Chapter 51
Chapter Fifty-One
NYLA
Four weeks later
Sunlight falls through the large windows of the hair salon and paints bright stripes on the floor. It smells of fresh shampoo and warm air. Clean, new, almost like a promise.
My thoughts are with Jaden, who is resting at his apartment. His treatment started three weeks ago, and I was with him every single time.
Being back there, in that room, sitting next to the treatment chairs where I myself sat several times many months ago, and seeing the patients who, like I did back then, are making their way through the illness, was different from what I had expected.
For so long I was sure that one day I would return to that place. As a patient. With far lower chances of recovery than the first time. But in the past weeks I was there as someone’s companion. Healthy, apart from a harmless cold I caught while gardening in the rain.
Thoughtfully, I study myself in the mirror. Compared to my last visit here, I don’t look any different. Rosy cheeks, healthy skin, thick hair, big brown eyes, a slightly curved nose. And yet I’m no longer the same.
I wonder if Lucy, who is now walking toward me, can see it too.
‘Hey.’ She gives me a gentle squeeze. ‘How are you? How’s the new job going?’
I remember my last appointment with her. How worried I was that the work would overtax my body. How much I let my fear dictate my life.
And then Jaden came along and changed everything.
In the mirror I see my cheeks glowing. ‘It’s going great.’
Even though I’m still careful, weighing up for every patient which tests are necessary and which are superfluous, I’m making progress. Dr. Franks now trusts me enough that he no longer checks my work.
‘I’m incredibly happy to hear that.’ Lucy pulls the comb from her stylist’s belt. ‘Oh, by the way, my mom says hi. She’s already feeling much better; she’ll be back to her old self soon.’
Moved, I nod. ‘Fantastic.’
Smiling, she turns her attention to my hair. ‘It’s really grown a lot, we definitely need to get the scissors on it.’
While she pulls a stool and a rolling cart over to her, I tug at my hair.
Fifty to eighty percent. That’s the probability that I’ll keep my hair—if it even grows as long as it used to be at all. And that will never change.
I’m never going to be a one-percent person again, and neither is Jaden. The illness will be with us for the rest of our lives. Maybe he won’t make it. Maybe it will be harder for him than we thought, maybe one day the cancer will come back. In one of us. Or in both of us.
No one knows what tomorrow will bring, only what today is. And today he’s fighting his illness. Today we woke up tightly entwined, we laughed together, planned more changes in the garden, kissed.
Lucy reaches for the comb and parts my hair. ‘As always: nice and short at the nape, but soft.’ With concentration she sections off a few strands. ‘We’ll thin out the sides a bit with the razor again.’
Thoughtfully, I watch her brush my hair to the side. Around me the hum of hairdryers, the crackle of foil, low voices and laughter.
‘A bit of texture in the front and a few strands falling into your face.’ Lucy lifts her lids; we look at each other in the mirror. ‘Okay?’
‘You know what?’ I tap my chin thoughtfully. ‘I think it’s time for a change.’
Today is a new day. A new beginning.
Lucy’s eyes light up. ‘You want to…?’ she asks in disbelief.
I nod, my smile turning into a longing beam. ‘Just trim the ends, please.’