Chapter 32 – Neve
Chapter 32
NEVE
I awoke to a cold bed and a heart full of dread.
I had two days until the potion that suppressed my magic ran out. Two days until anyone could ask me anything, and I’d have to answer them truthfully. Something so simple might spell my end.
What if Vale asked what was wrong? What would I say?
Since the execution in the castle courtyard, he’d been as quiet as me. Protective still. Hurt, definitely, but quiet.
Angry. Sad. A million other things.
I didn’t know exactly, but who wouldn’t experience a storm of emotions after seeing so many people die for doing their job? For being around others who bore the guilt.
King Magnus had declared that if anyone knew about the rebels, or even suspected, they’d better come forward to save their own skin. To do otherwise was treason. The King of Winter had sowed fear, and I didn’t doubt he would see his harvest.
No one in the city would take in rebels. No one would want to help them. Would the ones they were still searching for be able to get out?
According to Vale, there were a few who had escaped. The black-haired girl, for one.
The door to the bathroom opened, and I breathed a sigh of relief when Vale exited, fully clothed. “All yours.”
“Actually.” The word came out garbled, and I cleared my throat. That happened when one talked little. “I want to train today. I can go alone.”
Hurt crossed his face, and I cringed. I hated causing him pain, but it was all I’d been doing since I learned the truth of my ancestry. I’d ignored him, distanced myself from him, been short and far too quiet.
My stomach roiled at the wrongness of it all.
“I should go to assess you. Few are better,” he said, and when I didn’t argue the point, he added, “But unless I have advice for you, I’ll keep to myself.”
His question as to why I was keeping him at arm’s length hung in the air, plain in his beautiful brown eyes.
Desperate to break the connection between us, I looked at the floor and leapt from the bed. There was no use in arguing that he should be there. As the most accomplished warrior in the kingdom, Vale was also an ideal instructor and though I sometimes felt like it might be better to let the vampires take me, I wasn’t ready to give up yet.
Getting away, running south, and trying to forget what had happened, I could do that. I could even try to forget Vale.
But die?
I might hate myself for what I’d done and how much I was hurting Vale, but when it came down to it, I wanted to live.
“I have to put on pants and a shirt, and I’ll be ready.”
“Wear fighting leathers today,” Vale replied, his tone level.
I didn’t ask why, only set to put on the appropriate clothing for what I hoped would be hours of physical exertion.
Within minutes, a Clawsguard was following us through the castle. No one spoke on the way, and though the silence between us was becoming more common, it still made my heart ache.
Thankfully, when we arrived in the training room, others were present. Sayyida fought with Filip while Sian assessed their style and abilities. Luccan, Thantrel, and Arie were present too, warming up, and in Arie’s case, stretching on the ground.
“Father said we needed to train more,” Luccan said as we neared the crew. “What with the rebel attacks and all. And he told Arie that he had to come too. No excuses, not that Arie complied with that command.”
The middle Riis brother frowned at the jab, but I nodded, understanding the deeper meaning. Vale had told Lord Riis that the king suspected the Lord of Tongues might be in possession of the Ice Scepter. Lord Riis probably wished for his sons to train to defend themselves against the king and his soldiers—as much as against the rebels.
“It can’t hurt.” Vale eyed me sidelong before catching himself and looking away.
My cheeks burned. Before, I’d have basked in his attention, wanted it. Craved it, even. But now, it reminded me of our shame, a shame only I knew about.
“Want to spar with me, Princess Neve?” Thantrel swaggered closer, his emerald eyes gleaming with playful confidence and those fiery wings rustling.
“No,” Vale answered for me. “She’s not there yet. She’ll fight with Filip or Sayyida.” He paused for a heartbeat. “And today she’s using live steel.”
My spine straightened. Save for that one time I’d sparred with him using live steel, Vale had insisted I continue to practice with wooden swords. Everyone I’d trained with had done the same. It was a precaution. One that would be removed when he thought I had enough control over a weapon.
“Thank you,” I murmured.
“You’ve already done so. At the theater.” Vale didn’t look at me as he spoke. “And I know you’re strong enough to hold and wield steel now. So it’s time to push your abilities further. Today you’ll fight with a sword and two stakes.”
Neither of us knew when a vampire would attack, but one day, they would come. When that day arrived decapitation, a stake to the heart, and infernos were the only ways to kill the bloodsuckers.
If only I were a fire fae. Anything other than what I am .
Any excitement about my magic appearing was gone. If Prince Calder was correct and winter magic came out of me and I was powerful, King Magnus would feel it.
Bleeding skies. I had to get the Liar’s Salvation in my hands, not to lie, but to keep my magic at bay.
“Filip!” Vale called out.
“Wait your turn!” Sayyida yelled from where the pair had taken their sparring into the air. “I almost have him!”
She proved her point mere seconds later, slashing her sword against Filip’s chain-mail-protected belly and cheering. “Point for me!”
For the first time in over a day, my lips broke into a smile. It felt so foreign on my face, almost painful, but the way the pair landed and Sayyida performed a victory dance pried me out of my misery.
“Filip, over here.” Vale gestured for the youngling to join us.
The squire ran up, and I wasted no time assessing him. Today, he appeared coordinated, which told me he wasn’t going through a magical growth spurt at the moment.
“My prince.” Filip bowed when he reached us.
“ My prince ,” Thantrel mimicked and bowed, arms wide in exaggeration. “Simpering stars, Filip, are you for real?”
Vale’s lips twitched, but Filip insisted on always treating Vale in this manner, even if Vale wouldn’t have minded a more casual relationship.
“Just because you have no manners, doesn’t mean others should stoop to your level,” Filip sniped at Thantrel.
“So the lad does have teeth!” Thantrel barked out merrily. “There’s hope for you yet, young Balik!”
“Enough taunting him,” Vale interjected and set his gaze on Filip. “I want you to spar with my wife today. With dulled steel so she can better get used to the weight of real swords. Do not hold back.”
My wife. I swallowed and forced myself not to show the way my stomach roiled. Once a protection, now it made me think of our taboo night together.
“Very well.” Filip turned to me, patting at the woven metal chain mail he wore. He and Sayyida had been fighting with steel rather than wood, so they’d needed the protection. “There are extras by the weapons.”
I nodded. “I’ll be right back with those.”
“And holster two stakes,” Vale added. “If anything so you can get used to their presence and weight at your sides.”
“I know.”
“I’ll be off to the side. Out of the way.”
I didn’t miss the Riis brothers exchanging looks of surprise. Usually, Vale stood close by, and I’d have wanted him to be there.
I pushed all that aside as I retrieved weapons and additional protection from storage. Moments later, Filip and I were sparring, and I relished the movement. It allowed me to forget about everything else.
Forget who I was, the danger I was in, and about the person I cared for. The person I was distancing myself from. The person I was hurting .
While I sparred, none of that occupied my mind. Not if I wanted to grow stronger and have a chance at living.
Filip leapt and his honey-gold wings caught air as he soared over me.
I fell into a crouch, out of the reach of his blade.
“Thought I’d be able to get you out fast. Sayyida taught me that one today.”
“You’ll have to try harder,” I shot back.
And he did.
The next five minutes were a whirlwind of attacks, me on Filip, the squire on me, rinse and repeat. We both used our wings, and each time I did so, I breathed easier. Thanks to training, my wings grew strong. So strong that I no longer doubted their capabilities.
Maybe I can fly away from vampires for the rest of my life. I leapt back as Filip came at me again, blade arching and missing.
“Come on, Neve!” Sayyida yelled.
I chanced a glance to the side. The others had stopped practicing to watch. Why were we the center of attention?
“Head in the fight!” Vale boomed.
I whirled as Filip attacked again. That had been close.
Attack. Parry. Attack. Parry. We continued, falling into a rhythm and both breathing hard as sweat dripped down our faces.
“Imagine a vamp!” Sian shouted.
Would that work? I had no idea, but I was willing to try anything, do anything, to win this sparring match. To gain some real confidence against a person trained to fight .
In my mind’s eye, sweet Filip became the now deceased Prince Gervais. My heart rate ratcheted higher.
Well, that was something I could work with. I needed to hone my fear.
So I forced myself to remember the prince’s cruel laugh. The sharp pain when his fangs punctured my neck. How scared I’d been when he drank from me, and my blood slid down his throat.
“No!” I rushed Filip.
He sidestepped me, but now fear fueled me in addition to my desire to win, and I spun, slashing with my sword.
His blade caught mine, and I saw the brief widening of his eyes before he pushed me back. I stumbled and Filip was on me again. No. Prince Gervais was on me, and I envisioned Anna there too. Right behind me. I was protecting her again.
I found my footing and leapt over my adversary. He followed me, pivoting, reaching long with his sword, his weight all on his toes in anticipation of an easy strike. A win.
That was when I pulled a fast one, fluttering my wings to reverse my direction. Falling back the way I’d come; I attacked and swiped Filip clean across the back.
“You got him, Neve!” Sayyida cackled. “You’re down, little Balik!”
But he didn’t stop. Instead, Filip caught his balance and turned back to me.
Not fast enough, though. Not this time.
My sword swiped Filip in the side, clanging his chain mail. The young Balik stared down at where I’d struck him, as if in disbelief.
“Guts are spilling, brother,” Sian chortled. “You’re done.”
I lowered my sword. I’d done it. Vale had told him not to take it easy on me. I’d beaten him with no help, no hindrance from a magical growth spurt on his part.
Maybe I’d be able to protect myself.
I had to keep practicing. To do better. Grow. Be better.
I had to be able to defend myself against someone like Vale. At that, my elation dimmed. I hated that if Vale learned who I was, everything could very well change. He might see me as an enemy rather than a person worthy of his help. Of him.
Filip was still gaping down at where I’d swiped his side. My eyebrows knitted together and worry for the squire seeped in.
“Did it hurt?” I asked. The chain mail should have kept him protected.
“No.” Filip lifted his gaze to meet mine. “Good job. I have to say, I didn’t expect that, Princess Neve.”
“By that, you mean for me to win?”
His cheeks took on a pink hue. “Yes.”
“Well, I have to say, I didn’t either.”
Filip’s face loosened and his honey-colored eyes warmed. “Another round?”
“Another round.”
“I’m done,” I proclaimed, wiping my drenched brow. I’d practiced for five hours and reached my limit.
“You did well today,” Vale said, and I caught his nod and smile before I looked away. When he spoke next, his voice was more restrained. “But you’ve been at it for a while. Rest would be good.”
Rest. That meant returning to his suite. Or perhaps I could seek Saga?
Sayyida was gone already, as were Sian and Arie Riis.
“Yes,” I said. “I think I’ll go speak with Saga. We can have a ladies’ day.”
Vale didn’t reply right away. “If you wish. I can escort you to my sister’s chambers?—”
“I think I’ll take a Clawsguard.” I motioned to the door where two stood. “You’ll have one go with me anyway, right?” I risked looking at him, risked feeling that heartbreak and ill feeling all over again.
Stars, would it ever end? Or would I punish myself for something neither of us had known for the rest of my life?
“I will,” Vale agreed, reluctant lines forming on his handsome face. “Take Sir Arvid. He’s the stronger of the two.”
“Thank you.” I managed a small smile. “I’ll see you later.” I took three steps before Vale stopped me.
“Neve?”
I swallowed, turned.
“Remember what I saw. Be careful. The castle is the most protected building in the city, but there are always weaknesses to exploit.”
“I will,” I assured him, knowing that it was killing him to let me out of his sight, but equally knowing that I needed this time apart. “And I’ll be back tonight.”
He nodded. The look of rejection on his face threatened to cut me in half, so I turned away. What could I tell him that would explain why I’d become an ice queen?
And I could not tell him the truth.
Bleeding skies, I needed that potion.
Vale had informed me that Duran said it would be a day late. It was the best he could do, and that terrified me. I had to hope that, when my magic appeared, it was weak. I was weak. So weak that King Magnus wouldn’t sense it.
And that over the course of a day, Vale wouldn’t ask too many questions.
I returned my chain mail, sword, and stakes to the storage area and pulled my hair back so that it no longer stuck to my neck. As ready as I would get, I exited the storage area to find Vale talking to Filip. They seemed engrossed, which relieved me, and I made for the door.
“I’m going to see Saga,” I said to Sir Arvid, one of the Clawsguards waiting for us. He looked behind me at the prince. “Alone.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Shall I take you by your suite first to wash?”
Point taken. I was sweaty and stinky, but Saga would have to deal with that. I needed some space from Vale.
“No, show me to the princess’s chambers.”
Sir Arvid led the way. Though I’d been to Saga’s rooms before, I’d never come from the training facilities and Frostveil Castle was vast. I was sure there were parts of it I’d never seen before .
Like the Crown Drassil on site. And the library.
I paused at that last thought. Perhaps I could make a stop at the library on my way to Saga’s rooms. I had yet to learn if the brooch from Queen Revna’s room— my mother’s room—was a phoenix opal.
“Sir Arvid, before we go to Saga’s suite, can you take me to the Royal Library? I want to research something.”
“I suppose so,” the Clawsguard said. “It’s a quick detour.”
“Perfect. The princess isn’t expecting me, anyway.”
He changed course, and I allowed myself to be led through the palace. On the way, we passed many fae, some servants, some courtiers. The latter stared at me, though less than they had that day in the solarium. The novelty of my marriage to Vale was somewhat wearing off.
Sir Arvid took a turn, and we found ourselves in an empty hallway. I looked around.
“Quiet in here, isn’t it?”
“The library isn’t a popular destination,” the Clawsguard replied.
“That’s a shame.”
“If you say so.”
I assumed the soldier didn’t read much.
The hallway ended in a set of double doors made of pine. Upon their face, a true artist had carved a white raven and dusted it with some sort of stone that glittered in the light coming in through the window. In this kingdom, the white raven was a symbol of one of the dead gods’ messengers and wisdom. Sir Arvid opened one door for me, and I gasped as I entered the Royal Library .
I would not have known from the outside, but the library had been built in one of the castle’s towers. The circular room spun up at least seven stories, and from the bottom, a viewer could gaze up at all of them.
I inhaled, savoring the scents: parchment, ink, and something unnamable. The weight that had been pressing down on my heart lightened a touch. There were so many books. Tomorrow I’d convince Vale to let me spend the day here. I’d bring a dozen Clawsguards with me if it made him happy.
“May I help you, Princess Neve?” a voice asked.
I twisted to find a female fae. She was short, like a dwarf, but without the bulbous and large facial features of their kind. My eyebrows pinched together until I placed her fae race.
A leprechaun. I’d never seen one before. From what I’d learned, they almost exclusively worked in coinaries and lived around their places of employment. I’d had no reason to go to a coinary.
“Good afternoon,” I said. “I’m looking for a visual reference on rare gems. A phoenix opal, if you have it.”
She nodded. “Come with me.”
The bottom level of the library was chock-full of shelves and books. The librarian wound through them until we reached a shelf across the room. She stopped and peered up at the books.
“This section is on rare gems. I believe this book”—she stood on tiptoe to pull a green one down from the fourth shelf from the bottom, almost out of her reach— “will have the information you’re looking for. If it doesn’ t, or it’s not to your liking, I’ll help you find another.”
“Thank you,” I replied, taking the book.
“Can I do anything else for you, Princess Neve?”
“That’ll be all.”
She nodded and gestured through the stacks. “There’s a table by the windows over there. Three stacks over. Sit, if you wish.” Having said what she needed to say, she left.
I did wish to sit, so I went to the table, and Sir Arvid followed, a bored expression on his face. Settling in, I sighed as the wooden chair creaked beneath me.
The first library such as this one that I’d ever had access to was Roar’s. And while House Lisika’s library was nice, the Royal Library put it to shame.
I opened the book and found that the gems and stones featured were alphabetical. Smiling, I went to the proper section and found an image of a phoenix opal.
It looked like the one in the brooch. I leaned back, conflicted. Lord Riis had said that phoenix opals were beyond valuable. Originally, I’d wanted the brooch because it was pretty, though a part of me wondered if it would be a good piece to use as currency.
Now, though, I knew it was my mother’s.
Another moral issue for another day. I shut the book and stood.
“Sir Arvid, we can—” I turned and found that someone else stood in Sir Arvid’s place.