Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
G od, the birds were loud. It was her first conscious thought. The second was that Leo had quite an erection going on, which was currently poking into her hip. Keeping the rest of her as still as possible, she turned her head from where she was sprawled face-down next to him, one leg hooked over his. A sleepy snuffle suggested he wasn’t yet awake and she took the chance to study him. If it weren’t for that sexy, sulky mouth in repose, his blonde hair haloed in the bright morning sunshine pouring through the window would have made him look far too much like an angel for comfort.
The light planed the lines of his jaw, catching the golden, sugary bristles on his chin, bringing back a memory of the light sandpaper rasp of his skin over hers, and early-morning kisses. Her mouth dried and sadness filled up inside her. Her fingers itched to touch his face.
‘I know you’re watching me,’ murmured Leo, his voice husky with sleep. ‘Stop it. It’s creepy.’
‘It’s not creepy if you know,’ retorted Anna.
‘Mmm.’ Leo wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her top half closer to him, burrowing his face into her neck. ‘You’re so lovely and warm.’ His body softened … well, most of it … beneath her. She was still very aware of his morning stand-to-attention and held her breath, waiting for him to realise and perhaps pull back. She didn’t want to embarrass him but he was clearly still half asleep. She ought to pull away herself but the soft sleepiness in his voice caught at something in her and she couldn’t bring herself to. Instead she smiled and allowed herself to savour the moment, his warm body, skin on skin, and the soft huffs of his breath against her neck. Her fingers idly traced his spine, her hand splaying over the muscles in his back. Six years on, he was even more beautiful. A small bud of desire unfurled a heated sensation between her thighs. She closed her eyes and lay still, her body flooded with contented wellbeing. If she stayed like this, it would be enough.
Leo gave another sleepy sigh. ‘I miss you,’ he whispered into her neck, his breath sending a flutter across her skin. Her hand on his back tightened, holding him closer, but the lump in her throat stopped her from saying anything. Instead, her heart ached at the words.
His lips grazed her skin, a touch so gentle it was barely there, but it sent flickers of awareness dancing across her body. She held her breath, not wanting him to stop. His hand slid up from her waist and cupped the underside of a breast.
‘Leo,’ she whispered on a sigh and turned her head. His eyes were open, staring at her with earnest softness.
‘Anna,’ he whispered back, his gaze never leaving hers, those blue eyes bright, watchful and something else… Wary? Hopeful? Guarded? She wasn’t sure which but she hated the vulnerability she could see there. Turning onto her side, she lifted her hand to stroke his chin, her thumb catching his lip. His soft groan ignited a slow heat inside her as his hand slipped over the swell of her breast, caressing and reverent. She sucked in a breath, their eyes still locked. Looking away would have been impossible. It was if they were suspended in the ray of sunshine that bathed their bodies, a world apart from reality at that moment.
He leant forward, his eyes never leaving her face, moving so slowly, giving her the chance to bolt if she wanted to. She didn’t. The yearning inside her intensified. Want. Need. Desperation.
She reached up to touch his face, her eyes telling him everything he needed to know.
With a sigh, his lips softened into a wistful smile as his mouth closed in on hers.
That first kiss was like coming home after a long arduous expedition away, sinking back into comfort. Slow, languorous. They took the time to test, tease and explore, their mouths shaping and moving over each other’s with the fluid grace of a murmuration. It was an easy slide from uncertainty, that bashful getting to know each other again, testing the waters, through to growing familiarity and then on to the climb of passion. The bright, still morning was punctuated with their fevered breaths, sighs and gasps.
‘Anna.’ Leo wrenched his mouth from hers and laid his hot forehead against hers, pulling away from her body, gripping the wrist that was currently slowly stroking him. ‘We have to stop.’
‘We don’t have to,’ she said.
‘Yes, we do. I can’t do this. Not again.’
She stared into his eyes again, trying to get a read on him. It was as if her desire had been buried metres deep under the frozen tundra. No one had ever made her feel quite the way Leo did. This sensation that she might die if she didn’t get there . She was desperate for his touch. ‘I want you. You want me.’ In that moment, she realised that there had never been anyone but Leo for her. She loved him. She ran a hand over his chest but he grabbed it, pushing it away.
‘Anna, stop.’ His mouth crimped into a straight line. ‘We’re not doing this.’
She flinched, surprised by the sudden bite of his words.
‘There’s no going back for us.’ Leo pulled back, rolled off the mattress and sat up with his back to her.
She had to force her hand not to reach out and touch his smooth back. Hurt wrapped around her like ivy choking a tree. She had to mould her face into a blank mask as she lay there and looked up at the ceiling, holding tightly onto her emotions.
‘Yeah, you’re probably right,’ she managed. ‘Just forced proximity playing tricks on us.’
‘Yeah,’ said Leo, not turning round. ‘Probably that.’
He stood up and leaned down to retrieve something from his overnight bag, the sunlight catching on the golden hairs of his muscular thighs. Maybe it was lust, not love. And maybe there’d be blue pigs flying over a rainbow during a blue moon.
‘I’m going for a swim,’ he announced. He grabbed a towel and his shoes and strode out of the room. As soon as he’d gone, Anna allowed her face to crumple. She didn’t give in to the tears that threatened, but instead berated herself for being such a fool. Of course Leo wasn’t interested in her anymore. There would be no second chance for her.
* * *
‘Morning,’ said Michaela, immediately pushing a pot of coffee towards her. ‘Did you sleep well?’
Her bright-eyed beam, full of enthusiasm and happiness, made Anna determined not to dwell on this morning. Michaela had been so looking forward to welcoming them to her chata that Anna didn’t have the heart to spoil this weekend.
‘Not bad,’ she said. ‘These look nice.’ She nodded to the basket of pastries. Michaela, with her usual stylish attention to detail, had prettied up the breakfast table and it sported an embroidered tablecloth decorated with daisies, a bright blue pottery vase full of wild flowers, and a stylish glass jug with matching glasses. ‘Someone has been busy.’
‘Jan has been to the bakery in Pavlov. And I did some fussing.’ She smoothed her hand over the cloth. ‘This belonged to Jan’s grandmother. His mother passed it down to us.’ Michaela’s smile was full of fondness. ‘She has her own grandmother’s. I think it’s special when you can use things from the family, especially when they’re as beautiful as this. It’s too nice to live in a drawer and only be brought out for big occasions.’
‘It’s beautiful,’ said Anna, reaching out and touching the heavy linen, tracing one of the flowers, reflecting that it was a lovely sentiment. She had nothing of her mother’s or of either of her grandmothers’. Her aunt and uncle prized practicality over aesthetics or sentimentality. No family heirlooms. Tablecloths in their house had always been plastic-covered.
‘When you make things look beautiful, it makes a meal an occasion, a moment, don’t you think? And it shows people that you care.’ Michaela beamed at her. ‘We are so happy that you and Leo came here with us. I know we haven’t known you very long but I think it is already a good friendship.’ She stood up and moved around the table to give Anna a quick hug and as her feminine, floral-patterned dress wafted in the light breeze it triggered a memory.
A woman in a pretty dress, the hem lifting and dancing, leaning down in a garden, picking flowers. Her mother. She’d always worn dresses. And loved flowers. Other memories bloomed like watercolour splodges on paper. Long slender gladioli taken from the garden, bright sunshine-y daffodils and fragrant pink roses, the petals of which Anna had stroked and sniffed, because she could reach them from her mother’s lap. Pain whipped through her.
Her khaki cargo pants and black long-sleeved T-shirt felt heavy on her body and constricted her limbs. She looked down at the thick fabric and wished she’d brought something a little prettier to wear, especially after this morning. Her body felt so much easier and all of a sudden she longed for something light and loose.
‘I wish I’d bought a dress with me. I feel…’ She pulled a face, not wanting to put into words the lumpen, unfeminine way she felt.
‘I have one you can borrow. We’re about the same size, except you’re taller than me.’ Michaela jumped up and disappeared, then returned with a pretty, floral cotton dress with puffed sleeves and a shirred bodice. ‘Here, you can wear this.’
‘Thank you. It’s lovely.’ Anna could already imagine wearing it, the fabric flowing around her knees. ‘When we get back to Prague, could you recommend somewhere to get my hair cut and maybe come with me to translate? I’ve left it for so long, it needs … something.’
‘Makeover?’ said Michaela with a sudden gleam in her eye.
‘No, just …well, maybe it’s time for a change.’ Anna suddenly felt ridiculous. This wasn’t about proving anything to herself or Leo. She didn’t need his approval. His reference to ‘oval-shaped Anna’ had been sitting fermenting in her brain, like grain in a mash tun, for the last week. That was all it was.
‘Where’s Leo?’ asked Michaela. ‘Still in bed?’
‘No, he went for a swim.’ She pointed towards the water and sure enough there was Leo emerging from it, walking towards them in his black jersey boxers, sweeping his wet hair back. Something twisted low in her stomach at the sight of him.
‘Whoa!’ Michaela fanned herself. ‘He’s one fine man.’ She shot Anna a mischievous look. ‘That must be hard to resist.’
Anna’s skin heated with a rapid blush as she was reminded of the humiliation of his rejection.
‘It’s really not that difficult,’ she said, attempting to sound insouciant rather than bitter.
‘Morning,’ said Michaela. ‘How was the water?’
‘The water was great.’
He plonked a wet kiss on Michaela’s cheek.
‘Eew, you’re wet,’ she squealed, pushing him away.
‘But adorable,’ he teased, winking at her.
Anna rolled her eyes. She seemed to do a lot of that when he was around. ‘Go and get dressed, Leo, and stop flaunting your abs. No one’s impressed.’
He raised an eyebrow as if to point out that her hands hadn’t been complaining not so long ago, but with his usual grace he simply patted his stomach. ‘All bought and paid for.’
‘Very nice,’ said Michaela with a cheery grin.
He saluted and sauntered off towards the house.
Leo was Leo. Always had been, always would be.
‘He’s very cute,’ said Michaela.
Anna shrugged. ‘Yes, and everyone thinks so.’
‘Even you.’ Michaela gave her an encouraging smile.
‘That ship has sailed,’ said Anna.
‘Are you sure? Sometimes he looks at you and he looks sad.’
Anna’s heart pinched, false hope jumping in where it had no place to be. She shook her head. ‘You’ve got it wrong. He’s far too busy having fun. I think Zdeňka’s very keen.’
‘Oh, they’re two of a kind.’ Michaela gave a dismissive wave. ‘They like to flirt. There’s nothing there. There are some that use their charm to get what they want and hurt people by being careless. I don’t think Leo is like that. He likes you. A lot.’
‘No,’ said Anna, quickly ignoring her final statement. ‘He isn’t like that.’ He was warm, funny, generous and kind. She’d ignored so many of the good things about him, focusing too much on the fear of what it would be like to lose him. Look where that had got her and now she was in love with him all over again and he clearly didn’t feel the same anymore. Not that she could blame him. She was the one that had walked out on him and now she was realising she’d might have made a terrible mistake.