Chapter 15 #2
His shoulders drop slightly, like the weight of those words hits somewhere deep. He hesitates, then nods once, silently, and sinks back down beside me.
Good Lord, I don’t even know if I want him to come or go. To push him away or pull him close. I’ve never been more confused in my life. All I know is, I don’t want him to leave. I want to be near him.
None of it makes sense anymore.
I shift closer, placing my pillow near his leg, and lie down, my hands resting near my face. His fingers find mine again, tugging one hand into his lap—no tracing this time. Just holding. Just the quiet comfort of skin on skin and my husband’s familiar presence.
I stare at my dad, exhaustion pressing heavy on my chest. We can’t control the cards we’re dealt, only how we play the hand.
That’s what he said on Christmas Eve. And right now, I feel like I’ve just been dealt one card short of a royal flush.
Do I throw it and risk everything—pray for the one I need to win?
Or fold before I lose it all, again?
The odds aren’t great.
Thirty percent.
That’s how many like Jensen make it past the first year and stay clean. On a good day.
Maybe I don’t have to decide yet. Maybe I just let this be what it is—time with Jensen. Not a choice. Not a fork in the road.
Just... this.
His fingers drift into my hair, combing gently.
It’s not clarity. It’s not a decision. But it feels good. And for now, that’s enough.
I close my eyes, letting the calm flood in, soft and steady. Jensen’s touch grounds me like a live wire finally cut.
The thoughts slow.
The buzz of exhaustion begins to fade.
And for the first time in days, I sleep.
I stir at the sound of hushed voices in the distance.
I crack an eye open, just enough to see that it’s still mostly dark, with a faint glow coming from the other side of the room.
Must be the nurses taking Dad’s vitals and distributing meds.
I snuggle back into my pillow, relief sweeping through me when I realize how well I slept.
Jensen’s voice cuts through the quiet, and suddenly I’m wide awake. I strain to hear, opening my eyes like that might help.
Jensen’s standing near the bed. It’s inclined just enough for my dad to take a drink. The dim light above him is on, and my dad looks more alive than he has since I arrived.
“Can I get you anything else?” Jensen asks, placing the water jug back on the tray.
My heart lurches—Jensen’s only met my dad a couple of times. He doesn’t know him. They don’t have a relationship. Yet, he’s up early, helping him like he would his own dad.
“No, I think that’s all for now. Thank you. I’ll let you get back to sleep.”
“Actually,” Jensen says, “I’d love to talk, if you’re up for it.”
My dad’s brows furrow. “Yeah, sure.”
Jensen turns, and I quickly shut my eyes. When I peek again, he’s pulled a chair close to the bed and is sitting—bent forward, elbows on his knees.
“Listen, Craig, I know I’m probably the last person you want to see or talk to. You don’t even know me. But I’ve got a list. People I need to talk to. You’re on it.” He clears his throat. “I’m working through the steps. One of them is making amends with the people I’ve hurt.”
“I’m very aware of the steps, son. And I appreciate what you’re doing. But I hardly know you. You don’t owe me anything.”
Jensen’s head falls. I watch his shoulders rise and fall.
He rubs a hand over his mouth. Then he lifts his gaze again and meets my dad’s eyes.
“Yes, I do. I hurt your daughter. And no words will ever make up for what I’ve done.
Nothing I do can erase the hell I put her through.
” His voice cracks. “But I want you to know I’ll spend the rest of my life trying.
If she’ll let me. There’s nothing I want more than to show her how much she means to me. How much I’ve changed.”
He leans back in the chair. “Anyway… I don’t expect forgiveness. Not from you. Not even from her. But I needed to say that. To let you know how sorry I am. And I hope I can have your blessing—to at least earn the chance to be in her life again.”
My dad’s face is somber and serious. He’s listening, and every line etched into his skin shows it. The corners of his mouth twitch briefly before settling again. “I know how sorry you are. And I know you never meant to hurt her. I also know you love her.”
He presses the button on the side of the bed, sitting up a little straighter. “I’ve been in your shoes. And because of that, I can’t knowingly give you my blessing.”
Jensen’s shoulders sag.
“But I also won’t discourage it.” His tone softens. “You’re your own man. A good one, at that. You come with your demons and your battles, but I understand it’s your duty to love her. Protect her. Make her happy.”
He draws in a shaky breath. “You made promises. And you broke them. You hurt her.” His lips tremble, and his voice cracks.
I struggle to keep my own eyes dry. “God knows you hurt her.” He cries now.
The tears fall freely, his voice choking.
“Goddamn, you put her through the same thing I put her mother through. And I hate you for it. I really do.”
Yeah, there’s no point trying to hold back tears. Not with my dad crying. Not when every word he says cuts like it’s for me, too.
I can’t see Jensen’s face from here, but I catch a hand lifting to it—maybe gripping his jaw, or covering his mouth. I’m not sure.
My dad swipes at his cheek, and it’s so raw—so beautiful in its own way, seeing him like this. Being a father in a way I didn’t know he was capable of until recently. Defending me. Loving me. God, it kills me.
My dad exhales shakily, voice quieter now.
“But my hell, does that girl love you.” His eyes stay locked on Jensen’s.
“Alley’s her own woman. A smart one. She’s always had a good head on her shoulders, and I trust her to find her own happiness.
I’m not going to tell you what you can or can’t do.
You do what you need to do as a man. As a husband.
She’ll make her own choice. Whether that’s you or someone else. ”
The room falls silent. For a long time.
I don’t know if Jensen doesn’t have the words, or if he’s too choked up to say them.
Finally, his voice breaks through the stillness. “Thank you, sir. For saying that. Because, what kind of man would I be if I didn’t fight for her?”
“The kind that realizes what’s best for Alley might not be what’s best for you.” My dad says quietly. “And if you really love her, you’ll be brave enough to let her decide.”
I press a hand to my chest, trying to steady the ache.
God, Dad.
He always knows exactly what to say. I close my eyes, the weight of his words settling in the room.
Jensen wanted permission.
But Dad gave me the power.