32. Ellie
Chapter thirty-two
Ellie
I’ve heard pregnancy described as an emotional roller coaster, and I have to say, that’s the absolute truth.
Sometimes it’s the gentle ups and downs of a little kiddy coaster set up at a small-town fair.
Other times it’s more akin to the terrifying theme park roller coaster that only thrill seekers dare to ride.
Tonight I feel like I’ve been strapped onto the big coaster and the ride attendant won’t let me off.
One minute I’m shaking like a leaf remembering Dylan and all he said. The next, I’m getting all hot and bothered remembering Hunter defending me and calling me his wife. It felt real, like there’s nothing fake about our relationship.
It was just so hot.
Also, if I’m being honest, I really wanted to see him punch Dylan. Maybe that makes me a bad person, or maybe that makes me normal. I’m not going to read into it.
As soon as Hunter put me behind him, Rachel had put her arm around me. It reminded me of the times as a child I’d end up tucked under her wing.
Hunter stood there, absolutely vibrating with anger, his eyes never leaving Dylan until he was out of sight. When he finally turned to me, the anger turned instantly to affectionate concern. I collapsed into his arms. We told the family a quick goodbye and he carried me to his truck.
I rode the rollercoaster all the way home, and now we’re sitting in the living room having a snack. Sweetpea needed a little something special after the night we had, and the moose tracks ice cream in the freezer called my name as soon as we walked in the door.
“Should we call the cops to report him for breaking the restraining order?” I ask, trying to channel my stress into something productive.
“Probably. We’ll work on it first thing tomorrow.
” Hunter pulls my feet into his lap, his gentle touch doing as much to soothe the ache inside me as it does the soles of my feet.
“Right now, we need you to relax so you can sleep. I don’t know if anyone’s told you this, but you’re having a baby soon. ”
“There is something familiar about that. Maybe someone’s mentioned it.” I grin over at my husband. “You’re so good to me, Hunter.” I take one of his hands from my leg and hold it in mine. “I don’t deserve you.”
“You’re right. You deserve far better. I’m just trying my best to come close.”
Sweetpea does a big stretch, and I see the shape of my belly distort in the bathroom mirror. I wonder how tall she will be. Will she be short like me? Or a bit taller than average like … like Dylan.
Hunter and I watch a movie to distract us from thoughts of Dylan, but this thought instantly leads me back to remembering Dylan talking about this being his baby. And me being his leftovers.
I pick up my phone from the counter, then navigate to my text thread with Dylan and temporarily unblock him. Seeing the texts he’d sent over the past few weeks, only now being delivered, makes my heart race. I’ve got to rid myself of this sorry excuse for a man.
Ellie
Stay away from me. I mean it. You will never have any control over me, no matter what. Move on.
He doesn’t answer. I didn’t expect him to, but now at least he knows what I expect. I’m not going to let him anywhere near my baby.
Tears stream down my face as I brush my teeth. I don’t think I’ve ever been more ready to lay down, and burrow into my blankets. It’s odd how something as soft as a blanket can feel like protection. I can’t sleep if I feel exposed, so I always have at least a sheet, even if it’s hot.
Not that a blanket could protect me from Dylan.
Hunter can though. The thought comes to me unbidden. And here I am feeling warm again. I’m feeling a lot when it comes to Hunter these days. I can’t wait for my hormones to calm down so I can be sure of how I’m actually feeling.
I use the bathroom, so maybe instead of getting up a dozen times, I’ll only have to get up eleven times. And when I make it to bed, in typical roller coaster fashion, I’m already back to shaking like a leaf.
The blankets help but they don’t do what I need them to do, and before I know it, I’m sobbing.
I’ll never be rid of him, I keep thinking.
I try to keep it down, knowing Hunter’s just on the other side of my wall, but my efforts are in vain.
Before I know it, there’s a soft knock on my door and light streams in through the crack.
I hear the door close. The blanket shifts and the bed dips as Hunter slides in behind me. He wraps his arms around me, holding me against him. It’s as if every cell in my body sighs in relief.
I’ve never felt more secure.
“Give your worries to me, Ells. I can handle them. I’ve got you. Both of you.”
“I know. It’s just so easy to forget and get wrapped up in fear again. Seeing him tonight really spooked me.”
“I know, Angel.” He smooths a hand down my hair, then places a kiss on the top of my head. “I’m here. You’re safe. Relax and sleep.” He secures his arm back around me and Sweetpea.
My fingers find the edge of the Semper Fi tattoo beneath his sleeve, tracing the lines through the darkness. I don’t even realize I’m doing it until the shaking in my chest begins to ease. Always Faithful. Maybe that’s why touching it feels like holding onto a promise.
I want to glue myself to him and stay always in this peaceful cocoon. “You won’t leave?”
“I won’t leave.”
Hunter holds me tighter and my body melts in relaxation against him. The last thing I remember thinking is … I want this marriage to be real. And I want it to be forever.