Chapter Nineteen
Kyan
KYAN FOUND NICOLE IN THE GYM A FEW HOURS LATER.
It had taken everything in him not to follow her when she left the library, not to hold her and try to reassure her. Not to dream of gutting the Wake for making him say the words that caused the light to nearly flicker out of her eyes.
She had changed into some black workout clothes, and he forced himself not to rake his gaze over her form.
There was a frantic edge to the way she moved, as if she couldn’t get rid of the energy. She stilled, having sensed him, then continued to punch the dummy. He nearly left. He didn’t want to invade, not after the news and when they’d hardly spoken ten words to each other.
‘You can come in,’ she said quietly.
The space was cavernous, columned, and resembled a small cathedral.
No painted ceiling adorned it, but the equipment inside was sleek and modern.
In the middle of it, dark grey mats were laid out where she stood, legs spread in a good stance, the delicate muscles of her back flexing with each strike.
He approached slowly to stand on the other side of the dummy, before bringing his hands up to steady it.
She didn’t lift her eyes, and he took the time to drink her in.
Her flushed cheeks, the ebony fan of her lashes, the heart of her cheeks he craved to run a finger down, the longer ponytail that exposed her neck and flicked angrily as she moved.
But her quick, researcher’s eyes stayed glued to the dummy; her new Empyrean speed lashing out of her with each hit.
Both things she’d tried to hide from him in Estwood that he was now allowed to witness.
It didn’t just mark her trust and the development of their relationship, but revealed how much she needed a release.
And he wanted to offer it more than he wanted to breathe.
‘Fight me.’
Her aim slipped, her fist striking the dummy’s stomach and skidding off, throwing her closer.
‘What?’ She wiped strands of her hair out of her face, suddenly flustered. ‘No. I don’t want to fight you, Kyan. I’m not angry with you.’
The knowledge made the snarled knot in his gut relax. Despite it, he was angry. They both were. They’d been forced into this impossible situation and there was no clear way out of it.
‘Let me help you get the energy out,’ he said. He knew this feeling that shimmered off her like a heatwave – had dealt with it so often.
Nicole’s breath left her in a rush, bringing a wave of her scent, slick with sweat.
He gritted his teeth at the near shiver it set over his skin. ‘Please.’
Her attention darted up to him, her consideration causing his pulse to tick faster. Her gaze skidded away, like it used to in Estwood, like she wanted to hide something.
‘Okay. For a bit.’
Kyan stepped around the dummy. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’
She shook her head, fiddling with her boxing gloves. ‘Not yet. I can’t – I don’t—’
‘All right.’
Her lashes lifted, her eyes so dark and worried that they hooked his heart with a snare.
He picked up a pad for her to punch. ‘How are you feeling now you’ve had a few months to settle into your heightened senses?’
Nicole sighed deeply. ‘Like the world is breakable.’
His lips curved up slightly. ‘I take it you haven’t had much of a chance to test your new strength?’
‘Other than chasing down a Ban-Sìth, no.’
He stiffened but kept moving, coming to stand in front of her. Noting the momentary swell of her pupils at his closeness, he couldn’t help a bite of anticipation.
Kyan raised his palms and dropped his shoulders, feet shifting into a more stable stance. She realised what he was doing. The fact he had put the pad down.
Nicole shook her head softly. ‘Oh, I don’t want to hurt you.’
He knew she had a quietly competitive side and a distrust of authority – with fair reason – if her reaction to him in Estwood was any indication. So, to chase away the bleakness in her gaze, he would need to stoke it.
‘You won’t.’
It stirred then, like flame in those large, lovely eyes.
Her back straightened. ‘I could.’
A smile flickered on his mouth – the first real one in six months. It dug down into the part of himself he’d long buried. The part that, when he’d found his match, his Nicole, wanted to unearth the long-smothered desires. The almost lost ability to tease, to play.
‘Oh?’ he asked. ‘Show me.’
Nicole
NICOLE HAD AVOIDED KYAN BECAUSE EVERYTHING ABOUT him reminded her of the dark tap of longing in her throat. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to hunt. And she wasn’t sure how easy it would be to stop herself feeling more if he got too close.
And now he was … smirking at her?
The look was so unexpected she was lost for words.
Yes, that was a smirk.
Kyan was flirting.
Approaching him on the mat felt like permission to touch him. Anticipation danced up her spine. She wanted to know how strong she was, and having him around to make sure she didn’t hurt herself or anyone else in the process was so … freeing.
But exorcising this energy with him was one more connection, one more way to feel good, to feel close and understood and protected. And she didn’t know what frustrations that might worsen.
But she needed it, even if it was just for an hour, just to burn off this unnerving fug.
‘Have you trained new Empyreals before?’
She’d been trained by her father; knew several fighting techniques and how to use her size and weight. But Kyan …
‘Only a few, honestly. What I learned from my trainer I still remember, despite how long it’s been. But don’t worry,’ he said, a light in his eyes, ‘I’ll go easy on you.’
Her mouth twisted in a smirk. She’d go slow. She wanted to know what she was working with. What he really moved like when he was fighting.
Still, a little thrill went through her as she moved closer.
‘How long have you been feeling the hunting urge?’ Kyan asked.
Energy crackled between them. She wasn’t sure if it was the light, but his eyes seemed to darken.
‘That long,’ he murmured as realisation trickled into them. ‘… You’ve hidden it to protect them.’
‘How can I let them take me somewhere dangerous?’
‘You don’t have to hide it with me.’
Something seared her throat.
He raised his hands and spread them. ‘You won’t hurt me. Come on, now.’
Nicole ignored how his momentarily deepened accent did things to her. Then took a breath, relaxed her body, and unstrapped the gloves so they dropped to the floor.
She struck.
Her fist met his palm with a fleshy smack.
He didn’t move an inch.
She made a thoughtful little noise that only made his lips curve more.
‘Why are you smiling?’ she asked, testing out another punch, trying not to note how large his hands were. How the warm skin sent a shockwave of physical reminders through her body.
‘I like watching you think,’ he said softly.
It was such an earnest comment it caught her off guard, warmed her. But she couldn’t let herself be distracted.
Nicole punched again, bouncing a little on her feet, cracking her stiff neck and allowing the slow beginnings of satisfaction as her Empyreal stretched languidly inside.
‘You’ve got a good technique.’
She sniffed. ‘I know.’
That smile grew into a grin and tugged at hers.
‘Tell me about your trainer, did they work for the Wake?’ Nicole asked.
‘No, she taught me before I was drafted. She was an infamous female Empyreal called Scáthach who had a fortress on the Isle of Skye.’
The name had a slight throat-catching sound on the ‘ach’.
‘Her name sounds familiar,’ Nicole mused, trying to recall her mother’s stories.
She hadn’t written about many female Empyreals, and Nicole wasn’t sure if it was because she feared for their safety should the notes be found, or simply hadn’t been able to interact with many if they’d already been oathed by the Wake.
‘Tell me about her,’ Nicole said.
‘She was tough, took no shit, and beat any smugness out of me right away.’
Nicole smiled. ‘Were you a cocky teenage warrior?’
He laughed slightly and her stomach clenched at the sound, awareness zinging to his face. ‘The stories seem to say so. But she also dragged me out of rough mental places several times.’
Nicole moved as he integrated a swipe of his thickly muscled arm for her to duck under, which she did with immediate ease. But concern threaded through. ‘You were in a bad place back then?’
‘The worst was after my family were killed.’
Nicole recalled what he’d told her in Estwood: that he’d woken up after killing the creature that slaughtered the Druids, finding himself on a boat to Scotland with little memory of how he’d got there.
The Druids … after all this time their thought-to-be-lost magic could still be here.
‘Speed it up,’ she said.
He did as she asked, and Nicole revelled in the wary increase of her strength with each punch, the burn in her muscles and hot gratification releasing down her limbs.
‘What happened to her?’ Nicole asked.
‘No one knows. Some say she was killed, others say she still lives in Skye, hidden so well that’s why people think she’s a ghost. But then her name does mean “The Shadowy One”.
Her face is blurry to me, now. But she was older.
Not just older than me in terms of immortality, but she looked in her thirties, maybe? ’
‘You can’t remember?’
He shook his head, brow furrowing as if he hadn’t thought about it in years and the loss of her features was a disturbing revelation.
Sweat rolled down Nicole’s spine. She was still holding back slightly, and as she went to punch again, his whole body swerved so she collided with him. She hadn’t wanted to let on that she needed his touch. That she needed him. Because if she did, he’d give her what she wanted.
Just like the last time they were in a manor together.
Kyan moved faster than she could block and tackled her to the mats. He cushioned her fall but pinned her, drenching her in the scent and some of the delicious weight of his body.
Every minute brush on her skin affected her, the details of the world as specific as the tesserae of a Byzantine mosaic, each glittering as if hit by a beam of sunlight.
She’d read about Empyreals since she was a child. She was supposed to know how to be when she finally transformed. Not be unnerved and seduced by this new stillness, by the whispered, confident knowledge. By the fact that she felt so wildly different and yet never more herself.
But that self no longer fit in her usual family dynamic. She had new hungers they couldn’t help her with. Things only Kyan, or killing, could satisfy.
Things that were forbidden.
‘Why am I feeling like this?’ she panted, throat tight with frustration.
‘It’s rare, but it happens. Some Empyreals feel a heightened hunting urge after they first transform. Often those who have naturally strong protective instincts beforehand.’
‘How long does it last?’
‘It depends on the person. Sometimes months … sometimes longer.’
Nicole let her eyes close for a brief moment. ‘You didn’t deal with this, did you?’
‘Honestly, I don’t remember, but I was only a child.’
She couldn’t imagine it: Kyan, uncontrolled? Feral for a hunt? He was too calm, too experienced.
‘I’ll deal with it,’ she said, opening her eyes again, facing his fierce expression and dark green eyes, blazing with concern.
Getting close was a mistake. Even if it felt so good.
‘Nicole, the way you deal with it, is you hunt.’
She fought the shiver at his words but it slicked down her spine anyway. Kyan lowered himself slowly, hips more solidly pinning hers, as if to hold her through it. But it brought his mouth an inch from hers.
Every roaring sense that had been plaguing her crooned to life. To feel his breath feathered over her lips and the controlled weight of him over her. Warm, languid desire bloomed through her limbs.
‘I hunted last night. It just – didn’t take it all away.’
‘You just need a safe space to be dangerous. I can be that place. Let me take you on a hunt.’
A hot curl of pleasure stirred in her chest. ‘How can you do that if you’re not supposed to be near me?’
Kyan watched her mouth, his face carved with concentration. ‘I’ll figure it out.’
‘You put yourself in too much danger.’
That was exactly the difference between them: she did the same, and yet he was so much more – noble.
She must have said it as she touched his face, because he gripped her wrist.
‘I’m not, Nicole. I can be vicious and dangerous. After everything I’ve done and the mistakes I’ve made, I’m not even worthy of—’ He cut himself off.
‘What?’ Nicole asked, concerned.
His jaw flickered. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Yes, it does.’ She nearly pushed up.
‘My duty is to protect people. To prove I can do that.’ His eyes dipped to her mouth. ‘But if you knew my thoughts lately, you wouldn’t call me noble.’
Nicole nearly couldn’t breathe with how much want was crammed inside her.
I care for you so much. Too much, maybe.
‘Gods, I couldn’t stop worrying about you,’ he rasped, using his knuckles to stroke her flushed cheek. ‘I was a menace.’
Nicole’s breath escaped her. ‘I can’t imagine that.’
His head tilted slightly, almost in warning, and the desire glittering in his eyes set a trail of shivers from her breasts down her arms and stomach.
‘Nicole, I haven’t been so short with people since I lost my family.’
Her delight morphed into worry, her hands meeting the heavy musculature of his neck and shoulders.
‘I threw myself into every mission so I was too exhausted to think about you.’
‘Kyan.’ She stroked his jaw with concern. ‘I’m worried,’ she whispered. ‘What will they do to you if—’
‘I don’t care what they do to me.’
She used her hips to buck and all her weight to flip them until she was straddling him. ‘Well I do!’ Her hands turned into fists, gripping his shirt. ‘Damn it, Kyan. I’m not just scared for me, I’m scared for you.’
The tenderness of his surprise nearly broke her.
‘I’m stronger than you think,’ she said, making sure he knew what she meant: that she was like him. Immortal. Powerful, and able to protect herself. ‘I was just fine in Estwood.’
‘Just fine?’ His words sharpened, tinged with warning. ‘You fought off two creatures while I was incapacitated. I didn’t fucking like it, and it’s not happening again. Not when I’m there.’
That thing in her chest, that not-love-thing that had been beating in vigil over the last few months, felt like it was glowing beneath her skin.
But his words and the strife in his eyes had her softening. She smiled as if to say: That’s okay.
‘Well,’ she managed. ‘Are you at least going to admit that I beat you?’
A reluctant smile tugged at his mouth. ‘Oh? How’d you figure that?’
Nicole glanced down at them. ‘I think it’s pretty clear.’
Kyan pushed up on his elbows, then hands, coming face to face with her. He breathed deeply, as if savouring. ‘Nah,’ he said, eyes on her mouth. ‘I think I won.’