Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
JENSEN
I cross the kitchen of our apartment into the living room, two coffees in hand. Alley reaches for hers before I’m even close, and I pass her the steaming mug.
“Thanks, babe.” She’s curled up in a chair, blanket draped over her legs like she has no plans of moving.
I drop onto the couch across from her, stretch out a leg, and sink back.
My eyes lock on her. Her hair’s piled on top of her head, messy in that sexy way that makes me want to pull it down.
No bra. Glasses sliding a little down her nose.
Drowning in one of my old T-shirts. She’s been sleeping in them for years, but right now it hits me different—like she’s claiming me every night she wears one.
It’s hot and sweet and cute, and God, she’s beautiful.
A smile grazes her mouth as she takes a sip. She cups the mug in both hands, peeking at me over the rim. “Do you ever wonder how many people Matt’s had sex with on this couch? And then we did it here last night?” She grimaces. “Kinda gross.”
A chuckle rumbles out of me, low and easy. She’s so fucking cool. “Dozens, no doubt. Thanks for that image.”
She lets out a soft laugh. “It crossed my mind last night, but you made me forget about it real quick.”
I lift my brows. “I’m down for round two if you are.”
She grins, eyes shining with amusement. “Maybe later.” She sips again, hiding the curve of her smile behind the mug.
Silence settles between us, easy and comfortable, the kind that’s rare and feels like a luxury. Just the morning, coffee, and her.
Then she breaks it. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Always,” I answer without a beat.
Her fingers toy with the rim of her mug. “What was it like… for you? That night I left and went to Chicago? When you were messed up and asked for your backpack? What was going through your head?”
I still, drawing in a breath and exhaling hard. My stomach knots just thinking about it. “That’s heavy for a coffee chat, babe.”
Her eyes drop to her mug, her voice soft.
“I know. Sorry.” She lifts her gaze back to mine.
“You don’t have to tell me if it’s too much.
Especially if it’s triggering. I just… I’ve never asked my dad questions like that, and some of it came up in hypnotherapy.
Stuff tied to him. To you. And I think I just need to understand.
Not the disease. I get that. But you. What it felt like inside your head in that moment. ”
I stare at her for several seconds, gathering my thoughts.
“It’s hard to explain.” I rub a hand over my face.
“Part of me knew exactly what I wanted. You.” A soft smile flickers, then fades as guilt cuts through.
“And the other part knew what I didn’t want.
But it’s like… your body isn’t yours anymore.
Like someone else is pulling the strings.
” I swallow, forcing myself to meet her eyes.
“Watching you pack—fuck, that hurt. I hated seeing you cry. Hated knowing I did that. And I hated myself even more.”
My throat swells as I keep going. “But then it was like a switch flipped. Like, oh, shit, she took my lifeline. The thing that keeps me breathing. And suddenly nothing else mattered. Watching you leave fucking killed me, but when you shoved that backpack into my arms…” I blow out a breath.
“It was like drowning and being thrown a life jacket. Pure relief. Even while another part of me was screaming, begging me to fight it. Like watching a demon take over my body while I just stood there.”
She swipes at her cheek as a tear falls, then sets her mug down and crawls into my lap. I set mine aside too, my hands finding her ass, fingers brushing soft against her skin.
Her touch comes gentle on my cheek, her gaze burning through me. “Never again,” she whispers.
“Never again, baby.”
Her lips crush against mine, and I drink her in, letting her fuel me from the outside in. She’s my air. My light. My everything.
I kiss her harder, pouring every ounce of me into it, a vow without words: you’re the only fucking thing that matters.
Because she is.
She’s my forever.
My knuckles rap against Matt’s bedroom door for the second time.
I’ve been calling out for him ever since I stepped off the elevator.
A muffled I’m coming drifts from the other side, and seconds later the door swings open, revealing a shirtless Matt.
His joggers hang low, and his hair’s a mess—like multiple hands have been through it in the past couple hours.
“Hey, man. Sorry, I must’ve slept in.” His voice is gruff and thick with sleep as he presses a palm to his eye and rubs.
It’s fucking noon.
“Jesus. You look like hell. Rough night?”
He grips his neck and pulls, a low chuckle escaping. “Something like that. Didn’t get to bed until four this morning.”
My brows lift. “Wow. She must’ve been good. Anyone I know?”
“Nah. Met them last night.”
“Oh, there’s more than one… again.” It’s not a question.
His mouth twists, eye squinting as he holds up three fingers.
“Jesus Christ. You slept with three women last night?” I shake my head. “What happened—did you see Jordan again?” God. He’s got to get this shit figured out.
“Am I that predictable?” He drags both hands down his face and groans. “What the hell is wrong with me? I ran into her at the charity last night. Her and her fucking doctor fiancé.”
“Did she ignore you again?”
He shakes his head. “She said hi. Cordial, I guess. That’s it. And then I got drunk.” Of course. “And I texted her. I’m so fucking stupid. Last time she told me not to text her anymore. And then I go and have one too many and…” He trails off.
“Fuck. Did she respond?”
He scoffs, pulls out his phone, and shoves it at me.
You look unreal tonight.
I fucking miss you.
Just admit you miss me.
You can’t tell me you don’t still think about me.
Jesus. It’s a car crash I can’t look away from—messy, reckless, the complete opposite of the polished ultra-millionaire I know as my best friend.
Fuck. Ignore me. I shouldn’t have texted.
Tell me you don’t think about me and I’ll leave you alone forever.
Two hours later.
Jordan
Matt. Stop. I don’t think about you. Please don’t text me again. I wish you well, but this isn’t fair to me—or my fiancé.
What happened to never lying to each other?
She left it on read.
I let out a low whistle, handing the phone back. “Christ, man. That’s rough.”
He groans, tipping his head back against the doorframe. “Tell me about it. It’s fucking brutal.”
I fight back a laugh. It’s not funny. Not really.
I don’t know all the details of what went down between him and Jordan, but it’s fucked with him.
He talks to me about everything, but when it comes to her?
He’s a locked safe, guarded in a way that tells me this goes a hell of a lot deeper than he admits.
He loves her. That’s clear. And it’s been like this for as long as I can remember.
“Guess three women is one way to cope,” I mutter with a shake of my head. A smirk tugs at his lip, and I add, “So do they all sign NDAs before or after you sleep with them?”
He laughs, his mood officially lighter. “Before. I might’ve been drunk and reckless, but I’m not stupid.” He exhales. “I need coffee.” He brushes past me, heading down the hall. “You want any?” he calls back.
“I’m good. Had mine five hours ago.”
“You and Al?” He glances over his shoulder as he rounds the corner.
“Yep.” I move to the island and slide onto a stool.
“When’s she coming over?”
“She’s on her way. She had brunch with Scarlett, but texted me twenty minutes ago that she was just waiting on the check.”
Matt makes his coffee, then gestures toward the living room. “Wanna turn on a game?”
I nod, and we make our way to the couch. I sink into the leather, and he flips on a college basketball game.
“Did you end up putting an offer on the house?” Matt asks, sipping his coffee.
“Yeah, we did. On Friday.”
“No shit!” His hand claps my back. “Congrats! I’m sad for me, but really fucking happy for you both.”
“Thanks, man. It’s not final yet. We’re supposed to hear back by tomorrow.”
“Let me know when you do. You worried?”
“About what?” I ask, side-eyeing him and the game at the same time.
“Moving. Being away from home. New city. New friends.” He cocks a brow at me. “Staying clean?”
A flash of heat zips through me, stirring something that feels like worry—but it’s not, not exactly.
“Not worried. I mean, sure, I’m nervous about parts of it.
But that’s normal, right? New shit’s always a little scary.
Al’s friends and family are cool, but they’re not you.
Not Meg and Kev, not Jeff and Amber. Hard to find friends that jive on the level you and I do. ”
“Yeah, this level’s pretty hard to come by.”
I grin, because he’s right. Friendship like ours is rare. But then my throat tightens. “I guess I am a little worried… Not about staying clean. But about all the other stuff. I’m gonna miss you.”
Matt’s lips twitch. “No, you won’t. Trust me.
You’ve got a beautiful wife and a house.
” He scoffs. “Hell, you’ll probably get a dog.
You’ve got it all, brother.” He slaps my back, grinning.
“Lucky son of a bitch, too—because you almost lost it. Look at you now. You’re like Mr. Rogers.
” He pauses for half a beat, glancing over.
“I’m proud of you. And even happier for you. ”
Fuck. It lands harder than I expect. Matt’s not a guy who throws around words like that. If I get emotional right now over this bromance, I’ll kick my own ass.
“Thanks.” I nod, a smirk forming. “You gonna admit you’ll miss me too?”
He shakes his head, stretching back into the couch. “Nope. Won’t even notice you’re gone.”
I roll my eyes, and his grin cracks wider. “Bullshit.”
“You’ll be too busy playing house with Alley. You’ll forget I even exist. But if you get a golden retriever, name it after me—alright, buddy?”
I snort. “No way Alley’s getting on board with that.”
He chuckles and takes another sip of coffee, then sets his mug down with a sigh. The grin fades, and his eyes meet mine. “Of course I’ll miss you, dumbass. You’re my brother.”
He stands unexpectedly. “Come on. Let’s get this over with now, because we both know if we do this on moving day we’re gonna fucking cry.
” He stretches his arms wide, and I chuckle as I rise.
We pull each other in for a brotherly hug, clapping each other’s backs hard. “Love you, man. Don’t make this weird.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” My voice comes out rougher than I want it to.
“Should I come back later, or…?” Alley’s voice carries through the foyer as she steps out of the elevator, grinning. “If I’d known you two needed alone time, I would’ve gone shopping first.”
We both chuckle as she sets her purse on a stool and kicks off her shoes.
She starts for the kitchen, but Matt stops her. “Don’t think you’re getting out of this.” He waves her over. “Your turn.”
She walks toward us, lips still curved. Damn, that smile. Gets me every time. Matt pulls her into a bone-crushing hug. “Gonna miss the hell out of you, Al.”
“Why are we saying goodbyes already? We don’t even know if we got the house.”
“Because you’re moving. If it’s not this house, it’ll be the next one. And when you leave—I’m not going to be able to take it like a man.”
She tightens her grip, cheek pressed to his chest. Then she grins at me, eyes glassy, lips trembling. “I’m gonna miss you too,” she whispers.
God, my heart splits in two. Gratitude slams into me, fierce and overwhelming. I don’t know where I’d be without these two. They pulled me out of the darkest times. Helped me get my life back.
“So proud of you, Alley. Don’t ever stop being too good for him.” Matt presses a kiss to the top of her head, and I grin.
Alley shakes her head against him. “Thank you. For everything.”
They stay that way for several seconds before her brows furrow. “Um, Matt?”
“Yeah?”
“Why is there a G-string under the coffee table?”
Matt bursts out laughing, letting her go and raking a hand through his hair.
“I mean, who shows up with underwear and leaves without it?” Alley shakes her head, laughter ringing through the penthouse.
“Apparently one of the women from last night.”
Her brow shoots up. “One of the women?”
Matt groans. “Oh, God. Here we go.” He drops onto the couch, reaching for his coffee like he needs armor.
Alley crosses to me, still smiling, and I wrap my arms around her waist as she leans in for a kiss. “Hi,” she says softly.
“Hi, babe. How was brunch?”
“It was good.”
“Yeah? What’d you two talk about?”
Her fingers trace up my chest with a teasing grin. That damn dimple deepening. “You.”
My brow ticks up.
“Scarlett was so different today, babe. She was so much more open and accepting. Like she could see how happy I am. She wants to come visit us, maybe for my birthday, if we’re moved by then.”
“That’s great.” A grin tugs at my lips as hers ghost over mine. “That’s really great.”
Matt’s voice booms from behind us. “You know the back bedroom’s fully available if you two need privacy. If not, get the fuck out of the way. You’re blocking the game.”
Alley laughs, slipping from my arms and heading toward the kitchen. “Want a beer, Matt?”
“Does the Pope pray?” he calls back, eyes glued to the screen.
She rolls her eyes, yanking the fridge open.
I drop onto the couch, leaning back as I watch them, my chest warming with something I don’t want to name.
Sure, he’s a bit of a man slut, and his lifestyle’s a wild mess half the time.
But he’s the best friend a guy could ask for.
The kind that’ll give you the shirt off his back.
The kind that’ll be there for your wife when you’re too far gone.
The kind that’ll fly to Switzerland just to make sure you get the help you need.
He’s my brother. And the truth is—
I’m gonna really fucking miss him.