Chapter 9 #2
There was no way he would leave this kitchen alive.
Or at least, there was no way he would leave this kitchen without enduring severe pain.
My eyes finally rested on the clay pot in the center of the island that held the spatulas and wooden spoons and other utensils.
There was a set of skewers I often used for vegetarian shish kebabs.
Without making much of a scene, I reached over and pulled out two skewers, one in each hand.
I looked back at him, and the fire in my eyes radiated fury and heat.
His eyes bulged, and his mouth fell agape. He demanded, “What are you doing?”
“You will never cheat on me again.”
“No,” he promised as his voice cracked. “I won’t ever cheat on you again. Please, let’s move past this.”
I was done talking. I stepped closer to him and whacked him in the head with a skewer.
As he raised his hands to protect himself, I hit him in the side with the other one.
He screamed in pain. His hands moved each time I struck him, and with each strike, I hit harder and harder.
I landed a good clean hit against his cheek, and a red line appeared on his skin.
As his hands flew up to block another stroke, I noticed his unprotected belly.
I jabbed the skewer into his skin. He screamed, and as he cowered in pain, I stuck him with the other skewer.
Crimson blood stained his blue shirt. I stuck him three more times, and he fell to the ground and shrank into the fetal position.
I changed the position of my hands so I could stab him overhanded.
Like I was pricking my famous cracker dough, I thrust my fists back and forth, sticking him over and over.
“You will never cheat on me again, do you hear me!?”
Jab, jab, jab, needle into flesh.
Screams of pain and regret poured from his putrid tongue.
“How could you do this to our family, to Jasper?” Jab, jab, jab!
“I didn’t mean to, I’ll never…”
I kept going, stabbing blindly, wildly, wishing all my pain would go away. Wishing he’d fade to black.
Ascending footsteps on the stairs pulled me from my daydream. It took me a moment to realize where I was. I was trembling again. Sweat crept into my eyes and slid down my cheeks. I let out an audible sigh and tried to collect myself. I truly was in a state of shock. This wasn’t going to be easy.
Philippe rose to his feet and licked my arm.
I tried to smile at him. He needed to know I was okay. No, honey. I’m not.
Rory entered the bathroom. I wished that I’d left the house.
As he stood there looking at me, I felt a brief moment of gratitude that he was alive.
That the violence of the last few minutes had only been in a dream.
My eyes went straight to his stomach, to his shirt.
There was no blood. I was thankful that I hadn’t hurt him.
It’s funny, in a sad way. Rory and I had been married for a long time, and it almost felt like even an affair couldn’t stand in the way of how we felt about each other.
Even if I hated him with everything I had, I still loved him harder and more than anyone I’d ever loved.
During a marriage of twenty years, we’d become one with each other.
No matter what he’d done to me, we’d always be one.
At least, that’s what I wanted to believe.
Much like the daydream I’d had, Rory stood at the door and didn’t dare walk farther in.
It’s crazy how someone who thinks he’s getting away with something can act so normal, and even be cocky at times, while continuing his bad behavior—but after he’s been caught, the cockiness is sucked right out of him, and he looks ashamed.
Ashamed because he had been behaving badly, or ashamed because he hadn’t been crafty enough not to get caught? Not sure.
Rory’s eyes were red from crying. There was a slouch in his posture that he rarely allowed.
His bottom lip quivered. I turned away and looked back at the white wall.
I suddenly felt exposed and put my left arm over my breasts.
I sank deeper into the water. I wanted to tell him to go away, to leave.
Not to leave forever, but until I processed what had happened.
I still had no idea what I would do. For now, I wanted to hit pause and analyze the situation.
This definitely wasn’t a mistake that a few minutes in the time-out chair could remedy.
Breaking the unbearable verbal silence, he asked, “Are you okay? I mean…not about…I mean the sitting room. What happened?”
“An ironing accident,” I said, avoiding eye contact.
He nodded his head, as if he weren’t surprised. “I’ll clean it up. I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Please don’t. I’ll deal with it later.”
A long, pregnant pause. My pulse ticked in my wrists.
Rory made a few unintelligible sounds and said, “I refuse to let today get in the way of our marriage.”
As if he, alone, possessed the power. What was he thinking?
“I made the biggest mistake of my life,” he continued, “and I will fix this.”
Fix this? He was the one who had broken this, but I wasn’t sure he had the necessary tools to fix what he’d broken.
All my tension ran to my jaws. I’d already heard these words in my daydream; I was reliving the nightmare.
“Nadine means nothing,” he said. “Please believe me. You are my everything. I want to grow old with you. I made a mistake, that’s all.”
I shook my head and stung him with my stare. “You’ll fix this? You made a mistake? Was that mistake getting caught?”
“Oh, c’mon.”
“Are you sure Nadine means nothing to you?” I asked, the agony of what they’d done splashing down on me.
“Was that what you were mumbling to her while she was going down on you? Cheating on your wife of twenty years is not a mistake. It is an epic fuckup that will destroy the three of us. Forget about me! What about your son!”
“I’ve been calling him ever since the news broke. He won’t pick up.”
“Why would he ever pick up?” I screamed.
“You’ve destroyed his life. No matter what he does, with or without the piano, he will be known as the son of a disrespectful asshole cheating bastard whose betrayal of his family was plastered all over the news!
” My eyes darted around the bathroom looking for a weapon.
At that moment, I understood the meaning of temporary insanity.
“I know you can’t forgive me right now,” he said, moving his hands to the cadence of his voice, “and I will not try to sway you. But please know, I’ve been craving sex, that’s it. This was physical. I don’t even know the first thing about that girl. I don’t even care. She’s a nobody.”
“Don’t go there. I have been the wife of your dreams lately.
I would’ve happily slept with you every single day of this year.
I’ve been there for you, and I have tried.
I’ve tried so many times. You’ve kept that damned prick in your pants like there was something wrong with it.
Don’t even try to say you were starved for some kind of touch.
Let’s be honest, you were starved for those…
those huge tatas and that young mouth around your wretched… thing.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m not even sure you craved those things.
I think your giant ego craved to be fed.
Maybe you’re just a narcissist and need to believe you’re desirable to women you’ve not already had.
You knew you had me. You knew I’d always be there for you.
I’ve approached you with love and desire and have suffered humiliation when you turned me away.
No, it wasn’t sex you wanted, it was an ego boost, you selfish bastard.
” I could barely talk but eventually found his eyes and said, “When I look at you now, I see evil. Pure evil!”
“Don’t say that,” he pleaded. “Please don’t say that.
I admit I haven’t been me lately. Today is the biggest wake-up call of my life.
I’ve been walking around focused on work, focused on this potential senate run.
Margot, please understand. I’ve been focused on my career, and I’ve been selfish and a jerk.
..” A jerk? That was the worst thing he could call himself?
He paused to battle a sob working its way closer to the surface.
In a softer voice he said, “I see that now. Please, you have to understand what it feels like for me right now.” He raised his hand in the air as if swearing an oath, his signature move.
“I feel like I’m looking at the past year or two or even three and seeing this stranger that inhabited my body. You know that’s not me.”
I sank even lower in the water. “You disgust me. We wouldn’t even be having this discussion if you hadn’t been caught and exposed!
You’d be out there continuing to disrespect your family.
What about Nadine’s husband? Did either one of you even think about what you were doing to the people who loved you?
If I’d done what you did and a video filled the screen for all to see, would you just disregard it and think nothing of it? ”
He pointed at his own chest as he broke down.
“This is me. I’m here right now. I’m the man you married.
I’m the man who wants to grow old with you.
I’m the man who wants to take care of you.
Today, our marriage starts over. Our family starts over.
One day, we will look back and know that this day and what happened is what saved us. ”
“Do you actually believe what you’re saying?
Do you expect me to believe it? Do you believe you can decide on your own that you’ll set new rules and that I’ll acquiesce and agree to them?
Do you actually believe your betrayal could ever be considered what saved our marriage when it was the very thing that destroyed it?
What in the name of all that’s holy are you thinking? ”
The shock and absurdity of it all was draining.
An overwhelming exhaustion ran over me, dissipating some anger.
I didn’t know what else to say, and I didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
Losing myself in the white wall, I fell deep into thought.
I couldn’t just let him get away with his heinous sin.
Rory was acting as if we could just move on, patch it up.
Could I even consider that idea? Was I going to stand by my man?
He had to pay for his actions. He couldn’t just get away with it.
Then again, plenty of marriages had survived affairs. Survived, maybe. Forgiven, maybe. Forgotten, impossible.
Two paths the rest of our lives could go down revealed themselves.
I could instigate a long and painful divorce, which would rip Jasper apart.
It would rip me apart. Rory and I would spend a year or two fighting over custody and money, and Jasper would go to college a broken man from a broken family.
Or there was another way. Maybe Rory was right.
I would never have admitted my revelation in the moment, and it wasn’t about him at all.
It was about me being selfish and me looking out for my son.
What would be best for us? There was the second way of somehow trying to get over Rory’s screwup.
I could do what other wives of political figures had done.
I’d kick him out and make him pay, but eventually, I’d let him back in.
Maybe Rory was right. Maybe he was changing.
I’d seen more of the old Rory that week than I had in ten years.
But, then again, why would he go out and look for another sexual partner?
What woman would want to risk ending up in the sequel to his previous sex video?
“I can’t talk about this anymore,” I said. “Not right now.”
“I understand. Can I sleep downstairs on the couch, or do you want me to leave?”
Through a sudden burst of tears, I said, “I don’t know. I don’t care. Nothing matters right now. Just get out of my face.”
“I will make this right, Margot. I promise you I will make this right. I will seek help. I will accept full responsibility. I’ll never talk to Nadine again. She’s gone. She knows it. Please, just don’t shut me out forever. Let’s put this broken road back together.”
He’d accept full responsibility? What a valiant knight.
Who else should accept it? And the only reason Nadine was gone was because they had been caught.
All words. Just words. Two marriages and families ruined by something that wasn’t necessary.
Not even love was involved. Why do it? Don’t shut him out forever?
He’d shut me out! My thoughts ran rampant.
I turned on the hot water, drowning the noise in my head.
He said he would deal with the press at the end of the driveway. How responsible of him.
I was too exhausted to respond.