24. Chapter 24
Kylie
Erik’s fingertip brushing my hair behind my ear wakes me from just behind the curtain of sleep. It’s nice here. Warm. Cozy.
“‘m awake,” I mumble, earning a low chuckle that makes my lips curl into a sleepy grin. I like his laugh. It’s surrounds me like a warm blanket.
“Sure you were.”
I blink my eyes open. It’s silent. The laptop he played a comedy murder mystery on is dark now.
Most of the candles have gone out, however the little red light under his TV tells me the power has returned.
I’m not sure whether to be happy about it or pout.
There was something magical about now having power.
“I was so awake.” I smush my cheek against his shoulder. Hmm. He makes a good pillow. He’s the perfect amount of comfy and firm and he smells divine, a deep woodsy vanilla with what I could swear is a hint of maple syrup. “I totally caught you staring at me for the past ten minutes.”
He goes rigid under my cheek. Ha, got him.
“Oh yeah?”
“Mhm.” I nod, still not lifting my cheek from his shoulder and letting my eyes flutter closed again. Did I mention he’s comfortable? I yawn. “And I think to make up for creeping on me, you should totally carry me to bed.”
“I would carry you to bed without having anything to make up for,” he mumbles and I forget how to breathe for a moment. There was so much sincerity in his words they make my throat tighten.
He gets up and I blindly reach for a pillow. I’m too lazy to open my eyes, but I hear him walk around the room and blow out the remaining candles. Before I know it, his arms nudge under my knees and back and I’m in the air.
“Oh wow.” I open my eyes and giggle, snaking my arms around his neck. “I was joking but I’ll take it.” This is a whole new angle, the first time I see that muscle in his neck strain. I pull my lip between my teeth. “That’s sexy.”
“Is it now?” He arches an eyebrow, the corners of his mouth twitching as he carries me into the hallway.
“Oh yeah.” I nod solemnly and let my fingertip wander down the side of his throat, noting the way he pulls the inside of his cheek between his teeth as we reach his bedroom.
“You should totally carry me everywhere from now on so I can admire you instead of having to do boring things like watch where I’m going. ”
“Well, as much as that tickles my ego…” He kicks the door to his bedroom closed behind us. “I’m not quite sure my arms would cooperate.”
“Boo.” I pout. “Wait, are you calling me heavy?”
He freezes, eyes widening in panic. “Er, no, I-“
“I’m kidding.” I giggle, even more so when relief washes over his face. “Couldn’t pass up the opportunity to make you sweat a little. What a shame though, I could get used to this.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. However, can I make it up to you?”
I tap my finger against my lower lip and shoot him a wink. He stops in front of his bed and leans in until his smile meets mine.
I adore kissing him. The languid, unhurried way his tongue moves against mine.
The way his breath feathers over my cheek and how he grins into the kiss when I let out a happy sigh.
And I adore the damned dimples that appear in his cheeks when he smiles, ever so slightly concealed by his scruff. But I know they’re there.
He’s perfect. Too perfect. All of a sudden, my breath gets stuck in my throat. What is he doing with someone unperfect like me?
This is not the time, Kylie. I force myself to take a deep breath, inhaling his comforting scent and bury my doubts, push them back into a chest in the darkest corner of my mind.
I will not succumb to doubts I will realize are idiotic after a good night’s sleep, not right now.
I’m enjoying this moment, this kiss, way too much to let my own mind ruin it.
“Is everything okay?” Erik mumbles against my lips, worry lacing his question.
My eyes flutter open and I meet his pale green stare.
“Yeah,” I breathe and run my fingers through his soft hair, my eyes darting from his to his lips. “Everything is peachy.”
Then I put my hand on his shoulder for leverage and lift myself up, still in his arms, until I can capture his lips. He gives me a doubtful look but then the crease between his eyebrows smoothens and when he melts into the kiss, I close my eyes again.
The kiss is stealing my breath away. If I were standing, my knees would definitely buckle. Carefully, he sets me down on his soft mattress. I bounce off it slightly, but he’s right there, pressing me back into it with his broad body.
His hands wander down my thighs, and I can’t help but shiver at the way his fingers dig into my flesh.
Once he’s reached the back of my knees, he hooks my legs around his hips, then snakes his arms between the small of my back and the mattress, pulls me flush to him and moves us up the bed, until my head is on his pillow.
I’m in paradise right here, pressed between his firm body and the soft mattress. Seriously, I could stay here forever.
Everything smells of him. The blanket I’m lying on. The pillow under my head. Him above me. Fuck. I could drown in his scent, and I’d be dying with a smile.
He’s all I taste, all I smell, all I feel and I’ve never felt safer, yet also never more on edge.
Breathe, Kylie.
His hands cup my face so tenderly, thumbs stroking a gentle pattern on my cheeks and suddenly my throat closes up with emotions. I hate it.
Within the blink of an eye, I am, dancing on the edge between happiness and an ocean of doubt.
He breaks the kiss, oblivious to the fight happening inside me. I suck in a sharp breath while his lips trail a path down my throat. His hand dances under my shirt, fingertips tracing a feather-soft path up my sides.
My heart can’t decide what to feel. Excitement and infatuation are battling against self-doubt and overwhelm and no side is winning.
Once upon a time, I was used to feeling loved like this.
Before the abandonment, before spending countless evenings wondering if I was the reason Zach spent so much time at work.
And even now, even though I closed this chapter of my life, a weird emptiness haunts me - just when I thought I left my only ghost at home.
“Hey. Kylie, look at me.” Erik stops. His fingertips land on my chin and turn my head until I look at him, finding a worried frown. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing, I…” I swallow thickly and can’t quite meet his eyes anymore. “It’s just…” I clear my throat. “It has been a while. I’m kind of… nervous?” The last word comes out in a squeak.
He swipes a strand of my hair out of my face, and the tenderness in his touch almost makes me burst into tears. “Don’t lie to me, Kylie.”
“I’m not.” I finally meet his gaze. If I take all the lingering doubts in my head and condense them into a sentence, this is what it comes down to. “I really haven’t done this in a while.”
He doesn’t answer. Doesn’t pry. Instead, he keeps my eyes locked with his, with such intensity in his, it makes me squirm.
Usually, I have no problem sitting out silence and letting it linger until the other person feels the need to fill it.
Silent treatment used to be my mother’s favorite form of punishment when I was in my teens.
But before my brain has even caught up to them, words tumble out of my mouth.
“I’m not used to this.” My fingers find the hem of his shirt and twiddle with it. The cotton between my fingertips is grounding as I’m trying to come up with a way to explain what’s going on in my brain.
“What exactly?”
I gulp and my eyes dart to his Adam’s apple. It’s easier to talk when I avoid his expectant eyes. “Being… cared for.”
From the corner of my eyes, I notice his soften. So many more words want to burst out of my mouth, but I swallow them. This isn’t the time or place to fill him in on my loveless marriage or all the ways I felt neglected. In fact, I can’t think of worse timing to bring it up.
“Do you think you can get used to it?” He nudges my chin up and holds my gaze captive. “Because I care for you a lot. I want to take care of you.”
My heart beats into my throat, chest tightening, but this time in a good way.
“Yeah,” I whisper breathily. “I think I can. With time.”
“Good. That’s all I need. We have all the time in the world,” he mumbles and captures my lips in another kiss.
This one is the equivalent of cuddling in front of a fireplace. It sends warmth through my veins, and when his hand slips under my shirt, this time, I lean into his touch.
“Tell me if it’s too much,” he whispers into the kiss, the pulls back, only the slightest bit, his breath feathering over my lips and cheeks. “Look at me, Kylie.” He waits until I open my eyes. “I’m serious. Say the word and I’ll stop. You won’t hurt my feelings and I won’t ask questions.”
“Okay.” I nod slowly and the worried crease between his eyebrows finally disappears.
For a while, we kiss while he lets his fingertips dance over my skin. Under my boobs. Between them. But not going for my sensitive nipples which are screaming for attention at this point.
“Can you take this off?” I mumble, pulling at his shirt. I want to touch him and not some annoying fabric, but it’s a too damn tight fit for me to slip my hands under.
“Patience,” he teases me, but indulges me and sits up, pulls it over his head and throws it aside.
And I can’t help but stare.
Obviously, I noticed his broad shoulders and the fact he’s built. How else would he have been able to carry me through his home like I weigh nothing? But seeing it? Not-too-toned abs, his damn biceps, fuck. Am I salivating?
Hot damn. His body is a whole different level and insanely hot.
I reach out and let my fingertips glide over his pecks, through his chest hair, downward between his abs, along his happy trail. It’s clear he’s fighting to stay still and let me explore, his muscles tight and small, pleased sounds escape the back of his throat.
“Fuck,” he pants breathlessly and stretches his neck, eyes fluttering closed. “You’re driving me crazy here, babe.”