Chapter Thirty #2
“I’m aware.” He avoided eye contact with me. Too angry to even meet my gaze? It stung. I’d hoped there had been some ease given the fact that I’d apologized and we’d spent weeks on the road together, but it seemed it was to be a frosty few hours, or however long Raphael would be gone.
He was protective of Raphael. It was more than base loyalty, and as much as I admired it, it stung.
Demos was intent on standing, but it didn’t mean I had to, so I moved to the couch.
It was a bright white, like all the rest of the furniture.
The lack of dye could have looked cheap, but it was absolutely luxurious.
Unfortunately, in this conversation, I still felt like I was sitting bare on a pile of nettles.
My fingers itched for something to tinker with. I hadn’t had a good project in ages, instead spending every moment I could translating the grimoire. I didn’t even have a book to read to pass the time, though the only one I truly wanted was safely locked away in Damerel.
“Do you think the southern king would mind if I perused his library?” I asked Demos.
He frowned. “Raphael wants you to stay here.”
I arched a brow at him in my best imitation of Thea. “I must’ve missed that order.”
He arched a brow right back, and regrettably he’d probably had more practice with Thea. “What about your fledgling bond?”
“Raphael’s probably at his destination by now. If it hurts, I’ll turn right back. Besides, he thinks it’s eased.” Of course, he said that it would be fine assuming I’d be in this room. If the library was in the opposite direction he had planned to be, it could turn out badly.
The general scoffed. “I can imagine why.”
I stared at Demos, confused.
“I can smell his blood on you again,” he clarified.
I scratched my neck self-consciously. “I tried to wash it off.”
Another derisive scoff. “It’s hardly that simple. After everything—he’s willingly giving you his blood.”
I squirmed. “I didn’t mean to poison him.”
“Your blood was enchanted entirely by accident, then?” Demos retorted.
“Well, no. But I explained it before—I’d realized I couldn’t go through with it. That should count for something.”
Now Demos did look me right in the eye. “The same way the fact that I spent months training you should have counted for something before you stabbed us in the back. Thea and Raphael may be willing to look past the obvious, but I won’t willingly blind myself to a threat. You betrayed us.”
Anger rose in me, fast and righteous. I’d had reasons, good ones at the time.
But I forced myself to inhale and exhale, the way Raphael had taught me.
The anger was so comforting, but I didn’t want it.
I didn’t want to be angry at Demos, and I didn’t want him to be angry at me, even if that was unfair.
I’m the necromancer, after all. Their enemy.
I’d felt something like pride the first time I realized what I was. A hungry, angry pride that I might have a place with the witches after all. And no clue what the cost would be.
I couldn’t tell Demos I wasn’t a threat. I was—a big one. “I wouldn’t make the same choices again. I will regret the way I went about things forever.”
Demos’s gaze slid off me. “Regret is cheap.”
Maybe he had a point. But I didn’t have any better currency to barter with. “Have you heard from Thea?” I asked, changing subject.
Demos was obviously reluctant to answer, his grip on his arms tightening.
“She’s my friend, Demos. I’m not going to do anything to harm her.” That was an unequivocal truth I could give. “I just wanted to know if she’s sent any word.”
“I sent word when we’d arrived. She’ll likely write back in a few days.”
“What’s she doing?” Demos tensed, and I held back a sigh. “I don’t need specifics. I’m only wondering what she’s up to when she’s not at Damerel. And when she might return.”
If she would be gone for months, as could happen for diplomats, I might not see her again when the fledgling bond broke and I fled.
Even if she was able to get something in the northern kingdom to help me control my powers, I wasn’t sure I could wait around in Damerel for it.
Not when things with Raphael were so intense.
If I didn’t leave him, I’d continue to be drawn to him, and that was far too dangerous.
He relaxed—only a fraction. “Thea works as a diplomat, as well as Raphael’s adviser. The past months of her in Damerel, uninterrupted, have been the exception rather than the rule.”
“Because when I think of Thea, I think of diplomacy,” I said dryly.
Demos’s lips twitched up at the corner before he sharply tugged them back into a scowl.
“Come on,” I cajoled him. “That morning you tried to get her to do the drills with me early on, and she said she would sooner ‘dip’ her ‘manicured nails in pig dung than chip them after spending two hours painting them…’”
“I believe it was actually rabid kobold dung,” he corrected.
I snorted. “Right. That was an important distinction. A masterful negotiation, since she didn’t join the exercise in the end.”
“She can be diplomatic when she wants to be,” Demos eventually said. There was no warmth in the words, but some of the frost had eased.
We hadn’t been close friends, but Demos had been kind to me, a far more patient teacher than Raphael. It was beyond selfish to want that back. Pointless to want friendship with a vampire general, especially when I’d be leaving soon.
But even knowing that, I still missed it.
A small, heretical part of me ached for the life I might have had if I didn’t have this magic, this duty, if I’d just gotten to continue as a void, mortal, in Damerel, training with Demos, taking tea with Thea and exchanging glances with Raphael.
“That’s fair. She’s gotten me into a number of dresses I never would have imagined agreeing to.
” She’d also managed to make Demos agree to a number of concessions in our time together, including him fetching biscuits or blankets or coming shopping to carry her bags, without complaint.
But it didn’t seem wise to bring that up now.
Demos was quiet for a beat. “You said you wanted to go to the library?”
I perked up, not sure why the change in subject. “Yes.” I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, but I needed something beyond barbed conversation with Demos for stimulation.
“Fine. Just for half an hour, assuming the bond allows.”
I wasn’t sure what had changed Demos’s mind, but I didn’t hesitate. I pulled on my slippers and followed Demos out the door.