff as she tried to keep pace with Leo’s longer strides but, without her saying anything, he adjusted his pace to a more leisurely stroll. Another one of his qualities: he looked after those around him.
‘How was your week at work, darling?’ asked Leo with a teasing lift of his eyebrows.
‘Good,’ she replied. ‘Actually, really good. For the first time this week, I felt like I knew what I was doing. You know those first few weeks or so when you don’t know where anything is kept or how anything works. This week I actually felt a help instead of hindrance. Jakub is so patient but exacting so it’s a relief to be useful at last.’
‘I know that feeling. I thought the first two weeks I’d bitten off a bit more than I could chew. But I’m finding it really inspiring. Karel has loads of ideas and I love his approach. Always prepared to consider something new.’
Anna laughed. ‘Unlike Jakub who doesn’t like anything to be done differently. He thrives on tradition.’ She paused and imitated his accent. ‘Why change perfection?’
‘Did you know Karel is his nephew?
‘What! No! I had no idea.’ Anna mused on the surprising news for a moment. ‘Although come to think of it, he does mention him quite a lot, although with considerable disdain and disapproval. I thought it was because he’s such a traditionalist.’
‘They don’t speak anymore, apparently.’
‘That’s a bit sad. They both want the same thing but are so divided on how to achieve it.’
‘Bitter rivalry. Makes a good story and Karel isn’t above using it for marketing purposes.’
‘It’s a shame because Jakub has no other family. I think he’s wedded to the brewery because he’s lonely.’
‘It is sad. And what about you? Are you still lonely?’
Anna blinked, surprised by the unexpected turn of the conversation. ‘Who says I’m lonely?’
‘You’ve always been lonely.’
‘No, I haven’t,’ blustered Anna, suddenly realising that Leo was right. She had always been lonely. Ever since her parents died. Hard as she’d tried, she’d never fitted in with the Talbot family and this week had confirmed it once again. Steve had been a crutch, helping her to belong, but she never had, even with him at her side. If anything, this week had emphasised how much of an outlier she was. They all supported him rather than her. He was more family to them than she was.
Leo simply folded his arms and looked at her.
Anna glared at him. How come he always knew her better than she knew herself.
‘Have you heard from him?’
She shook her head. ‘No, but I have heard from Becs. She’s not impressed. She thinks I should go back home and give up my place on the scheme. She reckons if I do that and apologise properly to him, he’ll forgive me.’
‘And what do you want to do?’ asked Leo.
Anna glanced down at her phone and his gaze followed hers. The red dots were on her WhatsApp, her voicemail and her message app symbols.
‘Let me guess, they’re not messages of support.’
She shook her head and met his grave expression with one of her own. ‘No. I stopped listening to them. I kept hoping Becs might be on my side.’
‘What do you want to do?’ he asked gently.
She wrinkled her nose but pressed ahead because with Leo she had always been able to be honest. ‘I want to stay put. I’ve lived my life trying to live the Talbot family way. I’m never going to get it right because I’m not one of them.’ Her voice broke, defeat flooding in. She had tried. She really had.
‘No, you’re not one of them. You’re you.’ As always Leo homed in on the issue and as always he was on her side. ‘You’re Anna Love and you should be who you want to be.’
‘Easier said than done, when you owe everything to other people. If it wasn’t for them I’d be in an orphanage or foster home.’
‘They might have taken you in as an orphan – but you are still family. Just because they brought you up, you shouldn’t feel beholden to them for the rest of your life. In most families, parents accept that their children become their own people. and let them go their own way. Parents love their children but that love shouldn’t be conditional or a burden.’
Anna thought of all the messages sitting on her phone. ‘I’ve been avoiding their calls,’ she admitted.
‘I’m not bloody surprised. You should delete them.’
She stared at him. ‘I can’t.’
‘Yes, you can. Do you think you’ve done anything wrong?’
She gave a half shrug. ‘Not precisely. I should have told Steve but I lied by omission and yes, it was cowardly – to avoid explaining things. But funnily enough they’ve all forgotten that they’ve never mentioned that I was once married. It’s almost as if they thought I was soiled goods and it might damage my prospects with Steve. So they’re just as bad.’