Chapter 29
Waking up, it doesn’t take me a second or two to come to my senses, or remember where I am, because last night is still swirling around in my head; in fact, I think I even dreamt about it. Even after Jordan and I fell asleep, he was still on my mind.
Which is why it’s so strange that I’ve just woken up here, in his bed, all alone.
I blink as my eyes adjust to the morning light streaming through the gap in the hotel curtains.
I sit up, pushing my messy hair from my face, my heart immediately pounding with that weird, irrational panic that hits you when someone disappears after you spend the night together – I imagine. This has never happened to me before.
‘Jordan?’ I call out, voice still croaky with sleep.
No answer.
‘Jordan?’ I try again – still nothing.
I shuffle out of bed, wrapping one of the plush hotel robes around myself, and head towards the bathroom.
‘Jordan?’ I say as I poke my head around the door, but it’s empty. He’s not in here. He’s nowhere to be seen. I’m in here alone.
And for a split second – and I really do mean a split second – I wonder if I dreamt it all.
That maybe I had a few too many cocktails to drown my sorrows and then made it all up in my head.
But then I spot my bra hanging delicately off the corner of the TV and remember how we both laughed when Jordan threw it and it landed there.
I puff air from my cheeks and rub my eyes. With no sign of Jordan, I glance around for a note – something that explains why he’s not here, but there’s no sign of that either. The only thing I can see, laid out on the desk, with a pen next to it, is the contract.
I look and it’s still unsigned. So I’m not too late – plus, I have the correct version in my bag still, I’m sure…
I reach in and grab for it and, yep, sure enough, it’s here.
I’m here, alone, the contracts are both here; I could swap them in a split second and it would all be done and dusted.
All I’d have to do is swap them. Just a little switcheroo. No one gets hurt. My job is secured. Paige is happy. Jordan gets to move on with his life – which is what I really want.
Except… I don’t know, it just still doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel honest.
I stare at the new contract in my hand. All I have to do is swap them, just slip one into the other’s place, cram the dodgy one in my bag and walk away.
It sounds so simple and yet I just can’t do it.
I can’t bring myself to switch them behind his back.
Jordan trusted me enough to leave it here with me, in the open.
And he opened up his heart – and his bed – to me over the last couple of days.
It might be a victimless task, but it still feels manipulative.
I can’t help but think of Ben. Of all the ways he lied to me, misled me, kept me in the dark.
I remember that suffocating feeling of realising I didn’t know what was going on in my own life, of being lied to, betrayed in the worst ways.
I hated it. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone – least of all Jordan.
So if this costs me the job, then so be it.
Let Paige sack me. I would rather be unemployed with my pride and my honour intact, and still be able to look Jordan in the eye, than risk it all for a job.
I’d move back in with my parents – I’d sleep in their bed with them – before I’d do anything behind Jordan’s back, even if he would never know it had happened.
I like him. I really like him. I care about him more than some crappy – frankly weird – job. I know what I need to do, and it’s not swapping these contracts. Paige will just have to sort out her own mess.
Suddenly I hear the door opening so I shove the contract back into my bag and hurriedly kick it to one side before diving back on the bed.
‘Morning,’ Jordan calls out. ‘Oh, great, you’re awake. I come bearing coffee and bagels.’
‘Oh, just what I need right now,’ I reply. ‘You’re a mind reader.’
‘I thought I’d surprise you,’ he says. ‘And let you catch up on your sleep – I didn’t let you get much last night.’
‘Where did you go?’ I ask, smiling. ‘I was worried for a second, when I woke up, and you weren’t here.’
‘It is my room,’ he reminds me. ‘I was always going to come back – you know that. I went to the best bagel place in Manhattan. We’re going home soon so I couldn’t let you leave New York without trying one. The coffee is great too.’
He hands me a cup. It’s still so warm, and it smells amazing.
‘Are you okay?’ he asks, watching me. ‘You don’t regret?—’
‘No, no, no,’ I insist, interrupting him, because that’s the last thing I want him to think. ‘I think I was just freaked out, that you weren’t here.’
‘Well, I’m here now,’ he says with a smile. ‘And with bagels – cream cheese and lox. You’ll love it.’
We dig in and honestly, I could cry at how good it tastes. He’s not wrong, they really are the best bagels.
‘So… I’ve got a meeting in Leeds,’ he tells me between bits.
‘Leeds… in Yorkshire?’ I say in disbelief.
‘Yes – I’ve got a meeting with the founders of RedFlags – that app where people warn each other about bad dates. We’re talking about collaborating on something.’
‘That’s cool,’ I reply. ‘The world definitely needs that.’
He nods in agreement.
‘So, I’m leaving earlier than planned, tonight actually.
I’m taking a private flight, so I can be there to make a meeting,’ he says like it’s the most casual thing in the world.
‘So, I was wondering… do you want to come with me? I know you’ve got the wedding in a couple of days. It’s in Leeds, right?’
I nearly drop my bagel.
‘You want me to join you on your private jet?’ I blurt back to him. ‘You’re asking me like that might be a question people say no to…’
‘It’s always good to check,’ he replies. ‘I figured I could drop you at the wedding – well, close enough.’
‘I’d love that,’ I tell him. ‘Talk about arriving in style – not that you can drop me at the venue, without a parachute, which my cousin would hate. But, yes, ignore my nervous babbling, I would love that.’
‘Great,’ he says with a laugh. ‘And… if you’re still looking for a plus one…’
I raise an eyebrow.
‘You would come with me?’ I squeak.
‘I scrub up all right,’ he jokes. ‘And I’ve got a black tux with me – because you never know, in New York.’
‘You had me at scrub,’ I reply. ‘I would love you to come with me.’
He genuinely looks as happy as I feel right now.
‘Perfect,’ he replies. ‘Well, I’ve got a couple of meetings to wrap today, some unfinished business to put to bed, but how about I have a car take you shopping? Spend your last few hours in New York in style?’
‘Why are you so perfect?’ I ask him.
He just laughs.
‘My recent reviews haven’t been quite so glowing – so thank you,’ he jokes. ‘But, really, you’re worth it. You deserve all of it.’
I pretty much launch myself at him, knocking the bagel wrapper from his lap, wrapping my arms and legs around him and squeezing him tightly.
‘Well, that’s adorable,’ he says.
‘I’m just in a really good mood,’ I tell him.
‘Good,’ he replies.
I’m not just in a good mood, and it’s not just that I’m excited either; I think the main thing I’m feeling is relief.
I am so, so glad that I didn’t swap the contracts.
I could have done, so easily, and he probably would have never known, but I would have known, and I could never have lived with the guilt.
The longer you tell a lie, or keep a secret, the harder it gets to undo, and the more damage it does when it finally comes out.
I’m so happy I didn’t go through with it. I was only doing it for my job, for my future, but things just look and feel so much brighter now. I’ve definitely made the right decision.
Finally, it feels like my luck might have changed.