Chapter 19 #2
“And for the record?” I add, brushing a kiss against the corner of her mouth, “that’s not even a sliver of what I dream about getting you to do.” I smirk, then soften my voice. “But I can wait. There’s no pressure. I want you to be ready. And more importantly, I want you to trust me.”
She just half-smiles, still catching her breath. That’s all.
No I’m getting there.
No I do trust you.
Just a half-smile.
And I guess if that’s all I get…
It’s all I get.
I release her hands and turn for the door, opening it and stepping into the hall.
She follows, then reaches for my hand, gripping it tight.
She reached for my hand. Maybe I get a little more than a half-smile. Maybe this is her way of telling me she’s trying to trust me again.
It’s not a promise. But it’s effort. And after everything I put her through? Effort means everything.
I’ll fucking take it.
Well, this is officially the most uncomfortable I’ve been since rehab… or maybe ever. I’m not awkward in social situations, even when they’re new. I’ve always been an extrovert. Good with people. Confident.
We’re all seated around Leo’s poker table on the first floor of his townhome. The place has four or five levels, I’m not quite sure, but it’s big. All I know is I’m on the lowest one with Leo, Alley, Cooper, Ryan, Adam—and Scarlett, who no doubt hates me.
This is so unlike me. To feel out of place. Intimidated. I’m Jensen Fucking Adams. I walk into rooms and command them. But here?
Here, I feel stupid as shit. Like I’ve got something to prove. And Scarlett’s glares sure as hell aren’t helping.
Leo tosses his cards onto the pile. “Fuck all, again. That’s four hands in a row.” He drains the last of his whiskey with a dramatic sigh. “I need another drink and a bloody miracle.”
“It’s a good thing you’re not poor,” Ryan quips, and he and Adam both crack up.
Leo leans back, lights a cigar, and takes a long drag. “I’m going to be if you keep taking all my money.” He passes the cigars around, and Ryan, Adam, and Cooper each grab one.
“I’ve got jack shit again too,” I say, throwing my cards down.
I used to love this. Drink in one hand, cigar in the other, chips stacked high, my girl laughing beside me. Nights like this used to be my favorite. Now I’m sipping sparkling water like a fucking child.
It’s hard tonight. I want a drink. I want to loosen up, laugh, feel included.
But it’s fine.
I’m fine.
Adam gathers the cards and starts to shuffle, and Leo stands to refill his drink.
I’ve always liked Leo, and everyone else here has been great. But it’s not like Leo doesn’t know all my darkest shit. He’s a therapist, for Christ’s sake, and Alley lives here. I know she talks to him. She always has.
I don’t know what the rest of them know or don’t know. But they know she moved here because of me. That she was going to divorce me. That she’s been sad—because of me.
Laughter buzzes around the table. Even Alley’s laughing, tucked between me and Adam, and it pulls a smile from me.
Vivian’s not playing. She was upstairs earlier, putting the kids to bed. Now she’s curled up on the couch with a glass of wine, just taking it all in. She chimes in occasionally, but it looks like she’s thoroughly enjoying the break and relaxation.
Cooper stands, pushing her chips to Ryan. “Here, babe. I’m all pokered out.”
“Me too,” Scarlett says, nudging Adam—who she’s been flirting with all night. “Do you want my chips?”
It irritates me.
Look, I’ve always liked Scarlett. She’s always been part of my life with Alley.
She’s Alley’s best friend—so, by default, she’s my friend.
But right after Alley first told her about my addiction, she told Alley to leave.
Leave him. Like I was some expired item.
Toss him aside and move on. Like I wasn’t her best friend’s husband.
Or the guy who helped her move when no one else could.
Or the guy who let her crash on our couch after her breakup with that one asshole.
Jesus. I watched her throw herself at Matt for five fucking years, and now she’s doing the same thing with Adam?
Okay, that’s petty as hell. I know. But I’m wound so tight tonight I can barely think straight. And it’s getting to me…
Because she’s acting like she fucking hates me.
I just wish she gave a shit that I’m trying to make it right.
Cooper strides to the bar along the back wall and opens the fridge. “Who wants another drink?”
“Beer me, babe!” Ryan calls out.
She pulls one out and sets it on the bar.
“Hey, Al,” Cooper calls over her shoulder. “There’s a few stouts in here. You want one?”
“No, I’m good. Thanks though.”
“Really?” Cooper turns, brow raised. “You love a stout.”
“I’m not drinking tonight,” Alley says coolly.
My eyes shift to her. “Babe, if you’re not drinking because of me… you don’t have to do that. Seriously. Have a beer. I’m good.”
“No, babe.” She called me babe. She hasn’t called me that in months. “If you’re not drinking…” She shrugs. “Why would I?”
I shit you not—I think I just fell in love with my wife all over again.
I catch Scarlett rolling her eyes. “I’ll take one,” she says, throwing me a look as she stands and joins Cooper at the bar.
I take a deep breath, biting my tongue. If we were in New York, I’d say something. Have a come-to-Jesus moment with her. But I can’t do that here.
Cooper brings Ryan’s beer over and starts collecting empty bottles and glasses. “Jesus, babe. How drunk are you?”
“Pretty fucking drunk, babe. But whatever I’m doing—it’s working.” He nods at his mountain of chips, and she laughs, leaning down to meet his lips with a kiss.
Adam tosses his cards into the pile. “I’m out.” He stands and stretches. “Hey, Coop, I’ll take one of those beers.”
“And I will raise…” Alley says, counting her chips. “Seven. Because that’s all I have left.” She laughs, and Leo, Ryan, and I all match the bet before flipping our cards.
Ryan wins. Again.
“That was the last of my bloody chips,” Leo mutters, taking a long sip of his freshly poured whiskey.
“Damn. Me too.” Alley tosses her cards into the pile but stays put along with Leo.
“Don’t look now,” she whispers, nudging me, “but Scarlett may have found her next victim.”
I glance across the room. Adam’s on a stool, legs spread wide. Scarlett’s standing between them, her hand sliding along his bicep.
That’s Scarlett—being Scarlett.
My leg bounces under the table, anxiety pouring out of every limb.
“I don’t know why I never thought about them. God, they’d actually be so great together.” Alley’s grin stretches wide as her hand drops to my thigh, steadying it—steadying me. Like she knows what a mess I am inside.
I glance down at her, then smile. She always sees the best in people. She’s not noticing the fact that Scarlett’s practically auditioning to fuck Adam, or that she seems to loathe me tonight. She just sees her friend, trying to find someone who makes her happy.
And she sees me. Nervous. Out of my element.
Trying.
I wrap my arm around her shoulder, give it a squeeze, and pull her close. I kiss her temple. “I love you,” I murmur, before I can stop myself. It just slipped out. But it’s what I feel. And I’m tired of holding it in. I love her too much not to say it.
She doesn’t say it back, but she smiles and laces her fingers through mine.
My thumb strokes hers as Ryan deals the next hand.
I’m almost out of chips, but I couldn’t care less.
All that matters is that my wife is holding my hand.
That she invited me here to be with her friends. She’s giving me a second chance…
Or fiftieth.
Four hands later, Ryan’s swept the table and I’m out. Everyone’s buzzed or drunk by now—except Alley and me. Early 2000s hip-hop plays over the speakers, and Vivian’s passed the video baby monitor off to Leo and is pouring herself another glass of wine.
The group’s scattered between the bar and the couches. I’m standing at the bar—with my fucking water—across from Ryan.
Tonight’s the first time I’ve met him, and he’s cool.
He’s in tech, I’m in SaaS, and there’s a decent amount of overlap.
Conversation’s been easy. He’s asked a lot of questions about me, what I do, even how things are going with Alley.
He’s taken an interest, and I appreciate it more than I’d like to admit.
Alley brushes past me, opening the fridge and bending down for another sparkling water. My eyes drift to her ass, still listening as Ryan talks about working with Cooper. She straightens, and my gaze shifts back to him.
He and Cooper have a wild story.
A moment later, I feel a hand low on my back as Alley scoots in beside me.
She waits for a pause in the conversation before cutting in. “Ryan, did you tell Jensen about the first time you met Matt?”
Ryan throws his head back with a laugh. “No. Forgot you two are tight.”
“Oh, they’re not just tight,” Alley says, turning to me with a grin. “They’re like brothers.”
“What happened?” I ask, already bracing myself for a Matt story.
“We were at Tapped Out, the club Matt owns with Leo. They’d been making rounds all night, and Cooper was at the bar. Matt hadn’t met anyone in our group yet. He hit on her, and she told him she was engaged, so he backed off and moved on.”
He pauses to take a sip of his beer. “About an hour later, Leo brings him over to meet everyone. Matt looks at Coop, then me, and goes, Shit. I’m sorry, man. I totally hit on your fiancée. Good for you though—she’s hot.”
Ryan chuckles. “He just fucking owned it. Didn’t even try to play it off.
I thought that was pretty cool of him.” He laughs again.
“We gave him shit all night, and he took it like a champ. Cooper even threw in some jabs, like—Hey, Matt, I’m heading to the ladies’ room.
If you’re gonna watch me walk away, just be sly about it. ”
We all laugh now, and Alley shifts, positioning herself in front of me. She leans back, then takes my arms and wraps them around her.
What the hell? Ten minutes ago, I felt completely out of place. Now I’m standing here, holding Alley in front of everyone, and it’s the closest I’ve felt to normal in weeks. Her making the move? Her choosing this? It’s more than I could’ve hoped for tonight.
I pull her in tighter, resting my chin on her head. Something inside me settles, easing all the discomfort from earlier. It feels right, like all the pieces are starting to fall back into place.
I soften into her.
Well… not all of me.
One part stiffens, pressed right up against the curve of her ass.
Our laughter fades, and Cooper comes over, stealing Ryan’s attention. But not before he says, “It’s great to have you here, man.”
“Thanks. Good to be here.”
Alley turns, her arms sliding around my back, chin tilted up toward me. “You were really great tonight,” she whispers. “Thanks for being here.”
“I just want to be wherever you are, babe.” I press a quick kiss to her lips.
She lays her ear against my chest and tightens her grip around me. I close my eyes and breathe her in. The scent of her shampoo fills my nostrils—coconut, vanilla, and the beach in Hawaii.
It smells like our shower. Her pillow. Memories.
It smells like her. And God, I don’t ever want to stop smelling that smell.
Reminds me of our first date—the hug goodnight after I kissed her for the first time. The first night she slept over. The first shower I took after she moved in.
Fuck, I love that smell.
But I love it most when it’s on her.