Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
‘W here’s Leo?’
‘I don’t know.’ Anna pushed a plate of pastries towards Becs. She’d woken early and, finding that Leo was still absent, had been unable to go back to sleep, so she’d popped out to the bakery, half hoping she might see him on the way, out on the street somewhere.
Groggy with tiredness, she took a big gulp of coffee. Sleep had been impossible after he’d left last night. She kept listening, hoping to hear him come back. When she’d finally drifted off, she had a horrible anxious dream where she couldn’t find Leo’s number on her phone and every time she did a search, she kept hitting the wrong buttons and misspelling his name.
Becs picked up a pastry and took a big bite, issuing a satisfied sigh as she chewed. ‘Fresh. You’ve been out already?’
‘Mmm,’ Anna nodded. ‘I think me and Leo broke up last night.’
‘W-what?’ Becs spluttered, having trouble swallowing her coffee.
‘He went out. Didn’t come back.’
‘What do you mean, he went out?’
‘Last night. We had…’ She paused. ‘It wasn’t even a row. A discussion. Talk.’ She huffed out a lengthy sigh.
‘What about?’
Anna screwed up her face. ‘I was trying to be honest with him. Not make him feel trapped.’
‘What the bogging hell are you talking about?’
‘He was worried that I might regret finishing with Steve, so I wanted to reassure him that I’m not expecting anything permanent. I thought he’d be pleased.’
‘Run that by me again.’ Becs placed her coffee cup down in front of her.
‘That’s what men like Leo want, isn’t it? Not to be tied down. I was trying not to be needy.’
Anna felt like an insect under a microscope under her cousin’s stern gaze and began to squirm in her seat when her cousin didn’t say anything.
Eventually Becs leaned forward. If she’d been wearing glasses, she would have been peering at Anna over the top of them. ‘You pillock,’ she said.
‘What?’
‘He’s in love with you and you’re in love with him. It’s so frigging obvious.’
‘That doesn’t mean it’s going to work out.’
‘It doesn’t mean it won’t.’ Becs shook her head, her eyes signalling utter disbelief at what she clearly considered Anna’s utter reprehensibility. ‘Not all men are philanderers.’
‘I know that.’ Anna pinched her mouth closed in mutinous defence. But did she?
‘I should have said, not all charming men are philanderers.’
Anna’s stomach clenched. ‘Leo could have any woman he wants.’
With a roll of her eyes, Becs shook her head vehemently as if Anna was the stupidest person on the planet. ‘He wants you.’
‘Yes, but not enough.’ And that was the crux of it. There was always a chance he would walk away, get bored with her, find someone more dazzling, someone like him.
‘What are you talking about?’ Exasperation and impatience vibrated through her cousin’s voice.
Closing her eyes, Anna tried to push away the shame and the pain.
‘It was my fault we split up when we were married. I panicked and walked out, thinking I was brave doing it to him before he did it to me.’ She cringed at the memory. She’d been such a child. ‘I left him a note, telling him how I felt. That I didn’t think was enough for him, that I was setting him free.’ She turned to her cousin, all the embarrassment at her poor behaviour rushing up in a tide of heat on her face. ‘God, I was such an insecure brat. I wanted him to come running after me and tell me I was wrong. I was desperate for him to do that. I’d seen Uncle Henry growing up, I knew that’s what handsome, charming men were like.’
‘Because Dad’s a dick,’ suggested Becs. ‘But he’s my dick, unfortunately. Mum knows he’ll never change but for the most part he does keep it in his pants. There were a couple of times he’s gone too far but both times he’s come straight home and told her he made a mistake. I know it’s not perfect – but it works for them. They’re happy most of the time. He’s a flirt … but I think she secretly quite likes the fact that other women fancy him, but it’s her who owns him. He won’t ever leave.’
Rebecca’s face closed down, bitterness etched into the lines around her mouth. ‘And I hate him for that. For setting such a shit example and for her never calling him out on it.’ She tapped her fingers on the coffee mug in front of her. ‘I need to move away. Like you did. It’s not a healthy relationship. But surely you see Leo’s not like that. There’s a huge difference between him and Dad. Leo doesn’t go out with the intention of flirting and feeding off female adulation. He’s a friendly guy who can’t help himself, lighting up when other people are around, men and women. He doesn’t suck people in and make it about him.’ Rebecca gave her a stern, direct stare. ‘When it comes to you, he looks after you, he puts you first and he does nice things for you. He’s a world apart from Dad.’
Anna considered her words, they flashed about for a moment, random jigsaw pieces, and as she tried to make sense of them they began to arrange themselves into a clear picture. But Becs hadn’t finished.
‘And you, you light up when he’s around. I knew as soon as I arrived that something was different. You never looked happy with Steve. You were like a sad puppy in tow behind him all the time. Now, it’s obvious you’re having fun. Doing new things. Leo’s good for you. Don’t let him walk away.’
Anna covered her face, eyes closed. Leo was Leo, a bright star bursting across the sky, nothing like her uncle. She’d been too blind and prejudiced to see it … and also too scared.
‘Too late, he already has.’
‘It’s not too late. Go after him.’
Anna swallowed, her stomach hollow and empty at the memory of how stupid she’d been. ‘When I left him, he didn’t come after me. I wasn’t that important to him. In a childish way, I was testing him and he failed.’
To her surprise, Becs looked stricken. ‘Leo did come,’ she whispered, her eyes widening.
‘What?’
‘Leo came to the house.’
‘When?’ She felt as if she were in a tennis match, having to return yet another volley.
‘The day after you came home.’ Becs caught her lower lip between her teeth and Anna was worried she might draw blood. ‘He came. Mum told him you weren’t there.’
‘Leo came to the house?’ Cold spread across Anna’s skin, as chilling as if she were standing in a draft with wet skin. ‘Why didn’t anyone tell me?’
With a wince, Becs clamped her lips again. Then she spoke. ‘Because we thought it was for the best.’
Anna thought she would choke on the saliva that pooled in her mouth.
Her cousin reached over and put her hand on Anna’s forearm. ‘You were still so young and … Mum didn’t want you to go through what she’d been through with Dad. She honestly thought she was doing the right thing. Dad’s calmed down, but apparently before we were born he was pretty bad. Mum was going to leave him but then she discovered she was pregnant with Tim and it was too late. She didn’t want you repeating her mistakes. In fact, she blamed herself for setting a bad example and worried that she’d normalised Dad’s behaviour. Another reason she … we all supported Steve so much. He might be a boring bastard but he’s a steady one.’
For some reason Anna could only see the funny side of that and started to giggle.
‘Hello! Anyone home?’
‘Up here, Michaela,’ Anna called back. ‘Our neighbour,’ she explained.
For once Michaela’s light tread was sedate and her face sombre when she came into the kitchen.
‘Do you know where Leo is!’ It wasn’t so much a question as an accusation.
Anna shook her head.
‘He’s with Zdeňka.’ Michaela folded her arms, her eyes flashing with fury. ‘In her flat. What do you think of that?’
Anna thought that she knew exactly what it was like to receive a kick in the stomach. She crossed her arms over her middle as if to protect herself from more physical pain. Leo had gone there. Why?
‘Hi, I’m Rebecca. Anna’s cousin.’ Becs gave Michaela a sarcastic wave. ‘Do you think that’s helpful?’ She turned to Anna. ‘And who’s Zdeňka?’
‘She’s a friend of Michaela and Jan’s.’
‘And Leo’s,’ Michaela butted in, not so helpfully. ‘You need to do something.’
‘I need to do something,’ Anna echoed, her voice rising in bewilderment.
‘Yes. Zdeňka’s my friend but I know what’s she’s like. You have a saying in England. She’ll eat him for breakfast.’
Suddenly Anna began to laugh, properly this time, tears running down her face. Leo couldn’t have picked anyone more obvious. He might as well have shouted from a megaphone, ‘I’m going to prove you right.’
It took her a couple of minutes to get herself back under control, especially with the giddiness rushing through her, like air escaping from a balloon.
‘It’s my test,’ she said, blinking back a tear. A happy tear, because she’d been so blind and stupid up until now.
‘What?’ Becs and Michaela stared at her as if she’d lost her marbles, and then some.
‘Leo’s testing me. Pushing back, trying to prove me right, except I know he wouldn’t sleep with Zdeňka. He wouldn’t do that to me. I’m such an idiot. I pushed him away so he went and did exactly what I told him to do.’
‘I have absolutely no idea what on earth you are on about, Cuz.’
‘I told Leo that I didn’t think he would stick around, that he would move on. He tells me he loves me … and then he goes to Zdeňka’s. I don’t think so.’ Anna felt sparkly and lightheaded.
‘Er, hang on, you didn’t mention the “he loves you” bit before. I think I might have to slap you.’
Anna ignored her cousin’s outraged expression. ‘Leo is mad at me because I cast aspersions on his honour. Telling him that he wouldn’t stay with me. So he went out to make a point. It’s my turn to man up. I have to go and find him.’
Becs and Michaela were still staring at her.
‘I tested him once before and he passed the test. He did come and find me, except I didn’t know. It’s my turn now.’
‘Fight for your man,’ said Michaela, nodding with sudden enthusiasm before clapping her hands and saying. ‘This is so romantic.’
Becs looked from one to the other. ‘I’m so confused. You’re happy because he went to another woman and spent the night there?’
Anna nodded, grinning. ‘Yup.’ There wasn’t time to explain. She knew what she needed to do. She had to prove to Leo that she trusted him and knew him well enough to recognise the truth. ‘Can you give me Zdeňka’s number?’